Of Ink and Steel: A Draco Malfoy love story
by Ginevra Potted Plants
Summary: Draco Malfoy OC
1. Welcome

When you think of a person like Albus Dumbledore you think of his discoveries, his brilliance, and most often his position as headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

But no one really thinks of his family.

I am his family.

My name is Sawyer and my twin sister Fleur and I are related to the most influential wizard of our generation.

In my life, nothing ever makes sense. Fleur and I are twins but we're more like water and oil. My uncle is one of the most respected and well-liked wizard in history but, while this likability was passed down to my sister, I am a social outcast. And when it comes to love, staying away from men who are known for their arrogance and family affiliation with Voldemort should go without saying.

But, like I said, my life is backwards.

This is not a story about love or hope. I cannot guarantee a happy ending. I can't even guarantee an ending!

But this is my story.

And while I wish I could have more control over it, perhaps it is the lack of control that makes things more interesting.

You be the judge.


	2. Genesis

Two young girls, both eleven years old, stood with the rest of the first years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy to be sorted. One girl had light red hair that she curled everyday. She had a beautiful smile on her face and piercing grey eyes. She was a tad short for her age but she didn't mind. She had much more important things to worry about.

On the opposite side of the room, was the other girl. She had white blonde hair. It was pin straight and went down to her elbows. Her angry silver blue eyes were intently focused on the Sorting Hat while she awaited her fate. She glanced over to the other girl, her twin sister, and glared. Knowing her sister would catch her gaze she quickly averted her eyes back to the hat while Professor McGonagall read more names. The C's were almost done and she would start reading the D's soon. Her turn was coming closely.

"Abigail Dubarick." she called. A pudgy sandy haired girl came out of the crowd. Small freckles adorned her full face and braces covered her teeth. The sorting Hat went over her head and she gripped the stool. The Hall was quiet…

"Hufflepuff!" the Sorting Hat yelled.

All of the Hufflepuffs cheered as a new addition to their house scurried over to join them. The blonde girl took in a deep breathe.

"Fleur Dumbledore." said Professor McGonagall.

Whispers broke out amongst the students. Dumbledore? Dumbledore doesn't have any kids. How can this be? Are they related? She looks nothing like him!

The little red haired girl skipped up the stool, her curls bouncing behind her. All eyes were on her. They were entranced by her beauty and, being half veela, this was to be expected. She smiled very happily to the crowd and they thought she was just the sweetest thing they had ever seen. How adorable, she must be in Hufflepuff. The Slytherins glared at her, thinking she was nothing but a goodie-two-shoes.

Professor McGonagall lowered the hat to her head. The tip of it barely brushed the top of her curls when it shouted,

"SLYTHERIN!" at the top of it's magical lungs.

The Hall became very quiet. No one had ever heard the Sorting Hat scream so loud. And her sorting was so short. The Slytherins awkwardly clapped for their new student while she skipped over to their table. Fleur's sister glared once more. She took in a sharp breath, knowing her name would be called next.

"Sawyer Dumbledore."

Whispers broke out again. Another Dumbledore? What's he playing at? The girl has a brother? Who is this boy?

Everyone was astounded to know that Sawyer Dumbledore was not a boy, but a beautiful girl. Angry, but still beautiful. Her eyebrows were set in a mean glare that no one particularly liked. It was a universal feeling that she would join her sister in Slytherin. There was no way this girl was anything but a snake. Professor McGonagall placed the hat on her head. Unlike her sister, the hat didn't scream. It fit snuggly on her pale blonde head and everyone waited with baited breath.

_Ah, I see. _Said the hat. It did not speak out loud, only Sawyer could hear him. _You are quite an interesting mind. So many contradictions, so much pain and disappointment. I haven't seen a mind this complex in almost fifty years. You have quite a mean streak about you but you use that as a clever disguise, a mask if you will. Slytherin would understand that. They're all about being someone other than yourself._

_Don't you __**DARE **__put me in Slytherin! Sawyer _yelled back in her mind. She would surely jump off the Astronomy Tower if she were placed in the same house as her sister. _I would rather __**rot**__ than be with her._

_I can tell. So much hatred and resentment towards her. All understandable. But where to put you? You have not the intelligence of a Ravenclaw-_

_Gee, thanks._

_**Let me finish! **__Nor the heart of a Hufflepuff. Now it is between Gryffindor and Slytherin._

_Do you __really__ think I'm good enough to be a Gryffindor?_

_Well would you rather be in Slytherin? __**NO!**_

_Then Gryffindor it is!_

"GRYFFINDOR!" yelled the hat.

The room was dead silent. Everyone was shocked. Why had she been placed in Gryffindor and not her sister? Was the hat going mad?

Sawyer walked briskly to the Gryffindor table and sat, not waiting for her applause. The silence was broken by Minerva reading the next name on the list. The sorting took a very long time to finish. Sawyer was very bored and didn't clap for the new first years. Not even the ones in her house. The first student to be sorted in Gryffindor didn't sit next to her. She scared him with her glare even though it was unintentional. The obvious fear on his face only made Sawyer angry. The first year sat down across from her next to Percy Weasley, one of the prefects. The next student sat next first, and the next, and the next. Eventually the whole other side of the table was full and no one had sat next to Sawyer. The very first person to sit next to her, although it wasn't his choice because the other side was full, was Harry Potter. The students watched him wearily as he carelessly sat next to Sawyer. He treated it like no big deal. She looked at him with a confused glance, wondering why he would have the guts to do it, though when she saw that he had no choice, the scowl went right back on her pretty face.

Harry turned around and looked at her. He looked at her hair and his eyes traveled all the way down her face. Her silver blue eyes, her pixie nose, her almost translucent skin (that was so light and smooth it was almost glowing) and her dainty pink lips. Her beautiful features were masked with a glare. Her beautiful eyes were mean, her pixie nose was turned up as if she smelled something terrible, and her dainty lips were pursed the way Harry's Aunt Petunia did. She looked like a Slytherin all the way around.

"Are you going to do anything besides stare at me?" she said to him. Harry blushed. He was caught off guard by her question.

"Sorry. Are you related to Professor Dumbledore?" he asked.

"Of all the questions and conversations starters in the English language and you decide to break the ice with that?" she said with a bored look on her face. "Honestly Potter, that's a bit foreword don't you think?"

Harry had no response to her statement. This girl was a completely different species all in herself to him. Her tongue was sharp and her words pitiless. He would have to be creative with her.

Professor Dumbledore stood up and gave his speech to everyone. Sawyer didn't listen to a word as she lazily put her head in her hand. The feast appeared on everyone's tables and Sawyer was caught off guard. Her elbow seemed to find itself in mashed potatoes. The first years giggled and she glared at them. They immediately stopped as she angrily shove the potatoes off her robes and onto her plate. She sat in her seat and did nothing. Chatter filled the room and everyone had seemed to find someone to talk to. Potter had made two new friends, some ginger and a bushy haired girl that would not stop talking. Nearly headless Nick arrived at the table and gave everyone his salutations. He floated around the table and Sawyer silently hoped he wouldn't acknowledge her.

"Ah! Sawyer!" he said. The Gryffindors turned to her as he floated to her side. "How wonderful to see you in my house! Tell me, where is your dearest sister?"

"She's with the other snakes. Where she belongs." Sawyer muttered. Her voice was smooth and sweet like a chime but frustrated because of Sir Nicholas.

"Goodness me! Fleur is in Slytherin? How did she manage that?"

"It's not as difficult as you would think." said Sawyer.

Nicholas took the hint to leave her alone and left to talk to some older students. Everyone went back to their conversations forgetting about Sawyer. But Harry Potter still wondered about her. How did Nick know her if she was a first year? Wasn't this her first time in Hogwarts? But her last name is Dumbledore. Maybe she's been here before. Is Dumbledore her grandfather? But Dumbledore didn't have any children, did he?

Sawyer looked around the room. Everywhere she looked, people were having fun talking with friends, laughing with new faces, just having a grand old time. No one knew she was even there. No one made an effort to talk to her. No one acknowledged her existence. All she was was an angry face. Couldn't anyone at least try to get to know her?

_But I'd probably just push them away. Like I always do. _She thought.

"Hi!" said a voice. She didn't turn expecting it was for someone else. "Hello?" it called again. "Hey!" it said again. Sawyer's head came in contact with a dinner roll. Her head snapped to the culprit. A sandy haired boy with a goofy grin looked at her. He was a joker if she ever saw one. His eyes told her that he was only in it for the fun. Sawyer was very good at seeing people's intentions in their eyes. She'd had plenty of practice from dealings with Fleur. "Finally I get your attention!" he said with a thick Irish accent.

The boy was only about two first years away. He leaned over the table with his arm outstretched.

"Seamus Finnegan!" he said. Sawyer looked him up and down.

"Your sleeve is in the chowder." she said.

Seamus looked down and took his arm out of the thick soup. The other first years laughed while he wiped it on Dean Thomas' robes. Sawyer stood and everyone stared. They waited for her next move. She leaned over and put her arm out.

"Sawyer Dumbledore." she said.

Everyone was shocked. She was actually making an effort to be nice. Sawyer had a hint of a smile at the corner of her lips but tried to hide it. She didn't want everyone thinking she was soft. Seamus smiled and shook her hand wildly.

"Don't rip my arm off!" she said.

"Maybe I'm trying to." he replied.

The smile became more evident on her face and she sat back down. Maybe Seamus would be her very first real friend. A brown haired girl who Sawyer recognized as Lavender Brown from the sorting shook Seamus' robes.

"Seamus!" she whispered, though not very quietly. "Don't talk to her! She might be dangerous!"

Any hint of a smile vanished from Sawyer's face. The initial shock of Lavender's statement was written across her face. It was immediately placed with an evil scowl as she did something no one had ever done. She threw down her napkin and left the Hall, right in the middle of the feast. Dessert hadn't even come yet. All eyes in the Hall were on her as she struggled to open the large doors and walked through them. Seamus threw off Lavender's hand.

"Thanks a lot. I was just trying to be nice." he said.

Sawyer walked quickly through the hallway and up the stairs. She ducked into the second floor and broke into a run. Tears threatened to fall but she wouldn't let them. Sawyer eventually reached the second floor girls' lavatory. Or better known as, Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Myrtle was an old friend of Sawyer's even though she could be very annoying at times. Sawyer stopped and used one of the sinks to support herself. She tried as hard as she could not to let them out but she saw a few tears fall into the marble sink. The first sob came out and Myrtle flew out from her toilet and floated next to her.

"What's wrong now Sawyer?" she asked.

"No one likes me. Everyone is afraid of me. I almost made my first friend." "Well that's good!"

"B-but some stupid girl ruined it. She told him I was d-dangerous."

"But you aren't dangerous."

"I know! But no one else sees that but you, Uncle Al, and…Fleur."

Sawyer grimaced at her sister's name. Myrtle's ghostly hand tried to rub her back.

"Did someone mention my name?" said a sickeningly sweet voice from behind. Sawyer froze. Her body tensed and her fists clenched. The tears stopped and her lip curled baring her perfectly white teeth.

She turned around and saw her twin sister. Fleur leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed and a wicked smirk across her face. Myrtle immediately flew back to her toilet and hid. Sawyer couldn't really blame her. She didn't want Myrtle to see what was about to happen anyway. Sawyer tried to back up but the sink was already behind her. Fleur took slow steps towards her, the malicious look in her eyes becoming more evident.

"Aren't you going to take out your wand, Fleur?" asked Sawyer taking out her own.

"Oh put that away Sawyer, you couldn't hex the side of a barn. Besides, I don't need a wand to get what I want."

Sawyer's heart fell. Fleur's wicked grin grew and Sawyer felt a strange sensation in her feet. She was slowly lifted of the ground when-

* * *

Sawyer shook her head. Her eyes opened and she stopped herself from continuing with the memory of her first year as her best friend in the whole world, her other half, the only person that makes her smile, **Seamus Finnegan **walked into the room.


	3. Plans

A beautiful girl in a dark blue cheongsam is sitting in a chair while a man who she's obviously not interested in talks her ear off about something she really couldn't care less about. Her head rolled back as a loud sigh escaped her mouth. She really didn't care if she was rude anymore. The room was too warm, she was in a stuffy dress that was too damn thick, and it was a beautiful summer night that she wasn't spending with her best friend. She thought back to how she got into this situation.

* * *

I sat in my bedroom reading my Transfiguration book and doing my summer homework. I lied on my bed propped up by my elbows. Underneath me was a midnight blue bedspread with Van Gogh's (a Muggle painter) "Starry Night" on it. My walls were also midnight blue and my furniture was white. The room was very plain Jane but I didn't really mind. As long as my favourite colours were evident, midnight blue and white (with a touch of green around my windows for Seamus) I was happy. Only one picture was in my room. My only family is an uncle and a sister I despise so the picture was not of them. It was of Seamus and I. He had invited me to the World Cup in my 4th year and the picture was of the two of us, our faces were painted one half green and one half white, with shamrock pins and two green hats that read "Go Irish!" Our arms were around each other and I was wearing the biggest smile I had ever worn in my life. This picture was the only picture on record of me smiling. Because this picture is so special, I have a charm around it that I'm the only person who can touch it. That way Fleur doesn't burn it or throw it in the garbage. Though burning it sounds more like her.

A small knock came to my window. I looked out to see Professor McGonagall's (Though over the summer I call her Minnie) owl flying outside with a letter in it's beak. I unlocked the small owl door I kept by my window and let him in. I had very strict security on my room. I gave the owl a treat and let it drink some water from a bowl while I read the letter.

_Sawyer,_

_Please come down to your Uncle's study. He would like to speak with you. Don't worry it's nothing serious. I hope you're doing your Transfiguration homework. If you have questions, you know where to go._

_Minnie._

I smiled at the bit about the Transfiguration homework and closed the owl door. Minnie's owl would be fine in my room while I was away. It wouldn't be for long. Down the many, many steps, and through the many, many halls, I finally came to the Gargoyle statue. Unfortunately, Fleur walked up to it at that exact moment.

"What're you-"

"Oh don't sound so surprised Sawyer. I was called too. Don't think yourself special." she said with her sharp tongue. Oh how I would dream of ripping that tongue out.

We both climbed up the stairs, but of course, I walked a bit ahead of her and she pushed me back.

She put on a plastic smile and entered our uncle's study first.

"Good afternoon Uncle Albus!" she said with her sickeningly cheery voice.

Uncle Al, or better known as Albus Dumbledore, stood with his loving smile.

"Good afternoon Fleur. Where is…Ah! Sawyer, there you are. Do hurry next time dear."

I gave Fleur a disgusted look and she returned with an evil smile. I knew I had just lost the battle. What was the point in fighting anymore?

"As you both know, there is a new minister of Magic. Rufus Scrimgeour will be holding a soiree tonight and I have been invited. I'm sure you both know where I'm going with this."

"Oh how wonderful!" screeched Fleur. She probably didn't screech but it sounded like it to me. I checked my ears for blood. "A party! Oh what time is it?"

"It begins at 7 o'clock sharp. I would very much appreciate it if we weren't late so don't take too long getting ready tonight Sawyer."

Fleur pretended to smile at me but I saw past that fake innocence. She was laughing on the inside. The last time we were going to a party, well, Fleur decided she didn't like the way I looked. Wanted to "clean" me up a bit. Let's just say she's very good at concealment spells. I shivered. Uncle Al looked at me confused and I just rubbed my arms.

"It's a bit cold in here." I said. Uncle Al just nodded.

"Well, I'll leave you girls to get ready."

"Uncle," said Fleur. "Who's going to be there?"

"Well I would think everyone from the ministry and their families. Quite a few people."

"Will the Malfoy's be there too?"

"I believe so. Why?"

"Oh no reason." she said with a fake giggle. Uncle Al smiled thinking she had a crush on Draco Malfoy. I gagged internally. Fleur had never shown any interest in Malfoy before. Why the sudden interest?

"Can I bring someone?" I blurted.

"Sure." said Uncle Albus with a smile. "Bring anyone you like. But only bring one person. We don't want too many people in the ministry. There'll be a lot of people already."

"Okay. Thanks Uncle A."

"You're welcome."

I quickly left the study and went down the stairs as fast as I could. Fleur would be leaving shortly after to me and I prayed to God she wouldn't catch me. Bad things happened when I was alone with Fleur. Very bad things. Once the gargoyle hopped out of my way I breathed a sigh of relief. I made it outside. My foot lifted off the ground to take my first step foreword when my back came in contact with the wall rather hard. Fleur stood four inches from me with an angry expression. Usually she looked like she enjoyed playing with me but when she looked angry, those were the moments I feared for my life. I felt a clamp on my throat as I was lifted off the ground. Fleur's piercing silver eyes glared at my slivery blue ones that started rolling into the back of my head. My oxygen was being cut off.

"You listen to me." she said. The clamp was released for a brief second. I caught a few breathes before it grabbed me again. Apparently Fleur didn't want to kill me. "You will not ruin this night for me. You understand? I won't have it. I have important things to do tonight and your idiocy will not get in my way. Am I clear?"

"Cr-crystal." I croaked out. The clamp released and I fell to the ground. I was gasping for breath and clutching my throat. I heard Fleur's little giggle before I heard her feet walk away. The portraits were silent as they always were when Fleur and I had our little sisterly moments.

They were quietly whispering to each other and staring at me. I glared at them and they immediately became silent.

"What are you staring at?!" I yelled. I rubbed my now sore throat and stalked off to my bedroom.

I kept my head low and didn't watch where I was going. My head came in contact with something hard and I was thrown back. My ass sat on the floor as my head snapped up to see what dumb ass walked right into me. My expression didn't falter one bit when I saw Severus Snape standing in front of me. His glare was just as potent as mine. I stood up knowing he wouldn't offer to help.

"Watch where you're going." he said. My side forcefully hit him in an "accident" as I walked past.

"Not in the mood Snivellus." I said. Snape muttered something about no respect as I walked past him. It was true. I didn't have any respect for him. He treated everyone like dirt for no good reason. I couldn't care less the way he treats other, but if he starts giving Seamus a hard time, I feel it is my personal obligation to give him a taste of his own bile.

My legs took me up and up the stairs and into my room. My room was at the very top of the castle. Even further up than the Astronomy Tower. I wanted the highest most point for a reason. I was furthest away from everyone. I had gotten the room when I was nine. Until then, Fleur and I had shared a room. Though you couldn't really call it sharing since I spent the night at Hagrid's 90% of the time so my wounds could heal from our "playtime." Hagrid was one of the very few people who knew about what Fleur put me through and he didn't even know the details. All he knes was the bruises on my arms and the blood on my knees. To everyone else, I was just a rough player. Fleur never had a scratch on her. It would always get my blood boiling that no one had ever wondered why that was. Why I hated her so much. But then again, no one truly knows just how much I hate Fleur.

All of this is possible because Fleur and I are both half veela. Our mother was full veela. What most people don't know about veela's is that some of them can have special abilities. I don't know what our mother had. Hell, I don't even know who our mother is. All I know is that Fleur can levitate things. Whether it be books or bodies. Fleur can do it all. She's practiced for years. The older she got, the bigger the objects became. The further her abilities became, the more "fun" she had with me. Fleur can throw me against walls, make me hit myself, and make my bones go backwards at will. It's like being under the Imperius curse. Now, it's pretty uncommon for a veela to have special abilities, and you would think since we're twins we'd both get something or get the same thing.

You're wrong. I lost the lottery. I didn't get shit.

I don't have a power and Fleur is disgustingly smug about that fact. She's able to use her abilities against me while I'm completely defenseless. The constant pain is impossible to get used to. The best thing I've gotten out of my experiences with her is a higher tolerance of pain. I don't really feel like it's a very good trade off.

I climbed up the stairs to an empty hall. At the end of this empty hall is a portrait. The portrait is of Rowena Ravenclaw. I live in Rowena Ravenclaw's old study. I still find new secrets in there. Of course, Fleur resides in Salazar Slytherin's.

I walked to the end of the hall and looked at the smiling face of Rowena Ravenclaw. Her wand in one hand and a book in the other.

"Aengus." I said to the portrait. My password was Seamus' middle name. He hates his middle name, making me the only other person to know it.

Rowena swung open the portrait door and I stepped inside. Inside was not my bedroom, it wasn't Ravenclaw's study. Inside was just an empty room about the size of a broom cupboard. The top most point of Hogwarts was another 100 feet above me and this was the only way to get there besides being on a broomstick.

"Fly." I said. It was another password. The ground began shooting me upward like an elevator.

I finally stopped when we reached my room. One more portrait stood in front of me. This one was of Ravenclaw's daughter. She gave me a kind smile as the door swung open but I was in such a foul mood I neither saw nor cared.

"I hate her!" I yelled to no one. "I hate her! I hate her! I HATE HER!"

McGonagall's owl began flapping it's wings and I opened up a window so it could leave. Afterward, I wandered over to my closet knowing what would be inside. Whenever Uncle Albus would invite Fleur and I to some shindig he would always put a dress in my closet beforehand. Something that was appropriate for the evening and would look nice on me. I half smiled at his choice. Only Uncle Al would know to get me a midnight blue dress; my favourite colour. It was beautiful.

My head turned to the clock. 5 o'clock. Which meant we were leaving at 6:45. Of course, we would apparate there but Uncle Al always like to show up early. I layed the dress out on my bed and left my room. Across from my room was a bathroom. I stepped into the shower and took my time. I had plenty of it. My mind mulled over what Fleur could want with the Malfoys but I decided I had better keep my nose out of it and stay where it was safe.

* * *

Though that place probably didn't exist.


	4. Soiree

Once dressed and ready, Fleur and I met Uncle Albus outside. You couldn't apparate in Hogwarts and we needed him since neither of us had taken our tests yet. I saw Fleur's dress. It was black with white frills on the neck and hem. She had on red stilettos. I had a feeling those would be pressing into my throat somewhere in the near future. Her makeup was smoky like mine, only hers was black and mine was blue.

Fleur's light red hair was curled to perfection. Her perfectly straight bangs were perfectly straight and her perfectly perfect perfectness was perfectly perfect. My white blonde hair was put up into a clean bun. My lips were cherry red and I actually felt nice. Seamus would be there because his mother got a job at the ministry so that made me feel much better. Uncle Albus smiled at us both and put his arms out for the two of us. I felt my navel being pulled back as we apparated. How I hate that feeling.

The three of us arrived right outside the Ministry of Magic. Many other people were arriving too and everyone was dressed for the occasion. We walked inside and Uncle Albus was immediately greeted by the minister himself. Rufus Scrimgeour. He had on a bright yellow suit with purple pin stripes and the little hair on his balding head was slicked back. His shiny black shoes looked small compared to the rest of him. He had a large glass of brandy in his hand.

"Albus!" he called. Uncle Al put on a smile and walked with Fleur and I to greet him.

"Good evening, Rufus."

"Good evening, Albus. My, my. You've certainly brought two lovely young ladies with you." he said with a smile. Fleur curtsied with a big plastic smile on her face. I cringed.

"Thank you, Minister." she said with her chimey voice. I just smiled. No way was I going to be some little innocent doll. I really couldn't give a shit what any of these people thought. At the end of the day, they were just people that didn't care about me any more than I cared about them. Why bother trying to impress someone I don't like?

"I was just talking to a friend. You know him Albus, Lucius Malfoy."

Fleur's ears perked up. I watched her warily as her entire demeanor changed as the entire Malfoy family came into the picture. Lucius wore the classic black suit. His blonde hair, only the slightest shade darker than mine, flowing down his back. His cane in hand and his nose in the air. His wife, Narcissa, wore a silver floor-length gown. Her hair was pulled back and her jewelry was gaudy. I would expect nothing less of a Malfoy. Their son, Draco, wore an emerald green suit. His expression was almost as bored as I felt. He looked like he just wanted to kill himself. Of course, his expression changed when he saw just how beautiful Fleur looked. Even though I hate her with every fiber of my being, Fleur is nothing short of breathtaking, as would I if I didn't have a permanent scowl on my face. Draco's eyes didn't leave her as she curtsied for his family.

"Good evening Mr. Malfoy, Mrs. Malfoy, _Draco_." she said. She put more emphasis on Draco's name sounding sultry yet subtle. She gave a girlish giggle afterward that I didn't notice because my mind was focusing on other people. I didn't notice when everyone looked at me expecting me to give a proper greeting.

"Ahem." said Lucius. I looked back to the group.

"What?" I asked.

"You're sister just gave us a lovely and _polite_ greeting." he said. His tone was fairly obvious that he hated me. I thought it was kind of funny.

"Oh, and you're waiting on me?" I said innocently. "So sorry._ Hi_ Draco. If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go fix myself something to drink."

I left the shocked faces of all three Malfoy's, an amused look from both my uncle and Rufus, and a look from my sister that said she knew I would do something like this. Fleur doesn't always get on my case when my behavior is less than honorable. It just makes her look better. It's the opposite of what I want but after sixteen years of never getting what I want, I don't expect it anymore.

I walked right over to the small bar run by elves. A bit cliché I think. The poor elves were being treated like dirt. I felt sorry for them but what could I do?

"Excuse me," I said to a rather pathetic looking one. "May I have an olive martini?" the elf looked surprised my polite attitude and was happy to oblige. My drink was put onto the counter and I thanked it.

"Excuse me." said a voice behind me. I turned around to see a lanky boy. He looked about twenty or so with wildly red hair and large glasses. "Aren't you a bit young to be drinking?"

"Are you going to tell on me?" I asked seductively while eating the olives right of the toothpick and flicking it away. He seemed to like that but I was busy enjoying my drink. Personally, I hate olives but it would be stupid to just throw them away.

I saw a wonderfully comfortable chair a small ways away and sat on it, seeing as I wouldn't enjoy this little shindig. The boy sat next to me, obviously interested. I was obviously not.

"I'm Percy Weasley." said the boy. I decided to toy with him. Probably the most fun I'd have all night.

"Isn't it polite to ask the other person's name first?" I asked. His ears turned bright red.

"Er…What's your name?"

"Sawyer."

"Sawyer what?"

"Sawyer Dumbledore."

"Ah! So you're Dumbledore's niece. Doesn't he have another one? Your sister?"

"Yes. That would be her over there."

Percy looked on to see my sister chatting up a very uninterested Draco. Even though she was a pretty face, I can't imagine her being very interesting. His mother was having a better time than he was. They seemed to connect. Birds of a feather I'd say.

"You look just like her." said Percy.

"Some say we look like twins." I said with a sarcastic tone in my voice.

"I don't see it." he said. I rolled my eyes. Apparently I wasn't spending my evening with the minister's finest.

"So what do you do?" I asked making goo-goo eyes, pretending to be interested. He ate it right up.

"Well I'm a very important asset to mister Scrimgeour. I inform him of important details and such."

"So you're an assistant?"

"Er…not really. But I'm very important. I run all over the place sending people messages, returning messages to the minister's secretary,"

"Getting him coffee, walking his dog." I finished with a smile. His cheeks brightened.

"No! I do much more important things than get coffee."

"It's okay. You're his bitch, I get it."

"I am no one's 'bitch' as you call it." he put air quotes around bitch. What is this guy, ninety?!

"Easy grandpa, I didn't mean to confuse you with my young kid slang." I said putting my hands up in surrender. This was more fun than I thought.

"Well, what do _you_ do that's so exciting?" said Percy. I though about telling him I went to Hogwarts, but that wouldn't be very fun now would it?

"I'm a deal smack." I said to him. He looked confused.

"What's smack?" he asked. I had to try so hard not to laugh.

"Well it's this powder that Muggles put in….their coffee. Yeah, they put it in their coffee and it gives them more energy throughout the day."

"I could use some smack myself." said Percy.

I choked on my martini. This guy was so gullible, he'd believe anything I'd tell him.

"You know," he said. He began talking about his latest project. Apparently he wrote a column in the Daily Prophet. He was saying things about cauldron thickness and wand dependency. Not even five minutes and I was ready to throw myself out a window. This guy thought that he had the coolest job in the world and some evil force compelled him to tell me about it. I sat with my head in my hand looking as bored as possible while the guy rambled on and on completely oblivious. I think he just enjoyed hearing the sound of his own voice. My eyes wandered over to my sister who was no longer talking to Draco. She was now talking to Lucius. She looked like she was having the time of her life and Lucius treated her like his favourite daughter. It made me wonder when they had become so chummy.

Draco looked just as bored as me. He finally got up and excused himself while making his way to the bar. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and his blonde hair was tousled and fell in his face. Good looking boy but damn his attitude. His face would be so much prettier without the scowl glued onto it. Though most people say that about me too. He snapped his order at the elf who made his drink right away. He had a green appletini that he casually sipped on while watching the party goers. My conversation with Percy was going nowhere so I decided to talk to Draco.

"So then I said to Arnold, I said, do-"

"I'm sorry Percy but you are by far the most boring conversationalist I have ever had the displeasure of speaking with. I must leave before I commit suicide. Or," I looked him up and down, "homicide."

I left a very embarrassed Percy and walked straight up to Malfoy. My glass was empty so I ordered another olive.

"Nice drink," I said to him, "Does it come in hetero?" I smirked as my drink came on the counter. He sneered and looked me up and down.

"Aren't you a little anorexic to take in so much alcohol? Don't poison yourself now." he said with his own Malfoy smirk. My eyes didn't leave his as I smoothly put the olives in my mouth and pulled out the toothpick as I had done with Percy. This move worked on every guy I'd ever met. Draco was completely entranced with it. Not that I wanted to seduce him or anything. He was still Malfoy.

"You were very rude before I'll have you know." he said.

"What, my greeting? But I thought hi was just so appropriate. How should I have greeted you, Malfoy?"

"Your sister had a pretty good idea."

"Oh and I suppose kissing your feet would've been sufficient? Just because my sister is perfect doesn't mean I am."

"Maybe not but you could use a few pointers from her."

My eyes narrowed. Who did this prat think he was? I got right up close to his ungrateful face

"Don't expect me to take cut-lows sitting down, _Malfoy_. Unlike other people you manipulate, I'm not a great pushover. I can be just as much of an asshole as you, so don't put yourself on a high pedestal when it comes to me. Because I promise you. You. Will. Lose."

We stood there just staring at each other before I stormed off. My drink was left on the counter untouched but that was the least of my concerns. To my misfortune, Malfoy didn't want me having the last word. He immediately walked after me.

"Is that supposed to scare me? You're about as frightening as a house elf."

"And I suppose you think yourself a great threat? You couldn't scare my bunny slippers."

"I can be quite threatening actually. You don't know me. You don't know what I've done." I spun on my heel and stared him right in the face.

"And I suppose your boyish antics would shock me?"

"There's nothing boyish about them."

"Oh stow it Draco, I'm no more afraid of ferrets than you are of your own shadow."

"How dare you?"

"Stupidity I would say. I'm much too prideful to be hurt by your insults."

"Then what was that back there when I mentioned your sister? Acting I suppose."

"That's exactly it Draco! It was for your benefit. Did you like it?"

"Hardly."

"Of course not. Nothing pleases a spoiled git like yourself."

"Well certainly not you. You aren't worth my time."

"Then why, _dearest_ _Malfoy_, are you still here?"

Malfoy was quiet. His lips were pursed as he glared at me. My expression didn't falter. Though I was amused by him, all the humor left me for a moment.

"I do not believe your bullshit for a moment Malfoy."

"You're the one that's full of shit _Dumbledore_. How anyone can be related to an intelligent man like him and turn out the way you have with your little tough disguise-"

"Are we speaking of disguises Malfoy? You should be quite familiar in that area should you not? My stars, if anyone has a façade it's none other than your plastic self. I'm surprised you laid down your pride to call my uncle intelligent. Just the fact that you would compliment a human other than yourself is astounding to me!"

"Your uncle is an intelligent man and a great wizard, only a fool would deny it."

"Then why haven't you?"

"Because I am no fool."

"Well then you play the part quite profoundly. Bravo Malfoy, _bravo_." I clapped my hands as Malfoy narrowed his eyes. A smirk graced my features.

"Sawyer!" a voice called from behind.

Seamus Finnegan walked toward me with his goofy grin. My entire demeanor changed completely and a genuine smile spread across my face. I ran up to him and hugged him.

"Seamus! You made it!" I said happily.

"So it feels emotions!" said Malfoy with a fake look of surprise. "Lady Disdain feels! Inform the media."

"Don't act so surprised you great prat. I'm still human."

"That is all new information to me."

"The fact that it's new information only confirms my theory of you being a fool. Does it not, Seamus?"

"It does." said Seamus playing along.

"Piss off Finnegan. You aren't apart of this."

"Clearly I am and, I must say, it's quite entertaining. Giving the ferret a great tongue lashing are you, Sawyer?"

"Indeed I am Seamus. My tongue has run away from me yet again."

"Though I'm sure your pride will make up for it, making you a greater ass than your tongue has."

"You'll know all about that won't you, Malfoy?"

"You listen to me, you damn harpy! I will stand for none of this!" He lowered his tone and kept his eyes on mine. "Do _not_ pick a fight with me or you _will_ come to regret it."

"No. No, I don't think I will." I said. He had moved closer to me and our eyes were locked on each other's. He jerked toward me in an attempt at making me flinch but I did no such thing. I stood my ground and didn't so much as bat an eyelash. Malfoy stalked away and I just watched him. He weaved through people and didn't once look back. If it were possible, steam would be blowing from his ears. I felt a tinge of pride knowing that I had gotten him that steamed.

"You're mouth will be the death of you." said Seamus.

"I know. Somehow, I don't mind."

We both decided to talk outside where no one could try to make small talk with us. We had our own little party where no one bothered us. Seamus and I knew how to have some fun of our own. It wasn't hard to have a good time with him around. He was like the brother I would trade Fleur in for. I wouldn't even have a second thought. Seamus and I talked about the upcoming year and we wondered if it would really be any different. Of course it probably would seeing as last year the ministry interfered with our education. It could only get worse now that people could finally grasp that Voldemort was back. I never had a hard time understanding this because I knew Harry. Harry Potter was not one to lie and he surely wasn't crazy. Besides that, no one would be that much of an asshole as to say Voldemort was back without really meaning it and knowing for sure. You don't play with that kind of information.

The night ended much faster than I wanted it too. Surely I had done nothing to annoy Fleur since I stayed out of her way. It was incredibly pathetic the way she ran my life but I tried to stay out of her way as much as possible and when I did piss her off, I just took it. What else was I supposed to do? Fight back? That had not served me well in the past.

Uncle Albus had found both of us and we all apparated back home. I just wanted to go to my room and take off my heels. Three hours of standing in them wasn't very good for one's feet. Especially if you don't wear them often. Uncle Albus went to his study and I tried to make my way to the staircases. Of course, that plan was immediately thwarted.

I found myself on the floor with a very sharp object to my throat. Fleur's stiletto heel was, as I expected, pressed up against me. Though this time I didn't know what I did wrong. I was thrown against the wall and slammed back onto the floor. Her foot found my stomach and the wind was knocked out of me. Her foot found my stomach a second time and a third. This wasn't as painful with normal shoes but with pointy ones, yeah there's going to be a bit of bruising.

"Why are you doing is?" I croaked out. It was barely audible seeing as I had almost no breath left in me. Fleur bent down to my eye level. Tears were bubbling up but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

"You did fine tonight. Didn't embarrass me at all." she said. "This was just for fun. Like the good ol' days."

I took one more kick to the stomach and I let out a loud wail.

"Goodnight Sawyer."

How I wish for retaliation. I longed for it.

One of these days…I always told myself.

I would never admit to myself that that day would never come. That truth was always locked up in the back of my mind.

It took everything I had to drag myself up the stairs and into my room. I took off my dress to look at myself. My torso was a dark red. It would be blue by tomorrow morning. My legs felt like jell-o and I could barely stand. I still had a hard time breathing. I examined the rest of my body. My neck was still a bit swollen from the afternoon. No one had noticed. Over the course of my life I had shown so many signs of abuse and not one person noticed. No one helped me. No one stopped it. I just had to deal. I just had to take it like it was. After a while I assumed she'd get bored of me. Maybe find a new victim once we started school. She never did. I was always her favourite playmate. Now I thought I always would be.

I laid my tired body on my bed. I didn't have the energy to put on pajamas. Nor did I have the energy to lie under the blanket. My energy was spent on my beating and from the hours of crying that would keep me up that night.

* * *

All I could do was hope the pain would subside and I could go back to feeling nothing at all.


	5. Secret

September 1st had finally come. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want school to start because of classes, I was just tired of being Fleur's rag doll and having no witnesses. Fleur and I had both come down to the platform to greet our friends as they got off the train. Fleur is not the type to have real friends so instead she has followers, and her followers were a collection of the meanest girls in Slytherin: Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bulstrode, and another girl who was one of the meanest girls in the house: Mary Townsend. Mary was kind of like me where she wasn't very pleasant but she did more little pranks on people than I did. I scared people with my words, Mary would insult your shoes and dip your hair in ink during class. Though they were stupid pranks, she was still relentless. The fact that she wouldn't stop made her the meanest girl in Slytherin. I thought she was the stupidest girl.

Fleur's little groupies had gotten off the train first. They were all giggly and bouncy to see each other again. Sometimes I wondered just how much of her evil side she showed to them. But if it was enough to keep a bunch like that in line then she most likely shows them just enough to scare them. I kept waiting for Seamus when someone pushed me into the train. I turned around to see Mary giggling her fat arse off. I was about to go after her when someone held me back. I turned around to see Seamus standing behind me with a smile.

"Thanks." I said. Detention wasn't the way I wanted to start a new term.

Seamus tried to hug me but I waved him off. The bruises on my stomach were still fresh and I was trying to avoid contact at all costs. He gave me a wary look and I just barely lifted my shirt so he could see. His eyes were the size of tea cozies but I made him promise not to make a scene. He just sighed and let it go. He knows that telling anyone would only make me angry and, to be frank, it wouldn't get us anywhere. No one would believe my story and those who would would have no clue as to how to put a stop to it. In the end I decided that just letting it go was best.

We stood there about to leave when I saw a head of pale blonde hair walking toward us. Draco Malfoy and his best friend Theodore Nott walked with their hands stuffed in their pockets. Malfoy had an "I don't care." expression on his face while Nott always looked amused. I'd never spoken to Nott before but we had mutual respect for each other. Malfoy sneered in my direction and I returned the favor. Lovely boy he was. Seamus told me to ignore him but I couldn't. Something about him just lit a fire in me. I wanted to march right over to him and start an argument but causing a scene wasn't the way I wanted to start a new term either.

Everyone filed into the Great Hall and waited for the first years. I sat in my usual spot and, like always, Seamus sat down next to me when no one else would. Lavender Brown had always been wary of me ever since our first day. We'd never got on well. Usually she would be staring at me, much like everyone else, and whisper to Parvati Patil. They made me sick

My eye caught Malfoy's as he was drilling holes into my head with his expression. I gave him an amused expression and mouthed to him.

"Having fun?" I asked. He only glared more daggers.

"Fuck you." he mouthed back.

"You wish." I replied.

I was really getting on his nerves, but pissing off Malfoy isn't something that's normally frowned upon. Malfoy leaned back in his chair and tried to look sexy.

"Your loss." he said with the same expression as mine. Mine fell. I cocked my eyebrow as if to say "You're kidding right?"

"Oh no," I mouthed, pretending to be dramatic. "whatever will I do without your advances to boost my self-esteem?"

Malfoy's face was priceless. He was utterly confused. I wrote what I said on a piece of paper and enchanted it to fly to him. It weaved in and out of student's legs until it reached him. His nostril's flared and he looked disgusted. A light bulb went off as he wrote back to me. The note flew back to me.

_You could always shag Finnegan. He has almost no standards, I think you could manage._

I gripped the edges of the paper in my frustration. Malfoy was laughing at my face. I sneered at him and wrote my response hoping it would sting.

I could never do that to you Malfoy. I know how much you fancy me.

_Ha! How could I ever fancy a toe rag such as yourself?_

You muppet!

_Bitch!_

Ferret!

_Trollop!_

Insensitive guttersnipe!

_WHAT?!_

Don't you question me you butt faced miscreant!

_Did you just call me a butt face?!_

What of it?

_You are such a child!_

That is a misconception Malfoy! I'm only stooping to your level.

_What a loss for you! How the mighty have fallen._

Tis' a shame, is it not Malfoy?

_I no longer wish to speak to you, Dumbledore._

Then don't reply!

_I won't!_

Good!

_Fine!_

YOU'RE STILL REPLYING!

I looked over and Nott was laughing so hard he almost fell off the bench. He had to be silenced since the first years were being sorted. I hadn't even noticed. Most of them had already been sorted and only fifteen remained. Malfoy looked like he would pop a vein. A look that I was proud I had induced. Seamus was just as entertained as Nott as he was reading the notes also. The last first year was sorted into Ravenclaw and Uncle Albus began his annual speech. Everyone was surprised that Snape was the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher except for Fleur and myself. We know everything that goes on in Hogwarts. Professor Slughorn gave a wave to the students when Uncle A introduced him. I though he was kind of a goofball but he's better than Snape. I sent another note to Malfoy.

Now you'll actually have to work in Potions.

_I know you won't. you've probably shagged every male teacher in the school. It's no wonder your marks are so high._

Get bent Malfoy.

The feast began but I wasn't really hungry. My stomach still hurt from the bruises and I didn't want my stomach to stretch from the food. Seamus gave me a sympathetic look but I waved it off telling him not to worry. Two seats away, Harry Potter and his friends were sitting and talking. Potter always pissed me off the way he would stare. I'm a human not a science experiment. This time he was watching me again. Most likely intrigued as to why I wasn't eating. I looked away.

"Merlin, I wish he would mind his own business. He's such a goody-goody." I muttered. I put some mashed potatoes on my plate and started poking at them with my fork.

"He's not that bad, Sawyer." said Seamus. I shrugged. He was pretty annoying to me.

That's one thing Malfoy and I could agree on.

A shiver ran down my spine. Seamus looked suspicious but shrugged it off. The feast finally ended and everyone was sent to bed. It was a tradition of Seamus' and mine to stay up late on the first night back. We didn't see each other over the summer and it was a good chance to catch up. Over the summer, Seamus' hair had gotten longer and he'd grown another inch. My hair had grown another three inches but I hadn't grown. I'm forced to stay at this accursed five feet. Seamus is roughly five foot ten and doesn't let me forget it. He loves calling me short.

We waited for everyone to go to bed before we started talking. We asked each other how our summer's were and after that was out of the way we would just talk about random things. Right now I was about to fall off of my chair from laughing. Seamus and I were playing "would you rather" and he was coming up with the funniest (albeit weird) scenarios.

"Okay," said Seamus once he had composed himself. "Would you rather eat a hippogriff, or kiss Malfoy?"

I choked on the water I was drinking.

"How could I ever do that to myself?!" I replied.

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to eat the hippogriff either."

"I meant kissing Malfoy you fruit!" I laughed throwing a pillow at Seamus.

After a few hours of laughing and joking, we would talk about serious things. What we wanted to do after we graduated, what we thought our real parents looked like. Not many people knew this, but Seamus had never really met his real father. When his mother told him she was a witch he left her. He didn't know she was pregnant. Sometimes Seamus wondered if it would have made a difference if he knew. Me being the negative person I was, and having been abandoned by my father, didn't think it would.

We were getting sleepy and when I looked at the clock, it was already one in the morning. Seamus was lying on his side on the big couch staring into the roaring fire, I did the same on my own love seat.

"Sawyer," said Seamus. I lazily turned to him. I was dozing off but his voice woke me up. "What's your biggest secret?"

I thought about it for a moment. It didn't take me long to think of what I was. I stood up and looked at him, all kidding and jokes gone from my face.

"Seamus," I said to him, "You have to swear not to tell."

"Did you kill someone?" Seamus asked with a serious expression. I kicked him.

"No! How tired are you?!"

"Pretty tired." said Seamus with closed eyes.

"Well your eyes need to stay open for this."

I stood in front of Seamus and began unbuttoning my shirt. His eyes grew and looked at me as if I was crazy.

"Did you get a boob job?!" said Seamus. I kicked him in the other leg.

"No! Just wait."

I turned around and let my shirt fall past my shoulders. Seamus gasped and stood up. He walked closer and touched my back.

"What do you think?" I asked. The air was quiet.

"It's fantastic!" he said.

Etched on my entire back is a large tattoo of a beautiful Chinese dragon. It curved and turned all over my back. Seamus touched it and I laughed.

"When did you get this? He asked.

"Two summer's ago. My fourth year."

"Why? What made you get it? It's HUGE!"

"What do you think?" I asked him.

We both knew the answer.

* * *

The summer of my fourth year was a very important one. Cedric had just died and everyone was pretty shaken up about it. Even though it was a monumental deal, Fleur and I weren't all too concerned about it. We were having one of those sisterly spats. We were dueling in the girls' lavatory. Again.

A stream of red light flew past me. I ducked behind a sink. The spell hit it and water sprayed everywhere.

"You're worse at dueling then I thought, Fleur!" I yelled.

"SHUT UP!" she screamed at me.

By now she would've levitated me and thrown me against the wall, effectively winning the fight and crushing a few of my bones. She would then cast a spell to fix them, but nothing to fix the pain. But she can't. Why? Because before Fleur can levitate a person, she has to see them first. If I'm hiding behind something and she can't see me. I'm perfectly safe. That is, until she finds me. And damn her to hell, she always does.

"Stupefy!" I yelled. Fleur backed up and the spell hit the wall.

"GIRLS! GIRLS!" screamed Minerva. My face drained of all colour. Fleur, like always, immediately turned on the water works.

"Oh thank Merlin, Minnie!" she screamed. She ran forward and hugged Minerva sobbing into her robes.

"F-Fleur! What are you doing?" she asked.

"S-Sawyer and I….We…we had a f-fight and…" she looked at me and turned back to Minerva. She whispered into her ear and Minerva turned to me utterly shocked.

"Sawyer Anne! I cannot believe this!"

"Minnie! Look at all the blasts on my end! We were obviously fighting!"

"Obviously!" said Fleur. "But you initiated it! I would NEVER do that to you Sawyer! Never!"

Fleur stormed out of the lavatory and Minerva came closer to me.

"Why Sawyer? I would've never thought you a violent girl? I mean you've been in fights but…your sister? What could've possessed you?"

My eyes welled up.

"You have no idea." I said before running out.

I had planned to run out onto the grounds, trying to find someplace to be alone, but those plans were thwarted. My body was slammed against the wall and my eyes came in contact with a hysterical Fleur. She was crying with laughter.

"You should have seen your face!" she cried. "There was no colour left! Not that there was much to begin with."

My pale skin had always been one of many jokes people would make about me. My white blonde hair didn't make me any tanner.

"I'm the same colour as you!"

"No you aren't. I'm a least five shades darker!"

She mentally lifted my arm and put hers next to mine. Fleur was right, I was lighter.

"Good grief. You're hair is even pale. You're just one white mass! How many times can I make it evident to you that I'm better?"

"How does my being pale make you better?"

"Please. The room gets darker once you walk out of it."

"Only if your still in it."

Fleur slapped me across the face. I'd felt it so many times it didn't even phase me.

"When I implied for you to gain some colour, I didn't mean in your language."

"Well I'm your fuck up sister. Of course I'm going to misinterpret."

"Oh shut up you idiot. You're only making yourself sound stupider than normal. And that, dear sister, is quite a feat for you."

I was dropped to the floor and Fleur leaned down to my eye level.

"Why don't you gain some colour instead of always fading into the background like a ghost?"

With that she walked away. I stared daggers into her back but I knew it wouldn't do anything.

"Fine." I said. "I will."

All too quickly, I left a note with my owl, made my way to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, and to the fireplace in the office. I threw green powder into the fireplace before screaming,

"The Leaky Cauldron!"

From there, all I had to do was leave the pub and make my way down the Muggle streets to the nearest tattoo shop. I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. If Fleur wanted colour, Fleur would get some fucking colour! Just like everything else. What Fleur wants, Fleur gets.

* * *

This was the tale I told to Seamus. Seamus was almost expectant of my story. Everything about my life had something to do with Fleur. As much as I didn't want to believe, she was the most powerful influence in my existence. I had accounted on Seamus knowing what I was going to say.

What I hadn't accounted on was Harry Potter lurking around the corner not only seeing one of my darkest secrets, but hearing every word about my story.

And not being surprised in the least that Fleur was the **devil.**


	6. Watching

HARRY

* * *

I had awoken in the middle of the night because of a nightmare. I kept seeing Sirius' face. I watched Bellatrix kill him over and over. I looked around the dormitory. Everyone was asleep. Ron, Neville, Dean, Sea- Where's Seamus? My mind only stayed on him for a moment and I was back in my dreams again. I couldn't sleep so I decided to go down into the common room and sit in front of the fire. I was sure it was still ablaze.

My socks were still on so my steps were muffled. Not that I cared. No one was down there, or so I thought. I heard voices in the common room. Of course, I was confused. Who would be up this late? I tip toed back up the stairs and brought my invisibility cloak. Who knows? It might be useful. Carefully, I came back down the stairs and lurked around the corner. Sawyer Dumbledore and Seamus Finnegan stood before me. Well, that answers the question of where Seamus is. My eyes narrowed at Sawyer. She'd always been rude to me. Never liked me from the moment I spoke to her five years previous. I've never understood her. Any chance I got she pushed me away.

I wanted to know her because I've always believed I felt her pain. I've seen the bruises. I see the scabs. I see the way Fleur looks at her. Dudley often looks the same way. The "I know something you don't know" look. Of course, this is all just speculation. I don't know her relationship with Fleur. The bruises and blood could be from something else. She's been caught in fights multiple times. Mostly just prats who can't keep their mouths shut. That's been the one thing I admired about her. She never took anything sitting down.

Don't think I like her or anything. Trust me, I don't. I have my eye on a certain red haired Weasley girl but don't let Ron know.

Sawyer has just been more of a hobby. Something you're interested in.

Anyway, I decided to stay and see what they were talking about. Probably nothing but maybe it was something more interesting. They muttered something I didn't catch because I was too engulfed in my own thoughts. Next thing I knew Sawyer was unbuttoning her shirt! At first I thought, _well at least now I know the rumors are true. Sawyer and Seamus really are an item._ I was prepared to leave them alone but…I'm still a guy aren't I? And Sawyer is still half veela. It's sick, I know! But I'm glad I stayed. Seamus asked if she had a boob job and I had to try really hard not to laugh when she kicked him. But, to my surprise, it didn't turn into anything dirty. Sawyer turned around and thankfully Seamus' gasp stifled my own. Sawyer had an enormous Chinese dragon tattooed on her back. She went into detail about how she got it. I was not surprised. Fleur didn't fool me.

What surprised me more was how nonchalantly Sawyer talked about it. She spoke of her abuse as if it were an annoying sibling or just a bad day. Seamus was also nonchalant. He was disappointed but he didn't look surprised in the least. Nor did he offer comforting words. She didn't like sympathy or charity. Sawyer's shirt was already re-buttoned while she told the story. Not that I was looking, mind you.

Seamus and Sawyer said goodnight and hugged. That was my cue to go back up the stairs before Seamus bumps into me. My mind was still mulling over what Sawyer had said. What I had seen. She's only sixteen! And to get a tattoo like that. It was sort of a shame. She had such nice skin. I never liked tattoo's but it's her choice. I silently ran up the stairs.. I shut my eyes, pretending to be asleep, as Seamus walked in the room. He was too tired to change from his robes. He just plopped on his bed and passed out. I would've done the same if I was up all night. But Seamus had been doing this for years. I'm a light sleeper and I would always hear him trod into the room and throw himself on his bed at 1 or 2 in the morning. I never knew why but now I know it's because he and Sawyer stay up late. Why they decide to do that on the first night back, I don't know. I let it drift from my mind as I fell asleep.

The next morning, I made my way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Hermione and Ron were already there. Ron knew about Sawyer's tattoo, I had told him earlier that morning. I assumed he was telling Hermione because she had a book in her hand and wasn't reading it. A first, I assure you.

Ron looked like he had been to the party of the century while Hermione looked like he was telling her that her cat just died.

"Ron!" she said. "This isn't 'cool'! And it's not sexy either!" she said, blushing.

"Like hell it's not! Have you seen any girls with tattoos?"

"I'm muggle-born Ronald, of course I have."

"I have too. Not exciting when they're fat and wrinkly." I said, sitting down.

"Sawyer is half veela. She won't get fat and wrinkly. Oh! Speaking of Sawyer, Fred and George wanted me to give her a message. Harry, want to come along?"

"Sure."

Ron and I walked up to Seamus and Sawyer. Seamus was complaining about his schedule while Sawyer was reading the Daily Prophet. She didn't seem interested but by now I've realized that nothing about Sawyer is how it seems. Seamus noticed Ron first but Sawyer hadn't followed suit. She was still engulfed in her newspaper.

"Oi, Sawyer." said Ron. She looked up from her paper. I expected her to be pissed off but her expression loosened when she saw it was Ron. It only slightly narrowed when she saw me. I returned the favor.

"What?" she asked uninterested.

"Did you go to the ministry party over the summer?"

"Yes. What of it?"

"Did you tell my brother that you deal crack?"

Sawyer smirked and Seamus started laughing.

"You told him that?" he asked her.

"He's a gullible wizard who doesn't know anything about the Muggle world. Excuse me if I wanted to have a little fun."

"My brothers, Fred and George, wanted to give you their congratulations and thanks. We're not big fans of Percy. Or his ego. Ginny and I also wanted to say thank you." said Ron, now cracking a smile. "You should've seen dad's face. I've never seen him laugh so hard."

"Tell your brothers they're welcome." she said. Her smirk was still evident. I don't think I've ever seen Sawyer smile a _real_ smile. It's always a smirk, nothing more. I can't even say I've ever seen her laugh. After five years, that's pretty sad.

I saw Ron briefly look at Sawyer's back and smirk. I looked and saw if I could see anything but the tattoo was too low on her back to see under her shirt. Ron had already looked away but I kept staring. I was trying to see if it would show through her shirt. Her shirt was white and if I tried hard enough, I was able to see a little bit of blue. Seamus was getting up because he spilled pumpkin juice on himself and he caught me staring.

"Whatcha lookin at?" he asked. He wasn't angry. Merely curious. Sawyer had turned seeing what Seamus was talking about. I was leaning over to the side still but I snapped back straight. Unfortunately, Sawyer saw right through me. Her eyes went wide and I knew I was in trouble. She stood up and kept walking toward me. I backed up and she mouthed "Outside. Now." It didn't take me long to know she was serious.

She and I left the Great Hall, many peoples' eyes following us. As soon as I was out of the double doors she pushed me against the nearest wall. My back up against it, and Sawyer half a foot away.

"What do you know?" she asked. Her eyes narrowed and piercing mine.

"Not sure." I replied. How much should I know?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Shame. I know a bit more than that."

She slammed her fist next to my head and I flinched.

"How do you know?"

"Oh, you wanted privacy? Is that why you went into the _secret_ common room where nobody _ever _goes?"

"Don't get smart with me Potter."

"I'm sorry. I just came down because I couldn't sleep and then I heard voices, and you started taking off your shirt so-"

"You wanted to ogle at me, you pervert!"

She smacked the side of my head and I had to try not to laugh. Just the thought of someone so small being so mean made me laugh. I was just as tall as Seamus which meant Sawyer was around ten inches below me.

"First Finnegan and now Potter." said a droll voice behind Sawyer. Draco Malfoy had a smug look on his face with his hands stuffed in his pockets. "My goodness, Sawyer. You really do get around. I hope you're being paid for your services."

"Get bent Malfoy."

"You first _Dumbledore_."

Sawyer backed away from me and put herself in Draco's face. This was even funnier to see because Draco is an inch and a half taller than me. She looked so small. Draco looked down at her like a child but she looked like David against Goliath.

"Why don't you go grow a pair Malfoy?"

"Can't I just borrow yours?"

"Real clever, dumbass. You just admitted you have no balls."

"By also confessing that you have some."

"Yeah, that's the same."

I watched them converse and it wasn't as funny as I'd thought. It was strange how in sync they were. Didn't even give each other time to finish their sentences. It was like watching two puzzle pieces fit over and over again. I saw Professor McGonagall walk into the hall and decided I should go. Most people were heading to class anyways. McGonagall told them off for just standing there and told them to head to class, but not before they gave each other heated glares. Sawyer stomped back into the Great Hall and grabbed her things like a child. Malfoy smoothly picked up his things. An entertained smirk adorned his face as he watched Sawyer stomp out of the great Hall.

"What's first on the agenda Hermione?" asked Ron. I had caught up to them.

"Potions. With the Slytherins." she said with pursed lips. Ron and I smiled.

"We don't! We have a free period. Don't we, Harry?"

"Yes we do, Ron!"

"I don't know, I think you both should take Potions."

Ron laughed.

"Why?"

"Because we have a new professor! You may have skimmed across Snape's standards but not Professor Slughorn's."

"So? No one's complaining. We're fine."

Unfortunately, McGonagall made us go to Potions class. Neither of us, us meaning Ron and I, had supplies so we had to take used books. I got the tatty one while Ron got the relatively nice one. Hermione gave us "told you so" glances which we quickly responded to with a very mature "nya-nya!" look while sticking out our tongues. She laughed which meant we won the battle. Professor Slughorn was a very strange man. Weird expressions and figures of speech. He introduce us to three new potions. One of which was a love potion. While all the girls, including Hermione, were entranced by the love potion Sawyer stood back smirking at them. She muttered something to Seamus which made him laugh out loud. The girls glared at him while Sawyer shoved her hand in front of his mouth, the smirk still on her face. They really were best friends if I ever saw any. When Professor Slughorn showed us the Felix Felicis potion, everyone's ears perked. Which included Malfoy and Fleur. Fleur had been sitting quietly in the back of the class with the other Slytherins. I hadn't even noticed her until I examined the others' faces as they got to work making the potion for living death.

Sawyer and Seamus started working. Even though they were friends, Sawyer knew better than to stand right next to him. Everyone did. Without fail, he managed to make something explode every Potions class. Sometimes even other classes like Transfiguration and Charms. He's made Professor Flitwick faint a number of times.

When I opened my book, there were notes all over it. Things were crossed out and scribbled over. It was all very confusing but I followed the "Half-Blood Prince's" (as he called himself) advice.

(You all know what happens next)

Needless to say, I finished first. With my free time, I watched the other students. My eyes traveled to Sawyer to see how she was doing. Seamus had already made his ingredients explode, bringing Sawyer the closest to a laugh I had ever seen. She seemed pretty close to the colour her potion was supposed to be. My eyes were on her potion until something fell in it. Sawyer had dropped her pen and was bent over, picking it up. I looked over to Malfoy who's wand was out. He had levitated some ingredient to drop into her potion. Instead of being a sickly green, it was now a greenish yellow, slowly turning orange. When Sawyer looked at her potion, her immediate reaction was confusion. Then a light bulb went off in her head as she turned to Malfoy. He was working on his own potion now but Theodore Nott, Malfoy's best mate, was holding his sides from laughing. Nott had always been easily amused so this had made him laugh hysterically.

Without Malfoy looking, Sawyer levitate a chizpurfle carapace into his cauldron. While Sawyer's cauldron was orange, Malfoy's was now a dark brown instead of the forest green he had before.

And so began the Potions war.

Sawyer's potion turned from orange to pink, Malfoy's was now yellow. Sawyer's was blue, Malfoy's was beige, Sawyer's was red, Malfoy's was purple. It went back and forth until they were both facing each other tossing things into each other's cauldrons. Everyone was watching except for Professor Slughorn, who was mulling over my perfect potion.

"I must say Harry, it's really quite remarkable. I- Merlin's beard! What's this! Malfoy! Dumbledore! Stop it!" he took a step back. "Well, there's a sentence I never thought I'd say."

Malfoy and Sawyer both stopped and gave each other nasty glares. Malfoy stuck his tongue out at her, something I never thought he'd stoop so low to do. But, I guess Sawyer brought out the child in him. And with her pride, I suspect she'd do the same to me. Both of them had insufferable pride. Ron, Hermione, and I had a fun time watching them.

"It's so weird." said Ron. "Neither of them have ever spoken and then, out of nowhere, they just decide to hate each other!"

"Hate?" asked Hermione. "They hardly hate each other Ronald."

"What are you talking about Hermione? They obviously do." I said. She looked at me, flabbergasted.

"Not you too Harry!"

I had no idea what she was talking about. Malfoy and Sawyer obviously despised each other. Why else would they treat each other the way they do? Hermione confuses me sometimes.

Things turned for the worst when I say Fleur Dumbledore, Sawyer's twin sister, waltzed up to Malfoy. After hearing Sawyer's story, I hated her that much more. Fleur had never sat right with me. We'd never spoken but, like I mentioned before, I'd always been able to see right through her.

She stood next to Malfoy pretending to be interested. Malfoy looked her up and down, wondering what she was playing at. I'd be a bit suspicious too. She tucked her curls behind her ear and smiled. Fleur's smile was one of the prettiest I'd ever seen. That's also complimenting Sawyer. When Fleur laughs, at least then I know what Sawyer would look like. Though, probably not as plastic. Malfoy, for the first time, didn't seem as interested as normal. He was still flirting with her, but not as much as he usually did. He looked suspicious of her. I turned to Sawyer who was burning up inside. My first thought was that she was jealous, but then I remembered: Sawyer hates her sister. She would glare at Fleur whether she was talking to Malfoy or not.

"Scandalous!" said Hermione. "It's like a Soap Opera."

"A what?" asked Ron.

"Nevermind."

Class eventually ended. My mind was off of Fleur, Sawyer, and Malfoy and refocused on the fact that I had won the Felix Felicis. Fleur and Malfoy looked angry that they hadn't won. I left the classroom with my two best friends and we went on to History of Magic. We had it with the Ravenclaws. We could've had the class with unicorns and no one would notice. Everyone was asleep in that class. Well, except Hermione.

Sawyer looked angry during class. I was only able to watch her for five minutes before I fell asleep. It was a dreamless sleep. One that I was truly thankful for.

Hermione woke me up by poking in the side with a pencil. She didn't like it when Ron and I slept in class, therefore, she wasn't very nice when she woke us up. On the way to our next class, Lavender Brown (the most annoying girl in Gryffindor) ran up to us.

"Come quick! Sawyer is fighting a Slytherin! And neither of them have wands!" she yelled.

We didn't hesitate to run wherever Lavender was taking us.

"Which Slytherin?" Ron yelled to Lavender mid-run.

"Millicent Bulstrode!" Lavender yelled.

Our immediate reaction was shock. Millicent was 5ft 8 and two hundred pounds. Sawyer was 5ft and around 100 pounds. Sawyer had been caught in fights before, mostly with boys, but never anyone this big.

How was she going to win against someone twice her size with only her fists?


	7. Steroetype

Seamus and I had left the History of Magic classroom. I had to drag him out because he was so tired. I was tired myself but Seamus was much lazier than I was. He was rubbing his eyes like a little boy and I couldn't help but smile. Our day was going normal up until,

"Is he all tired out from last night Sawyer?" said a deep voice from behind us.

I turned on my heel to see the very ugly Millicent Bulstrode laughing malevolently with her little Slytherin friends. (Of which, included Fleur)

"Shut up you ogre." I responded. "Just because you're too ugly to have any male stand to be in your presence for more than two seconds doesn't mean you have to be jealous of me."

Seamus laughed but Millicent strode to me, glaring. I glared right back at her with the same amount of intensity. She was about a half foot taller than I was and at least double my weight. I didn't care. I was standing my ground like I always do. Damn my pride.

"You want to say that again?" she asked.

"Not really, but I do want to tell you to have a breath mint." I said waving a hand in my face. Her breath was rancid.

Millicent grabbed the front of my robes.

"You puny little-"

"Girls, girls," said Fleur. I glared at her harder than I did at Millicent. Who still hadn't let go of my robes. "If you're going to fight, why not make this interesting. Besides, Millie, you were never very good at Defense Against the Dark Arts anyways. Sorry dear, but it's the truth."

Millicent just shrugged. Fleur had brainwashed her too. Not that it would be difficult.

"Why not give your wands to me and let the better woman win?" said Fleur with a sickeningly sweet smile.

"Fuck no!" I yelled. Millicent and I had already attracted a lot of attention but now, all eyes and ears were upon us. "I would rather rot than give my wand to you!"

Fleur gave me a smug look that said "that can be arranged." Seamus clenched his fists in the background.

"I'll hold Sawyer's, you hold Millicent's" said Seamus.

"Agreed." said Fleur.

I handed my wand to Seamus and Fleur took Millicent's.

"Let me go you ox, let's fight like two uncivilized barbarians." I smirked. "The old fashioned way."

Millicent shoved me back and I caught myself. My two feet were planted on the ground and I clenched my fists. People were gathering around us and the Slytherins were cheering for her. The Gryffindors didn't cheer for me, they just didn't want Millicent to win. No one out of Slytherin did. Millicent and I waited for who would make the first move. Three guesses who did.

Millicent came at me and took the first swing. I ducked and kicked her in the stomach. While she was doubled over I elbowed her in the back, bringing her to her knees. I assumed it would knock her to the floor but then I remembered Millicent is twice the size of the people I usually fought.

Millicent grabbed my foot and dragged me down. She slugged me hard on the side of my head. I opened my eyes quickly and grabbed her hand before she hit me again. I quickly went for her hair and pulled it down. While she yelled I quickly stood up. I took the hair-tie off of my wrist and tied my hair up lightning fast. There was no way Millicent's ugly hands would touch my beautiful hair. Millicent, in a rage, stood up and charged at me. I jumped out the way and before she hit the group of second year Hufflepuffs, I grabbed the waist band of her skirt and threw her down. It took all the strength I had. I started pummeling my fists in her face but it didn't take her long to grab me and flip me over. People were now cheering and screaming. It was only a matter of time before the teachers heard, if they hadn't already. I tried to lift my hands to cover my face but they wouldn't budge. I was pinned to the floor. I looked towards Fleur who had the same evil smile on her face. I could only see her for a second because in one swift punch broke the skin above my eyebrow and the blood flowed freely down my face and I couldn't see out of my left eye.

Rage exploded inside me and I grabbed Millicent's face. My long fingernails punctured her skin. I held my hands there until she got off of me. Ten red marks covered her cheeks as I backed up. She charged at me again and I punched her square in the nose. My left fist went to punch her again but it went sideways and Millicent pushed me down instead.

"FLEUR!" I screamed. "STOP IT!"

People whispered curiously. Fleur was nowhere in this fight, why was I screaming for her to stop? Some concluded I had been hit so hard that I didn't know who I was fighting anymore. Millicent punched me again and I felt blood come out of my mouth. Thankfully, no teeth were harmed. I don't think I could handle having a toothless smile.

"EVERYONE FREEZE!" yelled a deep, booming voice. I knew that voice anywhere.

Albus Dumbledore, Uncle A, steeped through the crowds of students. Most of which, had run away. His arms were crossed as he looked down at Millicent and I. Millicent's head was down as I had grabbed her hair again and my fist was pulled back, as was hers, ready to punch.

"Sawyer, Millicent, stand up please."

Millicent got up as fast as her fat arse would allow. I took my sweet time. I roughly wiped the blood away from my sore mouth. When I saw how much blood was on my hand I glared at Millicent, baring my pearly white teeth. Millicent looked like she was ready to piss her pants.

"I am very disappointed in you ladies."

"Ha!" I said. Just the thought of Millicent being called a lady was laughable to me.

"NOW is not the time for your comments Sawyer." said Uncle Albus. He had never been this angry with me before. My face was expressionless as I looked into his. I wouldn't let anyone win against me. "I would send you both to your Head of Houses but, seeing as Professor McGonagall is very busy, both of you will go to professor Snape. Seamus and Fleur," he said looking to both of them Seamus was white as a sheet while Fleur looked like nothing had even happened. "You both should give the girls their wands back. And I think it would do you both well to not promote fighting in the future. That goes for all of you." he said to the other students. "Now, back to class, everyone."

The students walked away murmuring excitedly about the fight. In my heart, I knew I had won. I just hope that everyone else saw it the same way. I don't usually care about what other people think but if people start spreading that I lost a fight to Millicent Bulstrode? Heads were going to roll.

"You two," said uncle Albus "Come with me."

Both of us followed him. Millicent hung her head in shame while mine was kept up. I didn't care what anyone thought of me. I was just angry that the fight was stopped before I could win it. Uncle Albus took us upstairs to the fifth floor. Snape's classroom was only a few feet away and I knew he wouldn't be surprised to see me. I had gone down this path so many times it was almost mundane. Uncle Albus opened the door for us and Millicent walked in. he stopped me before I could.

"Sawyer," he said with more disappointment in his eyes. "You need to stop this."

"Stop sticking up for myself?"

"Sawyer, I can't keep protecting you."

"I've never asked for it." I said, trying not to narrow my eyes. I could never bring myself to treat Uncle Albus like the human trash I have to deal with every day.

"Sawyer, I love you. That's why I protect you. But, if you keep going down this path I can't keep making excuses. You're not a little girl anymore, you're not just 'going through a rough patch.' You need to grow up."

"I've grown up just fine. It's the others who won't leave me alone."

"No one can get to you without your permission."

"Sometimes that right is taken from me too."

I was specifically talking about Fleur when I had said that. I never knew if Uncle A knew about Fleur and what she did. If he does know, I'll never understand why he doesn't put a stop to it. Sometimes I wonder if he could. I can't tell him. That'll just open a can of worms that ought not to be opened. His sparkling blue eyes, almost the same hue as my silvery blue ones, burrowed past mine. He was always able to see right through me. But could he really? Was he really able to understand what Fleur does to me? Why I'm so bitter?

He sighed and kissed the top of my head. He was one of two people in the world allowed to do that. With one last sad smile he walked me into Snape's classroom. He was glaring at Millicent but his attention turned to us.

"Sawyer Dumbledore," he said triumphantly, "I expected no one else. What other student would be brave enough to give Millicent Bulstrode a bloody nose?"

Millicent smiled at the thought of her being a challenge.

"Not a compliment, Ms. Bulstrode."

Her smile faltered.

My mouth opened to make a smart remark but something caught my eye. In the corner of Snape's classroom was a very large tank. The tank was filled to very top with dark water and little grass-like plants floated inside it. My breath hitched and I forgot what I was going to say. The grass swayed back and forth and my head started to hurt. Scenes of when I was nine years old flashed in my head. I felt a pounding pain in my head and I clutched it with both hands. I turned from the tank and clutched a shelf trying to hold myself up. Fleur's face flashed across my mind. Pitch black. Dark blue. Seaweed. The sounds of my water filled screams filled my ears. I was nine years old again and I started screaming. Water splashed my face and it only spurred me on I screamed even louder and my limbs were flailing all over the place.

"SAWYER!" screamed a deep voice. My eyes popped open to see the face of my Uncle Albus with concern in his eyes.

I through myself forward and locked my arms around him.

"Sawyer, what-"

"I want to go home! I want to go home! Please!" I yelled. It was muffled in his robes.

I looked up to see the faces of my Gryffindor class, Seamus at the forefront. A few Slytherins stood behind them. Seamus turned the schedule around so I could see. We both had D.A.D.A. with the Slytherins. I stood up with the angriest look I could muster and stormed out of the classroom. I didn't wait for people to move, I forcefully pushed a few people out of my way. I didn't care if they were Gryffindor or Slytherin, they all hated me anyways. More tears threatened to spill but I didn't let them.

"What's got your knickers in a rut?" said Fleur behind me.

"Shut the fuck up, Fleur." I yelled.

"Tsk, tsk. So mean, dear sister."

I heard Fleur gasp behind me. I didn't want to know what she had discovered. Frankly, I was surprised it had taken her this long.

"It was the tank wasn't it?! The tank of water!"

I could just see the delight on her face.

"Oh how delicious! You still remember."

"Like I could forget." I muttered.

"How wonderful! To know I make a lasting impression just elates me!"

"SHUT UP!" I yelled.

I ran to the staircases and they changed before Fleur had a chance to get on. She crossed her arms in frustration. For once, I had gotten away. I gripped the railing of the stairs just in case she decided to bring me back without my permission. To my surprise, she walked away. She finally understood that it wasn't worth it. Ha! If only, if only.

The rest of the way I ran. I ran as fast as I possibly could. The stairs didn't change anymore and I was able to make it all the way to the portrait of Rowena Ravenclaw. She seemed surprised to see me.

"Aengus." I said, out of breath.

She opened the doorway and I practically threw myself in. the ride up was much longer than I wanted it to be. No one could reach me in my room and I thought, maybe I could just live up here until I find a better place to stay.

_Oh stop_. I thought. _Don't be so melodramatic_.

Why did the school year have to start this way? It was the first day back and already, things were going wrong. I would've given it at least a week. Every year just tops itself doesn't it?

I threw myself on my midnight blue bed and just breathed. I needed to be alone. I needed to calm myself down. I needed….I needed to be away from Fleur. I needed to get revenge on her! I needed her to leave me alone! I needed Seamus' comforting words! I needed people to stop hating me! I needed Malfoy to….I didn't know what I needed Malfoy to do. But, I knew he had to be worked out somewhere in there. Maybe I just wanted him to shut his fat mouth. No, I didn't want that. Well, I kind of did. But if Malfoy stopped being annoying, I wasn't going to have anymore fun arguing with him. As much as I hate him I have to admit I have fun arguing with him. Mostly because I always know just what to say whenever he thinks he's cleverer than I am. I like getting a rise out him. I like making him act like a child.

I need to stop thinking about him. Malfoy has nothing to do with my current state. Looking back, I couldn't remember how I'd gotten to him in the first place. I left my room and went across the hall to my "supply room." It was filled with a lot of random things. Birthday presents from Seamus, potential Christmas presents _for_ Seamus. Gifts from Uncle Albus, books I've read and some I haven't. None of which, I was looking for. I wanted the little brown chest in the back corner. The key sat underneath my copy of "Hogwarts: A History." it was an old, brown key. The key and chest were in the room when I moved in. I've kept it ever since. The key turned in the lock and the top of the chest opened. Inside was another book, an old picture, a t-shirt, and a bottle of wine. Three guesses which one I wanted.

I grabbed the bottle of wine and didn't bother getting a glass. I just took out the cork and started chugging it down. Of course I would only take big gulps every few minutes. I didn't want to get _too_ drunk. Just drunk enough. Just enough so I could forget what happened. i had utterly humiliated myself in front of everyone. I wished that I could forget everything.

Five minutes passed. Ten minutes. Twenty. By now, the bottle was half empty. It was slowly starting to get the best of me and I felt dizzy. I threw up on my carpet. My white carpet. My stomach was doing flips and my head was spinning.

"Tersus." I slurred. The vomit disappeared and my carpet was white again.

I heard a tap at my window. Immediately I groaned. The bottle still in hand, I tried to find the source of the noise. The light from the sun made me turn away. It was too bright. I stood up and shielded my eyes while walking toward the window. I opened it, knowing it was an owl. A brown owl flew into my room with a letter in hand. I put the bottle down and attempted to walk toward the owl, though the only thing I accomplished was tripping on my own two feet. I balanced myself before falling flat on my face. I took the letter from the owl's hand and, even though I was drunk, I knew that blue cursive scrawl anywhere.

_Sawyer,_

_Come down here. Now. I must speak to you. You caused a great scene that cost me an entire class period. That will not go unpunished. Hurry up and come down here before I fly up there myself._

"Didn't even sign it." I slurred again. "The prick." Every letter was doubled on the parchment. It took me a good five minutes to read it. I wasn't horribly drunk, I could still read. Sort of…

I slumped out of the room forgetting about the owl. I contemplated giving in to Snape's request. I didn't want to face anyone right now. My current state contributed to that reason. I also didn't want to hear the whispers and murmurs.

"Fugg'it." I slurred. I meant to say "Fuck it" but that was a tad difficult.

I slumped out of the study and down to the portrait of Rowena Ravenclaw. She shook her head at me and I put my hands on my hips.

"Dun judge me." I said. There was three of her I was talking to.

I walked away, or at least tried to. It was the stairs I was worried about. I didn't want to fall off. My aim was to get to the fifth floor. Right now, I was on the seventh. The Seventh floor was where the Gryffindor common room was and also the Ancient Runes classroom. Seventh years were coming out of the classroom chatting and such. All talking stopped when they caught a glimpse of me. I was using the wall to support myself. If any of the "problem child" labels people had put on my were dissipating, they were now coming back tenfold.

To avoid further embarrassment I tried my hardest to stand up straight and speak clearly.

"What floor is this?" it sounded clear in my head but, judging by their expression, it obviously wasn't.

"Seventh." said one of the Hufflepuffs. They were all whispering and murmuring.

"Shit." I cursed. I needed to get down to the fifth floor but I was so dizzy I wasn't sure if I would make it. My face was red from both alcohol an embarrassment.

One seventh year Hufflepuff decided to help me. You could always count on them being nice, even when you weren't. She told me her name but I wasn't listening. It started with an H. Holly, Hannah, Halle. I don't know. She helped me, with my noodle arm slung over her shoulder, get down to the fifth floor. She knocked on Snape's door and he answered. Snape already had a mean face, but when he saw my state, he was furious. Most likely, Halsie was happy she wasn't me. She let me go and practically ran away. Snape grabbed my arm and slammed the door.

Snape dragged me through the classroom with what I thought was unnecessary force. Not wanting to make a bad situation worse, I remained completely silent. He left me in his office to wait for the verbal lashing I knew was coming. No doubt the first years whose lesson I interrupted would never get back on topic and that would add to the list of reasons for him to be angry with me. My head pounded as I tried my best to think of anything else but my current situation.

* * *

I was certain I would die of shame right there in Snape's office.


	8. Revelations

I woke up without the bounds around me and my head was still on Snape's desk. I heard movement just outside the door and assumed it was him. The small window in the top of the room shed no light so I could also safely assume it was after dark. My head was pounding and my first reaction was to hold it with my almost numb hands. There was a tall glass of some thick green liquid. My name was written on a napkin next to it. I didn't hesitate to drink it, knowing it was something for my hangover. And boy, was it a big one. I waited about ten minutes for the potion to kick in and soon my headache started to melt away. Thank God Snape was a genius at potions. I lifted myself from the seat and went into the next room where Snape was gathering papers and organizing them.

"Finally you're awake." said Snape.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Seven."

_Shit. _I thought. I missed almost all of my classes on the first day! This royally bit.

"You're lucky only those seventh year Hufflepuffs saw you. If your uncle had seen how irresponsible you were, I'm not sure what he would do."

"So, how bad are you going to punish me."

Snape sneered.

"Punish you," he scoffed. "Punishing you if of the least importance right now. We have much bigger matters to deal with. Come." he said gesturing toward his office. "I can't afford to have anyone else hear this."

My senses were heightened and I went into his office with caution. Never have I once trusted Snivellus Snape and with the way he was talking, it was only normal to raise suspicion. I sat down in the same seat I passed out in and he sat behind the desk. His hands were folded and he heaved a heavy sigh.

"Sawyer, I think now is the right time for me to tell you this. I've lived at Hogwarts for quite some time and I've seen you grow up."

"I'm sorry Snape but I just don't feel that way about you." I said with a smirk.

Snape pounded his fist on the desk.

"Don't interrupt me you silly girl! I'm getting to something important! Information that I know is very valuable to you!" he yelled. I was silenced. "Good. Now, over the years I have always been quiet. In the shadows. For reasons I cannot divulge to you right now, but I must tell you. This fight and your episode with the tank has pushed me toward the edge. I know."

The last sentence was said with much emphasis but it told me nothing. I just stared at Snape with a blank expression waiting for him to continue. Seeing as he wouldn't, I used the silence as my turn to speak.

"What?" I asked. Snape sighed again.

"I _know_." he said again.

"_What_?" I asked becoming more irritated.

"I know about Fleur's special talent."

Everything stopped. My eyes grew larger and my hands gripped the armrests. My entire body felt numb and what was left of the colour in my face had now receded. I was no longer looking at Snape. I stood up from the chair looking around the room trying to let the information seep into my head. It wasn't working.

"How long?" I asked after long moments of silence. My mouth was dry.

"How long?" Snape scoffed again. "Please, I've known since before you have. I saw the way Fleur would play. The abnormal way she would act. I saw her discover what she could do to you. I watched her practice."

The information has now just sunken in and an emotion crawled out of me I didn't think would crawl out. Pure unprecedented rage.

"YOUKNEW?!" I screamed. Snape didn't look surprised in the least. "YOU KNEW AND YOU DID NOTHING TO STOP IT?!"

"Calm down." he said.

"Calm down?" I said growing a bit hysterical. "Calm down?! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN?! You just admitted to me that you've known about my misery all my life! And did NOTHING! You knew about my own personal hell and CHOSE to let me live through it! Everyone knows you're bitter but this is just too much! How DARE you? How DARE you let a CHILD live through such AGONY! Such a perverted childhood that it can't even be called that! I have lived in bitterness and misery all my damned life and YOU KNEW!!!"

"CALM DOWN!" he yelled standing up. I got right in his face.

"I WILL NOT!"

Snape pointed his wand at me and forced me to sit down. I was wriggling the whole time.

"I told you, the reasons why I couldn't stop it,"

"COULDN'T?!"

"LET ME FINISH! SILENCIO!" he screamed. My voice had left me and I was getting even more pissed by the second. "I couldn't stop it! I cannot tell you why! Not yet at least." that made me calm down a bit. But I was still pissed. More pissed than I've ever been in my entire life. "It's not like I didn't try to help you. All those night you went to Hagrid's hut, you think he really knows how to tend a broken bone? I taught him! Do you think Madame Pomfrey wouldn't have noticed your signs of abuse? I told her not to say anything! Do you think that a little girl such as Fleur is able to elude one of the most brilliant wizards of all time?!"

My heart stopped.

"Yes. He knows. Your uncle knows. He didn't stop it for the same reason I didn't. I still can't tell you why. And you can't hold this against him!. He loves you Sawyer."

I attempted to scream but no sound was coming out.

"Don't argue with me! I know he does. He did it for your own good."

My head almost exploded when he said that.

"Stop!" I did. "You're going to give yourself a heart attack. I may know how to mend broken bones but I don't think I can transfer you to Madame Pomfrey in time. You're only hear so I can shed a little light on why she can do these things to you."

Now I'm confused.

"Before Fleur can levitate you, or any human for that matter, she must enter your mind. She has to tell your body to do what she wants. Now whether or not she's aware of this, I expect she isn't, it is all up to you if she can. It doesn't matter what she wants, what matters is if you allow her to enter your mind. This is much easier said than done. You're here for me to give you Occlumency lessons."

WHAT?!

With a wave of Snape's wand, I had my voice back. But only after he made me swear I wouldn't scream again.

"Occlumency? Occlumency will stop Fleur from having power over me?" I asked.

"Yes."

My stomach did flips. There was a way out! Finally, there was a way out!

"Don't look so cheery, it's not easy." he said. My heart dropped again. "It will take you a good deal of time to become good at it. If you can block her from your mind by the end of the year it will be an amazing accomplishment. I'm not even entirely sure how you would do seeing as you're not completely human."

That really hurt.

"Not human?" I asked with a soft tone. No one had ever said that to me before.

"Of course not. You're half veela." he said nonchalantly.

I fell back in my seat. I didn't know why it was affecting me so much but I just wanted to cry. People had always said I wasn't human because I so mean, because I was so bitter. I never thought they were telling the truth, even if they didn't know it.

"But, I have a theory. Fleur is your twin sister, there must be some sort of bond. Because of that bond, it might make it a little easier to push her out of your mind. You might be able to push her out much faster than me or someone else. But then again, I'm a highly accomplished Legilimens and it won't be easy at all to push me away."

"You'd be surprised." I said. He glared. "When do we start?"

"Tomorrow. 5 o' clock. Meet me hear. Tell no one."

"Fine. Can I go now?"

"Yes. Go."

I stood from my seat and left the room. My mind was swimming with al the new information I had received. I finally had a way to deflect Fleur! But Snape said it might take me until the end of the year. I'll beat the odds. My goal now is to master Occlumens by Christmas. Completely impossible but at least I have some motivation!

I made it to Gryffindor tower in record time. It was about 7:30 and no one had gone to bed. The common room was still buzzing with chatter. As soon as I stepped through the portrait hole, everyone stopped. My guess was that word of my episode was getting around. The seventh years gave me knowing glances. The Hufflepuffs had told them about my being drunk to. Seamus ran up to me first.

"Where the bloody hell have you been?!" he asked.

"Nowhere." I responded.

"Are you only saying that because everyone is looking at us?" he whispered.

"Yes."

He grabbed my arm and dragged into the boys' dormitory.

"Hey!" said Hermione. One of the prefects. "That's the boys' dormitory!" "Oh like you've never been up here!" said Seamus. Hermione flushed and shut up. She covered her face with a book.

Seamus took me into his room and I immediately knew which bed was his. I sat on it without hesitation. Neville and Harry were both in the room looking at us curiously. I looked at them both expectantly.

"Out! The both of you!" I said waving to them.

"But this is our dormitory." said Neville. I raised my eyebrows to him, challenging him. He turned pink and high tailed it out of there. I smiled.

I liked Neville, easy to manipulate. Harry looked at both before slowly leaving the room.

"What's up Say?" asked Seamus.

"Snape. He gave me an alternative."

"An alternative to what?"

"Taking Fleur's shit."

Seamus' eyes grew wide.

"What?"

"He going to let me take Occlumency lessons! Something about Fleur having to be in my mind before she can move me. He thinks that I'll be able to deflect her by the end of the year!" I said all of this very quickly and he was listening intently.

"Wait a minute, how does he know?"

That part rekindled the pissed off flame in me.

"He couldn't tell me."

"WHAT?!" yelled Seamus, standing up.

"I know. He said he couldn't tell me. Yet."

Saying yet calmed Seamus down.

"I don't know why he can't tell me. He's a dill hole. But a dill hole that can teach me to deflect whatever she throws at me from her little bag of tricks."

I smiled and Seamus did too. The more we smiled, the bigger they got. Seamus tackled me in a hug and kissed the top of my head. He only did that when he was _really_ happy.

"Sawyer, I'm so SO happy for you. I'm sick of you taking her crap."

"_You're_ sick of it? How do you think I've been feeling?"

"You know what I mean. Oh, by the way. While you were gone I took notes for you in class. I didn't think you'd be back anytime soon and I-"

Seamus stopped. While he was talking, he was just coming out of hugging me. He slowly leaned back in.

"Sawyer," he said quietly. I heard a sniff. "What's that on your breathe?" my face flushed. "Is that…wine?"

I gently pushed him away.

"I'll just take the notes Seamus. I'm rather tired."

That's a lie.

"That's a lie!"

Damn it.

"You've been drinking again haven't you?" he yelled. I really hoped no one downstairs could hear that. "Haven't you?!" he asked again.

"Speak louder! I don't think the Slytherins heard you quite clearly!" I said, red in the face.

"Sawyer, what have I told you about drinking?"

"Oh don't bother me with that, what _haven't_ you told me?

"Sawyer!"

"Seamus!" "This is serious! It's bad for your health! You're killing brain cells!"

"You man the ones Fleur hasn't already?"

"Oh stop it. You can't help what Fleur does to you but you can damn well control what you do to yourself!"

"What do you want me to do?!"

"Get rid of that bottle."

"WHAT?!"

"You heard me!"

"No!"

"Sawyer! I'm not going to have you turn into a drunk!"

"I'm not a drunk!" "You will be if you drink all the time!"

"It's not all the time!"

"You say that now."

"I won't let myself be a drunk! You of all people should know why." I said with my pointer finger in his face.

I turned on my heel and left the room. I couldn't look at Seamus right now. Don't go thinking we're perfect friends. We may be joined at the hip but we still fight like cats and dogs. Maybe not like cats and dogs but we still fight. We're not perfect.

I stormed out of the boys' dormitory and everyone watched me storm into the girls'. I went down the hall and into my room. With tears bubbling once again, I threw myself onto my four-poster and shut the drapes. None of the tears fell. I just whimpered for a minute before they dried up. Maybe I should see Madame Pomfrey about my tear ducts. I was really starting to worry. I heard the shuffling of feet and hoped they weren't walking toward me. I was wrong. The drapes were too thick so I wasn't able to see who was at my bedside. One thing was certain, it was a girl. And it wasn't Fleur.

"S-Sawyer?" asked a timid voice behind the curtain. The voice was mature, she sounded about my age. I wasn't entirely sure who it was. "I'm sorry about earlier. It's just…rules ya know?" Hermione Granger. I should've known. "I just can't let you into the boys' dormitory anymore. I won't do it anymore. I have more duties as a prefect."

Hermione had always shared a room. She and I also shared with Lavender Brown, Parvati Patil, and a quiet girl named Holiday Madison. Everyone called her Holly except me. I knew how much it bugged her and it was so funny to watch her face get all scrunched up in frustration. Holly had dirty blonde hair and green eyes. She had huge horn-rimmed glasses that made her look like a cartoon. She was a tiny girl, very skinny. We were about the same height but she was much more frail than I am. Carried her weight differently. My weight is in my feminine assets, hers is more in the hips. She's not an ugly girl, just bookish.

Hermione and I had never been close. She was a goody-goody Gryffindor, true to the title, I was a bitter teen filled to bursting with angst. We would fight occasionally. I would do something against the rules and she would call me on it. Occasionally I would bring in something that Filch had banned and use it in front of her. Something stupid like a Zonko's toy or something I bought from Fred or George. (One of my special talents was knowing who I bought what from. Being a twin myself, I knew who was who. It was never hard for me. Contrary to many people's beliefs about Fred and George being identical, George has a small blotch on his ear. His birthmark. It was barely noticeable and I only saw it because he tripped on me while I was sitting on the couch in the common room. His left ear was right in front of my face.)

Anyway! Hermione would also call me on cheating during certain classes. I never paid attention in Defense Against the Dark Arts. I always cheated off of Seamus, who was completely fascinated by the subject. She'd seen me cheat once or twice. Even though Hermione is annoying about following the rules, she's not a tattletale shrew. I really didn't care when she saw me bend the rules, or whenever anyone else did. No one would ever tell on me. I didn't have to scare them. How much of a dick would someone be to tattle on someone else? I didn't answer Hermione's apology. I had already forgotten. Hermione was okay in my book. She didn't need to impress me or apologize.

"Sawyer?" she asked. "Are you there?"

"No Hermione." I replied. "I came in here and magicked my drapes shut so you would think I'm in here. Clever aren't I?"

"You don't have to be sarcastic."

"But if I'm not sarcastic, what other defense mechanism will I have?" I said, being sarcastic again. I hoped she would know I was telling the truth.

"You don't always have to defend yourself."

I wrenched the drapes open and startled her in the process. I tried not to have my face be too mean. Hermione's not so bad. She's not as annoying as Potter.

"Look Hermione," I said. "I don't like you, nor do I hate you. You're alright. Because I don't hate you I'll try not to be mean. that being said I must warn you, don't ever try to give me advice. You don't know anything about me. So before you tell me I don't need to defend myself, try walking a day in my shoes and see how trusting you feel towards other people."

With that, I shut the drapes, throwing myself back on my pillow. I heard no footsteps which meant that Hermione hadn't budged.

"Well maybe if you would talk to me I would understand." she said quietly.

"And why should I trust you?" I said, not opening the drapes.

"I'm not a bad person."

"I've made the mistake of trusting 'good' people one too many times. Why should you be any different?"

"You've grown up with me. You know me."

"That doesn't mean anything! I don't know any more about you than you know about me."

"That's completely not true! I don't know barely anything about you other than your name!"

"Did you ever stop to think maybe I wanted it that way?!"

There was silence in the room.

"If you don't let anyone in, don't complain about people not knowing you."

Hermione left the room and I heard the door shut. The girl had a point. I felt the sting of truth in my side. She was right on almost all counts.

* * *

But what she doesn't realize is that if I let people in, they wouldn't want to stay.


	9. Consequences

**A/N:**  
_Thanks to everyone who has favourited and reviewed! I really appreciate it!  
And I'd like to thank **savsROCKSloud** and **Magpie93** for leaving such nice reviews :3_

* * *

The next morning, I went down to breakfast by myself. I sat by myself. I ate, well poked at my food, by myself. (My bruise was a light green. It was healing but I just didn't feel like eating.) Seamus and I hadn't made up overnight and I was eating breakfast alone for the first time in two years. No one had noticed me. I was thankful for that. Having one friend certainly had it's advantages. And not having anyone else to talk to _because_ you only have one friend is one if the _dis_advantages.

"Well lookie here." said a smug voice behind me. I felt a hand in my hair and that pissed me off.

No one touches me without my permission.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I said as I turned to see the smug bastard behind me. Of course, it had to be Malfoy and Nott.

"Such bad language from such a pretty girl." said Nott. His was the hand in my hair. Malfoy's ligaments were tucked in his pockets.

"I'm not a girl anymore Nott. Surely you of all people know that. Considering you stare at my breasts all day."

Nott pretended to be insulted.

"Miss Dumbledore! I'm astounded you would think I would only stare at _your_ breasts all day! There are other girls here. Some with bigger than you."

"And yet you stare at none of them as much as you do me."

"Touché." he said with a smirk. I still had an expressionless face.

"So why are you alone?" asked Malfoy. "Finnegan stood you up? How sad."

"I was not stood up!"

"It's alright darling, you don't have to explain yourself to me."

"Shut up Malfoy."

"I finally won!" he said. Malfoy smirked and he clapped.

"And what would make you think that you toad?" I said, crossing my arms.

"Shut up is the lowest of insults. You'll only resort to that when you can't think of anything else."

"Or because I knew that any of the insults I could think of were too far beyond you're pathetic intelligence and I didn't want to embarrass you even further in front of your friend by explaining my cut low." I said, standing up.

Malfoy looked down on me with a sneer. His fists were shaking.

"Shut up." he muttered. I smiled wickedly.

"I win. Coward." I said going back to my breakfast. Malfoy turned me back around.

"You little bitch," he said pointing a finger in my face. "Why don't you shove your little comments in-"

"Where Malfoy?" I asked, cutting him off. A fire was lit within me. "Do tell." I said, coming closer. "I'm _dying _to know." our faces were inches apart.

If it were possible, the fire was so strong within me, my blood would've turned into lava and smoke would be coming out my ears.

"You can shove it up your fat arse."

"We both know it's not fat."

"She's right mate." chimed Nott. "It's quite fine if you ask me." he smirked.

"You shush!" I said, pointing to Nott. "This is between me and Malfoy."

"Malfoy and _I _dumbshit."

"Fuck you."

"I would rather rot."

"Diddo."

"At least we agree on something."

"You mean you agree with me. I would never stoop so low to agree with a rat like yourself."

"How many more animals are you going to call me? Can you think of no more 'intelligent' cut lows." he put air quotes around intelligent.

"Must I explain my answer as I did only two minutes ago?"

"You fucking harpy." he said. "You can just go to-"

"I beg you not to finish that sentence Malfoy." said Seamus.

All three of us turned our attention to him. Nott looked like he was having the time of his life, Malfoy wanted to vomit, and I was just elated. Seamus gave me a knowing glance. We were fine. No more fighting for another two years. I hoped.

"How many times must I tell you to bugger off Finnegan?" said Malfoy walking closer to him.

"At least one more." said Seamus with a smug smile.

Once again, we attracted attention.

"Go pitch yourself off the Astronomy tower."

"After you, Malfoy."

"This is none of your business."

"The bonnie lass is my business. Why don't you do us both a favor and leave her alone?"

"Or what Finnegan?"

"Or you might find my wand perched precariously up your pasty white arse. You're unworthy of that punishment but I think I can bare giving it to you."

Seamus and Malfoy had a stare down. Eventually Malfoy backed off. He took one more look at me before he and Nott left. Nott gave me a wink and a nod. I gave him the finger.

"How is it you always end up talking to the biggest prick in and school and," he took one more look at Nott "the biggest pervert."

"I really don't know. You're the only good person who's ever gravitated towards me."

"That's not true."

"Name one person."

Seamus opened his mouth to speak but said nothing. I smiled triumphantly.

"Exactly."

I felt him touch my shoulder.

"I apologize." he said. I brushed his hand off.

"I know. Me too. I was stupid."

"You're damn right you were. I apologize for making you angry but I stand by what I said."

"I wouldn't expect anything less of you Seamus."

"Then…we're okay?"

"Of course."

"And you'll quit drinking?"

"I…I'll try…"

"Well…" he paused. "It's a start."

I smiled a genuine smile and poked at my eggs again. There were two on my plate and I popped one yoke. I was going for the kill on the second one. Seamus frowned.

"You're not eating again?" he asked.

"Not hungry."

"First it's the bruise, now you're not hungry. What'll it be tomorrow? It's poisoned?"

"As a matter of fact-"

"Stop it Sawyer. How long has it been since you've eaten?"

"Yesterday."

"I was with you at mealtimes yesterday. You didn't eat breakfast. You miss lunch and dinner and you didn't eat in the common room. Next?"

"Okay…day before yesterday."

"I wasn't with you then!"

"Exactly. You don't know anymore than I do!"

"You don't know?!"

I immediately regretted saying that.

"Yes I do." I lied.

"Sawyer, I know when you lie."

"Damn you Finnegan." I said with a laugh.

"I'm not joking Sawyer. I'll force this food down your throat if I have to."

"You don't have to do that."

"If that's how to solve your problem, I will."

"I don't have a problem!"

"That's another lie!"

I crossed my arms. Seamus always believed I had a problem with food. So what if I decided I wasn't hungry that day? It's not like I'm anorexic or something. I don't think I need to lose weight. I just don't want to eat! What's wrong with that? I don't like food!

"I'll eat at lunch okay?"

Seamus mulled over this answer. He looked over my face in my eyes making sure I was telling him the truth.

"I promise."

"Fine."

Seamus had his breakfast, or rather just added onto my plate. Once he was finished, we left. First class was Divination.

I hated Divination. In my opinion, it was one of the most useless classes at Hogwarts. The only thing I liked was Sybille. As outrageous as she was, she was wildly entertaining. I would unintentionally laugh out loud when she would predict Potter to die by the end of the year. Seamus had to cover my mouth so I would stop interrupting class. Sybille just thought I was laughing at something Seamus said. For her sake, I'm glad she did.

Students were leaving the Great Hall in groups. Every house had it's little cliques. There were even a few inter-house cliques but those were much more rare. None of them included Slytherin. The most common inter-house clique was the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. The Hufflepuffs accept almost everyone and the Ravenclaws know the good from the bad. It made sense. The Slytherins were too stuck up to even give anyone out of their house a chance. Not even Fleur had any contact with someone from other houses. And yet, she had everyone snowed. If she had too, she would talk to someone out of Slytherin but she wasn't sincere. Hell, when was Fleur ever sincere?

The students dispersed by year. All the sixth years headed in virtually the same place. The Slytherins and Gryffindors headed one way, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs the other. Slytherins and Gryffindors had Divination together this morning. At least I won't have to worry about Millicent bitching me out. We both had evidence of the fight on our faces. Millicent had a black eye and bandages all over. I had a puffy cheekbone and a bloody lip. I didn't really care. The fact that I had less injuries was proof that I was doing better. Luckily for me, Millicent didn't hit my stomach. That right there would've finished me because of Fleur's old bruises. My torso was already soft as an overripe peach.

"Oi! Dumbledore!"

Seamus and I craned our necks down the stairs to see who called me. It was Ron Weasley. He had a huge grin on his face. Potter's eyes grew when he saw the condition of my face. Granger squeaked and covered her mouth.

"Ruddy good show Sawyer!" said Ron clapping me on the back. I gave him a wary glance.

"Thanks." I said, looking him up and down. It didn't seem right. "Just standing up for myself is all."

"Well it was bloody brilliant!" he said. His hand was still on my back.

Then it hit me. If Potter new about my tattoo, surely Weasley and Granger did.

"Potter told you about my dirty little secret didn't he?' I asked with a harsh stare. Ron was taken aback.

"How'd you-"

"Not as difficult as you would think."

"She's quite clever." chimed Seamus.

"Are you alright Sawyer?" asked Hermione. "Have you seen Madame Pomfrey? Your lip could be infected!"

"I was a little busy with my friend yesterday Hermione. You should know, you smelled him on me last night."

Hermione knew I was referring to the alcohol. Surely she'd smelt it on my breath, she just hadn't mentioned it. She crossed her arms.

"Yes. I did."

"Everyone knows about it. Word gets around." said Harry.

"Of course you would know Potter, you know a lot more about me than I care to parade."

Harry glared. I returned the favor. Harry wasn't in my good books. Then again, he's never been in my good books.

"I can reduce the swelling if you'd like Sawyer." offered Hermione. She didn't really look willing to help me.

"Thanks, but I'm fine. These marks were well deserved."

"I couldn't agree more." she responded.

I decided now was the time to leave. Ron was the only one being nice to me right now and that was only because he liked my tattoo. I trusted the three not to tell anyone about me. They usually kept things in their own little group, much like Seamus and I. they weren't the kind that spreads things around.

Seamus and I went further up the stairs. I was getting pretty tired. Which was weird because Seamus looked fine. Usually he would get tired before me. I kept the fatigue from my face and looked like these stairs were nothing. We still had a long way to go. My books were growing heavier and heavier the more steps I took.

"Oh crap!" said Seamus.

"What?" I said in a huge breath. I hoped Seamus hadn't noticed my hints of fatigue.

"I left my Divination book in the common room!"

"What? Go get it!"

Seamus started running down the steps and I just rolled my eyes. Sometimes he was a real idiot. I trudged on and since no one was around me, I could breathe however I wanted. Which, in this case, would be considered panting.

"Out of shape are you Sawyer?" said Malfoy's annoying voice.

Why is it he's always behind me?

"What do you want Malfoy? I'm not in the mood."

"Oh, but I am."

I kept my head foreword and my hand on the rail. I was starting to feel lightheaded. All of a sudden I was swept off my feet. Nott had linked arms with my left arm and Malfoy had done the same on my right. I would've wriggled out of their grasp if I had the energy.

"No fight today Dumbledore?" asked Malfoy.

"I told you Malfoy…I'm not in the mood."

I mustered up whatever energy I had and tried to get out of their grasp. I ended up pulling both of them up the stairs as well.

"Stubborn little thing aren't you Dumbledore?" asked Nott.

The Divination classroom was in sight, finally. I just had to climb up about ten more steps and cross the hall. Unfortunately, I began to see spots. I knew what was happening. I let myself droop a little in the boys' arms.

"Dumbledore?' asked Nott.

"Haven't…eaten…" I breathed. "Gonna…pass…pass…"

And then I collapsed. My limp body lay on the stairs and Malfoy and Nott had no idea what to do.

* * *

Maybe Seamus was right. I should eat more.


	10. Admitting

Draco Malfoy.

Nott and I were standing on the stairs, pale as ghosts, with an unconscious Sawyer Dumbledore in our arms. After looking at each other, dumbfounded, Nott immediately dropped her. Her body slump and I grabbed her so her head wouldn't hit the stairs. That wouldn't be fun in the morning. Nott put his hands up in surrender.

"She's all yours mate!" he said, staring. "She's your girlfriend!"

"She's not my girlfriend you twit!"

"Well you fight like cats and dogs so I assumed."

"We fight like an intelligent human being and an animal."

"Draco, you shouldn't put yourself down like that." he said, pretending to touch my shoulder and sympathy. I shoved him off.

"Come on! We have to take her to the hospital wing!"

"You take her! I'm going to class!"

Nott ran up the stairs and into Divination. He closed the door behind him giving me one last smug look.

"I always hated you!" I said.

I looked at Sawyer's unconscious body. What the fuck was I supposed to do? No one's ever collapsed in my presence before! Should I leave her there? Well, no. of course, that's not an option.

_Well… said the voice in my head. It is an option actually._

I'm already a dick, I don't want to make myself a bigger one, thank you very much.

_Oh please, what've you got to lose?_

You know what? I'm not talking to you anymore!

_Prat._

Leaving my morals behind, I picked up Sawyer from the ground. One arm was holding her legs, the other was holding her back. Images of me bringing a new bride to the homestead flashed like a horror film. I shuddered and tried to move down the stairs. She was surprisingly light. But, then again, she was short and very skinny. And being a death eater does give you muscle.

I sneered at the word death eater. The mark on my arm pulsated beneath my sleeve. I looked anywhere but there. Even after all this time the thought of killing still made me nauseous. No matter how many times you picture it, it's never as easy as you thought it would be. First rule of a killer, never look your victim in the eye. Because if you have a conscience, it'll haunt you forever. It's bad enough killing a person, but my job was to kill one of the most powerful and brilliant wizards of all time. And his niece was lying in my arms. That's sounds a lot sexier than it really is. Sawyer's head lolled to the side and bounced up and down with every step I took. Her mouth hung open and a smile cracked on my face when I thought of what to say to her.

"Oh," I would say, "that's attractive."

She would probably reply with something better. Stupid bitch always had something to say.

Because Sawyer's body was so close to mine, I got big gulps of her scent in my nostrils whenever I would breathe in. Her aroma was strange. I didn't really know how to describe it. It was like a thick, sweet scent. Kind of like a flower of some sort. It was almost intoxicating. She was just reeking of flowers. Which is ironic because her sister's name is Fleur and she always smells like overrated perfume.

Contrary to most Slytherins, I don't like Fleur. Never really did. When I first met her I thought she was the hottest thing on the block, but after getting to know her, her goody-goody attitude got on my nerves. It's just not right for a Slytherin to be so nice. There must be something underneath all that fluff and smiles. Nott liked her, but he likes anything with breasts. Even though Nott's a complete pig, he's my best mate. Crabbe and Goyle have never been my friends. There more like servants that don't think for themselves. They're just giant lards with empty heads. Nott, on the other hand, is the most clever boy I know. He comes off as perverted and witty when underneath it all he carefully plans out every move he makes and every word he says. He can slither out of trouble more easily than my father, and that's saying something.

Nott and I have also known each other since we were young children. Our father's were best mates in school so naturally they expected us to become best buds. At first, I didn't like Nott. He was a gangly kid that always had something to say. He walked around like he owned the room and never obliged to anyone. That was one of the things I hated most about him, he was just like me.

We didn't start talking until fourth year. Nott talked to me because he was saying he had some brilliant scheme to get into the Triwizard Tournament. I thought he was balmy but everyone else thought he was brilliant. In the end, he didn't go through with it. He says it was because he didn't need the money and he had better things to do but I think it was because, after seeing Fred and George Weasley try to get in, no one wanted to attempt it. Who would? They were turned into old men!

The hospital wing is on the fourth floor and I'm on the seventh. I put Sawyer down to catch my breath for a minute. Even though she's light she's still dead weight. That makes her at least thirty pounds heavier than normal. I was hunched over on my knees and taking deep breaths. Once I regained my composure, I bent to pick her up again when someone stopped me.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Finnegan.

I turned around and there was Finnegan with his eyes the size of hippogriffs and a red face. I sighed, knowing he would jump to some stupid conclusion. They always do.

Though, considering the circumstances and she is his best friend, I don't blame him.

"Oh my God!" he said. He got on the floor and starting patting her face. "Sawyer? Sawyer!"

"She won't wake you idiot."

Finnegan gave me the meanest look id ever seen on him. I didn't know he could be so angry.

"What. Did. You. Do?!" he yelled the last word.

"I didn't do anything! One minute, Nott and I are laughing and the next, she passed out on the floor with drool hanging from her mouth!"

"I knew she should've eaten this morning!" he said to no one in particular. "How long has she been like this."

"Bout ten minutes. I was taking her to the hospital wing."

"I'll take her."

"Why should you?"

"I'm her best friend you prick! I should take her!"

"I was there! I made sure her head didn't hit the bloody floor!"

"Good for you! Your job is done, now leave!"

"Don't you tell me what to do Finnegan!"

"Don't just traipse in here like you're her savior _Malfoy_!"

"Her savior?!" I asked, outraged.

The nerve of him, thinking I wanted to help her!

"Yes! Her savior! Was I not clear?"

"You think I want to help her?" "If you didn't why would you be lugging her around school?"

My cheeks blushed. I'll never forgive my self for it. I don't even know why! Maybe it was the light or something.

"I'm taking her to the hospital wing so I can get out of class! I hate Divination!"

"That's pathetic! You just want the glory of being the hero don't you?"

That's good. I should've said that!"

"Of course you imbecile! What other interior motive could I have? You think I care if she wakes up?"

Well, that would suck.

Not that I care! It's just, Diggory's enough dead classmates for me. We don't want another one do we?

Finnegan gave me a questioning glance.

"Well? Don't just stand there! We'll both take her to the hospital wing so I get out of class and she gets the attention she needs! Win, win!"

Finnegan stood there for a minute, probably wondering if there was a downside to this.

"Fine." he said. "But I'm carrying her. I don't want you touching her."

"Good. She's kind of fat anyways."

Next thing I knew, I fist collided with my face. I put my hand to my cheek and I saw Finnegan with an angrier face than before.

"You'll shut your mouth Draco Malfoy!"

I stayed standing and watched Finnegan pick up Sawyer and walk off. I wanted to hit him back but I knew that Finnegan was just as tough as me. He has a good right hook and he can knock me out if he really wanted to. I saw Sawyer's head loll with her mouth still open. Even though I hate her, she's still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. It was kind of sad to see something so pretty be hurt. Like watching a unicorn in pain. I watched her limp arm fall to the side. She looked so frail and pathetic. Our previous encounters would light fires in me that I didn't know could be lit. I would be so angry with her and just want to… I've never been able to finish that sentence. I want to hurt her but at the same time I want to keep arguing. I want it to escalade to a new level. I want to see how far we can go.

A new feeling arose inside me. Things were tugging at my heart. I wanted to scream at Finnegan, "Pick up her head you idiot! She'll choke on her own saliva!" or "Pick up her arm! All the blood will rush to it!" He was pissing me off with how careless he was being.

_That's a lie and you know it. _Said the voice again. _You know very well that Finnegan isn't careless._

I wandered back to class and couldn't get Sawyer's pathetic image out of my head.

_Get used to it. _I told myself. _You're a death eater now. If she gets you all twisted up, how are you going to feel when you kill someone for the first time?_

_I'll know that feeling soon enough. I have to kill her uncle don't I?_

A shiver ran down my spine.

_If I don't…he'll kill me._

Flashes of victims ran through my mind. I'm not ready for this! I'm not a killer!

That doesn't matter! I have to be! I have no choice! Can't I just pity myself for five minutes?!

No! you're a Malfoy! Malfoys don't feel pity! Malfoys don't feel guilt! Malfoys don't feel love! Malfoys don't feel compassion!

THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO MALFOYS FEEL?!

My mind was silent. I didn't want to answer that question.

Emptiness.

Loneliness.

Pain.

Greed.

Regret.

How lovely it is to be a Malfoy. Why can't I be like a normal person?! Why can't everyone like me? Instead of Saint Potter! I hate him! I hate him so much!

_Why do you hate him?_

You know bloody well why I hate him!

_Do__ you?_

Yes! Because he's a good-for-nothing Gryffindor that thinks he can do anything he wants and is ALWAYS the hero! He can never leave things alone! He's brave to a fault!

_Are you sure you're not just….jealous?_

JEALOUS?! If there's ANYTHING Malfoy's don't feel it's JEALOUSY! How dare you tell me I'm jealous of him! Who do you think you are?!

_I'm __you, __Draco. _

Again, I was silent. There was no reply. I shoved my hands in my pockets and kicked the ground. I felt like a child. It's just not fair! Everyone loves _Potter_! Everyone respects _Potter_! Everyone thinks _Potter_'s the best thing since Merlin!

Of course no one loves Malfoy. Who would? _I _wouldn't even love Malfoy! I treat everyone like dirt and expect things in return. A punch in the face is what they should give me in return. And I wonder why people love him more.

_Dumbledore's in the same boat. No one likes her either._

She has Finnegan.

_You have Nott._

Nott doesn't love me like Finnegan loves her.

_Do you want him too?_

Good point. No one understands her.

_You don't understand her._

Exactly! We're both misunderstood teenagers that no one likes. We ought to just live under rocks where all the other outcasts live.

_She deserves better than that._

Of course she does. Everyone deserves better than what I do.

_Okay, I agree you're scum but you're self pity is getting annoying._

I'm surprised I let it go on this long.

_I'm surprised you're talking to yourself._

At least it's not out loud.

"Yes it is." said a misty voice behind me.

I whipped my head around so fast that I hurt my neck. Luna Lovegood stood behind me with her ridiculous shiny glasses. Something about nargles of some stupid shit like that. The blood rushed to my cheeks as I sneered at her.

"What do you want Lovegood?" I spat. She seemed indifferent.

"I understand you Draco."

She must be the only person in this castle that calls me Draco.

"Please. You don't understand anything! You're deluded!"

"That's what you think." she said, walking closer to me. I backed up.

"Don't come closer Ravenclaw."

"You remembered my house!" she smiled as if it was a happy conversation.

"You're a well known freak, everyone knows your house."

"You'd be surprised."

"What do you want?!" I spat again.

"All I'm saying is that you aren't as mysterious as you think. I think you're rather transparent actually."

"Oh really? Is that what you think is it?" my eyes narrowed and I looked her up and down. Her blonde hair reminded me of Sawyer, of course hers isn't nearly as light. Sawyers hair is paler than mine, and mine is almost white! And it's not just pale blonde, she has hints of silver in there too. I've also noticed she has silvery blue eyes too. At first I thought she was just weird but then someone made fun of her and she punched them and said she was half veela. That was the first time I heard. My assumption was that she and her sister were just insanely beautiful. It never crossed my mind that they might be half veela. I didn't even know what a veela was at the time. Luna had no hint of fright in her eyes. She seemed positively delighted to be talking to me. A rarity I assure you. "No one cares what you think Lovegood."

"On the contrary Malfoy." she replied. "I think you'll care great deal about what I've had to say. It's a common misconception that I'm loony. It's not true. I'm quite clever. Why else would I be in Ravenclaw?"

Luna skipped away as if nothing happened, leaving me dumbfounded. I jus watched her blonde locks swish behind her and her feet hop up and down. She didn't even look back as she rounded the corner. I need to get to Divination before Nott grew worried so I decided to head over there quickly. I had no more conversations with myself for fear someone else would hear me. One embarrassing moment was enough for today.

I didn't bother trying to be discreet when I came to Divination. Everyone noticed me when I walked in but I neither noticed nor cared.

"Sorry professor." I said to Trelawney. "Dumbledore had an accident and-"

"WHAT?!" said most of the class.

"I meant Sawyer you imbeciles."

"No need to be rude Mr. Malfoy." said Trelawney. She's so painfully annoying. "Is Miss Dumbledore alright?"

"Yeah. Some fainting spell. Finnegan took her to the hospital wing."

"Oh, alright. That's fine I suppose. Find a partner Mister Malfoy, you will be reading tarot cars today."

"Joy." I said sarcastically. "I'm glad to see your enthusiasm!" said Trelawney. The sad part was that she thought I was serious.

I sat next to Nott who didn't have a partner. He didn't say anything. He didn't ask me any questions. Didn't even acknowledge that I had sat next to him.

"Aren't you going to ask me what happened?" I asked him.

"No." he replied. "I'm not as interested as you would think."

"Don't you want to know if she's alive?"

"If she wasn't, you wouldn't be here."

The man was right. I'd never been able to argue with Nott. At least, I'd never been able to win.

"Well, if you must know-"

"I mustn't but I knew you'd tell me anyway."

"she's fine. I took her down but Finnegan saw me. He took her, but not before he hit me. Great brute. Thinks he can boss me around. He just up and grabbed her! Acted like I was the one who knocked her out!"

"Why are you so pissy about this? So what if he took her? Less questions to answer."

"It's the principle of it all."

"And what principle would that be Malfoy?" Nott asked, looking at me for the first time in the conversation. I was quiet. I just stared at the tarot cards, pretending to be interested. Nott held up a handful of cards and laughed.

"What's so funny?" I asked, thoroughly pissed off. Nott continued to laugh, not answering me. "I asked you, what's so bloody funny?"

Nott put down the cards and stared at me. He shook his head and sighed.

"WHAT?!' I asked getting more frustrated by the moment.

He put his hand on my shoulder. I looked at it as if he were a leper.

"Oh Malfoy. You're so oblivious, even to yourself."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Read the cards Malfoy!" he said pretending to be Trelawney. "The cosmos will tell you!"

"You're a git Nott."

"If I weren't, we wouldn't be friends."

"I don't know how I put up with you."

"The same way I put up with you."

I smirked but tried to hide it. If I smiled, Nott would know he won. He knew already but I would never admit that. I had too much pride. Sawyer had drifted from my mind and I focused on making fun of the assignment with Nott. She didn't re enter my mind until McGonagall came to me after class. Finnegan had told her that I found her first and she wanted to get to the bottom of why she passed out. She was fine now but she still wanted to know. I was halled down to the hospital wing for interrogation. They didn't need me. Finnegan was all they needed, but I went along anyway.

I would never admit it but, a part of me wanted to see how Sawyer was doing.

I would snuff that part of me and hang him tonight.


	11. Memories

Two nine year old girls played outside. One of them had light red hair. It was curled to perfection and flowed to her shoulders. Her perfect hair had never gone past her shoulders in her entire life. The other little girl, a hundred feet away, had silvery blonde hair. Her hair was such a pale blonde, it was almost white. Her skin was very pale also. Her silvery blue eyes were intent on the water in front of her. The little girl, named Sawyer, had been warned countless times not to go in the Black Lake. Numerous adults had said there were creatures in there that weren't friendly. The only one she'd ever seen was the giant squid and he was very far off the shore. She stood up and looked at her sister. Her twin sister, named Fleur, was sitting under a tree brushing the hair of her doll. It used to be Sawyer's but because Fleur wanted it, Fleur got it. That was the way it went with them. Fleur always gets what she wants, no questions asked. Whenever Sawyer wanted to fight for her doll, she would put a hand to he severely cut arm and remember why she gave it up in the first place. Sawyer wondered how a girl her age could be so mean.

The beautiful blue water entranced Sawyer. Sunlight cascaded off of it. It sparkled in the light. Sawyer had always loved water. She thought it was beautiful. It's mysterious and untamed. She put a hand in the water. Luke warm, perfect. A quick look around ensured that no one could see her. Fleur wasn't under the tree, probably gone back inside, and no adults were around. Sawyer ripped off her shoes and socks. She stood in front of the water, ready to go in. butterflies filled her stomach, swimming in the lake was still against the rules. But, it's only one time. What could happen. She put one foot foreword when something stopped her.

"You know you aren't allowed to."

Sawyer recognized the voice of her sister. She put her foot back down on the ground and turned to see Fleur standing behind her, with her doll in hand. She had no expression on her face, she just looked bored.

"What do you care if I break the rules?" asked Sawyer.

"I don't. I'm just saying."

"Well don't! I'll be fine."

"No you won't."

"You're psychic now too? Isn't it enough you can move things?"

"I'm not psychic you idiot!" Fleur flickered a bit of annoyance on her face before going back to bored.

"Leave me alone!"

"You'll get in trouble! If I'm here too, so will I!"

"Then go away."

"Uncle Albus will know! He always does!"

"No he doesn't." Sawyer muttered. If he always knew, he would know about Fleur hurting her. Uncle Albus didn't know anything. And what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

"Fine. Go hurt yourself. It's not like I care."

"You never do."

Sawyer stepped forward and touched her foot to the water. It was just right. She put more of her foot in until she was standing in the water. She could see her toes in the water. She wiggled them through the sand and giggled. Further and further she went into the water until she was up to her hips. And being a short girl, she wasn't far out.

"See?" she said to her sister. "I'm fine!"

Sawyer took one more step and was sucked under the water. An ugly creature had grabbed hold of her and pulled her under. Seeing as she was a human, and not any good food, he didn't want her and swam away. It didn't matter, Sawyer could swim away. And she would've if she wasn't stuck. Her foot was wrapped in debris. The water was too dark for her to see what it was. Sawyer was running out of breath and couldn't hold on much longer. She tried to free herself, but the water was so dark, she couldn't see her hand in front of her face.

On the shore, Fleur stood clutching her doll very tight. Even though she never liked her sister, she knew she would die unless someone did something. Fleur knew she was supposed to call for help, but something in her made her stay. She didn't move, she didn't speak. She only stared at the place where her twin had been standing before being pulled under. A bead of sweat came down her forehead but she told herself it was only the heat. It was summer after all. Her feet were firmly planted on the ground and her mind was blank. Sawyer was going to die, yet Fleur didn't move.

Under the water, Sawyer struggled for her life. She whimpered under the water and tried to feel her way around. She began to feel lightheaded and was sure it was over. Sawyer assumed that Fleur was gone, she went to get help. Her sister is evil but she wouldn't want her to die right? No one is that evil! Fleur would come and get her but it would be too late by then. Sawyer was sure of it. She would die. This was the end.

Severus Snape came out onto the grounds to check up on the girls. Dumbledore had seen him in passing and asked him to do it. He never wanted to because he didn't want to talk to them. Sawyer was the only normal one. And being normal made her susceptible to Fleur's will. He'd seen what Fleur would do to her. He felt pity for Sawyer but knew the consequences if he punished Fleur, that was a right reserved specifically for Dumbledore. She would only ever listen to him and even then that wasn't a guarantee. He came closer to the lake because he had seen Fleur standing there. Fleur was staring into the lake and she looked scared. In Fleur's nine years, Severus Snape had never seen her look scared. Happy? Yes. Angry? Most definitely. But never scared.

"Fleur?" he asked. She jumped higher than he'd ever seen her. She was breaking a sweat and clutching her doll like no tomorrow. "Where's your sister?" of course she wouldn't know. Fleur and Sawyer were never in a two hundred foot radius of each other.

Fleur stiffened. Her eyes darted to the lake for a second and so did Snape's. Snape looked curiously at the lake to see what she was looking at. When his eyes saw the ripples surrounding on part of the lake, his eyes went wide. Sawyer was in the lake. Snape took out his wand and ran out into the lake.

Sawyer's limbs went limp. She'd given up and she had no more breath left in her. Things started going black when the water swirled around her. Her eyes were already closed and she didn't know what was going on. The next second she had emerged from the water.

Severus caught the small girl. His robes were sloshed with water by the impact of her wet body. He ran with her in his arms to shore and put her down on the ground. Her face was the slightest shade of purple and so were her fingernails. Sawyer had been cut off from oxygen, for how long Severus didn't know. He quickly extracted the water from her body but the girl still wouldn't wake. He didn't waste another second and performed CPR on the girl. She looked like a rag doll. Severus breathed into her five times before she awoke. Sawyer coughed violently before she once again fell asleep. Severus looked from her to Fleur. Fleur's eyes had been on Sawyer the entire time.

"Why didn't you call?!" he yelled. His teeth were gritted. Fleur cowered.

"I…I was going to!" she lied.

"Liar! Your sister almost died!"

Sawyer's ears had picked up their conversation but the words only played in her dream. She hadn't made any sense out of it yet. Fleur remained on the shore of the black lake, her heart beating rapidly. Severus picked up the girl and ran back into the castle.

* * *

"AAAH!" I yelled. Snape had just removed himself from my mind. I breathed heavily and used the shelf to support myself.

"You're weak!" yelled Snape. I didn't have the breath for a retort. " We've been at this for hours! As interesting as your mind is I'm tired of seeing it! You have to try!"

"I am trying!" I yelled.

"Not good enough! Try HARDER!"

"I'm trying hard enough!"

"If that were true I wouldn't know what really happened that day! I wouldn't know why you're so petrified of water!"

It was true. After that incident of almost drowning, I'd never gone swimming again. That was the reason I had fainted when I saw Snape's tank full of water. The seaweed and the water reminded me of when I almost died. Until now I didn't know he was the one to save me. Snape had now filled the tank with plimpies. It wasn't just water anymore. The plimpies swam back and forth in the tank and I had to look away. I couldn't look at them. Seeing the water now made me nauseous.

"We will try again. And this time, I'll divulge even deeper. I'll see a memory that you don't want anyone to see!"

"How do you know it'll be something so private?" I asked, my heart dropped. There were too many memories for me to choose just one.

"I'll know because it wouldn't be that far in your mind if it weren't something important. Now, try harder than you ever have to block me out. You need to keep me away from your head!"

"Fine."

"Breathe first."

I caught my breath and readied myself. Once I was sure I would be ready I nodded. Snape pointed his wand at me and it took all I had not to be intimidated.

"Legilimens!" he yelled.

My mind opened wide, wider than it ever had before. Snape had gone so very deep into my mind, to when I was even younger.

* * *

I was six years old. I walked down the corridors of Hogwarts: exploring, like I always did. My little Mary Jane's took me down one of the hallways to the second floor. I'd been down here a few times, but not many. It was summer so I was allowed to roam the castle. During the school year, I was rarely ever out of my room. Daddy didn't want us to be seen because he didn't think Fleur and I were old enough to handle press. Because our dad was Albus Dumbledore, we would be bombarded with questions all the time and he said the reporters wouldn't leave us alone.

I was okay with this. Playing by myself was something I was used too. Fleur and I never played together. She was still my sister but it was like we weren't even related. Two strangers that just happened to live together and look alike. I wasn't mean to Fleur and she wasn't mean to me. That's the way it had gone. We never shared anything, what's hers was hers and what's mine is mine. We shared a room upstairs but the only time we'd see each other was mealtimes and when we had to go to bed. I liked Fleur, she's my sister so I have to like her right?

But I'd always been jealous of Fleur. While I had blonde hair, she had red. Lots of people had blonde hair but red was much more unique. And so was her name. Fleur is French. I don't have a French name. I have a boy's name. I don't like my name. Who would like Sawyer? It's not fair. Not only that, but everyone always tells her how cute she is for being so quiet. I'm quiet too but some grownups think it's creepy. Just because Fleur says something nice once in a while, they think she's adorable. I almost never say anything and they think something's wrong with me. They never think it's because I just don't want to talk to them. I only talk to Minnie and daddy. Sometimes I talk to Mr. Flitwick and I like to talk to Ruby. (I'm the only person who calls him Ruby, everyone else calls him Hagrid. It makes me feel special.)

I never like talking. I didn't start to talk until I was three. Fleur talked when she was one. Everyone thought I was stupid or something called "retarded." I don't know what that means but Fleur says it's bad. Daddy never thought I was stupid. He always said I was special. He said I don't have to talk if I don't want to and I don't have to do what everyone else is doing. Daddy is always nice to me. That's why I like to talk to him. He never calls me retarded.

People stopped calling me retarded when I took some test. It was something called an I.P. test. Or maybe it was I.Q.. I don't really remember. Everyone was surprised because I was two points above Fleur, and Fleur got super high! They didn't tell Fleur though. They said it was supposed to be a secret because it would hurt Fleur's feelings if she knew. But I know. Being smarter than Fleur makes me feel special. Now instead of being bad special, I'm good special. I'm not a retard, I'm "above average". Whatever that means. I'm just glad it's something good. I don't like when people say mean things about me.

I continued walking down the second floor and watched the pictures on the wall. They like to move and talk to each other, I like to listen to what they talk about. There was a portrait of three men talking about politics. I stopped listening because that's boring.

When I went around the corner, I saw Fleur leaning around the corner. Now, when I see Fleur, I get a little scared. When we turned six, Fleur started feeling funny. One time when I walked into our room, stuff was moving and she wasn't touching it. Fleur can do stuff with her mind. She can move little things like pencils and dolls. She practices every day and she gets stronger. She got meaner when she started moving stuff. She gets mad at me when I talk to her and she's trying to practice. She says I break her concentration. It's not my fault if I walk into the room and tell her to come to dinner and she's practicing. Sometimes she throws things at me. But she's just mad, I know she still loves me. She has to, she's my sister.

Fleur didn't look happy. Her ear was too the door of a classroom and I recognized it as Minnie's classroom. Minnie teaches Transfiguration. She says we'll learn it when we go to Hogwarts as students. I can't wait to learn it! Minnie is really nice.

Anyways, Fleur had her ear pressed to the door and she looked surprised. I saw a few tears in her eyes and that scared me. I'd only ever seen Fleur cry when she got hurt. I'd never seen her cry other than that. One tear came down her cheek and she wiped it away. She pulled herself away from the door and gasped when she saw me. She turned around and wiped away all of her tears so I wouldn't see. I didn't like crying in front of her either.

"What's wrong?" I asked. My hands closed themselves around the hem of my yellow dress. The happy sun on the front didn't make me feel so happy anymore.

"Nothing!" she said. She stomped around and went past me. I grabbed her arm.

"Tell me!"

"It's nothing!" "Tell me Fleur!" I was becoming frustrated. What is it she couldn't tell me?

"Fine. You want to know?" she said with a mean look. I felt smaller now.

"Y-Yes."

"Daddy hates you."

I stopped breathing for a minute. Daddy can't hate me. I know he doesn't. why would Fleur say that?

"Why would you say that?"

"Because it's true! He hates you and because of you, he hates me too now!"

"Daddy doesn't hate us."

"Yes he does."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because he does! If he liked you he would be here with us!"

Huh? He's here!

"He's here! He's in his office!"

"That's not our dad." she said with clenched fists. Fleur had stopped crying but I started to.

"Yes he is! He told us so!"

"He lied!"

"No he didn't!"

"Yes he did! He's our uncle! Not our dad!"

"Our….our uncle?" I asked, now confused.

"Yes. Our uncle Albus."

"Who?" I asked.

"Uncle Albus! Daddy isn't daddy. He's our uncle. Our real father hates us. Well, he hates you." Fleur gave me a mean look and I cried harder.

"Stop saying that! It's not true! Daddy doesn't hate us and we don't have an uncle!"

"Oh yes we do! We do! Our father is in the world somewhere, mad that he had you!"

Tears were falling down my face.

"He had you too! Why would he hate just me?"

"Because…." Fleur paused. She looked like she was thinking of an answer. "Because you're a retard."

"No I'm not! Daddy told me I was special!"

"Stop calling him that! He's not our dad!"

"Yes he is! He's our dad and I'm not retarded! You're just jealous!"

"Why would I be jealous of a retard?"

Fleur pushed me and I fell down. When I hit the ground I accidentally bit my tongue. The tears came harder and I knew my tongue was bleeding. I could taste it. I rubbed my eyes so the tears would go away. Fleur just stood there and watched me with an angry face.

"I'm not retarded." I muttered.

"Shut up!" she yelled.

I gasped. She'd never been so mean to me in my life. I didn't know why she was being like this. I didn't do anything mean to her. Fleur just stood there and watched me cry. I couldn't stop. The tears would quit coming. Fleur had changed. something changed her inside.

Just then the door Fleur had been leaning against opened and a man stepped out. He had gray hair and a beard just like dad's.. well, _uncle's_. He looked down at Fleur and I and seemed surprised to see us. I didn't know why, we had never seen each other before. He leaned down so that he was my height.

"What's your name?" he asked. I rubbed the tears out of my eyes.

"Sawyer." I said.

"And what's your name?" he said looking at Fleur. She just made an angry face and looked away. I thought it was rude. He laughed. "You must be Fleur. Sawyer," he said looking back at me.

"Yes?"

"Do you like living with your Uncle Albus?"

I felt like crying again.

"He's not our uncle! He's our dad!"

The man frowned.

"No, Sawyer. He's your uncle."

That made me angry.

"If he's not our dad then I don't want a dad!"

The man looked very sad when I said that. I looked into his eyes, they were the same colour blue as mine. When I looked at him closely I noticed he looked a lot like our.. _uncle_.

Behind him was Minnie, Mr. Snape, and Uncle Albus. The man stood up and turned to Uncle Albus still looking very sad.

"It's better this way, Abe." said uncle. That made the man look both angry and sad at the same time.

"Sawyer!" said Minnie.

I felt a her hand on my shoulder, Minnie was balancing on her heels at my eye level. She was rubbing my back and helping me up.

"What happened?" she asked.

Mr. Snape was standing next to Fleur. He was never nice and I never talked to him. He just stood there and made mean looks at Fleur. I would feel mad at him for doing that but now I thought she deserved it. Fleur's face was white and I was about to tell on her when she talked first.

"Sawyer… saw Peeves! He was mean to her! I told him to go away but he wouldn't stop teasing her. He left a minute ago."

"Oh, that Peeves." said Minnie. She didn't like Peeves at all. "I'll get him if it's the last thing I do! Come on Sawyer, let's go to the kitchen. The house elves can make you some ice cream or something."

She took my hand and was leading me out of the room. I turned around and looked at the man one last time. He smiled at me and waved. He was a strange man to me but he seemed nice.

I took one more glance back at Fleur and she didn't do anything. She lied to Minnie about the mean things she said to me and that made me angry. From then on, we weren't sisters anymore. She never would be my sister again. I hated her.

* * *

"SON OF A BITCH!" I yelled. This time I collapsed to the floor. The deeper Snape went, the more winded I became.

I finally opened my eyes to see Snape with a look of shock. His wand arm was down and a hand was hovering over his mouth. He shook his head and took his hand down, but the look of shock hadn't left him. For the first time in our lesson, he helped me off the ground. I didn't want his help. I didn't want him to touch me. I felt humiliated that he'd seen that. He'd seen the moment when I realized uncle A was just that, an uncle. The only other people to know about that were Seamus and Fleur. Fleur and I had never spoke of it since then. Seamus never mentioned it after I told him. That was one of the many memories I just wanted to forget.

And that man... who the hell was that? I hadn't thought about him since that day. And I guess his name was Abe but I didn't know anyone named Abe.

But that was the moment Fleur and I hated each other. That was the first time she'd lied. The first time we had a secret that no one else was allowed to know. From then on, I didn't tell anyone about the abuse. Fleur grew stronger and stronger and I couldn't stop it. The stronger she became, the meaner she got. And however mean she felt, I felt it too. I would feel it physically rather than mentally. Snape had just seen the first chapter in the series of lies to be told and scars to be formed. I couldn't look at him. I felt so exposed. I felt naked.

"You may go." he said. It was so quiet I almost didn't hear. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Snape felt bad for me. He couldn't look at me either. His eye were anywhere but on me. "We'll resume next week. I'll give you time to prepare."

I said nothing and exited the room. My mind brood over Snape's tone, his body language, his face. Anything that would tell me what he was thinking. I was sure he didn't know what to do with himself either. He'd seen two of my darkest memories. And next week there would be more to come. He would see more into my mind. I was determined to work myself to the bone so he would never know so much about me again. I never wanted to be so open.

But…was that really true?

When I really thought about tonight, I would see that….maybe I liked being exposed. Maybe I liked having my walls invaded. Maybe now Snape could know my pain and not be so rude to me.

Okay, that's taking it a bit far.

But he would know why I'm so bitter. Or, at least, part of the many reasons.

Snape was beginning to understand me and a part of me liked it. I'd never regretted sharing with Seamus. Maybe now I wouldn't regret sharing with Snape. Well, I regret it a bit. Snape has never been first on my list of buddies. But it's a start. For the sake of Occlumency, however, I would never let him in my mind again.

* * *

He had to earn my memories.


	12. Fire

The first Hogsmeade visit was upon us. Snape and I never talked out of Occlumency and neither did Draco and I. It was already October and we hadn't said so much as three words to each other. We hadn't even argued when I accidentally tripped him. He just bit his lip and walked away. He had made attempts to argue after my accident but I was still embarrassed. My embarrassment was mostly from him seeing my vulnerability. No one could see it if I could help it. I was proud to a fault.

It was Saturday in late October and the snow made Hogwarts a beautiful opaline white. Winter was my favourite season. Even though it was still fall, the snow was hear and that was fine with me. Christmas would be here soon. Seamus and I dressed in our Muggle clothes for the Hogsmeade trip. We were some of the only students to do so. While most had their winter cloaks, Seamus and I dressed in sweaters and fluffy hats. We wore the hats we'd gotten for each other two Christmas' ago. I'd gotten him a green hat with strings on either side that had two fuzzy balls on the ends of them. Seamus loved hats like that so I decided to buy one when he wasn't looking. He had gotten me a navy blue one with one big, fuzzy ball on top. As long as it wasn't pink, I didn't care what he got me. I would love it anyway. The hat matched my sweater, it was blue with faux fur around the rim of the hood. It was thick enough to keep me warm and it was my favourite colour. My pants were dark wash jeans tucked into some brown boots. The boots went to my shins so they would keep the snow out. This was my favourite Hogsmeade outfit and I wore it every time.

On our trips, everyone in third year and up was allowed to go, but because the teachers didn't want it to look like an army was invading Hogsmeade, we went year by year on different weekends. This weekend, it was the 6th years' turn to go. Unfortunately, all of the house came so I would have to go with Fleur. The one nice thing about her was that she stayed away from me most of the time. I didn't have to worry about her pestering me.

She'd been spending a great deal of time with Malfoy. It didn't bother me at first but now I was ready to explode whenever I saw her with him. She would be all over him during school and I wanted to rip out her hair when I saw it. I didn't know why I felt that way. Maybe it's because I just hate Fleur. That seemed like a good enough reason. Though, life was boring without Malfoy to argue. To tell the truth, I couldn't really remember life without arguing with him. Much more peaceful I think. I decided today would be the day I royally piss him off.

Seamus and I went into the Three Broomsticks and ordered two butterbeers. While we drank our drinks, Seamus kept looking behind me. I'd have to repeat myself because he was focusing on whatever was behind me.

"What on earth are you staring at?" I asked.

"Malfoy." said Seamus. He kept looking back. "I get the feeling he doesn't particularly care for the back of your head."

"He's trying to hide his attraction." I replied, straight faced. "He doesn't have the courage to come over and buy me a drink."

Seamus choked in his drink and had to wipe it from his chin. I kept my classic smirk on my face. I distinctly heard footsteps coming closer in the distance. I chose to ignore them. That was surely the better choice. The footsteps stopped and I was sure he was right behind me. Seamus' expression told me so. I finally twisted my torso in my seat.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?" I said with an air of confidence.

"Leave." he said curtly. My face didn't falter.

"I'd rather not. Seamus and I were just having a ball of a time."

"I would like you to leave."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Madame Rosmerta enter the bathroom. Malfoy watched her with the eyes of a hawk and I saw a sweat break over his pale skin.

"Do you fancy her Malfoy? A bit old for you don't you think?" I said taking another sip of my butterbeer.

"No." he said, regaining his pompous composure. "She is much too old for me. I prefer much younger models. Ones like your sister perhaps?"

My insides were lit on fire. I leaned real close to Malfoy with an angry face. He watched and waited. I spit my butterbeer through my teeth and jumped from my chair, bolting for the exit. I heard an angry growl behind me but it was muffled by my laughter. It wouldn't stop coming! The butterflies in my stomach flew wildly around. My feet never ceased to move until I was in front of a fence. Many feet behind that fence lie the Shrieking Shack.

I smiled at it. The Shrieking Shack had always been so cool to me! The idea of a haunted house was so ridiculous that I loved it in every which way. When I was younger I dreamed of living in it. I imagined howling as loud as I could just to scare the locals. To remind them of it's title. That seems so silly now, but it was a wonderful thought then.

I didn't think Malfoy would find me here. How could he? Of all the places in Hogsmeade, there was no way he would know I was here. I leaned over, catching my breath.

I laughed thinking of Malfoy's face. He would be so angry he probably wouldn't know what to do with himself!

_I would regret that one. _I thought. _Yes, I would surely regret that._

* * *

Draco Malfoy.

* * *

With a face full of butterbeer and a look to kill, I wanted to rip someone's head off. Finnegan was laughing so hard, he fell out of his seat. Nott had done the same. Most people had watched mine and Sawyer's little incident. I was sure it would be one to talk about for a while. No one had ever disrespected me so! I am Draconis Black Malfoy! No one treats me like that! She'll get hers. I was sure of it.

My feet were about to lift from the ground when my piercing blue eyes moved to the bathroom door. Right now Rosmerta was giving Katie the necklace. I had to stay and watch. I had to make sure the deed was done.

It'll be fine! I reassured myself. Just go! Go! Do you really want to watch that anyways?

The answer was no. my fists clenched and I stormed out of the Three Broomsticks. By now, Sawyer was surely a mile away. My eyes darted from left to right, hoping I would see some sign of her. With the way I was feeling, I would rip her white blonde hair out of her half veela head! The freak thought she could step on me the way she did? She'll get what's coming sooner than she thought. It was my mission.

I had to put myself in that little harpy's shoes. Where would I go? I looked right. Down that way was Zonko's, Honeydukes, and the path back to school. Sawyer could've gone back to school. Plenty of places to hide there. To my left was the Hog's Head, the forest, and the Shrieking Shack. A light bulb went off in my head. The Shrieking Shack. Typical of a psycho. Like her.

I marched over in the direction and violently wiped the butterbeer from my face. The remnants dried on my sleeve. I'd have to burn this cloak when I got back to school. I couldn't have anything she's touched. The minute she starts talking to me again, she pisses me off further than ever! The nerve of her! And with her pride, it was enough to drive anyone mad! How Finnegan stands her is a wonder!

Little Miss Mouth was going to get a punch in the face one day. And I'll be damned if I don't give it to her! I saw red as I pushed past people. They shouted things to me about being rude but I couldn't care less. My mind was completely focused on what I would assume was a hysterical Sawyer and the sweet revenge I would reek upon her. Only moments from now I would surely drown her in a foot deep of snow.

She makes me so angry! I just want to….

WHAT IS THE END OF THAT SENTENCE?

I still had none. I don't know what I want to do to her! It'll come to me when I see her, I'm sure of it.

My feet carried me to an empty patch of snow, beyond which were a few trees and a fence. Behind the fence was a gap of land and then the Shrieking Shack. Sawyer would surely be there. Where else would a freak like her go? She's just a freaky freak is what she is!

A small fire, as if I had room for any more, lit in the pit of my stomach when I thought of the word freak. I tried to shake it away.

My fists were still clenched and now becoming sweaty as I approached the fence. There she was.

Sawyer leaned over the fence just staring into the distance. Now was my chance.

* * *

Sawyer Dumbledore.

* * *

I was leaning over the fence and staring at the shack. It was so quiet and the air was peaceful. Cold wind sliced my cheeks and I knew they were pink by now. The cold seeped it's way into my boots. The calm crisp October air was overpowering. I let myself be swept away with it.

I heard the crunch of snow behind me. Knowing it was Seamus, I said nothing. He was surely going to congratulate me on my stunt with Malfoy. I was quite proud of myself! Smugness crept into my features and it didn't bother me. I was allowed to be happy. I had, after all, just disgraced the Slytherin prince. I deserved applause.

My shoulder violently flung backward, me with it. I was slammed against the fence and held there by Draco Malfoy's body. He was radiating heat from the anger on his face and my heart dropped for a moment. He was here for his revenge.

Well I wouldn't give it to him!

"What do you want?" I asked in a demanding tone. Malfoy scoffed and laughed like a mad man.

"What do I want? What do I _want_?" he asked almost hysterical. The butterflies reentered my stomach. "What do you think I want, you bitch?"

"No need for names Malfoy, pettiness doesn't become you."

"How dare you spit in my face?"

"It was rather easy." I said with a laugh. "You deserved it."

He shoved my shoulder a bit hard.

"Hardly. Don't you ever disgrace me like that again Dumbledore."

I shoved him back and wormed my way out of his hold.

"I'll do whatever the fuck I want _Malfoy_."

I stomped in the opposite direction but he came quickly after me. I was again flipped around.

"Stop doing that!"

The fire grew within me. It rose with every angry breath I took.

"Don't you yell at me! Do you have any idea who I am?"

"You seem to forget Malfoy, I. don't. care!"

"Well start! It'll be me who's telling you what to do in the near future!"

"As opposed to what you're doing now? What do you think you're doing? _Suggesting_?"

"How arrogant you are to my authority."

"How ignorant you are to my tolerance!"

"You twit!"

"Faggot!"

"Bitch!"

"Oh that's original!"

Malfoy clutched his hair and yelled. He threw his hands down besides him and his hair was frazzled.

"Would you just shut up for five fucking minutes?" he yelled. He was shaking with anger.

"No! I don't think I will!"

I backed up as Malfoy came closer. My back was to him as I quickened my pace going back into the view of people. The thought of him wanting to kill my came into mind. His fire was lit as bright and wild as mine.

I walked as quickly as I could without running and going further and further into the public eye. The Hog's head was to my left and I was about to walk in front of it when my arm was yanked into the alley way. Malfoy pressed his weight against me and pinned me to the wall. His left fist smacked itself into the wall only two inches from my head. For the first time, I flinched.

His face was only an inch from mine and both of us were breathing heavily. His lips was raised and his white teeth were bared. The more I looked as his face and chiseled form the more my lips curled over my teeth. I grabbed his shirt and clenched it. With the electricity surging through my body, I was sure I would rip it.

My hormones were flying every which way. Both my feet were firmly planted on the ground and Malfoy's arm was slung around my waist. He firmly held me and I had moved on from his shirt to grabbing the tops of his shoulders. I wanted to just rip him apart.

"You are so infuriating." I harshly whispered. Malfoy growled.

"Have you met you?" he sounded exasperated. I'd never seen him pulsate with anger the way he was now.

My grip tightened itself and so did Malfoy's. His lips weren't far from mine and I wanted to bite them.

WOAH! WHAT?

Did I just… think that? I wanted to bite Malfoy's lips?

I shook my head. I've become delusional!

His legs moved around mine and my heart jumped into my throat. My breath was caught and I could only look down to where my hands were. He growled again and slammed his fist. My head snapped up to him and he was breathing heavily. I could feel his chest move up and down.

"You need to learn some manners-"

"I need to?" I almost yelled. "Of the two of us you think I need to learn manners? Sometimes Malfoy, I don't fucking understand-"

His face covered mine and I felt warm lips capture my own. His fist left the wall and now both arms were wrapped around me moving intensely. I grabbed his shoulders and crushed his body to mine on impulse. My actions had shocked me but I moved past that and focused on the now.

Our legs intertwined and I slowly slid mine between his. I felt his body shiver and it only spurred me on. I bit his lower lip and he moaned low into it. He pulled himself away and bit the skin that connected my neck to my shoulder. I gasped and dug my nails into him.

But then I remembered myself.

What am I doing? This is Malfoy!

MALFOY!

I hate this man- I mean BOY, with a passion! I've never met someone so infuriating in my life! This has to stop!

I threw him off of me. His back hit the opposite wall and we breathed heavily in and out. His lips were red and his hair was a mess. I most likely looked the same but I didn't care. I shoved my finger in his face with flushed cheeks.

"Next time…" I breathed. "Don't fucking cut me off!"

Without another word, I marched off. A hand went to my forehead as my mind reviewed everything that had happened.

No! it didn't happen! It didn't happen!

This can't be real!

None of it. None of it's true.

Both hands went to my head and I crashed into several people without any disposition. I had no awareness of myself at all. I was deaf and blind, the only thing I focused on was the task of getting Malfoy out of my head.

This isn't real! I'm going to wake up screaming from the horrible nightmare!

But it wasn't horrible. It was the best bloody moment in my-

NO! that's not true! It can't be!

_But it was!_

BUT IT'S NOT!

_YES IT IS!_

NO!

_YES!_

"AAAAHHH!" I screamed. Several people looked at me but I only communicated "don't fuck with me right now."

All I wanted to do was go back to Hogwarts. I'll go back to Hogwarts and go to sleep. This'll all go away in the morning and I won't have remembered any of it.

"Sawyer!"

_NO! No. Don't answer that. Just go home and go to sleep._

"Sawyer!"

_I said no! don't turn around you twit!_

An arm draped over my shoulder. It was none other than Seamus Finnegan.

"I heard you scream. What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" I yelled, distancing myself form him. I didn't want to be touched.

"Say, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. Nothing happened."

"That's real convincing."

I walked faster and Seamus ran to keep up. He jumped in front of me and grabbed my shoulders. Seamus shook me and finally grabbed my attention. My silver blue ones looked into his brown.

"What. Happened?" he asked.

"I…..I…."

Seamus looked over my face. His eyes narrowed at the sight of me. I tried to turn away. I felt naked yet again.

"Why are your lips so red? And your hair. It's messy."

"I was pushed."

"Pushed."

"No!"

"Yes you were!"

"How do you know?"

"YOU JUST SAID!"

"Fine! I said it!"

"What the fuck happened?"

"I SNOGGED MALFOY!"

My voice echoed all around me. Seamus turned as white as the snow and we both examined the surrounding areas, making sure no one was there. Seamus grabbed my hand and we both ran toward the castle. There was the only place we could talk alone.

We ran to the hem of the Forbidden forest and Seamus stopped me in my tracks. His look was serious and I avoided his eyes.

"You WHAT?" he yelled.

"I…I snogged Malfoy."

"What the FUCK?" he yelled even louder than before.

I couldn't answer him. So many emotions were running rampant in my head. My thoughts were neither here nor there. There was only on thing I could focus on. It wasn't the fact I kissed Malfoy. It was the damning fact that I forbade myself to think of: not only had I kissed Malfoy,

* * *

I liked it.


	13. Cry

For the next week, that kiss was the only thing on my mind. I couldn't even enjoy Halloween because of it. My Occlumency lessons suffered because of it. Luckily Snape hadn't seen the kiss yet so that was something good. Seamus couldn't seem to understand the whole ordeal for while. He constantly asked me questions. Mostly "What were you thinking?" It's not like it was my fault! He kissed me!

Then I would pause.

_Malfoy_ kissed _me. _

Nothing was normal anymore because all I could think about was him and that kiss. Even during tea with Fleur and my uncle, which I had today, I was off in my own world.

"So tell me," said Uncle Albus, putting his tea down. "How are your classes going girls?"

"They're just wonderful!" said Fleur. By now I would be disgusted with her girly tone but I wasn't paying any attention to her. "I'm at the top of almost every class I have! In fact, I'm in the Slug Club!"

'That's wonderful Fleur. I'm very happy to hear about your achievements." he took another sip of tea and I hadn't realized I was being watched until he spoke to me. "Sawyer."

"Yes?"

"How are your studies going?"

"Mundane and average, just like every year." I said with a fake smile. There's no point in pretending I do well. My marks are just as average as anyone else.

"That can't be true. Horace was telling me you do wonderfully in his class, and Minerva has said the same. All of your teachers speak of you with the exception of Severus. But, none of us are surprised by that."

Fleur squeaked a laugh and Uncle Albus smiled.

"Your sister tells me she's in the Slug Club."

"What a surprise." the sarcasm was obvious in my voice. Fleur's face looked like a dung bomb just went off beneath her nose. She took another sip of tea before replacing it with another smile.

"I suspect you'll be invited in soon as well."

Both of us choked on our tea.

"What?" we both asked at the same time. We rarely ever had those twin moments where we say the same thing at the same time. It's not like we're Fred and George.

Uncle Albus chuckled.

"More like sisters every day."

Fleur and I both gave the same forced smile. Not even she could pretend to be happy about that. We hated each other as much as death hates life. Her being death, of course.

"In all seriousness, Horace has made it clear to me that he sees a lot of potential in your work during classes and would like you to be part of his Slug Club. I'm not supposed to say anything but I just couldn't help myself. I thought you would be thrilled."

For Uncle A's sake, I would humor him.

A hand went to my chest as I pretended to be shocked.

"Oh my! This is just so sudden! I would never has suspected!" I leaned back in my seat and when he wasn't looking, I shot Fleur a smarmy grin. "Two can play this game." I mouthed to her. She gripped the handle of her teacup and I just happily took another small sip of mine.

When the weekly tea visit with Uncle Albus and Fleur was over, I left his office in high spirits. I was finally competing with Fleur in something. Potions was now going to be a competition between she and I. I would have to work even harder during class and if Malfoy interferes I'll wring his little neck.

Malfoy.

I hadn't thought about him in the last fifteen minutes. A personal best I assure you. My mind drifted to Malfoy yet again and that kiss. I could still feel his arm around me and his legs touching mine. I could still feel his lips on mine and the electricity that surged through my body. My mind was so deep in the memory that I hadn't realized there was one last step and fell on my face. The portraits around me laughed and so did Fleur behind me. When she came out, the portraits were quiet. Only her malicious cackle filled the halls. It was past curfew so all of the students were in their respected houses.

"I didn't even have to push you that time!" she said. She was almost doubled over with laughter. My cheeks were red and I brushed myself off.

I made my way down the hall as quick as I could to try and escape her laughter but it echoed throughout the entire hall.

Great. I thought. I'm already acting like an idiot because of him. That stupid, stupid-

My thoughts were interrupted as I collided with another person from around a corner. Without even looking to see who it was, I picked myself up and walked past them. It wasn't until I was at least ten feet away when I heard my name.

"Not even a witty comment?" said Malfoy.

My neck twisted to get a better look at him. Malfoy's arms were crossed and his eyebrow was raised. This was the first time we'd spoken since the kiss. He looked at me as if nothing had taken place. I silently thanked him for that. I just wasn't ready to address it yet.

"No, I thought I'd give you a small break."

"Small? You haven't spoken to me in a week!"

"And you're sad about this?"

"On the contrary," he walked a bit closer to me. "I'm delighted. My face needed a break from your claws."

"Aw, but with that stone expression of disgust you have, my claws were becoming sharper with each encounter."

"I thought that was your voice I heard, Draco." said Fleur, popping out from behind the wall.

I tried not to look to infuriated by the sight of her, even if I did it wouldn't be any different than if Malfoy weren't there. He looked from me to her and an idea must've popped in his head because he got a stupid grin on his sculpted face. His arm immediately went around Fleur and she automatically blushed.

"Draco!' she said, playfully hitting his chest.

The scene sickened me as much as anything could. What I did enjoy, though, was that Malfoy had a plastic smile. He didn't seem too interested in my sister. He had to be one of two boys who weren't. Seamus had never fallen for her either. Something about her just didn't sit right with him.

Smart boy.

"Were you and Sawyer fighting again?" she asked. Her voice was much higher and had a cooing sound to it. It was diseased even for her. Malfoy wasn't fooled either.

"Yes, we were." he replied. His free hand was in his pocket and his eyes peaked over to me.

I tried not to look too mad. My lips were pursed and my eyebrows raised with crossed arms. All of my weight was leaning on one leg. This was a pretty common stance for me. It was comfortable. My appearance wasn't much different than normal. I never looked too happy anyways.

"Would you like to accompany me to the Slytherin common room? I was just on my way over there."

"From where Malfoy?" I asked. Uncle Albus' study is on the third floor, along with Defense Against the Dark Arts, Arithmancy, and it's a hall away from Ravenclaw tower. Three guesses where he was.

"That's none of your business, Dumbledore." he said with diminished eyes.

"It's just a question Malfoy." I said innocently. My feet took lazy steps toward him. I had noticed, out of the corner of my eye, that he and Fleur had drifted away. He, more than her. I still didn't know what she was playing at. "No need to get….hostile." the last word was more of a breath than a whisper. Both of our eyes ran over the other's face. His fists clenched and unclenched and his breathing was heavier. I tried to hide the fact that mine was the same.

While most people say they feel butterflies in their stomach, with me it's different. When I'm with Malfoy…it's more of lightning. Flashes here and there that make me want to vomit. Not on him, mind you. Maybe a little on him, he's still a little ferret.

"You a rotten snake, Dumbledore." whispered Malfoy. I could only smile.

"You're too kind Mr. Malfoy. Far too kind."

My eyes traveled to a little piece of white blonde hair that dangled in his face. It had broken free from the rest of his clean strands that were combed together nicely. Over the last few weeks, his perfect hair was beginning to fray. He looked a bit tired. I took my dainty fingers and flicked the lock. It whipped back to the top of his head and I walked away before seeing the look of confusion on Malfoy's face. Only when I looked back did I see it. I would've paid a thousand galleons to frame that face and put it on my wall. It was priceless.

Maintaining my smooth attitude was hard when I was trying so hard not to laugh at him. I couldn't break. I had to stay cool.

Ha! That'll be the day.

I went back to the common room happy that I'd gotten the last word between Malfoy and I. I saw Seamus staring into the fire with a book in his lap. He wasn't reading it and he looked troubled. My happiness faded into concern as I sat down next to him.

"What's up pudding cup?" I asked. He sighed. He didn't even laugh at my cute joke.

"It's nothing."

"You know I won't let you get away with that."

"I just…" he looked down at his book. "I'm just so worried about upcoming exams."

"Seamus, if you're going to lie to me at least try to make it good. That's crap and you know it."

Seamus gave me a weak smile before returning back to the fire. Other Gryffindors were having fun and some were even going to their dormitories. Only a few remained. There was the golden trio, and Ron seemed to look pretty chummy with Lavender Brown. Even I knew he could get better than her. She's just a puppy with clothes. There was also Parvati Patil who looked extremely bored while her best friend doted over Weasley, Granger was completely unaware (or so it seemed) to the couple and was off lost in her studying…again. Potter looked about as focused as Seamus because he was looking from his essay to the Weasley sister who's ear looked particularly delicious to Dean Thomas. I never had any qualms with her. Don't think we've ever even spoken actually. Other than them was Romilda Vane, lost staring into the back of Potter's head as if it were telling her a romantic story, Holiday, and a small first year girl with glasses as big as Holiday's and who was receiving help with her Divination homework from her. I assumed they were sisters since they both had the same hair and the only difference between them was that the first year was smaller. They even had the same dorky glasses. I made a mental note to ask Hermione if her Muggle parents knew any optometrists with normal glasses. Not that I ever would, but it would be funny to ask.

Hermione closed her book and left without another word. I watched her walk up the stairs soundlessly and Seamus was doing the same. He turned back around to the fire once she was gone, as did I. He still hadn't told me why he was down but I'd known him long enough not to press it. If he wanted to tell me, he'd tell me on his own. I was used to waiting for him to share information. Seamus liked to think things about before telling me because he doesn't like raising alarm or having me worried. It's nice of him but I like being in the loop. If I worry a bit unnecessarily that's okay, I don't mind.

"You gonna be okay?" I asked with my hand vaguely on his back.

"Yeah." he nodded. "I guess so."

He closed his unread book and hugged me before going upstairs. I didn't really feel like going upstairs so I decided to stay down for a while. Maybe do a bit of homework, I had a lot in Charms and Divination. Divination was always put off until the last moment and Charms? I'm already bloody brilliant at the subject, being that it's my best, so I can probably whip up the homework before class if need be.

I came back down with my bag and set myself up at a table. It was the only one in the room and the only other person on it was Potter. I didn't think he would talk to me anyways. When I sat down he seemed oddly curious as to why I had chosen sitting next to him. I knew his mouth was open, about to ask me but I beat him to it.

"It's the only table and I need a hard surface to write on."

"Then why don't you go find Nott, he's always stiff as a bored." said Ron. Lavender laughed a little too hard at his joke. He seemed to think he was utterly hilarious by her reaction.

Harry, having being satisfied by my answer went back to his studies. I didn't care to find out what he was doing. I had to focus on my ridiculous lunar calendar. For kicks I would always put what day I started menstruating. That was funny until she made everyone read their calendar's allowed. Fifth year was sure fun after that. On this calendar, I decided I'd have an untimely demise at least once a week. The rest of the time I would steal fortune cookies from the bowls in her class and just use those. Surprisingly, she never recognized her own fortunes. I wouldn't recognize anything either if I had to see through her coke bottle glasses while being high from my in scents at the same time.

I was scribbling random fortune's when Potter made a strike at conversation.

"Any idea what's got Seamus so down?" he asked.

"Haven't the foggiest." even I was surprised by how monotoned my voice was.

"Well I just thought you'd know, being his best mate an' all."

"Yep. You would think."

"Why do you always have to be so rude to me?"

"Why are you still surprised when I'm rude to you?"

I pretended to be finished with my homework and started gathering my things. This conversation was getting uncomfortable.

"No, seriously." he said.

"Oh, seriously? Well now that you've said that it changes everything!"

I didn't even care to organize my things as I shoved them in my black bag. The tatty bag had been my friend since 2nd year. Frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't ripped. Not that I couldn't repair it anyways. I walked quickly away but Potter followed me.

"Come on Sawyer. Let's just be civil for once."

"Why are you wasting your time with me?" I asked with a bit more bite than I intended. When I glared at the people who stared, they either pretended they weren't looking or went upstairs to leave us alone.

"I don't think I'm wasting my time." said Potter. I grimaced. "why are you so hostile every time someone tries to get to know you?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because that never happens so you caught me a bit off guard. Maybe I don't want people to get to know me. And maybe I don't want to continue this conversation with you. What you ought to be doing it chatting with Vane over there, though I'm pretty sure she's still busy staring intently at the back of your head she'll probably do it all night!"

Romilda blushed and smoother out her skirt, looking anywhere but at us. Being the last person in the common room, she got up and went in the girls' dormitory, leaving Harry and I alone.

"Why'd you have to do that! You don't have to be so vicious all the time!"

"You seem to forget Potter that that's who I am! I'm not a nice person! I'm not Hermione! I'm not Weasley! The girl, I mean. I'm not my sister."

"Oh please, your sister is evil, we both know that."

I was taken aback by his words. He seemed to wave off my sister's nature like it was nothing.

"What are you talking about? My sister's always perfectly lovely to everyone she meets, that's why everyone likes her so much."

"You'd be surprised. Nice or not she's in Slytherin for a reason. I don't know why no one's caught onto that."

It sounded like he had taken the dialogue fro a previous conversation Seamus and I had. I couldn't help but smile. I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked away so he wouldn't see the very obvious smile that grew on my face. Who knew that Fleur could bring that out?

"See?" said Potter. "I think that's the first genuine smile I've ever seen from you."

The smile went away and I looked down. I felt his eyes on the top of my head, he could see clear past it. Potter had to be a little more than six or seven inches taller than me.

"Come on Sawyer, you can talk to me. We aren't all that different."

That statement was ridiculous to me. It was so ridiculous I couldn't even laugh. I could only give him the most confused and pissed off look I could come up with.

"What?" I asked. I tried not to yell. He seemed surprised I had to ask that.

"Well, it's true. We aren't all that different."

"How are we not different? I'm a social outcast! You're the hero of the century! You're Quidditch captain! I couldn't fly on a broom if I was strapped to it!"

It's true. I suck at flying. Truly awful. Quidditch isn't even a game for me, more like Russian Roulette.

"The only thing we have in common is that Malfoy is our mortal enemy! Other than that, I see no other similarities. We don't even have the same friends!"

"Seamus is my friend!"

"He's my only friend so I stand by what I said. What similarities can you pull out of your arse?"

"I don't have to pull them out of my arse!"

"Oh that's right, we're in the same house. There's your connection between us. We're classmates. Night, night!"

I tried to go up the stairs but he pulled me back. By now I was really frustrated. The nerve he had to say we weren't that different! Does he even know who I am?

"Both of us our orphans." he said.

"My parents are alive Potter, as far as I know."

"But they still don't live with you. You've never met them."

"Is that all you're going on?"

"It was. At first. All I'm saying is, I know how you feel."

"You know how I feel?" I said, outraged. The audacity of this boy is outrageous! "You think you know how I feel? Tell me Potter, do you know what it's like to have the shit beaten out of you for something that isn't your fault?"

"Yes."

"No, I don't mean punished. I don't mean sent to bed with no dinner, I mean really have the crap kicked out you. When death seems like your best friend in that moment."

Potter rolled his eyes.

"Is that supposed to be a joke? With Voldemort constantly on my back, I'm pretty sure I know the feeling you're talking about."

"Oh, congratulations! Both of our lives pretty much bite. I hope your quest for similarities was fulfilling."

The air was silent for a few moments. He only stood there and listened to me.

"I've been beaten up. I've been left to die. I've had everything been taken away. I've had to put on a brave face. I've faced things you've never even imagined!"

"Oh don't pretend I have no idea what it's like to be you! You've never walked a day in my shoes. My encounters with death have been just as frequent! I never had anything to begin with! My parents aren't even dead and it hurts more for me not having them around!" tears bubbled in my eyes as I was saying these things. It was the truth that I tried to avoid as much as possible. I didn't want to admit these things. Especially not to him. I didn't want to open up to him but my mouth just ran away with me.

"Why does it hurt more? I've been an orphan just as long as you. What's the difference?"

"The difference is your parents loved you Potter! You parents died for you! My mother didn't even keep me longer than it took to pop me out! They never wanted me! So if you think that the orphan thing connects us you're wrong! You're parents would've gone to the end of the earth and back for you. Mine didn't even take the first step."

I walked up the stairs to the girls' dormitory with tears streaming down my face. Not even Seamus had heard me speak so negatively about my parents. I never wanted to talk about it. I only mentioned them when he asked me and those times were rare.

When I walked into my room, I was thankful that the lights were turned off. I had to be as quiet as I could when I walked to my four poster bed. The awful thing about having roommates is you can't cry yourself to sleep when you need it. I had to stifle the squeaks that would come out every so often. I covered myself with the blanket and shut the drapes. My face was shoved in a pillow and I tried to be as noiseless as possible. It was inevitable that Granger would here me.

"Sawyer?" she asked. She didn't both waiting for me to open the drapes. "come downstairs."

"Why should I?' I asked, trying to sound as normal as possible.

"Just come on."

I thought about it and went with her. I had nothing to lose. It's not like she was going to take pictures and call people down to make fun of me. She took my hand and because I wanted to be nice for once, I didn't object. I just let her lead me downstairs. Hermione went over to the boys' dormitories and I stopped.

"W-What are you d-doing?" I quit trying to hide my tears since my face was red anyway.

"I can't tell you what you want to hear but Seamus can."

She dragged me up the steps and over to Seamus' bed. He never felt the need to shut his drapes so I was able to see the drool coming out of his open mouth. Hermione shook him awake for me and it didn't take him more than a second to take me downstairs. He scooped me up in the process so I didn't have to walk. Hermione, being as quiet as she is, didn't wake anyone in the process. Potter just stood there, watching it all.

Seamus rubbed my back as I sniffled into his pajamas. He didn't ask me what was wrong and didn't ask me how he could make it better. He just sat there and let me cry until I fell asleep. He stayed with me the whole night and didn't let me stop myself from letting it all out. I had these feelings bottled up for long enough anyway. Now, Potter was just one of the few people to see me cry.

* * *

And if he tells anyone he'll have more than just that lightning scar on his face.


	14. Crush

The next morning, I was still on the couch. It was Saturday morning so I didn't have to worry about going to class. The clock on the wall read 9:30 a.m. Seamus rolls in his sleep so he was away from me. He was face down on the other end with his arse in the air. I had to cover my mouth from laughing. He may be my best friend but that didn't stop me from leaving him there. It was too funny to resist! When I looked down, I was still in my school uniform from the night before. I hadn't even changed into pajamas. That being said, I went upstairs and put on fresh clothes. It was getting colder and I could feel it in the castle. I put on one of the oversized sweaters Ms. Finnegan has made me and went downstairs. It was green with white letters on the back that said "Go Irish!". Seamus and his mom were hardcore Quidditch fans for the Irish. I remembered just how loud they were screaming when I went to the world cup with them both. His mum had taken to me nicely.

Seamus was still asleep when I passed him and left the common room. My stomach was growling and I was in need of food. There was no way I would allow myself to have another fainting spell. And it's not like I would ever get fat, being half veela will do that to you.

The halls were unusually quiet that morning. But, then again, it was 9:30 on a Saturday. Not many students would be up yet. Only the pitter pat of my feet was heard as I walked down the long halls to the Great Hall. Voices and laughter grew louder the closer I came to it. I didn't mind eating alone as long as Seamus and I were on good terms. I normally ate alone on the weekends anyway. He'd never be awake before 11 on weekends. I'd always save him a plate for when he woke up because 11 is when breakfast is over. I made my way into the Great Hall and sat down at a random spot at the Gryffindor table. Looking over everything, nothing was particularly appetizing. I settled for a piece of toast and some chowder. The bowl I made for myself was small but I didn't like eating anyway. I mostly played around with my food before taking the first bight. While most people like their soup hot, I like to wait for it to get cold. That way, I don't have both warm soup and warm bread. I'm just weird like that.

My soup turned in small circles in the bowl and I just waited for it to cool down. I sighed. Breakfast was boring without Seamus.

"Sawyer m'girl!" said someone behind me.

When I looked to see who had called me, I saw none other than Horace Slughorn. So Uncle Albus was right.

"Sawyer," he said. "I've been meaning to speak to you. I must tell you, your work in my class is excellent. Your uncle tells me you think otherwise but I must beg to differ. Bless me for getting all the humble students in my class." he said with a chuckle. I smiled a bit at him, better to play the game. "I've wanted to ask for some time now if you'd like to come to my Christmas party! I know it's a month away but the extra time to get a date is nice. Not that you'll need any help." he nudged my shoulder and I smiled a bit more. "So what do you say?"

"I'd be delighted sir."

"Splendid! Oh, just splendid! I don't know what Snape is talking about. I think you're positively lovely. Not as happy as your sister," my spoon scraped the bottom of the bowl. "but it's not bad too not be cheery all the time. Gets a bit dull I think."

He's just become my favourite teacher.

"How lovely to have both twins in my Club! You're only the second set of twins I have. The Liam sisters will also be there."

I pretended to know who he was talking about because I had no idea who the Liam sisters were.

"Well, I'll leave you to return to your breakfast. Don't want you fainting again now do we?" he chuckled again. My toast crunched in my hand.

"No, we certainly don't." I said through my teeth.

"Alright. Well, good day Sawyer!"

Slughorn walked away and I just let out a relieved sigh. Sometimes he doesn't realize what he says. The chowder was at the temperature I liked so I began eating it. It was okay considering my only other options were bacon, eggs, and cold pancakes. I may like cold soup but cold pancakes are the worst.

When breakfast was finished, I left and went out onto the grounds. My sweater was warm enough for me but I wished I had put on my boots. All I had were thick socks and Mary-Jane's. Not exactly fit for fall/winter weather. With my hands shoved in my pockets I made my way down to Hagrid's hut. It had been quite some time since I had tea with him and now would be a nice time to visit.

My fists were already blotchy from my blood and I could see it through my skin. When I get cold, my blood thickens and I can see veins, sort of shaped like hexagons, under my skin. They're more evident than the average person because my skin is very thin. Hagrid opened the door and looked around a bit before seeing me. He's not used to people being short. I could see his smile underneath his bushy beard.

"Sawyer! How lovely ter see ya!" he said. He waved me inside and I followed.

Hagrid had the fire going and it was nice and toasty in his hut. I quickly declined a rock cake and obliged to some tea instead.

"I put milk in it." said Hagrid. He carefully set the cup down in front of me. "I still remember how ya like it."

"Thank you Hagrid. You're always so kind." I could never put on a fake smile around him.

"Well yer one o' my favourite students Sawyer! I don' know what people mean when they say yer nasty. I think yer great!"

He took a bite out of one of the rock cakes. It hurt my teeth just to hear the crunch.

"So, is tha' cod of a sister givin' yeh trouble?" he said, the smile receding from his bold features.

"Not lately. But, you know she doesn't bother me much during school. She can't get her hand son me with witnesses around." I said with a laugh.

"I don' like how yeh joke about' it. It ain't funny! She's right nasty to yeh and I hate seein' yeh hurt."

"Don't worry Hagrid. I'm a big tough girl, I tie my own shoes and everything!" I put up an arm and flexed the nonexistent muscle underneath my thick sweater. Hagrid boomed a laugh.

"Always silly you were. So how's everything else? Anybody beside Fleur givin' yeh trouble?"

"Dearest Malfoy." I said with a grimace. "He's a peach."

"Oh. I never liked him. He's a big baby. Remember all tha' trouble 'e put me through me first year?"

"How could I forget? A bloody scratch is all it was." "Exa'tly! I don' see why the committee tried ter kill poor Buckbeak. Glad I have him back though."

"You be careful Hagrid. You don't want Malfoy recognizing him."

"Then it's a good thing he ain't in my class. Speakin' o' which, are you in my class?"

I never had the heart to tell Hagrid I didn't want to be. It's nothing against him, I just don't like animals. They smell, they're mean, and they do terrible things on the ground.

"I'm afraid I'm not Hagrid. I had to fill my time with Muggle Studies. It's for the field I want to be in when I come of age. Standard O.W.L. stuff."

"What do yeh want ter be?"

I paused.

"Not sure yet, but I want to work with Muggles." I pulled that excuse right out of my ass.

"Oh. Well aren't you a doll! Not many wizards would think themselves good enough ter be with Muggles. They think they're better."

"But I'm not a wizard, I'm a witch." I said slyly.

Another knock came to the door. My eyebrows furrowed, who could that be.

"One momen'." said Hagrid.

I drank my tea as Hagrid opened the door. It was probably just some teacher. Nothing too important.

"Oh! Hello Harry!"

I choked on my tea and some came out my nose. Lovely, Potter's here.

"Ron, Hermione, come on in!"

I get Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Know-It-All too? Lovelier. The trio seemed faintly surprised that I was here. I just came them a bored look.

"What, Hagrid's not allowed to expand his social circle?" I asked Harry.

Ron seemed keen to sit next to Hermione, and Hermione next to him. He was probably still obsessing over that tattoo thing. Why Granger likes him I'm not quite sure. Potter sat as far away from me as he could. Nice turn of events considering I was always the one who wanted to sit away.

"My four favourite students comin' ter visit me!" said a very happy Hagrid. For his sake, I stayed. But that was the only reason.

"Just thought we'd stop by Hagrid." said Hermione. A book was held in her small hands and a bookmark was carefully placed in the middle of the hundreds of pages.

"The first Quidditch game is coming up!" said Harry. Leave it to Potter to say something about Quidditch.

"This late? Why are they postponing it. Woulda' thought they'd o' gone sooner."

"Well, Dumbledore's been gone a lot so we couldn't well play without the headmaster authorizing it. At least, that's what Madame Hooch told us."

"Who are we going against first?" asked Ron. He was on the team again like last year. He's okay in my opinion. And as much as I don't like Potter, he's a damn good Quidditch player.

"Slytherin." said Potter.

I grinned from ear to ear.

"We'll win right?" I said, speaking for the first time. All eyes were focused on me. "And in the process, Potter, could you maybe knock Malfoy off his broom?" Hagrid boomed a laugh. "But he could seriously get hurt."

"That's the point." said Ron and I at the same time.

Neither of us like Malfoy. Well, I sort of do.

Wait! No I don't. but, just in case, if anyone were to think I liked him I could pretend I don't and be really mean to him!

Oh, that's just fantastic. I have the logic of a first grader.

"I'm not going to knock him off his broom." said Potter, though his eyes told me he really wanted to. "As much as I want to, he'll get hurt and I'll get in trouble."

"Fine."

"Why didn't you ever try out for Quidditch?" asked Hermione.

"Are you kidding? I'm the worst flyer in the school."

"You can't be the _worst_." said Ron.

"You want a bet? Playing Quidditch is like playing Russian Roulette for me. I can barely stay on five seconds. You should see the injuries I've gotten. Hagrid here would always stitch me up after practice." I beamed a smile at him.

"And other things." said Hagrid now with a solemn look. He was talking about Fleur, and of the trio, only Potter would understand him.

I put my teacup down and got up, smoothing out my skirt.

"I think I should go Hagrid."

"So soon?" he asked.

"Yes. Seamus more than likely is still asleep and I have a lot of homework to do. I'm very sorry."

He gave me a bone crushing hug and I waved goodbye. The three were all staring at me like I was mad. None of them were used to me being nice.

On my way back to the common room, I thought if there actually was any homework to be done. I had a Transfiguration assignment and an essay for Binns in History of Magic. The prat assigned three rolls of parchment. Three! What a lovely weekend this will be.

Seamus was sitting up on the couch and rubbing the back of his head. His hair was sticking up in random places and I had to stifle a laugh. It wasn't very hard when I saw the look of depression on his face.

"What's wrong Seamus?" I asked. He moved his head up, acknowledging my presence.

"It's nothing." "No, you have to tell me now. I've tried to be nice but now I can't stand it. What's wrong?"

He paused and I saw his free hand gripping the couch. He always did that when he was nervous.

"It's…a girl."

"A girl?" I asked, fairly shocked. Seamus never had trouble with girls. He hasn't had many girlfriends but he gets them fairly quickly once he sets his mind to it.

"Yeah."

"Okay…so what's the problem with her? Is she a Finnegan?"

He punched me in the arm and I couldn't help but laugh. But, he didn't. he was being very serious.

"The problem is, she likes someone else."

"Oh. Well it's probably just a crush, you can just-"

"It's not a crush. She loves him."

"Oh….how do you know?"

Seamus' face looked hurt.

"It's obvious. Just my luck that I want the one girl who's beyond unavailable."

"Do I know this girl?"

"Everyone does, but you aren't friends with her."

"Well gee, that narrows it down."

"I don't want you to know just yet. No one knows."

"Why can't I know? I'm your best friend!"

"Because I don't want you to give her looks or meddle."

"Me?' I pretended to be shocked. "Meddle? Never!"

"I know you would. You'll know when I know."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'll tell you when I'm sure I'm in love with her."

"Good grief Seamus! You're really serious! What brought this on?"

"I've had a crush on her for a while now…just minor, nothing serious. But this year, she's just so grown up, and she's so much smarter and she's stronger. And now, other boys are starting to like her and it's making me realize that I need to get serious about her. But, even if I wanted to, I can't. because she's in love with someone else. And I can't compete with him."

"Who can't you compete with?!"

Seamus is one of the most handsome boys in the school and that's a fact! Who would he have to compete with?

"You wouldn't think he's anybody but he's somebody to her. If he means that much, I can't compete."

Seamus sighed. I tried to pat his shoulder but he stood up too quick.

"You mind if I go outside? I kind of want to be alone."

"Oh, alright." I said.

Seamus left the common room and I tried to rack my brain and think of all the girls he's ever liked.

First was me, but that was in first year and I made it clear we'd never be more than friends. He got over that.

Then there was Padma Patil, which I'll never understand.

In third year, he liked Hermione. But he could never ask her out because she was always surrounded by Potter and Weasley.

The Weaslette was in fourth year. His crush on her effectively ended the one on Hermione.

Fifth year was Scarlett Weatherton. He never mentioned if he'd gotten over her.

And now this year, some new girl. But, if he's already had a crush on her, he'd have told me already.

Padma has a crush on Harry, but she's certainly not in love with him.

Hermione obviously likes Ron.

Ginny more than obviously likes Dean Thomas.

And Scarlett. Scarlett is a 7th year Ravenclaw with bright red hair, freckles, and she's very tall. Lots of guys like her. As far as I know, she's dating Ernie Macmillan and they seem really close. I never see one without the other anymore.

So, Padma's out. She's not in love with anyone. That leaves, Hermione, Ginny, and Scarlett. And I'm not friends with any of those girls. Of the three, Scarlett seems like the most likely candidate. She's pretty, she's smart, I'm not friends with her (she's too bubbly), and she liked someone else. It has to be her.

I couldn't tell Seamus I'd figured out who it was he liked. He would deny it like there was no tomorrow. While to most, that would be a sign, for Seamus it could go either ways. He could seriously be saying no or he could be trying to hide it. I have yet to tell which.

"Did you hear?" whispered a voice in the corner. Two third years were talking only a few feet away. I thought it was just pointless gossip so I got up to leave. But then they peaked my interest. "Katie Bell, one of the Chasers, she was possessed!"

"What?" said the other girl.

"It was last week, after going to Hogsmeade! Apparently it was some poison necklace!"

"But if it was last week then why are we hearing now?"

"The teachers wanted to keep it all hush, hush. They didn't want us to know."

"Oh my gosh!" exclaimed one of the girls. I stood there, quietly listening.

How had I not known? Surely it would've gotten around school somehow. I guess the teachers did a good job of keeping it quiet. It happened in Hogsmeade.

Ugh, Hogsmeade.

Another trip for the 6th years would be in two weeks. Maybe Malfoy and I would snog again.

Butterflies filled my stomach. My own feelings were betraying me! How dare butterflies flutter around when I hate him with every fiber of my being!

Forget it. I'll just do some homework and take my mind off of him.

Only five minutes into Charms and I get interrupted. Holiday tapped on the end of my bed and I opened the drapes.

"Yes Holiday?" I asked.

"The name is Holly!" she said with rosy cheeks.

"Whatever. What do you want?"

"Someone at the door for you. He's not a Gryffindor."

"Who is it?"

"Draco Malfoy."

* * *

Say WHAT?!?!?!


	15. Revenge

The butterflies were back and I wanted to spray bug spray on them. How dare they? I closed my Charms book and slowly got out of bed. Hopefully I wasn't looking to eager or looking like I was trying not to look too eager. Holiday didn't seem to notice. She didn't follow me down the stairs either. The portrait door was wide open and everyone watched me go down the steps and walk to Malfoy. I glared at every one of them.

"What're you all staring at? Go back to your knitting!"

I slammed the portrait shut and the Fat Lady huffed and crossed her arms.

"What in God's name could you want Malfoy?" I hissed. My arms crossed as well. "What could possibly be so important that you had to bother me on a Saturday?"

"Why is your sister bothering me so much?" he asked. My lips pursed and I tried to hide the smile. He doesn't like her.

Not that I'm happy about that.

"That's all you want?"

"Yes! I want to know why she won't leave me alone!"

"Malfoy, you do know I don't speak to my sister unless I absolutely have to. And I avoid that with every available power to me."

"Okay, but that doesn't explain anything. She's being weird and I don't know why."

"She likes you dumbass."

"No she doesn't! She's plotting something!"

"So if a girl likes you she's plotting something? That's the most ridi- actually I can see where you would come up with something like that."

"Oh shut up!"

"Ahem!" said the Fat Lady. "I know she's rude but she is still a lady! You will treat her with respect!"

"Did your mother teach you no manners Malfoy?" I asked. The Fat Lady was now in my good books.

"She taught me how to treat ladies. You are most certainly not a lady."

I felt like slapping him.

"Then what, pray tell, am I Malfoy?"

"If you don't even know, then how can I? I don't think they have a name for your species yet."

"Interesting, because they have a name for yours."

Malfoy glared.

"It's called Pompous Ass."

All of a sudden I was being crushed to the Fat Lady by Malfoy's body.

"Good Lord boy! Get her off of my portrait! I don't want either of you on it!" she yelled.

Malfoy roughly grabbed me and tossed me against a wall in a nearby hallway, still in view of the Fat Lady.

"You're starting to really get on my nerves with your little quips." he said.

"Really? Because I was going for mildly agitated."

"Why do you do this to me?"

"Do what? Give you what you deserve? I would think that was kind of obvious."

"No! Pretend you hate me!"

My greatest fears have been realized.

"I don't know what you-"

"Of course you do! You and I both know about your feelings for me!"

"You mean my feelings of utter loathing and how much I detest you?"

My cheeks were dark red and now his were too. This was awkward for both of us.

"Let me guess, Nott told you this rubbish?"

"As a matter of fact he did!"

"And did you, for one second, think of how ludicrous that is?"

"No! Well, I did but Nott is never wrong!"

"Wow, can't argue with that logic." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Oh shut up. We both know it's true."

"No it's not! And where do you come in all of this? What did you think was going to happen? I would confess my undying love for you and you'd sweep me off my feet?"

"Only if it ends with me dropping you in the lake."

A chill ran up my spine at the thought of the lake. It still freaked me out.

"I just wanted to see if it was true."

"Yes, because that's the only reason you're here. If anything Malfoy, you have feelings for me!"

He nose rubbed my jaw line and my breath was caught in my throat.

"Would that be so bad?" he whispered.

He looked into my eyes for a second before kissing me. Fire erupted in the pit of my stomach and I didn't know what to do. The kiss was just as hot as the first time but this one was slower, making it more sensual. Again, I remembered myself.

"Get off me!" I said, and I pushed him off. He looked surprised that I rejected him. "You must be stark raving mad!" I yelled. The butterflies were going wild and I wiped the saliva from my mouth. My heart was beating so fast that I was sure I would have a heart attack.

And then Malfoy did something I didn't expect, he smiled. He laughed a little and put his hand in his pocket. His other hand ran through his hair. It wasn't slicked back like normal and now it was tousled. I had to resist the urge of walking toward him.

Half of me was torn. On the one hand, I wanted to pound him for trying to snog me again. On the other, I wanted to grab him and take things to the next level. He'd never looked so good to me until now.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

I had to get away. I had to run. I can't deal with this.

"Nott said you would react this way. He has you pegged."

"Oh really? Did you think he knew I would react like this because I honestly don't fancy you? It _is_ possible for a woman to reject your charms Malfoy."

He smirked.

"You are a woman indeed." his eyes traveled all over me and I felt violated and flattered.

"Stop it! You're such a pig! And when did this flirty side come out?"

"It's always been there, I just never wasted it on you. You aren't the only sexy woman in this castle you know."

My heart stopped.

"You think I'm sexy?"

"Of course I do!" he said acting like I was stupid for saying that.

I hid my smile.

"That being said, there's more than one of you." I knew where he was going with this. "I might just take up your sister on her offer."

"Her offer?" I asked. The butterflies had now burned in the bile arising in my throat at the thought of my sister. The only thing worse than her, is Malfoy liking her.

"Yes. You may be able to resist my charms but that doesn't mean she can."

"You said not five minutes ago that you thought she was planning something! You thought she was strange!"

"That may be, but I might be inclined to accept her advances. If she is planning anything, I'm sure it will be well worth it. And even if it's not," he said, advancing toward me. "At least I'll have some fun first."

I was breathing fast and hard like a raging bull. Malfoy was enjoying my frustration to the fullest and I was ready to pound on him for it.

"And, the best part of it all," he continued. "Is that you will be so consumed with jealousy, that you'll soon follow and beg me to take you! I get the twin package!" he laughed.

I kneed him in his family jewels and he went down almost immediately. I heard him whimpering on the ground and I couldn't even find it in me to smirk. I was too angry.

"Don't get too cocky." I whispered in his ear. "You might be taking on more than you can handle with that theory."

I backed away and he was glaring at me.

"You want both of us? You couldn't even handle half of _me_."

I walked away, back to the portrait. She was trying to see if Malfoy was okay.

"Billywig." I said. We were far enough away to where Malfoy couldn't hear.

"Fine." she said. "But that was very rude."

"Did you hear the way he was talking to me?"

"It was still rude!"

I walked into the common room with a smug smile and made my way back upstairs. All eyes were on me because everyone wanted to know why Malfoy wanted to speak to me. I would never tell anyone but Seamus what happened, and since he wasn't there, I'd have to tell him later.

Now Malfoy had kissed me twice. Twice! I felt so weird! It was different. I wasn't really sure if I liked it or not. I kind of regretted pushing Malfoy off of me. I would've liked to see where that would go.

_No! No! You traitor!_

I can't help it!

_Oh yes you can!_

I sighed. My Charms homework was the least of my problems at the moment so I didn't even bother opening the book. I lay on my back and stared at the ceiling. When I closed my eyes all I could see was Malfoy's stupid smirk.

"Argh!" I screamed. This was so frustrating! All I can think of is Malfoy and his stupid face!

I needed a walk. I needed to get Malfoy off my mind!

I changed into dark wash jeans and kept my sweater on. My hands were nice in cozy in my pockets and I wandered around the snow covered grounds. It was a very light snow, but thick enough to where everything was white. My nose was red, as were my cheeks and lips. Other than that, I practically blended with the scenery. My hair and skin were light enough to.

I argued with myself about Malfoy.

What could be so bad?

Are you kidding? What good can come of this?

I don't know! I'm you!

Which sucks because both of us are confused!

You have a point.

This makes no sense! Maybe you should talk to him.

No! The last thing I should do is talk to him!

Well, you have to talk to someone.

I'll just wait until I see Seamus again.

I felt something hard in the pocket of my sweater. It was cold, like metal. I pulled it out and examined it. It was my old pocket knife. Uncle Albus had given it to me specifically for self protection when I was alone. I would carry it around when I was in Muggle territory. You can never be too careful with them. He had charmed the knife with a spell I didn't know to make it sharper and more useful. I hadn't seen the knife in quite some time and maybe now was a good time to carry it again. I could fend myself from Malfoy. A smile came to my face at that thought.

I kept my head down and watched my feet as I took more and more steps. My head looked up to the owlery. That was a pretty tall place. When I want to be alone, I like to go to a high point and look out at nature. I didn't feel like going all the way to my bedroom so the owlery would be the next best thing for now.

My feet carried me up the stone steps and I was pretty winded from going up the stairs. It hurt to breathe in deep from the bite in the cold air. I calmed down and waited to regain my breath before continuing. The closer I got to the owlery, the more I heard voices. They were low so I had to listen hard to hear them. They sounded familiar.

"I…I don't want to do this." said one. It was very whiny.

"You have to!" hissed the other. I recognized that hiss as Fleur. If she's with someone whiny, it has to be Pansy.

"But…it's dangerous!" Pansy pleaded. What are they on about?

"I don't care! We have orders! What would your parents think?"

"D-Don't bring them into this! I don't want to be like them!"

"You don't want to be in good company with him? Is that what you're saying?" said Fleur.

"Lower your voice!" she said.

"Oh please Pansy," replied Fleur. "No one cans hear us. We're alone! If someone were coming up, we'd hear them!"

"But-"

"No buts! Just mail the damn letter!"

"You've gotten really mean Fleur." she whimpered.

"And you're a wimp! True to your name Pansy, you really are. You're a Parkinson! Do you know what that title means?"

"Y-Yes! I know who my family is! I know where they stand!"

I listened harder to try and understand what they were talking about.

"Good! Now you have to live up to that title! Follow in your parents' footsteps! Or I will!"

"Y-You do it! I don't want to."

I heard shuffling of feet. Fleur must've pushed her aside.

"Fine. You are so pathetic." said Fleur.

I heard the fluttering of wings and saw a brown owl fly away.

"I mailed it to Bella."

"B-Bella?" asked Pansy.

"Of course! Who else would I mail it to? Did you think I would send it to the Dark Lord himself?"

Whoa. What?

**WHAT**?

"N-No….I don't know."

"Honestly Pansy. You're so disappointing. And you call yourself a Death Eater?"

Oh.

My.

_God_.

Fleur and Pansy are Death Eaters.

They'll be coming down soon! Fleur will know I've been listening. WHAT DO I DO?

I looked around frantically trying to think of what to do. I couldn't run, she'd hear, I could jump off, that would be stupid. I decided I'd pretend to be sending a letter. I put on an emotionless face and walked straight into the lion's den. Only five steps and I saw Fleur. A cold sweat broke on my face and I hoped she couldn't see it. Her eyes widened a bit and I saw her grit her teeth. Pansy looked like she would pee her pants.

"Kindly remove yourself from my way sister, I've a letter to send."

I knew she wouldn't move so I rolled my eyes and went around her. This was the most dangerous role I'd played. She could very well toss me over the side and I would plummet to my death. I hadn't mastered Occlumency yet so I was completely vulnerable. All that was left was a wand in my pocket that wasn't fast enough.

And then I remembered. I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING LETTER!

I dug through my pockets and found a crumpled up note that Seamus and I had sent to each other during class. This was the luckiest day of my life. I tied it to my tawny owl Merry and watched her fly away. I didn't even tell her who to send it to.

"Who was that for?" asked Fleur.

I pivoted my head and saw her tapping her foot with her arms crossed.

"You don't have any friends."

"I sent it to Ms. Finnegan. Seamus wanted me to send her something." I said with narrowed eyes. I was skating on thin ice right now.

Fleur slowly made her way to me and examined me. I couldn't crack. If I did, bad things would happen. Things I didn't want to think of. She looked right into my eyes and I hid any hint of fear. I glared at her like I always do and moved from her stare. I tried to walk away and make it look like I was just irritated with her. Of course that wouldn't fly.

While I was about to leave the owlery, I felt a hand grab my hair. It was let down and flowing down my back so it was an easy target. I could tell the difference between Fleur holding something with her hand or with her mind. Today she decided to grab my hair the old fashioned way like she did when we were children.

"Don't bullshit me Sawyer." she said.

I can't give in. I can't confess.

"Get your hands off me!" I yelled. "I didn't do anything!"

"Don't lie!" she yelled. She roughly tugged on my hair and I screamed. My hands went to my head. "I'll rip your hair out!"

"For what? I didn't do anything!"

She paused. She was obviously wondering if I was telling the truth. I was lying but she didn't have to know that.

"Fine." she said. "I believe you."

I expected her to let me go so I put my hands down. She yanked my hair as hard as she could and I screamed.

"But that doesn't mean I'll let go!" she yelled.

Fleur had finally snapped. Pansy was crying now.

"Shut up Pansy!" Fleur barked. Her normally silver voice was rough and wild.

I felt tears come to my eyes from the pain. She can't take my hair. She can't take the one thing I have left!

Fleur continued to pull and yank at my hair and I was convinced she'd do it until she took out a whole chunk. Pansy's crying grew louder with my screams. I couldn't take it anymore.

I had to do it.

I couldn't fight it any longer.

If I try to curse her, she'll snap my wand in half.

I have to do it.

I took out the pocket knife in my pocket and I cut as much of my hair as I could.

Seeing the knife made her let me go. I was free from her clutches and I ran down the stone steps as fast as I could I pointed my wand out and screamed.

"ACCIO BROOM!"

The owlery wasn't far from the Quidditch pitch so a broom flew to me within seconds. I jumped on it and, despite my horrid flying skills, I flew as fast as the broom would allow. I was slipping from it and the broom jerked back and forth without my willing.

I couldn't cry. My vision would blur. I had to find a place that was safe. Somewhere. Anywhere.

The further I flew from the castle, the closer I came to Hogsmeade.

I flew behind a few trees where no one was. My landing was awful and I felt twigs and branches cut my cheeks. The cold snow made the stinging hurt less but I knew it wouldn't look pretty. I slowly picked myself up and when I looked down I saw pieces of hair. Some of the hair I had cut had not fallen off completely. Seeing it on the ground made me want to cry. I felt it with my hands to see how long it was.

My hair. My beautiful white blonde hair. It was gone.

What used to be down to my elbows, now sat at the very top of my shoulders.

On top of that, my face was red and puffy. My nose was runny from the cold and I was bleeding in some places. My nose was as red as a cherry.

I felt ugly.

I couldn't just leave my hair the way it was. The knife was still in my fist and as I released it I realized how far it had cut into my skin. I had been clenching it and know my hand was covered in blood. I cut what was left of my hair as cleanly as possible. I stared at it against the white snow. It made me sick to think I was so connected to something like hair but when you take as much care of yours as I do of mine, you may understand.

* * *

Fleur would most certainly pay for this. I'm not letting this go.


	16. Nice

The broom was near me and I flew it back to the castle. Taking one thing at a time was the best solution. First, just go back to the castle. Try to get some sleep, and see where you are then. Don't focus on tomorrow until it comes.

That sounds good. I can do that.

I didn't even bother putting the broom back in the shed. It didn't really matter. I didn't want to see anyone so I stayed by the shed with an artificial spell-made fire for a few hours. Seeing peoples' reaction to my hair was at the bottom of the list of things I wanted to do. It was well past evening by the time I finally headed back. I wanted it to be during a time there wouldn't be anyone in the halls. By now, most were asleep so I didn't run into anyone. My instincts told me to be with someone I could trust. I needed support. And who was always there to lean on? A young sandy haired boy who drooled on his pillow while he slept. While I didn't find that as amusing as usual, I did find his vulnerable state comfortable. I needed to know he was vulnerable too. Maybe not as much as me but it was something.

I slowly lifted the blanket and put it around me. The draft around him woke him and he wasn't frightened at all to find someone in his bed. We'd been in this situation more than once. Not in a dirty way, mind you!

"Sawyer?" he whispered. "What time is it?"

"I don't know." I said. "Light your wand Seamus." I whispered.

He was still half asleep and the silhouette of his face told me he was confused.

"What? Why?"

"Just do it."

He fumbled around the bedside table and found his wand. I was up, closing the curtains. The light would wake up the boys around us and I didn't want that. For now, I wanted only Seamus to know. The wand was held between us and the tension in my stomach built.

"Lumos." he said.

At first, he had to close his eyes from the sudden light, but when they adjusted he opened them. My eyes were closed and I sighed. When I caught his expression I sighed.

"Do you like it?" my voice cracked. The plastic smile was melting despite my attempts.

He said nothing. Seamus put a hand behind my head and pulled me toward him. I just wanted someone warm. Someone to hold me. Seamus was most definitely that someone. I knew how tired Seamus was because I felt his head bobbing up and down. He was going in and out of sleep and I didn't want to keep him up anymore.

"Sleep." I said. I pulled my head away. "You know you want to."

"Fine." he said. "But don't go."

I smiled.

"I wasn't going to." I said. Seamus laughed. "How'd you know?"

"After five years, you get to know someone pretty well don't you think?"

I put the blanket over me and just rested. Seamus was asleep in minutes. His back was to me and his snoring filled the silence. Well, his and Ron's. whenever we would sleep together like this, and not in a dirty way, we were never in intimate positions. Both of us liked our space when we slept. If I did fall asleep with my arm around him or vice versa, we'd wake the next morning on opposite corners. It was just habit.

That way, if someone found us before we awoke, our positions wouldn't be compromising. All thoughts of the incident were in the back of my mind. I tried not to think about them and get some sleep. This tactic never worked but I always tried. It took at least an hour for me to fall asleep and I didn't even know what time it was. It could've been four in the morning and it wouldn't matter. Fleur picked a good day to mess with me because it was now Sunday. I had no classes today so I could spend a day without having hundreds of people trying to sink in my new look while I was trying to handle it myself.

The next morning, I was by myself. Seamus was already up and my new hair was now a mess. I opened the curtain and scared Neville as he put on his shoes. He took in my figure. I was wearing the same clothes from before and my hair was a mess. He was more confused to see Seamus wasn't there.

"We didn't sleep together you idiot." I said. You'd think by now people would understand we weren't a couple.

"I wasn't thinking that." he lied. His eyebrows furrowed. "Your hair." he said.

I blushed. This was the first time I had done this in Neville's presence. I didn't like it. He noticed that it was a touchy subject and tip toed around his words.

"I like it." he said. This was unexpected. Neville had actually made me feel better.

My hand unconsciously felt the air where my hair used to be. I ran a hand through the new hair and tried not to cringe. When my hand ran out of hair I felt like crying. I wanted it back.

Without replying to him, or thanking him, I left the room. The common room was bustling with energy and activity and I am being entirely literal when I say it all stopped when I entered the room. Not only were people wrapping their brains around the fact that I'd just walked out of the boys' dormitory (with my same attire none the less) but my new hair shocked everyone. Not once had it gone even an inch above my elbows and now it was to my collar bone. Shock and dismay ensued the room.

I made eye contact with no one as I walked out of the common room. My first destination would be to Madame Pomfrey. To me, this was a medical emergency.

Boys would glance at me and some people thought I was a new student, but when they saw my scowl, they knew it was me. After that they steered away. I already wasn't one to cross when I was happy, but when I was angry absolutely no one would approach me. Not unless they wanted a curse-salad. It took mere minutes to stomp to the Hospital Wing and seconds to find Madame Pomfrey. Two glances at my hair and she ushered me to a bed.

"What on Earth happened?" she asked.

"Of little importance," I replied. "Can you fix it?"

"If I couldn't would I still be here?'

"Touché."

She pointed her wand at me and muttered a spell. I expected to feel my hair magically grow but nothing happened. She looked just as confused and I and tried again. Nothing.

"Prolato! Successio! Spatiosus! Proventus! Prosilio!" she said.

Nothing happened.

"Did someone hex it short?" she asked.

"No. I cut it."

She looked confused.

"If you cut it then-"

"Not of my own will." I cut her off.

"Do you have whatever it is you used?"

I shoved my hand in my pocket and took out the knife. She examined it closely but Madame Pomfrey fixes cuts and bruises, she's not a dark arts expert.

"Come on. This isn't my area of expertise."

She and I left the Hospital Wing and went to Snape's classroom. I didn't want him to see me until Monday night when we would have our lesson, but he was one of only two people who could help. The other, being Uncle Albus, who was somewhere doing something. Story of his life. I wondered what would happen when he opened the door.

_Hello Professor Snape! I was just wondering, even though we aren't close at all whatsoever and you probably hate me with every fiber of your being, if you could find it deep inside your heart to help a poor girl in need. What is my problem you ask? Well, this emergency would entail me having a bad hairdo. Fleur has given it to me because she's just so lovely. Do you think you could take some time out of your surely uneventful day to help me?_

Well, one can hope.

Snape opened the door with his normal scowl. Sometimes I wondered if his emotions even varied at all.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Good morning professor." said Madame Pomfrey, positively cheery. Snape looked sickened. "Being that your area of expertise would be Dark Arts, we were wondering if you could help us understand why Sawyer's hair isn't growing back."

This was the first time he'd noticed half my hair was gone.

"She used this to cut it." she said and handed him the knife.

It didn't take Snape long to put two and two together. He'd known Fleur and I long enough to decipher that I wasn't the one who chose to do this to my hair. It had been the same since I was a toddler. He let us in without saying a word. Snape went to his desk and turned the knife over in his hands. He opened and closed it over and over. He finally took out his wand and muttered curses and counter curses. The knife hadn't budged.

"This knife is charmed. Who gave it to you?" he asked me.

"Uncle Albus. He gave it to me for protection." I replied. Now I was scared.

"This isn't a normal knife. He charmed it to be more dangerous than average. And the fact that it's magic, means it's more lethal."

Madame Pomfrey and I stood there waiting for him to tell us the answer we were waiting for.

"As in, your hair won't grow back with magic. You'll have to do it the old fashioned way."

He tossed the knife back to me but I didn't catch it. It hit the floor and I hadn't even noticed. My hair wasn't growing back.

Hair wasn't growing back.

Wasn't growing back.

**Not growing back.**

This couldn't be happening. Fleur had officially taken my one outstanding physical trait. My long beautiful hair. I suppose next she would colour it purple and make it permanent! This wasn't real.

"How long?" I said with a dry mouth.

"At least a year." replied Madame Pomfrey. I could see the sympathy in her eyes. Though she didn't know the entire story, she and the entire Hogwarts staff knew what my hair meant to me. No one was allowed to cut it except for myself, no one was allowed to touch it except for myself, no one was allowed to groom it except for myself.

Fuck. My. Life.

I immediately became irrational. I took the closest thing to me and threw it over. I was out the door before I could even see what I destroyed. Knowing Snape, he would get me in some serious trouble. But, after our recent encounters, he'd grown softer toward me and he brushed it off. I stomped down the halls of Hogwarts pushing anyone in my reach. I hated everyone. I hated everything. Nothing could make me any angrier.

I was every variation of furious in the English language!

As if this day couldn't be any worse, Malfoy walked out of the nearest classroom. Both of us hesitated in our steps when our eyes met. For a split second, I could swear my body felt a little lighter. But that feeling abandoned me when I thought of how he was judging my new look. I convinced myself I didn't care but a tiny voice in the back of my head told me otherwise.

Malfoy took a step back and took in my look as a whole. He looked at the short hair, the day old ensemble, and the red colour adorning my now embarrassed face. (He was particularly amused by that.) I tucked some hair behind my ear and avoided eye contact. If I even looked at him I felt like my insides would explode.

_Get out._

My conscious was telling me. I had to. I had to run.

_Kind of like you always do?_

My feet were moving but they stopped before I could get away. He had caught me and I didn't know what to do. I prepared myself for a verbal lashing but it never came. I guess Malfoy could sense I was in pain.

Or maybe the giant expression "Leave me be!" was a good enough hint.

"It looks nice." he said.

We stood like that for a moment. I looked in his eyes trying to find a hint of a lie. I never found it. He was sincere. Completely honest.

"Doth mine ears deceive me?" I asked. "Has the shrew been tamed?"

There was a hint of a smile but he was too proud to give me that satisfaction. He wiped it off and left no trace behind.

"I wouldn't go that far." he replied.

He let go of my arm and turned away. My lips were pursed. Were we…nice? No. He's too arrogant. I'm too stubborn. Not possible.

_You're falling for it. _Fuck you conscience.

_I'm right._

I said fuck you!

_Too bad!_

I'm not going to do it. I've never fancied him and I never will.

* * *

We'll see.


	17. Vantage

I didn't like getting used to my new hair. It bothered me that I didn't feel anything brushing up against my rib cage when I moved my head slightly. It bothered me that ivory strands weren't constantly being brushed away from my parchment. And it bothered me that everyone kept staring. They had nothing else to do with themselves, I suppose. Whatever the case, it pissed me off.

Today was DADA. Joy. A whole period with Snivellus and a group of 6th year Hufflepuffs. At least it's better than being with the Slytherins. I'd rather be with Ernie MacMillan that with Draco.

A shiver ran up my spine.

When had he become Draco? Wasn't he always just Malfoy?

Another shiver.

Stop thinking about him. Just go to class and stop thinking about him. Talk to Seamus. Just do something that doesn't involve thinking about Dra-

"So Seamus," I said, interrupting my thoughts. "We didn't have any homework did we?"

"Only the essay copied from you. It was about red caps I think. As long as I pass I don't really care."

"What do you think we'll be doing this time?"

"Who knows? Probably more book work. I'm so tired of that."

"You and the rest of the class." I said with a sigh.

We were amongst the last to sit at our desks. The room was filled with small chatter and shifting bags. I said nothing to Seamus. My mind was elsewhere. He was preoccupied with his list of homework from other classes. Seamus never does anything until the last minute and his list of things to-do continued growing. He frantically tried thinking of ways to finish his work while I daydreamed.

My eyes found their way to the golden trio's table. Granger was bickering with Weasley about something meaningless. She shut her mouth as soon as Lavender Brown ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. Weasley looked as if he were being hugged by a troll. His eyes averted to Granger who shut her book rather loudly and moved to the opposite side of the table beside Potter. Potter didn't seem to notice. He was as uninterested by their quarrel as I was.

Potter daydreamed just as I was. His eyes wandered the room until he turned around and they met mine. I didn't move. I stared right back at him. Neither of us flinched but it was getting a bit uncomfortable. He turned back around, as did I. I wondered what went on in that big head of his.

* * *

Harry Potter.

* * *

I had just caught Sawyer's gaze. I looked into them for a moment. She was only two tables away from mine. Her eyes had such a cold, silver exterior but if I looked hard enough, the blue was rather warm. Her eyes were among the many things about Sawyer I found interesting. Her outer appearance was duo-toned. At first glance, she looked so touch and harsh. But a closer examination would suggest a very soft, feminine look.

"Open your books."

So ends the daydream.

Snape went to the front of the room and wrote on the chalkboard. He wrote down one word.

Inferi.

"Open your books to page 597." he said. His eyes scanned the room to make sure everyone did as he said.

When I got to the page, I saw a very disturbing picture of a human. It looked dead.

"Inferi," said Snape "are dead bodies controlled by a witch or wizard."

A unanimous "Ew." went around the room.

"They are very hard to stop, as they are dead. The only thing that repels them is heat or light. This is the lesson you will learn today."

Something inside me told me to pay attention but I found that almost impossible. Snape droned on about light spells and fire spells, neither of which I was interested in. my eyes began to shut when he said aloud,

"Today you will practice these spells. Everyone form two single file lines."

The class got up sluggishly and divided between Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs. Snape waited until we were quiet before he spoke again.

"You will each cast the light spell, Lux Lucis. Those of you who use Lumos, will fail. Lumos is not nearly strong enough to put off an inferus. You will point your wand toward the orb-" he pointed to a single orb sitting on the stand at the back of the room, "So not to blind your classmates. If the cast is strong enough, the orb will absorb your cast. If not, it will reflect off of the orb and blind you temporarily. So I suggest you get it right the first time. Hufflepuff first."

The class went through several fails and only a few successes. Hermione was the first to have the orb absorb her light. The only other was Genus Anthem. He was a Hufflepuff boy that said nothing and always got top marks. My turn had come and I failed. I fell over because of the blinding light, only to be very forcefully pulled at the arm by Snape and thrown at the end of the line before I was able to catch myself.

The others tried and failed. No one seemed to be doing anything right. And Snape wasn't exactly very nice about it.

"I am ashamed that a group of 6th years can't even perform a menial task as casting a proper Lux Lucis charm. You will all be writing three rows of parchment on the charm for homework to show you what you've been doing wrong."

The class moaned in unison. Leave it to Snape to assign us three rows of parchment on a subject we could even write half a page about. Ron and I would copy off of Hermione as per usual.

"Next." growled Snape.

Sawyer walked up to the front and suddenly my attention went to her. Up until that point I was watching the plimpies in Snape's water tank.

Sawyer took a deep breath before putting her wand out in front of her. Unlike all the others who had practically yelled the spell, she whispered it so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

For a moment nothing came out of her wand until a blast of light so powerful came out that I had to turn away. The orb absorbed the light but it still shined. People were screaming in agony and yelling at her to make it stop. I wasn't able to see her face so I wouldn't be able to tell you her reaction.

Only until Sawyer moved her wand did the light cease. We all had to rub our eyes for a moment before we could see again. Even Snape had to hold something so he wouldn't fall over. The class was silent and Sawyer went to the back of the line as if nothing had happened. She didn't look surprised or happy. Though the latter was not surprising. She walked to the back of the class with a sour look and acted as if she too had failed.

Everyone stared. She was looking out the window completely disinterested. No one made a single sound and Snape was still rubbing his eyes trying to see. Of course, none of us expected him to give her congratulations. I wouldn't be surprised if he gave her a year's worth of detention. Finally Ernie MacMillan snapped.

"What the hell was that?"

Leave it to Ernie to be so gentle.

"Miss Dumbledore, kindly try not to blind us. If you want to show off do it in another class." said Snape. "That's enough for today. I think if we're exposed to anymore light, it may cause permanent damage. You can practice it on your own. With goggles."

A few of the students started laughing.

"What are goggles?" chortled Susan.

"You know, it wouldn't hurt if some of you took Muggle Studies for just one term!" yelled Hermione.

She blushed from becoming the center of attention and brushed some hair behind her ear.

"Just a suggestion." she whispered.

"Class dismissed. Everyone get out." said Snape.

People slowly shuffled to get their things but no one wanted to leave

"Why'd you do that Sawyer?" asked Ernie. There he goes, being gentle again.

"Go piss up a flagpole, MacMillan." she replied.

"I'm sorry?"

"You should be."

Sawyer plowed through the rest of students and Seamus was hot at her heels. Sawyer never really showed off in classes and was mildly good at charms. This fact is why I was so confused as to how she produced such a blinding lights. Since no one else knew, Hermione was probably the only person who had an inkling of a clue.

"Hermione," I said to her. "Why was Sawyer's charm so much more powerful than anyone else's?"

"Maybe if you paid any attention in this class or History of Magic you would know."

Ron and I both glared.

"But, seeing as you never do, it's because she's half veela."

"She's half veela?"

"How else do you explain her looks, Ronald?" Hermione looked extremely irritable. I supposed she might be jealous.

"Well, I don't know! I thought she was just really pretty."

Hermione rolled her eyes. I made no such gesture because I didn't know she was half veela either.

"Veela are especially talented with light charms. It's why they glow. Have you ever noticed how Sawyer and Fleur have a glowy quality to their skin?"

Ron and I nodded.

"See? Veela. I'm surprised Snape even let her do that charm. You would think he'd know better."

"How do you know she's half veela?" asked Ron.

"I've read enough books to recognize the traits. Beauty is the most obvious one. The silver quality in her eyes and hair is another, as is the glowing quality in her skin. Veela are typically small which explains why she's short, and her small nose is also pixie-like, like a veela. Traits that are human are the blue in her eyes and the colour in her lips. Veela don't typically have coloured lips. As for Fleur, I'm not sure why she has red hair. Red hair isn't even a dominant gene which means it's incredibly unlikely to be born with it when the Veela genes are so dominant."

She looked over at Ron who was looking around, obviously not listening.

"Did you even listen to me Ronald?"

"No. I stopped after the second sentence or so."

Hermione gave him a well deserved punch in the arm.

"Did _you_ listen to me Harry?"

"I did actually." I responded. I found Hermione's speech rather interesting. "But what I don't understand is how they were even conceived. Veela are so jumpy. The slightest thing makes them run."

"Well, half veela children are incredibly rare. Veela don't have a maternal instinct so it wouldn't be surprising if Fleur and Sawyer were abandoned by their mother. The chance that they've even met their mother is astronomically low. Sad, really."

"I guess so." said Ron. He included himself in the conversation again. "So they don't even know who she is? Will they ever?"

"Not likely. Veela don't even have different genes. They all look the same. It's as easy to tell one veela from another as it is to tell to unicorns apart. They're identical."

"Even if they did meet they're mum, doubt they'd even be able to keep up a conversation."

So Sawyer had never met her mother, though that wasn't exactly shocking. She obviously doesn't know her father either. Has Fleur? Would Fleur even care? Most likely not. Fleur isn't the sentimental type. But based on past arguments with Sawyer, it bothered her that she'd never met her parents. I at least knew my parents were gone. I had come to terms with it. But it would be difficult knowing your mother cared so little about you that she abandoned you. And your father hadn't even tried to seek you out. I would feel more sympathy for her if she wasn't so sharp about it. If she just let people in once in a while, life wouldn't be so hard.

Easier said than done, I'm sure.

Lunch was next on the agenda. My stomach growled in response.

Hermione and I sat together away from Ron, who sat with Lavender. It annoyed me how much they were together but not nearly as much as it annoyed Hermione. She still had problems with their relationship. I was in the same boat because only a few feet down were Ginny and Dean with their hands locked on the table. Rather than feeling pain from seeing them together, I mostly just felt like vomiting.

I focused on something else around the room. Cho seemed to be having a bad day. Actually, every day seemed like a bad day to her. She'd gone past the "My boyfriend is dead, feel bad for me" stage. Now she was at the "Feel bad for me for no given reason" stage. It aggravated me to see her face that had a stamp across it saying "Woe is me." I wanted to flick a pea from my shepherd's pie at her.

My eyes drifted to Luna who was perfectly content eating alone. Her misty eyes were watching some nonexistent creature above her head. She lolled her head back and forth as if dancing to some beat that wasn't there.

Katie Bell was back on track and the whole possessed necklace business was behind her. No one had even mentioned it recently. Things were looking up for the Quidditch team.

And then I landed on Sawyer. She looked annoyed, as per usual. But Seamus was messing with his food and making her laugh. I paid close attention so I wouldn't miss witnessing her first genuine laugh. My day was so pathetic that I was giving her a hard stare and waiting for her to chuckle.

God, help me.

He flicked a piece of potato in her face and she shoved a rather large piece of spaghetti in his. He picked it off his face and ate it. Sawyer made a disgusted face but laughed at him. She actually laughed. Her face was so light and easy. I couldn't hear her over the chatter of the Great Hall but her face was enough to make me feel better.

"Look Hermione," I said. "Sawyer's laughing."

Hermione, having nothing better to do, looked over. She looked fairly surprised but she wasn't gasping.

"Wow." she said. "I don't think I've ever seen her laugh. There's something wrong with that."

"At least we know she's capable."

"I suppose."

We continued to watch the two converse and laugh. They looked so happy together. Like Ron and I in our first year. They were just content to be with each other.

"What do you think holds them together? What makes them so tight?" asked Hermione.

"I don't know."

Seamus looked over to Hermione. He blushed a bit and turned away. Sawyer gave a puzzled look to us but a light went off in her head. Seamus looked around making sure no one was watching while she excitedly chattered. She grabbed the front of his shirt and dragged him out of the hall. I had the sudden urge to follow them but it would be too obvious. I was subjected to imagining what they discussed.

* * *

Seamus Finnegan.

* * *

Sawyer was dragging me out of the Great Hall. My face was beat red and I wanted to just disappear. I had looked over toward Hermione on the opposite end of the table. My stomach did flips and my breathing hitched. I couldn't stop my body from immediately heating when I saw her. Her eyes seemed especially pure brown that morning and her face was so pure. The way she and Harry were watching Sawyer and I made me feel like I was on display. But If Hermione was interested in me, I didn't mind.

Sawyer dragged me into a narrow hall well away from the Great Hall. It was empty.

"It's Hermione." said Sawyer.

"W-What do you mean?" I asked. My face heated even more.

"Hermione! Hermione is the one you're in love with!"

"SSH! I don't think Trelawney quite heard you on the top floor!" I said, very flustered.

"So you admit it!"

There was no way to escape. I had made myself to obvious. Sawyer knew.

"So Hermione is the girl who's in love with someone else? And here I was thinking it was Scarlett Weatherton."

"Scarlett Weatherton?" I said with a shocked face.

"Well, yeah! She was the only one that fit the bill."

"Scarlett isn't for me. She's too…well, perfect."

"Too perfect?"

"Yes, but that's beside the point. You have to _promise_ you won't do _anything!_ Won't even mention it!"

"I promise! I promise."

I was still embarrassed that Sawyer knew but there wasn't anything I could do. And besides, if Hermione ever finds out I love her,

* * *

Malfoy will find out that Sawyer loves him.


	18. Progress

Moments of time were flashing across my mind. Things that happened weeks ago would go by in the blink of an eye. It all went by so fast that I didn't even time to process it all. I was getting so frustrated. I wanted to make it stop. Private conversations with Seamus had gone by. My day at Hogsmeade flashed an I knew I was in trouble. I watched myself spit Butterbeer in Malfoy's face and the next thing I knew, I was up against the wall having a heated kiss with him. That was the final straw.

My fists slammed on the desk an I ripped my head away. The flashes had stopped and sweat glazed my forehead.

"It took you long enough." said a very cranky Snape.

We had spent the last two hours practicing Occlumency. All was quiet for a moment before he raised his wand again.

"Wait!" I called. He lowered his wand. "Just give me a minute."

He glared and said,

"Legilimens."

I felt him dive into my mind yet again. This time I was determined to kick him out because not only had he caught me off guard, he seriously pissed me off. The flashes began again. Nothing important. But I would be damned before I let him see Malfoy and I wrapped up in each other. It took me a couple seconds for my hands to grasp the chair I was sitting in and push him out. It took out all of my energy, but I had done it.

When I threw him out of my mind I was pulled forward. My hair dangled in front of my face and I breathed heavily. Snape only stood there.

"What?" I panted. "No…congratulations?" I said between breaths. I still had enough energy to be a smart ass.

"You are finally able to get rid of me."

"If only." I muttered. He glared.

"It only took you three months." he said as he turned around, putting his wand down.

It had been three months to the day since Snape had told me I could use Occlumency. After the class when I practically blinded him, he scheduled our practice every night. I'm almost certain it was because he wanted to seek a bit of revenge. No matter, I was getting stronger.

Fleur has given me no recent grief. She was probably locked up in her ivory tower looking perfect from below, when really she was plotting everyone's demise. I did not want to know what she was up too. All I knew was that she was definitely up to something.

Snape and I were quiet. I was still trying to catch my breath and he seemed to be thinking.

Three guesses what about.

"If you have something…to say,…say it." I said between large breaths.

He turned around and looked at me. I wasn't able to read his expression. He looked completely indifferent, but at the same time agitated. I could never read him.

"I saw your memory." he said.

"Well I would hope so." I retorted. "You are an accomplished Legilimens are you not?"

"That's not what I meant Sawyer and you know it." he snapped.

I thought to myself, _what crawled up _his _knickers and died?_

"Mr. Malfoy and yourself." he said rather low.

My heart sank. I opened my mouth to plead but he began again.

"I would advise you not to get involved with the likes of him."

My mouth shut involuntarily. Was it not strange enough that Severus Snape had taken an interest in my love life, let alone give me advice? Too weird. Too weird, indeed.

"Look, Sev," I said without an inkling of respect. I held almost none for the man. The very little I held for him was toward the day he saved my life in the Black Lake. Anything further would be giving him too much credit. "I appreciate the advice but,"

"Never call me Sev!" he said. He looked shocked that I would dare call him such a name. "I am your professor and you will treat me as such!"

My eyes rolled. He said nothing, knowing he couldn't say anything to make me conform to his will.

"No one was meant to see those memories. And I have full intention of avoiding the Malfoy parasite." I said to him.

"Not what I expected to hear…"

You're telling me…

"But it's acceptable. Do heed my warning. You already have enough to worry about while you're barely passing my class and doing poorly with your practices. Personally, I'd rather not watch images of you doing things I never wanted to imagine any student of mine doing."

He skulked back into his office with his cloak billowing behind him. Classic Snape. I left the classroom with a sense of confusion and suspicion.

It was already 8.00 before I had finally left the dungeons. The only source of light was from the lit torches going down the halls. No one was ever lurking around the corners of Hogwarts at night other than prefects, and they knew better than to cross paths with me alone and in the dark. Filch was another problem. He always wanted to get me into trouble on something but I always had a pass with me leaving him nothing to reprimand me on. He eventually stopped trying.

I heard something in a nearby hallway. It sounded like footsteps but they were too fast to be a prefect's. It sounded as though someone was running. I looked down the hall and saw a lone painting. The painting was the entrance to the Room of Requirement. Few at the school knew of it's whereabouts, and after last year, no one from Dumbledore's Army would dare try to go back in. My inner voice pleaded with me not to go but my defiance led me on.

Further down the hall I went until I finally reached the painting. I knew leaning against it would do nothing since it was impossible to hear anything on the other side. I paced in front of the painting wall beside the painting three times before a door appeared. I gingerly turned the knob so not to be heard. Whoever was in the in the room was walking straight toward me, having already finished their business. I hid behind a rather large suit of armor, so not to be seen.

It was Draco Malfoy who appeared in front of me looking frightened and sweaty. He took one look back before he left the room. I tried to see what he was looking at, but there were too many things crowding the room. My efforts were fruitless so I counted to twenty, making sure he'd be gone by then and left the room.

I quietly opened the door and closed it. I had probably only taken two steps before being forced behind a nearby curtain by a strong stranger.

A mad looking Draco Malfoy pinned me to the stone wall looking as if I had just killed his family and he was seeking revenge.

"I should've known you'd be the one to follow me." he spat.

No words would form in my throat. He was truly scaring me.

"Let go." I whispered.

The mad look in his eye had subdued slowly and he reluctantly let me go. He replaced his look with one of his usual arrogance.

"What are you doing sneaking around the castle so late?" he asked, arms crossed.

"I could ask you the same question mister Malfoy. I think yours would be a more interesting answer."

His pale cheeks flushed. I had noticed in that moment that they were even more sunken in than normal. His hair looked to be loosing it's natural luster and his eyes had dark circles underneath them. If I noticed all of this in the dark, I wondered what I would see during the day.

"Why should I answer you? You're the one who was stalking me."

"Stalking? Hardly." I seemed to have found my voice yet again. "I was merely investigating a peculiar noise. My efforts seem to have paid off."

I pretended to dust off my arms, biding time. Hopefully I could walk away from this. I was completely regretting my actions in full by this point. When I began walking away, I knew he would pull me back so I walked slow.

Two guesses what he did.

He pulled me back, but not harshly this time. It's disgusting how this is usual for me.

His body was over mine but not in a predatory way like before. He seemed wary of the way he positioned himself.

He said nothing. I returned the favor. His arm dropped behind him and I saw the curtain magically cover us. My cheeks blushed. Thanks to the dark, I was sure he had no idea.

And here we are. In the same position we've found ourselves in quite a few times. But this was different. The way he looked, the way he stood. It was different. For a split second I thought to myself, _don't you think you've suffered enough? What will one moment of pure pleasure hurt? It's not like you aren't enjoying it anyway._

So I succumbed to my feelings.

I leaned in faster than Draco but he didn't hesitate to comply. The kiss was softer than the other two. The first was animal like, the second was sensual, this one was soft. It was experimental. We were both exploring what we were willing to feel. Both of us decided to swallow our feelings for the sake of a rivalry, but for one tremendous night, we put that aside and were just two sixteen year old kids.

In our rightful pace.

The kiss didn't last long. Neither of us were very comfortable with the progression in our "relationship" and we took a step back. Thankfully, it wasn't forceful.

"Why didn't you push me away?" he asked. It was almost a whisper.

"Why did you kiss me?" I replied with flushed cheeks.

"Why did _you_?"

I had no answer. I assumed he didn't either. I was tired of waiting so I took initiative and touched my hand to his face. The second kiss was so much better. The initial nervousness was gone and I was starting to understand the way he moved. It worked better. Easier. I felt him stiffen after the first few seconds. I could tell he knew this was wrong. I knew it was wrong too but I didn't care. I wanted a few seconds of ecstasy, and I was going to get it.

He pulled away first. I felt a tinge of sadness, but my inner voice told me to stiffen up. He's just a boy.

"We should go." he said. "I don't want Filch catching us. God forbid Peeves does."

I only nodded. Nothing good lasts forever.

Isn't the melodrama just delightful?

He must've noticed the hurt bunny look on my face as I walked away because he caught up to me. His face looked like he was having a battle inside his brain. Two decisions gnawing at him. Should I do what's right or what I want? He chose the latter.

"Tomorrow. 8.00. Room of Requirement." he said. I could tell he didn't want to look me in the eye, but he did anyway.

My mouth stretched into an immediate smile.

"Tomorrow." I said.

"Tomorrow."

He gave me a smile too. Despite the sickeningly pale skin, the sunken cheeks, and the dark eyes, it was the warmest smile I'd ever seen. Butterflies flew around in my stomach and I cursed them. I hate that feeling.

We walked our separate ways and I ordered myself not to look back. Not to be the pathetic Muggle in the movies that skips around and giggles and turns back after seeing her lover.

Don't do it!

**Don't do it!**

_Oh, fuck it._

I turned around and to my horror, or my greatest pleasure, he was looking back at me. The moment was too perfect so I turned back around, retreating to my dark hallways and going up to Gryffindor Tower. My life had gotten to perfect in one night. What would fate throw at me for it all to go wrong?

_For once, can you just enjoy something?_

I've done that one too many times.

_Well try again!_

Why?

_Because you _fancy_ him._

So? There are lots of others.

_But none that you fancy._

I could find someone.

_Like him?_

And I was again silenced.

I made it to the tower unscathed and quietly slipped through the door. Only three people were left in the Common room, Potter, Granger, and Holiday. Holiday was nestled cozily in a chair with a dusty book in her lap. She didn't so much as glance at me as I walked through the door. Granger and Potter, however, were on high alert when I walked in.

I made sure I looked like my old self. A scowl on my face and a cold exterior. But for a second, I had forgotten how. I mustered up my best "pissed off" look and marched straight to the boys' dormitories. Granger didn't open her mouth. Rules were rules but I wouldn't have listened anyway.

I made a bee line for Seamus' bed and because it was only 8:30, he wasn't asleep. He had a crinkled brow as he mulled over Astronomy homework. I grabbed the book from him and shut it.

"You, me, talk, now." I said. Seamus got up without a word and the rest in the room vacated it.

Once Neville and Dean were gone, I was at last alone with Seamus.

"What's up with you?" he asked. " You're far too chipper."

"You won't believe me when I tell you why." I replied with a smile.

"Try me."

* * *

Draco Malfoy

* * *

I had reached the Common room and sat down in my favourite chair. Barely anyone was left, maybe a few first years and some 5th years. The first years scattered as soon as I entered but the 5th years stayed. They had homework to finish. I wasn't in a mood to give them trouble I was far too…happy. That sounds foreign to me, sadly enough.

A pair of hands covered my face, depleting much of my good mood.

"If you want your genitals intact, I suggest you remove your hands from my face."

"Touchy, touchy." said Nott's far too amused voice from behind me. "What's got you so upbeat, mate?" he asked.

Suddenly the 5th years were all ears. A quick glare sent them running to their dorms. Even when I was sure Nott and I were alone, I was still choosy about my words. Nott was smart enough to know that anyone finding out about Sawyer and I would open a can of worms that ought not to be opened.

"I had an encounter with a certain individual." I said very low.

"Would this individual be the apple of your eye? The bing in your cherry? The -"

"Yes. That one." I said quickly, cutting him off. Sometimes I wanted to just strangle him. "She found me while I was in the midst of…something…" Nott may be my best mate but even he had no idea of my orders. A small part of me said he already knew. He was too shrewd not to, but I wanted to ignore that.

"Shaggin' yourself doesn't count mate."

A punch to the arm shut him up. He had a boyish grin plastered on his face.

"_Anyways_, we had a few words, things advanced, and here I am."

"How far did they advance?"

"What are we? Girls?" I was embarrassed by the immature talk.

"No, just teenagers. Did you finally pop the bing in _her_ cherry?"

"No, you pig. It was innocent."

"How sweet." he said with goo goo eyes.

"Would you just shut up for five fucking seconds?"

"Fine. Fine. And then…"

"We set a date and time and…I may be a little late coming in tomorrow." I sat back in my chair triumphantly.

"That's it? I paid all my hard earned attention for that?"

"You asked."

"And I regret it." he got up and walked off to his dorm. "Have fun shagging tomorrow."

Knowing the both of us, if wouldn't advance that far…would it?

* * *

Sawyer Dumbledore.

* * *

Seamus' face was absolutely priceless. His jaw was practically touching the floor.

"So you're actually going?" he asked. He was referring to the place we'd planned.

"Well…yes." I said. I looked around the room and compulsively rubbed the back of my neck. "It's not like I'll be walking into the lion's den."

"But this is Malfoy we're talking about. _Draco Malfoy_."

"I know…but…he…" I sighed. There was really no way to justify things. Sometimes emotions can't really be explained logically. But something in my gut said I could trust him. It made me wonder if I could trust my gut.

"Alright." Seamus agreed. "But if this goes south, you know where to find me."

I threw my arms around him. Seamus' seal of approval was really what I had been searching for in all of this. I knew I could confide in him but I wanted to know he was okay with what I was doing. If he wasn't, it would've been a very large bump in the road. Feeling thoroughly satisfied with Seamus' answer, I could finally go to bed. Neville and Dean wanted to come back in their room anyway.

They got out of my way as I left the room and I went straight to the girls' dorms.

That night was one of the best nights sleep I'd ever had. But this is life…

* * *

And in life…nothing stays peaceful for long. Nothing.


	19. Necessity

Fleur Dumbledore

* * *

I skulked around the corners of Hogwarts School. I constantly checked behind me, making sure there was no one around. I was able to slip out one of the ground floor windows unnoticed. It took mere minutes to finally be hidden under the cover of the Forbidden Forest. I knew her presence was here. And once I was past the protection around the school, I saw her.

"Bella!" I said with endearment. She returned the smile.

"Oh, my Fleur. It feels like ages." she said.

I embraced her like the mother I never had. In a way, she was. Bellatrix Lestrange is the mother I'd always wanted. Someone I could model myself after. By following her example, I had grown closer to the Dark Lord in a short amount of time.

"The Dark Lord sends his approval. You've been doing well."

"Send my thanks, many of them." I replied.

"I shall. But he has concerns."

"Of what?"

"Sawyer."

"Why would he trouble himself with that swine? She is of no importance to his plans."

"The Dark Lord seems to differ. He believes she will play a role in Draco's mission."

My face twisted with confusion. What could that pig of a sister of mine had anything to do with Draco's mission? She seems to fancy him but it's puppy love. Nothing more.

"He believes Draco may be more interested than we intended."

"Does he want me to take her place?" the thought was sickening, but for the Dark Lord, I would make the sacrifice.

"No. But he wants you to keep watch. You mustn't play with his emotions anymore. Whatever interest you may have shown must recoil. Make Sawyer believe he has chosen her. The Dark Lord wants their relationship to develop. It makes Draco weak."

"But why does he want Draco to be weak?"

"What the Dark Lord wants is not always clear. For now, we must wait and do as we're told."

"I understand."

"Have you anymore information to transfer? Any new observations?"

"I have none. But remind him that I'm always keeping a wary eye. Especially on Severus."

Bella gave me a hearty smile. She trusted Severus no more than I did.

"A wise choice Fleur. A wise choice indeed. He cannot be trusted." she took a look around. "I must be off. He is expecting me." one last look and her hand on my shoulder. "Your efforts are well appreciated. He favors you."

"I could hope for no better." I replied.

Bella disappeared into the night and I had to stealthily make my way back into the castle. Sneaking out was far easier than sneaking in.

I must admit, I was relieved to hear I wouldn't have to trail after Draco anymore. I never liked Draco and pretending I did was becoming tiresome and nauseating. But what the Dark Lord wants, he receives. I would do anything for him. He is my master, after all. In a way, he always has been, though, if we were speaking literally, he has only been my master for two years. He recruited me when I was only a girl.

It was Severus who had told him of my powers. The Dark Lord had known about the two new additions to Dumbledore's life sixteen years ago and he was very interested. He resolved it would be a weakness of Dumbledore's, something else to fault him on. He called on Severus to keep close watch on Sawyer and I. The Dark Lord had known of the powers some half-veela breeds possess. Obviously, I was the golden twin. Sawyer showed no promise of talent or power, I was the indisputable choice.

I had never been able to meet the Dark Lord. Snape was only assigned to watch us just a few months before his downfall as Sawyer and I are a few months younger than Harry Potter. But Snape had much to report to the Dark Lord when his body was restored. I was recruited as a Death Eater in training almost immediately. I didn't need much convincing. I knew this goody-goody life was wrong for me. I was without guidance, without real drive. The day I met Bellatrix Lestrange was the most wonderful day of my life. She was very interested in my abilities and my spirit. I could serve useful to the Dark Lord. I haven't been of much use being as I am a minor, but I will be. It's only a matter of time.

As for my sister, she is another story entirely. I never really liked her. Even as girls we didn't get along. Once I had discovered my powers, there was a gap between us. A gap that a little toe rag such as herself could never dream of filling. She's always been the stupid one. She's the sensitive one, the pathetic one.

My little play dates with Sawyer is usually out of my disgust with her. How could I be related to such a swine? It irks me just being in the same room with her. I understand why she has only one friend. Seamus Finnigan is such an unimportant pawn that it makes no difference if she's friends with him.

But what makes it worse is that not only is she a disgrace, she was part of Dumbledore's Army! Of all the deplorable things! She had to be part of that arrogant group! And with Harry Potter being the leader, the reasoning behind why the Dark Lord has yet to kill him is beyond me.

I have continued to be a faithful spy on the on-goings of Harry Potter and any other oppressor of the Dark Lord. I cannot do very much, but what I am able is appreciated. Bellatrix is really my only connection with him, as I have never seen him in person. Though I have dreamt of it several times. To gaze upon the face of a wizard such as he. Some of his Death Eaters do not deserve such an honor. They are not as loyal as some of us. The Malfoys are prime example. Lucius should not be permitted to be called a Death Eater. He humiliates us all.

I had walked all the way to the dungeons and through the portrait hole. Only two people were in the common room. They were whispering to each other but I was not interested in their chatter. i had a book upstairs on the dark arts I planned to read. I need to familiarize myself with spells. Snape taught me nothing of use. Only defensive things. A Death Eater needs to know more than simple defensive spells. I want to know how to attack.

Anyway…

I recognized the head of pale blonde hair as Draco Malfoy, and from that I was able to conclude he was talking to Theodore Nott. Nott is the only person he trusts. I felt the tiniest inkling of interest as to why they were so secretive, so I decided to listen in for a bit.

"Would you just shut up for five fucking seconds?"

"Fine. Fine. And then…"

"We set a date and time and…I may be a little late coming in tomorrow."

"That's it? I paid all my hard earned attention for that?"

"You asked."

"And I regret it." he got up and walked off to his dorm. "Have fun shagging tomorrow."

A date and time? This could be interesting. Nott had already gone and Malfoy was just getting up. He froze like a deer in the headlights of a Muggle vehicle when he saw me. I simply giggled.

"Am I that scary, Draco?" I asked. The sound of my voice tinkled in the empty Common Room. He dusted himself off and replaced the scared look on his face with one of arrogance.

"Of course not. I'm off to bed Fleur. Good night."

He walked swiftly away but my hand caught his shoulder.

"You're not going to leave me out here are you?" I pouted. I was openly disobeying the Dark Lord's orders but it was too easy to resist.

"Well…you should be in bed too." he replied.

"Why? Don't you want to…" I looked up and down his face. "talk to me?"

My hand was about to move but he lightly placed it down by my side.

"I'm very tired Fleur. Maybe tomorrow."

As he began to walk away, my emotions took over me.

"But you'll be coming in late? Won't you?"

He stopped mid-stride. I knew I had him. I had a smug look on my face that he couldn't see. He did not turn around as his squared his shoulders.

"Possibly…How would you have known?" I could hear him trying to hide the hint of panic in his voice.

"You're a terrible whisperer, Draco. The Ravenclaws could probably hear you."

Of course I was lying. He was quiet, but I had far superior senses. Comes with the territory of being half veela. They're jumpy because their senses are so acute and sensitive. The slightest sound sends them running. Of course, they work to my advantage.

"I should probably work on that. Good night Fleur."

He headed up the stairs as quickly as possible. I stood their fuming. How dare he completely just leave me there? Another reason why Draco Malfoy is not worth my time. I traipsed up to my dorm without looking back.

* * *

Sawyer

* * *

Classes were over and I was in Snape's classroom. We were having another Occlumency session. He told me it would continue until 7.00 sharp but with Snape you never know. He could change his mind at the drop of a hat. I was depending on him not to change his mind because I could never forgive myself if I missed the meeting with Malfoy. I was so desperately curious.

"We haven't been working hard enough." said Snape. Easy for him to say. "I haven't used the full extent of my abilities and neither have you. Today I will be going deeper into your mind. Into the thoughts you pray to God every day no one will ever know about." well, that's pleasant. "Be prepared."

Oh boy.

I took in a deep breath and prepared myself as best I could. I knew it was useless but I was going to try anyway.

"I'm ready." I said.

"Legilimens!"

The room spun and I was caught in disarray until I felt myself landing in Diagon Alley. Uncle Albus had left Fleur and I to shop for our school supplies. Hagrid was left to supervise us both as we were only 13 years old. Of course, Hagrid was busy doing something else and I promised him I would be alright. I decided to go off on my own and find a way to pass the time.

I had passed the entrance to Knockturn Alley and stopped. I'd always wondered what went on in their but Hagrid said it was no place for a girl like me. It didn't look like the safest of places but that made me all the more curious.

"Interesting isn't it?" said a voice from behind me.

I jumped and spun around only to find out it was Fleur. She laughed at my reaction and I blushed.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"I just wanted to see what you're up to. Now that I do, I'm interested."

I watched her suspiciously. She made no eye contact.

"I've always wanted to go into Knockturn Alley. See what went on…you're obviously curious." she said.

"Where are you going with this?" I asked.

"Well…I'm just saying that you're interested, I'm interested, maybe we go down there together."

"Why would I want to go with you?"

"Because two witches are better than one of course! Do you think I'd go down there myself? Hagrid wouldn't even let me go if I was with him! I want to see what's down there."

She took a few steps down the stairs toward Knockturn Alley.

"Don't you want to know why it's so forbidden?" she asked. She had a sly grin on her face and my gut told me not to. I didn't listen.

I followed her into Knockturn Alley and we looked in both directions. There were so many things we could do that it was hard to pick just one. We went down the left side and looked into a few windows. Everything was covered in cobwebs and the only colour lighter than brown was the sunlight shining onto the windows. Creepy old hags and wizards skulked about the corners of the Alley. I was feeling a bit frightened but Fleur looked indifferent. For a second I thought she was fascinated.

We kept walking until, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something grab Fleur. She was dragged into another dark alley and I ran quickly after her. It was instinct that made me run. I fully regret that now.

I was grabbed soon after and pulled through a door. It was dusty and dark where we were and I saw Fleur standing a few feet away from me. She struggled against the large man that held her. She looked defiant rather than scared.

"What're you two little pixies doin' around 'ere?" said a tall man with a gravelly voice. He had a scar on his cheek and raggedy clothes. I immediately felt more scared than I'd ever been in my entire life.

"It's none of your business!" shouted Fleur.

"Ooh! A feisty one!" said the man who was holding her. He tightened his grip and she let out a noise.

"I could hex you into next week if you don't let me go. You don't know who I am!"

"Who _we_ are, Fleur." I said. I didn't want her forgetting me at a time like this.

She glared.

"Our uncle just happens to be Albus Dumbledore, and if you don't let us go there will be a serious price to pay!"

"Did you 'ear that Stan? These are Dumbledore's _nieces_!" chuckled the one holding me.

"We got into a right bit o' trouble 'cause of 'im. We've been longin' to return the favor."

I kept my eyes on Fleur hoping she would do something. She did. She stamped as hard as she could on the man's foot. He let out a yelp and let her go. Knowing it wouldn't be enough she kicked him in the groin and that took him down. She ran out the door before the taller man had a chance to grab her.

She didn't even look back at me.

"I'll go get 'er!" said the man who was holding her.

"No!" said the taller one. "No. We don't need 'er. One will do just fine."

The look on his face was so slimy, so devious that I'll never forget it as long as I live.

"She wasn't lying about before. You three will put yourselves in a lot of trouble if you mess with me. She'll be coming back any minute with a friend of ours and he's not one to play with."

"I think we got time, don't you Stan?"

The man holding me chuckled and I felt his hot breath on me. I shivered.

"We don't want to let you go without having a message to give back to Dumbledore. And I think we can handle your little friend too."

The taller man came after me and the events that followed were too horrific to recall. I couldn't get away. I had no one to stop them. No one to save me. No one was coming to my rescue.

I'd always imagine my first time being special. Being with someone I loved. I never even dreamed it would be in a dark room in Knockturn Alley. That it would be against my will with three older men. That it would be painful and I would be completely helpless. A small thirteen year old girl.

I would never forgive Fleur for this. I would never forgive her for leaving me there. Not even telling Hagrid or sending someone to help. She hadn't looked back once.

It wasn't until they had finished with me and left me in the dark room that I was finally able to leave. I could barely stand up and walk but I found the strength to run out as fast as I could. I felt where they had hit me and knew I would have bruises pretty soon.

But I couldn't think about that. I had to think about getting out. Finding a way to get away from there.

My clothes were torn and dirty in places, my hair was no longer neat and tidy, my legs felt like they would collapse underneath me. But the pain I felt was worse. The feeling of being so violated. I had been completely at their mercy and could do nothing to stop them.

I stood in the middle of the cobble stone street and realized I had no idea where I was going. I was so busy running away that I didn't think of where I could possibly go. I was so confused, everything was moving so quickly, I was too distracted to even vaguely try and think clearly. Nothing was making sense. All I could hear was my conscience screaming "RUN! RUN! Get out of here!"

The sound of giggling rang in my ears and I turned to it. It seemed familiar. Maybe I would find comfort in this display of happiness. There was a group of girls huddled by a shop whispering and laughing. They were older than me, maybe sixteen or seventeen. They seemed to be staring at me. Was it me they were laughing at? They tried to shush themselves and look away when I looked over. I didn't understand.

"It must be her first time." said one. "She probably doesn't even realize it's there."

"Well, look at her! She obviously doesn't take care of herself."

I turned to see myself in a mirror and knew what they were talking about. There was a horrifying deep red blood stain on the bottom of my backside. It was even running down my leg. I hadn't even felt it. Only then did I begin to feel the full force of the pain. The embarrassment of the stain, my dirty appearance, the shame of what had happened, the pain, it became too much. I was too overwhelmed.

I ran into the nearest store and cried in a corner. I made sure I was quiet so no one would know I was there. A kind witch eventually found me and asked me what was wrong. I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell anyone. I grabbed a sweater that was lying on a countertop. It didn't matter who it belonged to, I wanted to make sure no one else would see the stain. I promised myself to burn the skirt when I came home.

When I finally found Hagrid, I told him I had been dragged into an alley and mugged. He was so outraged that he said he'd get someone else to buy our supplies for us and we left. I didn't look at Fleur on the ride back. She made no attempt to talk to me. She didn't ask me if I was okay, she didn't ask me what happened.

I was alone. Completely alone.

And I had transitioned out of childhood against my will. It was stolen from me, like so many other things. My virginity had been stolen from me.

* * *

I put my hands on a nearby desk to support my weight. I no longer cared that Snape was in the room. I broke out in sobs and couldn't stop. I had tried so hard to block that from my memory like so many other events. But that was one of the darkest chapters in my life. Nothing else had compared to that. The incident at the lake meant nothing, my first lie with Fleur meant nothing, anything before that event meant nothing. All of the vivid memories came flooding back to me.

Hagrid forced me to see Madame Pomfrey to make sure I was okay. My protests only further convinced him that I had to see her. She saw the state of me and my clothing and knew immediately what had happened. I made her swear not to tell but she said that Uncle Albus had to know. I cried to her, begged her, pleaded with her not to tell. She did. She had too. I had never seen Uncle Albus so furious in my life. His anger frightened me. It made me think that I had done something wrong. He had sworn to me that everything that had just been said would never leave his office. He gave me his word that he would never utter a single word as long as he lived. I trusted him fully but it didn't make anything better. I was still dirty and could never be cleansed. I felt cheap.

Every feeling and emotion from that day had come back to me and had destroyed any calm I had.

Snape didn't look at me. He couldn't. he had seen everything. He saw every look they gave me, he heard every scream I made. I was now completely different to him. That memory would now be forever fused into his. He would now see that every time he looked at me.

I felt so cheated that the only person who saw that was Snape. I wanted only Seamus to really know the full account. Only Seamus could know every corner of my heart. I only wanted Seamus to know every dark secret I had. I never intended to share that memory with anyone else but him. And up until this point I remained true to that wish.

I eventually calmed myself down and stood up. I wiped away the tears that were left and looked down at the ground. I couldn't look him in the eye. Whatever memory had made us feel awkward before was nothing to the way we felt now. I had to leave.

"Can I go?" I whispered.

"Yes. We're done." said Snape. His voice was compromised. He didn't want to be talking to me.

I grabbed my bag and walked as quickly as I could to the door. Any tears that tried to force their way out, I forced them back in. I left the room and shut the door quietly. The memory had ruined my entire night and I couldn't go and meet Draco feeling the way I was. I had to find a way to get out of it. If I go to the Room of Requirement, I should be able to meet him in time.

I made my way to the Room of Requirement. It was a long ways away and it gave me time to collect myself and calm down. When I finally got there, I was alone. I put my bag down and waited. I had no way of telling what time it was so I could only hope 8.00 was approaching.

Any sound that was made I automatically turned. It was usually a leaf or the wind. But the sound of footsteps was unmistakable. To my relief, it was Malfoy who was walking down the hall. The look on his face read that he was relieved to see me there. That I hadn't stood him up. I hated to disappoint him.

Before he even said anything I spoke.

"Can we reschedule?" I asked.

He was taken aback.

"What?"

"Can we reschedule?" I asked again. "Things have happened and I'm just not up to this."

"What is _this_ exactly?"

I stammered.

"Uh…well, I'm not sure. But, I just need to be alone right now."

"Why?" I could hear a hint of irritation but the look on my face must have told him to back off.

"It's not that important. I-"

"Well it must be if you want to reschedule."

He had me there.

But I couldn't tell him anything. That's not really something you tell someone in this type of situation.

"I know but…it's not something you share."

He paused. I held my breath.

"Fair enough. We'll reschedule. Does _tomorrow_ work for you?" he was becoming a bit impatient.

"I suppose so. I don't want to go but-"

"Then don't go."

I stopped and looked at him. He genuinely didn't want me to go. This was supposed to be our first moment just being ourselves without silly rules about "You're stupid and ugly and I hate you because you're _you_!". We were finally going to be two normal people. I didn't want to leave but I couldn't just snog Malfoy with that memory in the back of my mind.

"I…I-"

"When will you stop making excuses? You keep pushing me away." said Draco. I wanted to think he sounded hurt but that might have just been me. "Do you want this to happen or not?"

"What is this?" I asked. One of us needed to just say it out loud. I didn't care who.

"_This_! _Us_! What are we exactly?" he asked.

"Two people…who have very complicated lives and don't want them to be more complicated."

His previously folded arms fell to the sides.

"That's a pretty good way to put it. Do you want us to happen or not? As much as I enjoy pretending to hate our little moments, it's getting old. So are we or aren't we?"

"Do you want us to be?"

"Do _you_?"

I paused and he waited. I was still unsure of what to say. A relationship isn't exactly what I need right now.

Maybe it is.

"Yes." I whispered.

"What?"

"I said…yes."

I tucked my now short hair behind my ear and avoided his eyes. After a few seconds I couldn't take it so I looked at him. Draco took his hands and held my face. He brought his to mine and we finally kissed without restraints, without stupid rules, without immature pettiness. We were two people who just needed someone significant in their lives. And we seemed to be pretty happy with the option in front of us.

When he pulled away my eyes were still closed. I didn't want to open them. I wanted everything to be quiet and blissful the way they just were.

"Do _you_?" I finally asked.

"Yes." he said.

I opened my eyes and looked into his. He looked so lost but finally seemed content. Not euphoric, just content. That was all I needed from him.

"Do you still want to leave?" he asked.

"Not really. Not anymore." I didn't have to lie. I genuinely wanted to be with him.

We went into the Room of Requirement, which turned out to be the same cluttered room as before. We found a spacious corner and sat there. My hand was in his and I watched him play with my fingers. We said nothing. We would occasionally kiss but nothing more than that. All I needed was someone. I wanted someone more than just Seamus. Seamus was always there to listen but Seamus couldn't make me feel the way Malfoy does. Seamus can't satisfy what little space I have left in my heart for affection. When he tried to take things further, the look on my face must've told him now wasn't the right time. I saw the frustration in his eyes but he ignored those feelings. Ruining what we had just accomplished was not on his agenda.

Draco and I weren't on the list for couple of the year. We weren't even sure why we liked each other. What kept us together that night was just the necessity of a significant other. I wanted someone to fill a void in my heart and Draco wanted someone to honestly care. Nott may be his friend but, like Seamus, he couldn't fill the void left by affection.

I wanted nothing more than to just be with him, and he was the same.

When did my life become so complicated?

And when did it become so simple?


	20. Complicated

I was unaware of what time it was the next morning. When I opened my eyes, all I saw was piles of stuff and a curiously pale hand wrapped in mine. I turned to my side and saw Draco Malfoy peacefully slumbering beside me. I amused myself by watching him sleep for a while. His lips were just barely parted and were a sweet rose colour. His blonde hair was so pale that I could barely even see his eyelashes. His eyebrows were furrowed in a way that made him look almost disturbed in his sleep. He looked as possibly relaxed as I could picture him, but still on guard.

I knew we had to get up. Classes had begun already and there was no reason to be any more late. I shifted only slightly but enough to wake him.

He didn't awake violently, but I did frighten him a bit. He looked around until he caught my eye. There was a sense of alarm until he checked to see that we were still wearing clothes.

"We only feel asleep Draco. Nothing more." I said quietly.

"I see that. What time is it?" he replied.

I looked around the room until I found a grandfather clock.

"9.30." I said.

"Fuck."

Classes began a 7.00.

"We should get up." I said. Draco bit back a retort.

We both stood and dusted ourselves off. It was awkwardly silent as neither of us said a word to each other. We would only occasionally glance. We acted as if we had just had a one night stand. He walked toward the door and I put my hand on his before he reached the handle.

"Are we private?" I asked.

"I don't understand."

"I mean, are we going to showcase our relationship? Whatever we are…"

He pondered my question for a bit but we both knew the answer.

"I don't think we should. People gossip enough about the both of us as it is. I don't particularly feel like adding another scandal in the mix."

"Nor do I."

"So….we're secret then?"

"I suppose so."

I swallowed the urge to vomit at how dramatic that sounded. We stopped and looked at each other. I tucked some hair behind my ear and looked away. Before I looked back at him he leaned in and kissed me. I stood there and returned the feelings. He pulled away and looked at me.

"I don't suppose we'll be able to do that often. Just wanted to squeeze in one more before pretending I hate you again."

I smiled but only briefly. What he said was true. We were going to have to go back to hating each other again. I didn't want to hate him. But after building up a reputation, completely putting it to a halt would arouse suspicion.

Malfoy walked out first and made sure no one was around. I waited for a few seconds before deciding the coast was clear. I had to make my way to Gryffindor Tower and grab my things, he had to go to the Slytherin common room. They were in opposite directions so we went our separate ways. It was very convenient that we were in different houses, no one would see us together.

On my way to the tower, I pondered over what had just taken place in the Room of Requirement. Malfoy and I had just taken our relationship to the next level. Was this really good for us? I had a looming feeling over my head that something would go wrong but that comes with the territory when dating a Malfoy I suppose. The idea of dating was foreign already, but dating Draco Malfoy? That was even stranger. But normal isn't…well, _normal_, for me. I'm not sure why I expect it anymore.

This brought me to having to pretend I hate him. It might not be as difficult as I thought. I hoped it wouldn't be. Hating my first boyfriend wasn't a good way to start a relationship.

Was that what Malfoy was? My boyfriend?

Surely he's more than that…Isn't he?

I stopped myself from thinking too far into it. I had to make sure I slipped into class unnoticed, which wasn't really hard because my current class was History of Magic. I could run into class and set off a bomb and no one would notice. Professor Binns was the only conscious person in that room and he was dead. Pretty pathetic really.

I gathered my books and some parchment and quills and made my way to the third floor. Once there, I quietly slipped in the classroom. To my complete lack of surprise, no one turned around.

Or, at least, I didn't notice that anyone turned around.

* * *

Hermione Granger.

* * *

I was sitting and class and taking notes on the Elf Rights Act in History of Magic. Of course, I was the only person paying attention. No one was even awake except for me. Harry and Ron sat on either side of me and I knew they would beg for notes later. My head turned to Ron who was sleeping with a bit of drool dripping from his mouth. I cracked a smile. I had been royally irked the last few weeks because of his annoyingly maturing relationship with Lavender Brown. Frankly, I was surprised he hadn't sat with her this morning. I was just waiting for them to break up.

Only I knew how truly jealous I was. Harry only had a small clue.

I heard the door creak and immediately turned around. Draco Malfoy walked in and sat down next to an unconscious Theodore Nott. Upon Malfoy's arrival, Nott immediately perked up and questioned him about his tardiness. Malfoy responded with shushes. Nott looked a bit irriated but thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. I assumed Malfoy would tell him later.

Only two minutes later, Sawyer Dumbledore creaked the door open and sat down next to Seamus. She, like Malfoy, had not caught my gaze. I was instantly puzzled. They both had come in late and neither of them looked very washed up. Of course, I concluded they were both out late the night before. The odds that they were alone were increasingly low. The morning had only confirmed my suspicions that they were now an item. It had taken them long enough.

Sawyer's eyes wandered until they caught Malfoy's. she looked horror struck that he was in the same class. She was no doubt thinking people would assume they were together. Luckily enough for the both of them, History of Magic didn't have a very lively populous.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Fleur Dumbledore watching the two as intently as I was. This worried me for obvious reasons. It's no secret to me that Fleur isn't as sweet as she parades herself to be. She doesn't have everyone as snowed as she thinks. All anyone has to do is pay more close attention. This is virtually impossible given that the general public is about as bright a 4 watt light bulb.

She did not have the same interest that I did in the new couple. She looked more like she was hastily planning something in her head. The distressed look on Pansy Parkinson's face told me she knew also of Fleur's evil nature. To what extent that she knew, I was not certain.

I decided to turn back toward Professor Binns and continue taking notes. I could watch Sawyer and Malfoy's relationship unfold another day.

* * *

Seamus Finnegan.

* * *

I awoke to see Sawyer next to me. My immediate reaction was alarm and anger. She had been with Malfoy all night, which distressed me for obvious reasons. When I bluntly asked her if she was still a virgin she kicked me rather hard in the shin. This initially calmed me down.

She began telling me everything that happened. All of which, was written in a note. I was a bit shocked but not entirely. I knew they would end up together anyway. Though I thought it would be a little more twisted. From the way she described things, Malfoy seemed very frank about things. I thought he would be snottier. It was too premature to say maybe he'd been growing up. I suppose Sawyer was just privileged enough to see that side of him no one else did. He was granted the same privilege with her.

A little note flew onto the table and we looked around to see who sent it. Everyone's heads were down. Sawyer opened the note and the flowery smell instantly told us it was Fleur. The colour in Sawyer's face immediately left her.

_Don't think I didn't see that._

That was all the note said. My heart dropped. I didn't even want to imagine what Sawyer was feeling. I put my hand on her back and turned around to see Fleur giving me the most twisted smile I'd ever seen. It sent a chill up my spine. I gave her an threatening look and had to tell myself not to growl at her. My expression only spurred her on.

Sawyer crumpled up the note and threw it to the ground. For the rest of the class she had a scowl on her face.

We left class on our way to Herbology. Sawyer was still quiet. For a moment I thought she was going to cry but her cheeks were just red. She looked more angry than sad. We went to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom for privacy.

"This is a girls'- Oh hello Sawyer. What's wrong?" said Myrtle.

Sawyer went behind the sinks and sat down. She sighed in a way that was more like a growl.

"The first good thing in my life since you…and she's going to take it away." she said.

I could think of no comforting words.

"She always has to take away everything doesn't she? I can never have anything for myself. I feel like a child."

"She hasn't done anything yet." I said."Everything will be fine."

She knew continuing her pity party wouldn't solve anything so she stood up and dusted herself off before sigh growling again and leaving without a word.

I'd done this many times with Sawyer. She'd have a bit of a breakdown and in five minutes time she was back to her old self. That was one of the things I admired about her. She has the thick skin I never will.

I tried talking to her about other things. We had Herbology with the Ravenclaws so at least Fleur was out of her sight. We focused on transferring dangerous plants from one pot to the other. I kept my eyes on Hermione the whole time. She seemed pretty peeved with Ron lately. They hadn't spoken since Ron had kissed Lavender after the Quidditch game. My first instinct was to make a move. This was soon thwarted after seeing the looks she would cast him. I began greatly disliking Ron. He was such a fool to choose Lavender of Hermione. What kind of a great oaf would do such a thing?

She potted her plants with great effort, her hair getting wilder by the second. I didn't care how bushy her hair was. I thought it was cute.

Fancying someone who loves someone else is never easy. It was damn near impossible not to tell her how I felt. I wanted so badly for her to love me back.

Why do I always pick the complicated ones?

First was Sawyer. I had a crush on her the first time I saw her. If I hadn't liked her, I never would've approached her. Though, after being friends for a few weeks, she made it perfectly clear she had no intentions of being anything short of platonic. My feelings died away like crushes always do.

After Sawyer I began noticing Hermione. She was in all of our classes and I noticed her because of her incredible talent at…well, everything. I knew Sawyer would catch on so I gave her a story about liking Padma Patil. She thought I was barking, which I don't disagree with. I developed a stronger crush on Hermione but the more I watched her, the more I noticed her infatuation with Ron. I was insanely jealous for a considerable amount of time. Sawyer never bothered herself with pre-teen relations so she never caught on. After four years, I decided my feelings for Hermione were futile. I believed it was time to go a different direction. Ginny Weasley was there for that.

Ginny was a nice substitute for Hermione. She was pretty, charming, witty, but still, she wasn't Hermione. I told Sawyer I was over her and that I had taken to fancy a new girl. All of these lies were to throw her off the trail. I was desperately afraid of Sawyer finding out and trying to help. Sawyer doesn't exactly have the best luck.

Scarlett Weatherton seemed a perfect candidate for my next crush. She was universally liked, well known, and obviously attractive. I actually may have taken to noticing her a few times.

My feelings for Hermione had temporarily subsided. But after hearing what happened at the Ministry, I was thrown back into my old love. I wanted to bombard Hermione with questions and make sure she was alright. But, seeing as we weren't close friends, she would think I was balmy.

I can never catch a break with that one!

So here I am, a sixth year, hopelessly in love with a girl who will never return my feelings.

Life does tend to bite you that way.

I forced myself to focus on other things, like the impossible assignment Professor Sprout gave us. Of course Neville was the first to complete it. He was the only person who did better than Hermione in the class. In the whole year, rather. She didn't seem to mind though. Neville ought to have at least one thing he's good at.

Classes went by in a haze. I wasn't really focused on them. At lunch, all Sawyer could focus on was Draco Malfoy at the table across the room. She would glance at him every so often and surprisingly, he would look back. I didn't let her know I noticed. I watched Nott, who was sitting next to Malfoy, and he neither noticed nor cared. Nott didn't like to include himself in trivial relationships. As much of a pervert as he is, he doesn't like to get into any real relationships. None of the girls at Hogwarts are mature enough for him.

At least, that's what I've heard.

* * *

Theodore Nott

* * *

Draco likes to pretend like I don't notice his antics. He and I both know I do. I don't care enough to really make it known that I care. There are usually other things on my mind. It didn't take a genius to realize where Draco had been the night before. (Though I was sorely disappointed when he told me nothing happened.

"She's hot, she's single, and she wants you! How could you walk out of there without her virginity on your belt?"

"You're such a pig, Nott." he replied. Sawyer was a touchy subject for him now because ever since he's realized his "feelings" for her, he doesn't think trivializing her is any fun. _Pussy_.

"All I'm saying is that it was an easy lay and you didn't take advantage of it. A smart man would've shagged that any day of the week!"

"Well than I guess I'm not as brilliant as you hoped."

"You didn't need me to tell you that."

This is how the conversation went.)

Draco told me he and Sawyer were now secretly dating. I was ready to vomit with all of the teenage drama wafting around the room. They didn't have much choice other than hiding their relationship, but still. It doesn't mean I enjoy hearing about it. They were staring at each other all lunch hour and it took all my will power not to make a smart comment and keep down my lunch at the same time.

I may be a complete arse but I know which battles to fight. Sawyer means something to him so I'll wait a few more hours before making jokes about them again.

After lunch, Draco and I had Transfiguration with the Ravenclaws. The class was mostly Ravenclaws as not as many Slytherins had passed through to N.E.W.T. level. I thought now would be a good time to talk about their relationship. I was bored anyway.

"So where do you think this will go? You and your little squeeze, I mean."

"Will you shut up?" he said, and frantically looked around. "I don't really know." he whispered. "I have a lot going on right now and I'm not sure if this is even a good idea."

Draco had been battling with a mission by the Dark Lord himself. I tried my best to stay out of it but my curiosity got the best of me. After learning the gist of the assignment, I steered clear of it. It was obviously eating up the better part of him and I didn't want that to be me.

"Well you can't break it off. She's way too available for that. I'll take her if you like."

He punched me in the arm and I chuckled. Playing with Draco is an essential part of my day.

"But seriously," I added. "You aren't really thinking of severing it are you? It just began. That'd be pretty pointless."

"I know. I want to get as much out of this as I can." I gave him a look.

"Don't go all soft on me now! It's just a girl!"

"I'm not going soft, you imbecile!" his nose wrinkled in disgust the same way his mother's does towards the house elves.

"That's better. Keep it up."

Draco and I finished turning our throw pillows into pigs and were able to relax the rest of class.

"I'm not going soft." he said.

"That's what they all say." I replied. "First, you meet her, then you starting losing your old personality and picking up some fluffy new one!"

Draco turned away. I could tell what he was thinking. By now, I read him like a book. He was so ashamed of himself and so afraid of his own life, that adopting a new personality and a new life seemed appealing to him.

Draco was so easy to read. He always was. Even when we were boys I knew him back and forth. He and I had a strange relationship from the beginning. Draco's only friends were Crabbe and Goyle, I had a slew of friends I didn't even care about. He really hated me at first because I would always mess with him. After years of not caring about anything, I thought I should have at least one real friend. I considered Draco to be a fine candidate. It was easy. He had no real friends either so we fit quite well. To tell the truth, if we never saw each other again life would go on but I knew it wouldn't be the same. As much as I detest to admit, Draco had grown on me. And while I still don't care about his trivial problems, I couldn't leave him and start a new friendship. I don't operate that way. Draco was it. If he left I would have no one.

I'm sort of pathetic if you really look at it.

Moving on, truthfully I was afraid for him. It was widely known what the Dark Lord was capable of and I didn't want him to be killed for something like his mission. Draco was obviously not Death Eater material. What the Dark Lord was doing was seeking revenge on Lucius through Draco. The mission had taken a toll on him all year. A part of me was thankful Sawyer was able to take his mind off of it, but I knew she would make him weak and change him. She's also Dumbledore's niece. That made the kill personal. Falling for Sawyer only made things complicated.

Of course, I would tell this to no one. It stayed in my head just like everything else.

"I'll just enjoy it while it lasts." said Draco. "I don't want to think of anything long-term. Nothing is set in stone yet. And she feels the same."

"So, let me see if I have this correctly. You're dating the most beautiful girl in school, there's no commitment involved, and you're not sleeping with her yet? You're either the luckiest bloke in the entire world, or the maddest. I'm leaning toward the latter to tell you the truth."

"I don't want to sleep with her yet."

I dropped my papers and quill.

"You don't _want _to? Is that supposed to be a joke?"

"I just don't! I said I didn't want any commitment! I wanted to at first but then I thought it might make her cling to me."

"So? I have sex without commitment."

"Were any of your partners as obnoxious as Sawyer?"

"I suppose not. Tough luck, Draco. It must be so hard to not have sex with the most gorgeous girl in the school. I feel so sorry for you."

"Keep quiet."

I smiled and we were released from class. Draco really had no idea what he was getting into. This relationship could either be the best thing for him or the worst. I predict it will be both. He likes her, but she's the niece of his victim. He wants things to move with her, but no commitment. And somewhere in all of this, she feels the same and neither of them want things to be complicated.

* * *

It's like asking a nuclear bomb to go off but not to destroy everything in it's path.


	21. Understanding

With the Christmas holidays fast approaching, one more Hogsmeade trip had been squeezed into the schedule. Draco and I would be going "together". The conversation went as follows:

Draco had ran up to me in the hall as I was putting decorations up for Flitwick on a Sunday morning. He was panting slightly and I had put a hold on my decorating. My cheeks warmed as I anticipated he would ask me to go with him to Hogsmeade. I tried to reduce the heat when I realized how ridiculous I was being. He was only a boy.

Draco scratched the back of his head nervously and opened his mouth a few times to say something. I quickly grew impatient.

"Are you going to ask me or not?" I said. He glared.

"Why would you assume I would ask you to Hogsmeade?" he said trying to save his dignity. I raised my eyebrows. His statement had confirmed my notions. He _was _going to ask me. He blushed as he realized his mistake. "Fine. But maybe I don't want to ask you now that you've made me feel a fool!"

"Are we really going to go back to acting like children? I thought we'd moved past that."

He sighed.

"Do you want to go with me?" he asked. He still held a bit of shyness. Draco Malfoy being _shy_? Stop the presses. I smiled a genuine smile.

"Of course, Malfoy."

He was about to come closer to me when we heard footsteps around the corner.

"Go! Someone will see." I said still smiling.

"Where will I meet you?" he asked.

"I'll find you! Just go!" I whispered in haste.

He gave me one last quick look up and down before sprinting in the opposite direction.

* * *

So I stood outside the castle pretending to check my boots while the others went on. I hadn't seen Draco come out of the castle yet so I only assumed he was buying time like I was. He came out of the oak front doors moments later with a rather bored looking Theodore Nott by his side. Nott yawned and barely looked my direction. Draco showed a small smile and we walked down to Hogsmeade together.

Draco and I did not hold hands for two reasons:

It was a bit too soft and fuzzy for the two of us and it was much too cold to be exposing any flesh.

We settled for walking near each other. Thankfully, we were far enough away from the crowd as to be spotted.

"Where do you want to go?" Draco asked.

"Somewhere without a lot of people." I sneered as I said it.

"That was a look worthy of me." he said with a smirk.

"Do not flatter me Malfoy, it will get you no deeper into my pants." I replied.

"The Hog's Head is a good place. Not many people go there." he said.

Nott remained silent.

"Alright. I never fancied The Three Broomsticks much anyways."

Once there, Nott changed directions. His eyes had caught sight of Eleanore Roquefort, a rather attractive Hufflepuff girl, and made a bee-line for her without saying a word. Draco neither saw nor cared. Upon entering the Hog's Head, he put his hand on my back. It was a light touch but the gesture was enough by itself.

I hid my smile by turning the other way. A part of me was disgusted from the silly little girl I had become. But I didn't mind _too_ much. My mind momentarily wandered to where Seamus was at the moment. He knew of my arrangements with Draco and wanted to make plans with Dean. Knowing Dean would spend most of his time with Ginny, I suspected Seamus to be with Arthur Rigby, a sixth year Gryffindor boy. They weren't too close but Arthur was always there for a good laugh. (a required trait for Seamus)

"Two butterbeers." said Malfoy. He put the money on the counter and didn't wait for the bartender to give us our drinks. He escorted me to a table before picking them up.

The bartender seemed aged, he had silver hair and familiarly blue eyes. Sort of close to my shade of blue. He stood rather tall and was very thin. I could not place who he reminded me of. He had not looked at Draco and I when we walked in.

I heard the bottles being placed on the counter and stood up to get them. I picked up the dirty bottles and looked up at the bartender momentarily. I did a double-take when I realized how hard he was staring at me. I was taken aback for a moment. I gave him a hard stare back.

"Can I help you?" I asked. I tried not to sound too rude. Draco had slowly walked towards me upon seeing the look on my face.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Bit of a personal question isn't it? Seeing as you can't trust anyone anymore nowadays."

The bartender glared for a moment but replaced it with his hardened stare. I was beginning to feel uneasy.

"Please. I only want your name."

"I think the drinks are quite enough." said Draco. He lightly touched my arm. "We will take these elsewhere."

The man gave a harsh look at Draco and the position of his hand on my arm. When his eyes turned back to me, they were interested again.

"My name is…Jane. Jane Patchett." I said.

"That is your _real _name?"

"Alright, that's enough." said Draco. Everyone in the bar, the seven people that there were, had become suddenly interested in our conversation. "There's no need to question her. She gave you her name. I have paid you and therefore, we have a right to leave."

I followed Draco's example and headed for the door. I wanted to get out of the bar as much as he did.

"It's Dumbledore…isn't it?" the bartender called after me. I stopped in my tracks. Draco had already opened the door. "Dumbledore is your name."

"And if it is?" I replied.

"Sa-" began Draco. I promptly shushed him.

"I only wanted to know. I am but a simple bartender."

"Why should I believe you?" I replied.

"Why should you not?"

It was quiet for a moment. The dirty bottles had marked my skin with dirt. My white blonde hair, now three inches longer, picked up slightly from the wind coming from the open door.

"Tell me your first name." he asked. He seemed to be almost pleading now.

"Sawyer." I replied. The bartender's face did not change.

"Sawyer Dumbledore?"

"Yes."

He looked from me to Draco. He gave Draco a hard glare and Draco returned the favor.

He opened his mouth again but Draco pulled me out of the bar very flustered.

"Who does he think he is? How dare he interrogate you like that? That dirty old prick."

"He didn't interrogate me."

"None the less!" Draco replied. "He was still acting very queer. I would prefer you not to go back there anymore."

"Are you asking me or telling me?" I asked.

"What would you say if I said both?"

"Then I would stroll right back in and strike up more conversation on the origin of my name."

"I can never win with you." he said.

"No you can't. I suggest you get used to it."

We went somewhere in the woods and sat on a rock. Draco started a fire by magic and I sat there watching him. We sat together in silence and sipped our drinks. My mind was milling over what had just happened. Why did he want so badly to know my name? It wasn't the first time I'd ever been in there. I had been in there last year when the D.A. started. I heard Hermione muttering to Dean and I became very interested. She seemed reluctant to tell me anything but I wasn't going to go the whole year without learning a decent bit of real magic. Unlike the others, I didn't give two shits about the novel he told about the night Cedric died. Harry told me the story and I believed him. End of story.

The more I thought of it, there were quite a few people in the pub that day, he might not have seen me.

Why do I care? He's just some bartender.

_But he was so familiar._

If only I could place him.

"Sawyer!" yelled Draco. He'd probably been trying to get my attention.

"What?"

"I've been trying to talk to you!"

"Don't get your knickers in a knot. I'm talking to you now."

"Did you know that man?" he asked. He'd been thinking about it too.

"No. Never seen him before. But something about him was familiar."

"You must know him. Why else would he be so interested?"

"I don't know, Draco. I don't know."

It was quiet for a while. The only sound was the crackle of the fire. I waited for Draco to speak. After a minute, I took initiative.

"Talk to me." I said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't want 'us' to just be the two of us running around and snogging."

He smiled.

"And what's wrong with that?" he leaned in a bit closer and I didn't move.

"Just talk to me. Tell me about…I don't know…your childhood or something."

"My childhood?" he gave me a skeptical look.

"It doesn't have to be that. Anything." I replied.

His face scrunched up and I could tell something made him uneasy. It didn't take a genius to know he didn't have a much more pleasant childhood than I did.

"I don't want to talk about it." he said with a flat-line voice.

"Fine then, something else."

It was quiet for a while and Draco might've still been mulling over the childhood thing. He wasn't really paying attention.

"Family?"

"No!" I lit a small fuse. I would've snapped at him if I didn't know his family life sucked. I remembered that only after I asked.

"Alright then, favourite colour! _Something _Draco! I barely know anything about you!"

"Maybe it's better that way!" he snapped.

"Don't snap at me!"

I stood up.

"I didn't-" he started.

"No! I know you're life isn't any more pleasant than mine but I thought maybe you could share! Maybe we could find some common ground other than the fact that we're attracted to each other!"

"You said no commitment!" he said.

"So that means I can't know anything about your personal life? Is that it?"

"No! Did you hear me say that?" the colour was flooding his face. For some reason I was irrationally angry.

"I may have said 'no commitment' but if that meant you had free reign to only want me physically I may have said the wrong things!"

He yelled in frustration.

"That isn't what I meant at all!" he yelled. He reached for me arm but I pulled it back.

"No! I'm leaving."

"Sawyer! Stop whining and come back here!"

I stormed away from the spot fuming. How dare he? The git can't even talk to me! What kind of a relationship can I have if I don't know anything about him?

Maybe I'm acting too quickly. We've only been "together" for a short amount of time.

But still! He can't even tell me something about his life! I wasn't asking for his diary!

I wasn't even paying attention to where I was going and I slammed into someone. I made a grunting noise and continued. I didn't even see who I bumped into.

* * *

Harry Potter.

* * *

Sawyer had just ran into me and almost knocked me down. I supposed she must've been really infuriated to have hit me that hard.

Moments later I saw a very flustered Malfoy storm out of a patch of bushes that led to the woods. He went the opposite direction. I went down the path he came out of out of curiosity. There was a small spot where a fire had just been and two unfinished butterbeers. It didn't take a genius to see what had gone on. Sawyer and Malfoy were on a date but got in a fight. And a big one from the likes of it. I was immediately shocked by the fact that they were dating. I had my suspicions but didn't think it would actually happen. Hermione probably wouldn't be surprised at all.

The Hogsmeade trip was coming to a close and all of the students were making their way back to the castle. It was growing late in the afternoon and in a few hours I would be going to Dumbledore's office for another lesson. I stayed in the common room with Hermione and we did our homework. Ron was off with Lavender somewhere else. I was trying hard to concentrate but Ginny was sitting by the window with Dean. Every once in a while Hermione would snap her fingers and bring me back to Earth.

Sawyer was doing her homework in another chair looking as frustrated as ever. She didn't seem to have blown off any steam from before. Seamus was struggling with his work because he was trying to get her to talk about it. She only shook her head. He eventually gave up asking. I already knew what was wrong. She said something I couldn't hear and gathered her things. Seamus watched her head up the stairs with a suspicious expression. Two second years were in her way and she muttered something to them. The girl cocked her eyebrow and said "Make me."

A few people waited to see what would happen. Sawyer glared at the girls and they slowly backed away. She grabbed the second year's collar and threw her out of her way. The girl almost fell to the ground. Sawyer gave her one last seething stare and headed up the stairs. Seamus showed no sympathy for her either.

"Didn't you see she was upset?" said Seamus. The entire Common Room was silent.

The girl's eyes welled up and she ran out of the Common Room in a very attention seeking sort of way. Her friend ran after her. Hermione turned to me.

"I feel sorry for her." she said.

"I don't. Even if it wasn't Sawyer she was talking to, she was still rude." I replied.

"I suppose…You'd better head to Dumbledore's office."

"You're right. See you in a few." I said as I stood.

I made my way to Dumbledore's Office and up the stone steps. He sat behind his desk looking at me through his half-moon spectacles.

"Ah, Harry. We meet again."

"Good evening Professor." I said.

"I sense something is troubling you Harry."

"Well, sort of…"

"You know that you can always confide in me."

I paused thinking of the right words.

"Well, there's a student I've been paying attention to but she's being really obnoxious about every time I try to speak to her or if something small happens. "

"I assume you're talking about Sawyer."

"Yes."

Dumbledore smiled.

"Sawyer is not a complicated soul if you know some of her past. If you really want to understand her, you must see her the same way we see Riddle. Know the past to know the person. You've been a classmate of Sawyer's for six years of her life. That is a significant amount of time for a sixteen year old."

He stood up and pondered something.

"I wonder if we could take a bit of time out of our usual schedule. I am aware of the urgency with which we are addressing young Tom Riddle, but I see no reason that Sawyer should have one other person understand her. She might like adding to her total of four people."

I grew a bit tense when Dumbledore said only four people really understand her. That would be himself, Fleur, Seamus, and…Malfoy?

"Sir, who is the last person?" I asked.

"But you already know." he said with a smile.

"Do you mean…Draco Malfoy, sir?"

"Yes, I do. But don't tell Sawyer that. She is unaware that I know of their relationship."

He chuckled to himself.

"Oh to be young and think yourself sly. I am a bit more attentive than she may think."

He walked over to the pensieve and pulled a silvery strand from his temple.

"Harry, if you would be so kind."

I stepped over to the pensieve and lowered my face into it. The scene swirled around me and I found myself standing in a hallway at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was standing in front of a very frustrated fourteen year old Sawyer.

"Why does it have to be ME? Why does it ALWAYS have to be ME?" she yelled.

"Sawyer, don't be angry." said Dumbledore.

"How can I not be angry?" she said. Tears were forming in her eyes. "You saw her uncle Albus! She's just like me!"

"I know."

"Then why does she have a family and I don't?"

"I always thought I was part of your family."

"You know what I mean. She has parents! I don't! Why don't I have a mother and she does?"

"Miss Delacour is just one of the lucky ones. Veela are unpredictable. Most have no motherly instinct. I would think that Mrs. Delacour is just different. You shouldn't be too upset over it."

"How can I not be? It's not fair!"

"Is this really the only problem Sawyer? I'm sensing something else."

Sawyer was quiet.

"You've mentioned every contestant…except for Mr. Potter."

Sawyer snorted.

Ouch.

"And why should I mention him?"

"You're obviously envious. I understand."

"Envious? ENVIOUS?" she was seething. Dumbledore only gave her a pleasant smile.

I was sure she would go off on him but she gained control of herself and sat back down.

"Fine. I envy him." she said. I was shocked. Sawyer envied ME?

"And why is that?" asked Dumbledore. She glared.

"Why else? Everyone already loves him. This competition will only give him more brownie points."

"You're jealous of the mutual respect and love of Harry Potter but not the fame?"

"No. Not the fame. I just…" she stood up and walked away. I almost thought she was going to leave.

Dumbledore waited.

"All I want…is to be loved. But I push everyone away."

"I can think of another who does the same thing."

He looked over at the crest of Salazar Slytherin. No doubt he had Malfoy in mind.

The scene went away.

"I understand her actions are often rash." said Dumbledore. "But after so much anguish and so much pain, she has become calloused to anyone and everyone. She has dealt with things a girl her age ought never to know. I know you are still processing what you have seen but we need to move on. I only ask that you have a little more patience with her. She feels loneliness that someone as loved and admired as yourself can often have difficulty understanding. Last year, when no one believed you, is what she faces every day. Your pain is of loss, her pain is of never having at all. You two are quite similar but she'll never allow herself to see it that way."

I was silent through his speech. I dealt with my pain much differently than she. She has set herself up for misery but only because she knows of nothing else. I held a greater respect for Seamus having dealt with her anger and sadness for all these years. I would have become fed up with it eons earlier than him.

"And now, on with our lesson. I will need you to put my niece from your mind for now."

But how could I? I remembered the scene in Hogsmeade. The first real relationship since Seamus might already be destroyed.

* * *

I made a mental note to not care so much.


	22. Talking

Time had moved quickly. Draco and I weren't on speaking terms. If I passed him in the hallway he would pretend to be uninterested. I knew he was pretending because he had a hurt bunny look on his face when he thought I wasn't looking. He diverted his anger towards Potter. Truthfully I didn't care. He was giving me too much attention. He would stare at me and if Hermione was with him she would give me a sympathetic look. As if I wanted her sympathy. I had been focusing on the Christmas holiday to come. Seamus had a surprise. That surprise involved me not staying at Hogwarts for Christmas as usual.

"Just a hint?" I asked Seamus in the common room.

"No!" he said, clearly amused by my begging. "I will not tell you until we leave. The journey is more for me but I think you'll enjoy it!"

"If it's for you than I won't." I replied.

"Oh, come on."

The surprise kept my mind off of Draco. I couldn't really say I missed Draco. There wasn't much to miss. We barely knew each other. Though I couldn't technically miss him, I wanted him back. Every part of me ached when I would walk past him pretending not to notice. I wished we could just tape things up. I would have, the fight was stupid, but it was entirely his fault and I wasn't about to apologize for something I didn't do. Some nights I would think I overreacted and plan on speaking to him the next morning. Those thoughts quickly went away when I played the conversation back in my head. Maybe I did overreact but I felt it was justified. What kind of a relationship can you have if you know nothing about the other person?

"I still can't believe he got mad at you." said Seamus during Herbology one day. I noticed a pin on his shirt with the acronym S.P.E.W. on it. I made a mental note to ask him about it later. "You sure you don't want me to gut him?"

"No. I'd much rather you made me feel better."

"Well first break ups aren't easy. But are you guys broken up? You didn't really say."

I thought to myself, had we broken up? Surely not. It was a stupid fight. Better we have them now and work them out. Then I would doubt we ever would. Draco and I both had terrible pride and would not admit if we were wrong. A small part of me hoped one of us would crack eventually.

I was walking through the halls engulfed in my thoughts when I ran into Professor Slughorn. Quite literally. He seemed delighted to see me. I hadn't turned up at any of his dinners and he made forced me to swear on my life that I would come to the Christmas party. I promised I would. Draco wouldn't be there and I would gladly accept any excuse not to think about him.

"I simply won't have it!" he said with a smile. "You must be there! Your face will surely be brighter than whatever decoration I put up. I'm certain of it! Give me your word, Miss Dumbledore."

The party fast approached and before I could say Quidditch it was already the morning of. I had asked Seamus to go with me seeing as I would have no one to talk to if I didn't. I didn't really care if people thought we were together. All the more witnesses thinking I wasn't with Draco.

For the night, I decided to wear a powder blue gown. It wasn't flashy and powder blue was a nice colour for me. Seamus wore acid green dress robes. They so violently clashed with my gown that I was sent into a fit of laughter when I saw him. I knew he chose the colour because he was Irish.

When we arrived to the party, I realized I sort of matched Luna Lovegood. Luna had always been perfectly lovely to me and, although she was a bit weird, I found her very amusing. She made a nice remark about my dress and I gave her a smile.

I had circled the room a few times with Seamus feeling disgustingly bored.

"This is almost as bad as the ministry party." I said.

"I know what you mean. At least Percy Weasley isn't here to bother you."

I laughed at the thought.

Slughorn had gotten a hold of me before I could duck away. He introduced me to many different people. I was only slightly above average talent in potions but I assumed he wanted me in his club because of Fleur (he would've wanted the set rather than just one twin) I hardly cared about the ministry stuffed shirts he introduced me too, I felt more like a trophy. They weren't really interested in hearing me. They all loved the sound of their own voices. The only one I really liked was the vampire. I didn't know his name and he wasn't very attracted to my blood. Being half veela, I wasn't as appealing.

Fleur had been an instant hit with the ministry workers, as I knew she would be. She was beautiful and charming. She also pretended to be unnaturally interested in what they had to say, whereas I would slip away at the first possible opportunity.

Ludo Bagman had shown up and made it a priority to give me the details on how lovely she was.

"Just a treat!" he said. I crushed the cream puff I was holding. "It really is astounding how similar you two are! Almost the exact same face." he looked around and his voice trailed off. "Though," he said "do keep it between us but, I do much prefer Blondies." as he spoke he picked up a chocolate chip Blondie and took a bite giving me a wink. As thoroughly creeped out as I was, he preferred me to Fleur. That was enough to brighten my evening.

The party was painfully dull until Filch barged in with the scruff of Draco's neck in his dirty hand. I pushed my way through the crowd to see him. He had darker circles under his eyes than I'd ever seen him. He didn't look at anyone but Snape.

"He says he was invited to your party sir." Filch said to Professor Slughorn. He had a very malicious grin on his face.

Snape seemed positively shocked by his appearance, as did everyone else. His eye caught mine for a moment. He inspected my appearance. In that moment we both knew what was really going on. The petty game of ignoring each other had now become very stupid. I was ready to make up whenever he was. But before I could speak a word, he had left. Slughorn had authorized his attendance to the party but Snape had asked for a word.

"I'll be right back." I said to Seamus. He understood I was going after Draco.

* * *

Seamus Finnegan

* * *

Sawyer had just left to follow Draco which meant I was free to find Hermione. I wore her spew badge on my dress robes every day since I bought it. I bought an entire box saying I would give them to my family. It was mostly truth. Even if they didn't want them I would force them to take them. Hermione seemed so passionate about it that it seemed like a good idea. Common interest. I honestly didn't really care about house elves but if Hermione loved them, so would I.

She came to the party with Cormac McLaggen. I hated the boy's guts and, from what I could tell, she was having a horrid time with him. I found her hiding by a window speaking to Harry.

"Hi, Hermione! Hey, Harry." I said. They were happy to see me.

"Come with Sawyer?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. We don't really want people thinking we're dating but she wouldn't talk to anyone if I wasn't here." I made sure to speak very clearly about Sawyer and I not being together. Hermione hadn't seemed to hear me.

"You're wearing the badge!" she exclaimed. I blushed.

"Oh, yeah! Thought it might look nice."

"See, Harry! Some people agree!" she said. Harry just rolled his eyes when she turned away. "You don't know how much this means to me Seamus! Another supporter!"

"Anything to help the cause!" I replied. Harry was eyeing me suspiciously.

"Where _is_ Sawyer?" asked Harry. My smile went away.

"She went out for a bit. Powder her nose I think."

"Excuse me." said Harry.

He weaved his way through the crowd and walked right out the door. I was too engulfed in Hermione to notice. She was talking very heatedly about the mistreatment of house elves and I listened with rapt attention. It did sound quite sad but as far as I knew, they were happy. Of course, I didn't say this.

My mind was on no one else but Hermione. Even as Sawyer was making up with her "boyfriend", Harry was becoming more paranoid, Snape was covering his arse, and Malfoy was exploding with emotions.

* * *

Harry Potter

* * *

I covered myself with the invisibility cloak to follow Sawyer. She would lead me straight to Malfoy and Snape. They were both in Snape's office and Sawyer and I, though she didn't know I was there, were listening outside the door. I accidentally got too close and tripped on my own two feet. Bumping into her exposed me and my cloak. To my astonishment, Sawyer was completely unphased.

"Are you trying to get us killed? Let me under there at once!" she whispered harshly. She reminded me very much of McGonagall.

I didn't mind being with Sawyer under the invisibility cloak. We both had the same goal. Though her aroma was a bit overpowering. She gave off an intoxicating thick sweet smell. I had to distance myself so I could breathe normal air.

I couldn't get much out of Draco and Snape's conversation. At least, nothing very damning. But what I heard was indeed valuable. I would have to tell Ron and Hermione another time.

* * *

Sawyer Dumbledore

* * *

I came out from the invisibility cloak without saying a word to Harry. Draco was off in the direction of the Room of Requirement and I had to follow him. I grabbed his arm the way he always did to me.

He turned around angrily, expecting to see Snape. But upon seeing me his expression softened.

Neither of us spoke. We didn't really know what to say.

"I'm sorry." we both said at the same time. We smiled.

"What are you sorry for?" he asked.

"Well…I overreacted a bit…" I said looking away from him.

"A bit?" he laughed. I smiled.

"So…" I said.

"Are we okay?" he asked.

"Only if you decide to volunteer some information from now on! I want to get to know you Draco. I'm not asking for the deepest, darkest corners of you heart. I just want to get to know the real you."

Draco paused and looked away. He seemed to be thinking of something.

"Alright. But I want you to know that whatever I tell you is confidential. "

"Understood."

"And I won't be volunteering too much. I don't really like to talk."

I started to get angry again.

"I just said you don't have to spill your heart out! God, Draco! You need to stop thinking that whatever you tell me will send you to hell! It's not like I've never seen worse! Like I said before, favourite colour, first pet, your bloody I.Q. would suffice! Or a favourite memory! Things that a normal couple would know about one another!"

"Yes, but"

"I can't believe you're still arguing!"

I turned around and started to stomp away but he ran in front of me.

"Okay! Okay! In order? Green, a dog named Scout, I don't even know what an I.Q. is, and when I was six my father taught me how to fly."

I paused and he sighed. It took me a minute to remember all the questions I'd posed. I couldn't even think of a response. He finally did it. Draco Malfoy _volunteered_ information that wouldn't drag anyone else's name in the mud.

It was quiet for another minute. But then I started to laugh and I couldn't stop. it was the look on Draco's face that amused me. He looked like such a child with the defiant look on his face and all he told me was what his favourite colour was and a few other insignificant things. It was ridiculous! I was laughing so hard that tears were rolling down my face. On hearing my laughter, Draco started to chuckle. It turned into giggles and soon enough he was laughing almost as hard as me. It took a few minutes before we were finished. I had never heard Draco laugh before and seeing the expression on his face was like looking at an entirely different person. His dark circles were less noticeable, the sallowness gained some colour. He looked happy.

Soon I realized we were just walking. I had no idea where we were going and I was pretty sure neither did he. I didn't care. We'd never talked so easily before. Draco was starting to trust me more and more and I was perfectly happy with the new development.

After about a minute I realized I completely abandoned Seamus on accident. But then I thought "He's a big boy. He can handle being by himself."

Draco and I went out onto the grounds and sat on a bench. Our dress robes were quite thick so we weren't terribly cold. But, being a woman, I grew cold much faster. He put his arm around me since it was much too chilly to give me his robe. It didn't make much difference but I thought the gesture was nice enough. I began telling him a favourite memory of mine.

Fleur had been teasing me because I couldn't spell Dumbledore right. (She was actually yelling at me but I didn't feel like telling a sob story.) I was about five years old and not the best speller. I started to cry and went down to Hagrid's. He wanted to cheer me up so much that he took me into the Forbidden Forest just to show me a unicorn. I felt about a billion times better afterward.

Draco didn't say much but he did tell me a few stories, told me some things that he likes (like spaghetti and his broomstick) and things he doesn't like (Potter, bananas, Potter, History of Magic, and Potter.) I listened very intently and by the time either of us got tired, it was already midnight.

"What are you doing over Christmas holiday?" I asked him.

"Going home. Nott's coming with me. He always spends holidays with us."

"How come?" I asked. Draco was quiet. "You can trust me you know." I said quietly.

"His father is in Azkaban. Been there for a few years. The ministry convicted him of being a death eater."

"That's awful." I said. I knew it was true but it must've been terrible for Nott.

"You know, spending Christmas with my family is not terrible. And besides, it gets boring." he said. I could tell he was embarrassed because he put on a

"I'm sorry but…I'm going home with Seamus. He has some sort of surprise."

I truly was sorry, but a small part of me was scared. I thought it was much too soon for me to spend Christmas holiday with him.

"S'alright." he said. He didn't seem much surprised. "Probably too soon anyway. Just wanted to ask."

Suddenly he looked very solemn. I never thought of Draco as a lonely person, seeing as he was always surrounded by friends, but I wondered how many of the were real friends. Nott surely was. But what of the others?

"Would you mind if I wrote to you?" I asked. I hadn't even thought before asking the question.

"Sure." he said. he didn't look at me. He was obviously embarrassed that I rejected him.

"I should head in." I said. "Tomorrow is the last day of term and I still haven't packed." I stood up so did he. The night had become a little awkward. We were moving a little fast and it was more than likely because we wanted to make up for our fight with big gestures. "Goodnight." I said.

He gave me a kiss and I walked away.

"Sawyer." he said.

"Yes?"

"That man…in the pub. Has he contacted you at all?"

I had completely forgotten about him.

"Come to think of it…no. I'll keep my eyes peeled." I said with a smile. He smiled too. I walked into the castle and up the marble staircase eager to go to bed.

I'd had a very long and slightly strange night. I hoped at least Seamus had fun.

* * *

Hermione Granger

* * *

Seamus and I had been talking to each other about elf rights all night long. He had bought all of my pins but tonight I realized just how little he knew. The best part was, he actually seemed interested! He looked me in the eyes all night and he never once interrupted me! He didn't even make fun of the title of my organization. (Which is much more than I can say for Ron.) I never really talked to Seamus. Sometimes I would catch his eye in class but we never really spoke. I knew he had a crush on me a few years ago because he would run up and start a sentence but then turn red and run away. He stopped talking to me in third year but I never paid attention because I wasn't really interested. I assumed he had gotten over his feelings.

To be quite honest I was very flattered. Seamus was the only boy in school besides Viktor (who I can't really count since he was never enrolled at Hogwarts) and Cormac (who I positively cannot stand) who has ever shown real interest in me. It was beyond obvious that Ron liked me but he was far too stubborn to admit it. (Though I thought I may have a better chance because he's beginning to distance himself from Lavender.)

Professor Slughorn had announced that it was getting late. Though it wasn't much of an announcement since there were only about seven people left. Seamus and I left together and went up to Gryffindor tower. We parted ways at the staircases to the dormitories and I went inside feeling his eyes on me. The night had been absolutely wonderful and it could only get better from here. Christmas holiday would begin tomorrow afternoon and I could hardly wait.

I saw Sawyer's bed was empty. When I looked at the clock it was barely past midnight. As if on cue, she walked in just as I was looking at the clock. She had a very irregular smile on her face. (A smile on her face was irregular in general but this was different.) It was small but it was there.

I decided against asking her why she was smiling because either she would ignore me or she would scowl at me. I assumed she would do both. To my surprise she was even humming as she changed into her pajamas. She sat on her bed and brushed her now short silvery blonde hair.

I used to be extremely jealous of Sawyer. She was beautiful and her hair had the silky consistency my bushy hair would never have. I envied her perfect teeth because mine were always so large. But it wasn't long until I resolved that beauty wasn't everything. Sawyer was no more popular with society being beautiful as she would if she were hideously ugly.

I thought about all of this fairly quickly and chose to speak.

"Did you have fun at party?" I asked. She was caught off guard. She stopped brushing her hair and pondered for a minute.

"I suppose…" she couldn't see my eyebrows raise at the sound of a friendly response. "You?"

"Oh yes. I had a lovely time with Seamus."

I turned around only slightly to see her reaction. I wasn't completely put off to the rumor that they were going together. She may be with Malfoy but that doesn't mean she can't play the field. She smiled again. I only wished I could hear what she was thinking.

It was quiet afterward and I was very tired. I was about to close my eyes when she spoke again.

"Hermione…" she said.

"Yes?" I replied.

She was quiet for a minute. I could hear shifting in her bed.

"Did you ever…find someone…a romantic someone…you could open up to? About everything?" she asked. She was already acting very much out of character but saying this to her would be a very stupid idea.

I stopped. The answer was no. I'd never been in a serious relationship with anyone before. I could imagine how she felt. Telling Ron my secrets wasn't always difficult and I've come to think of him romantically from time to time. We'd just never had a label.

"No." I replied.

She was quiet.

_Hmm. _I thought. _Well, now I know where she and Draco stand. Maybe this isn't just a fling._

I'd sort of known this would happen. Sawyer isn't a "fling" type of girl.

* * *

_And with the way Malfoy is, they deserve each other._


	23. Correspondence

Christmas holiday started off with a bang. The news of Ron Weasley being poisoned had circulated around the entire school. I knew he was alright so I didn't linger on the subject. I didn't want a damper on my holiday so early. Seamus and I boarded the train together and sat alone together in our compartment. I didn't feel the need to say goodbye to Draco. We weren't leaving each other just yet. He and Nott were down a few compartments also by themselves. Potter and the two Weasleys were also leaving for the holiday. (Though I didn't really care about them.) I spent my time playing twenty questions with Seamus trying to figure out what exactly we were doing for the holiday.

"Are we traveling?" I asked.

"You know that already! You're really terrible at this game."

"Well we're not seeing your mum, we're traveling, we'll be by ourselves"

"Only for the beginning. We'll be with other people in a bit."

"Is it family?"

"I hope so."

"What do you mean you hope so? It's a yes or no answer!"

"Alright, do you really want to know?"

"YES!"

Seamus looked outside of the compartment to make sure we weren't overheard. I became instantly suspicious. Seamus doesn't have a lot of important secrets. He sat back down and took a deep breath. Rummaging through his pockets he pulled out a piece of paper that was opened and folded so many times it looked as is it might rip at the crease. I looked at the slip. The handwriting was a bit sloppy and rushed but I could still read it.

_5500 Burmingham Court Road, Walthamstow, London, WC2H 8GA_

"An address? Is this where we're staying?" I asked.

"Might be. But it's where we're going." he said with a smile.

I was completely lost.

"So we're going here, but not staying. We _might_ be staying with family, and this is going to be all holiday?"

"Maybe."

"WOULD YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WE'RE DOING?"

"Anything from the trolley dears?" asked the plump witch outside our compartment.

I bought some sandwiches and a licorice wand. I was chewing furiously waiting for Seamus to give me some answers.

"That note," he began. "is from my mother. She sent it to me about a month ago. The address…" he took another deep breath "is where my father lives."

I stopped chewing.

"We're going to see your father?" I asked. He nodded. I put my sandwich down. We were quiet. "Sorry. If I'd known-"

"It's alright. I'm just glad you're with me. I don't know if I could go alone."

"Well now you don't have to."

The train pulled into King's Cross station and came to a halt. We grabbed our things and went outside to stand in line to leave. I didn't pack much. A few outfits and my toothbrush. I knew wherever we were staying, it would have shampoo. I don't ride brooms and I didn't plan on doing any of the works assigned to us over the holiday. That can come later.

I looked around to try and find Draco. Maybe we could sneak a goodbye before leaving each other for a few weeks. He was with Nott and his mother. He had not yet caught my eye because he was doing the exact same thing as me. When he finally saw me he almost came forward had it not been for his mother. She noticed he wasn't paying attention and when she saw it was me he was looking at, she put a hand on his arm and gently led him away. Normally he would've gone to me anyway but he didn't want to make a scene with all the people around. We gave each other one last glance before I lost him in the crowd.

Seamus and I hailed a cab and the stout cab driver took us to a pub near The Leaky Cauldron. Seamus went up to the bartender and made reservations for us to stay there. It was a good choice because it was cheap, it was in London, and it was right next to Diagon Alley. He rented a two bed room and gave me the key. He was going to get us some drinks while I put our stuff away. When Seamus came up I asked him a few questions.

"When are we going?" I asked.

"Dunno. I don't want to go now, I want to prepare myself a bit. This isn't going to be easy."

"Do you think he has a new family?"

"Probably. But mum doesn't know anything about him anymore. They stopped talking before I was born."

I knew how important this was for Seamus but I didn't want to be bored on the first day of Winter holiday.

"I think we should go to Diagon Alley. Maybe get some ice cream or something."

"In winter?... Sure. I guess."

I packed our money in my small brown bag and we went through the passage way.

When we walked through Diagon Alley it was nothing like how I remembered it. I hadn't been there since my incident in Knockturn Alley and things had taken a turn for the worst. Everything I saw was about dark objects. Protect yourself from them, buy them, sell them, learn to recognize them. Everything was about dark things now. The only ray of sunshine I saw was Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. I could see how incredibly popular the store was and decided not to look until the crowd died down. I'm not exactly a crowd person.

Seamus and I continued walking until some stupid kid was running from his friends and knocked straight into me.

"Watch it!" I yelled.

It was a boy who was about eight or nine years old. He quickly scurried away and a woman, who I assumed was his mother, ushered the other children away hurriedly.

"Sawyer!" Seamus urgently whispered. "You can't do that anymore!"

"What, scold a kid that deserves it? Little bugger ran into me!"

"I know but you have to be careful! You could get in serious trouble!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Everyone is afraid now that You-Know-Who's back! They don't want to step out of line and anyone who does is immediately a threat!"

"Oh please, do I look like a Death Eater?"

"Some of them are brilliant deceivers Sawyer! Look at some of the ones I the ministry! Dolohov has been part of the ministry for nineteen years and only the Order suspects him!"

"Alright, alright I see your point. Fine, let's go to some dinky store and pretend to shop until we feel it's 'safe'." I put air quotes when I said safe.

Seamus and I went into a small herbal store. We were immediately punched in the face from the stench. I briefly considered maybe Trelawney owned it, she certainly chose the perfumes. We pretended to shop for about ten minutes until neither of us could stand the fumes anymore. I opted to find a bar and order some drinks. The smell was giving me a headache. We walked down the street searching for one when I noticed some people staring at me.

I lightly tugged at Seamus' sleeve to get his attention. He looked at the people. It was same child who hit me and the woman he ran to. She was surrounded by some children who I assumed were hers. Next to her whispering furiously was a very burly man. He had a thick beard and was stocky. When he noticed us looking at him he made our way toward us. Seamus and I pretended not to notice and went in whatever direction we could. I had turned around to see the man when I noticed the light was fading. I looked ahead of me and my worst fears were realized. Seamus had taken us into Knockturn Alley. We hid against a wall and waited for a minute until we were sure the man wasn't following us. I realized if they thought I was a dark witch before, turning into Knockturn Alley probably wasn't the best idea.

Seamus walked down the cobbled and winding street and I felt myself shaking. I wondered if I would recognize where I was taken. Maybe the men were still here. Maybe I would see them. Would I recognize them? Would they recognize me? Surely they would. Not being vain but I doubt they would forget my face. I quietly pleaded that none of the above would happen. Everything was so quick that I most likely wouldn't know the room if I passed it at that moment. I pulled back.

"Sawyer?" he asked.

"I…I can't." I whispered.

"What're yo-….oh God. Oh God, Sawyer I'm so sorry! I forgot! I'm so stupid!"

"No…" I whispered. "You're not…let's just leave."

"Okay. I-"

"Well, I'll be damned." said a gravelly voice behind us.

My blood turned to ice and I froze on the spot. A man sat up about fifteen feet behind Seamus. He had long hair and tattered clothes. He was very dirty and had a large scar across his face. He advanced toward us slowly and I could almost hear Seamus growling.

"Ain't no way, you're the girl from way back when."

I said nothing. He laughed a very wheezy laugh.

"I can't believe it. After all these years here you are again! Didn't get enough last time?" he took a step forward and Seamus pushed me back. I couldn't do anything.

"Back off." he said.

"You kiddin' boy? I could eat you for breakfast."

"No one talks to her that way."

"I see you've got yourself a bo. Well isn't that just peachy?"

Out of nowhere I had found my voice.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed. I was backing up and tripping over a few loose stones. He only laughed. Seamus hadn't moved and was staring at him as if about to kill him.

A very large wizard appeared from behind a door.

"IRV! Get back here! Your break is over!"

Irv stood completely still. After a few seconds he walked towards the large wizard. He watched me the entire time until he walked into the door.

I didn't know what to do.

My legs just moved on their own and I ran to the stairs and out of Knockturn Alley. I ran through Diagon Alley as fast as my legs would carry me and ducked into the nearest shop. I hid behind a shelf of God-know's-what and just sat there. I didn't cry. I didn't want to be found. I just wanted to try and breathe. My mind was racing and I wanted it to stop. Everything was happening too quickly! Had it really only been ten minutes? Was it more? Was it less? I just wanted everything to stop and cool down.

A felt a hand on top of my shoulder and I coiled back so fast that I knocked a few books off of a shelf. It was a witch. She had the same concerned expression as the one that found me three years before. I said nothing to her and left the store. Seamus was running in and out of every store in Diagon Alley looking for me. Once he saw me standing in the middle of the street he ran to me as fast as he could. He gripped my shoulders.

"Don't ever scare me like that again! I thought I'd never find you." he said out of breath.

"Let's just go." I replied.

He nodded. When we arrived to our room I decided to write a letter to Draco. Seamus told me he was going to get something for us to eat but I knew he wanted to leave me alone. I'd just been slightly traumatized and he knew I wouldn't want him seeing what I was writing to Draco. Even if it was innocent.

_Dear Draco, _I started. I paused. No, that sounds so cliché.

I scratched it out.

_Draco_, That's better but it sounds kind of rude.

I scratched that out too.

_Dearest Draco, how I long for your icy blue eyes to meet mine once more. _I laughed at this and scratched it out.

_Draco, _It sounds kind of rude but I'm kind of rude so I think it'll work.

_Draco,_

_I hope your Christmas holiday is going better than mine._

Should I tell him? No. Too soon.

_I miss you_. No. Too fruity.

_How are you? _Lame!

_How's the family? _Okay, worst thing you could have ever put _EVER_.

_I miss you. _Well, at least it's true.

_Christmas is right around the corner, I'll send your gift soon. It'll be there by then._

What am I getting him? Figure that out later.

_Write back anytime._

_-Sawyer._

I looked it over.

_Draco, _

_Hope your Christmas holiday is going better than mine. Christmas is right around the corner, I'll send your gift soon. It'll be there by then. Write back anytime._

_-Sawyer._

Simple. Short. To the point. It was so me.

"Perfect." I said to myself.

I borrowed Seamus' owl to send the letter. He wouldn't mind. I watched the tawny fly away and felt much better with the knowledge that Draco would read my letter pretty soon. I knew it was silly but I had become friends with the little butterflies that occupied my stomach. I let them roam free as opposed to oppressing them. Now that Draco and I had established ourselves as "together" I was free to feel however I wished. I hoped he was feeling the same way.

I turned over to my side and fell asleep thinking of my future with Seamus and with Draco at my side.

* * *

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Two days after Christmas break.

I received Sawyer's letter two days after she sent it. When I got it I didn't know who it was from. When I recognized Sawyer's handwriting, I took it up to my bedroom to read alone. I smelled the letter hoping it would smell like her. It didn't. It smelled like paper. Even though I was alone, I was embarrassed I did something so silly. I wasn't really sure how to reply. The simplicity of the letter made me smile.

So Sawyer.

What would I say?

_Sawyer_, That sounds fine so far.

_My holiday hasn't been great either. I'm not surprised you miss me_. That sounds so rude.

Well, it's true.

_I'll see you soon. It'll only be a few weeks. I'll send your gift soon too._

What should I get her? I think of something later.

_Nott sends his best regards._

_-Draco._

I looked it over..

_Sawyer,_

_My holiday hasn't been great either. I'm not surprised you miss me. I'll see you soon. It'll only be a few weeks. I'll send your gift soon too. Nott send his best regards._

_-Draco._

It was as simple as hers. What could be more fitting?

"Draco!" called Nott from behind my door. "If you and your right hand are quite finished, I'd like to take a walk on the terrace."

"Why? So you can seduce me enough to frolic with you behind the hedges?" I replied. I tied the letter to my snowy owl.

"Clever Draco, would you be shocked if it was because I wanted to get a closer look at that groundskeeper of yours?"

"Considering she's twenty-three and blonde, not in the slightest."

"Then hurry up! If I go out alone I'll showcase myself as a complete creep."

"As opposed to what you already are?" I said as I opened the door.

"Let's just go already."

I did not glance back as I closed my bedroom door. I would have plenty of time to think about Sawyer when I came back.

* * *

_Not like she doesn't inhabit my head most of the time already._


	24. Family

It had been four days since I sent the letter to Draco. I'd already made his present and sent it to him. Seamus and I had done our shopping. Because I didn't want him to see what I was getting him for Christmas and vice versa, he would close his eyes when I walked in the store and I would do the same. Everything was wrapped neatly in our room and I'd sent most of mine already. I sent one to Uncle Albus, one to Draco, one to Minnie, and one to Bryony (Seamus' mum). I definitely wasn't sending one to Fleur and no one else was considered worthy of a gift to me. I had just finished wrapping Seamus' gift when he walked in the room.

"Sawyer!" he yelled.

I was so startled that I threw the tape in scissors in the air. Seamus laughed at my startled face.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I asked.

He sat down beside me.

"I went to the house!" he said.

"You what?" I replied.

"I went to the house! My dad's house! I didn't plan on seeing him, just driving by it. It's still there! There's a car in the driveway and I heard people inside!"

"How can you be sure it's your dad?"

"Because the postbox said Walsh."

I smiled. Seamus' father's last name was Walsh. It was also in Seamus' name. Seamus Aengus Walsh Finnegan. But I wondered.

"Does that mean we're going?" I asked. Seamus' smile slightly faltered.

"Well, why not? Christmas is only two days away. I don't want to interrupt his holiday. I don't want to walk in on Christmas and have him not want me."

I put my hand on his shoulder and said nothing. To be honest, I wasn't sure if Seamus' father would want him. I was all too familiar with being unwanted so it was difficult to tell. I opted for an uncertain lie.

"He'll want you." I said. His face told me that made him feel better.

We decided not to take our stuff because we didn't want to seem like we intended to stay. It would be really awkward if it ended up in us standing outside with all of our bags. Seamus hailed a cab and stood beside him waiting. It began to hit me how awkward I would look next to him. If Seamus' father even wanted us to stay I would look like a freeloader. I'm not even related to either of them. Though I understood Seamus wanting me to be there, it still made me uncomfortable.

He gave the cab driver the slip of paper with the address and we sat silently in the cab together. I kept my hand on his to calm him down. Seamus kept scratching his ear and rubbing his arms the whole way there. Those were things he only did when he was really nervous. Talking to Hermione was one thing but meeting his father for the first time was in a whole other category. It brought all of his nervous ticks back to the surface.

Being alone with my thoughts allowed my mind to wander. I was suddenly jealous of Seamus. He now had a second chance at connecting with family. It made me wish I could be doing the same thing. Not like I'd never considered it. Being Uncle Albus' niece made me the daughter of his brother. I purposely knew nothing about my father. I was always afraid to ask Uncle Albus about him. I was even more afraid of the answer. I used to pray he was dead so at least he would have an excuse of never finding me. Maybe he and my mother died in some freak accident and I really was an orphan. Deep down inside I knew it wasn't true. I always had a gut feeling that they really did abandon Fleur and I. And then their was Fleur Delacour. She was part veela and I was envious of her family. Hers was intact. I was jealous until I found out she was only a quarter veela. Her mother was half. My jealousy dissipated after that.

Every so often I would wonder if I should ask Uncle Albus is my father was still alive. I wanted to know what really happened. I thought I never would. Some things might be better left unknown.

I had been so engulfed in my own thoughts that I hadn't noticed the cab driving into a suburban area. Pretty soon it was cookie cutter house after cookie cutter house and everything looked like a picture from a book. Lawns were in perfect order and every so often you would see a child playing outside. They would be bundled up in their Christmas coats and you would see a wreath on the front of every door. The cab stopped in front of a plain white cookie cutter house. It wasn't exactly how I'd imagined it.

There was a white picket fence and a wreath on the front. A station wagon was in the driveway and there was a large tree in front with a swing. It was so annoyingly perfect. Everything was kept in perfect order and not one thing was out of place. The curtains behind the window were a boring 70s pattern and there was a small cat door in the door.

Seamus was breathing heavily.

"Are you gon' ge' out?" asked the cockney driver.

"Yes." I replied.

"That'll be 14.40£."

"Can you keep the cab running? We might not be staying."

"Whatevah." he said. "It'll cost you extra."

I turned to Seamus. He was looking pale. I felt the sweat from his hands in mine. I gave him a gentle squeeze.

"Come on. We have to get out sometime. This is costing me a fortune."

He took a deep breath and opened the door. I stepped out after him. He made it as far as the picket fence before he stopped. I gripped his arm and he turned to me. My face must've told him it was okay because he began to walk forward. I folded my arms over my powder blue winter coat. Seamus' plaid coat stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the white snow. He picked up his hand to knock on the door but stopped. I could tell he couldn't bring himself to do it. He just slightly turned his body to go back when I rang the doorbell.

The look of horror on Seamus' face sent chills down my spine. I heard the bell ring inside the house and the sound of feet walking toward the door.

"Oh God." said Seamus. "I can't. I can't."

"Yes you can." I kept my arm firmly around his so he couldn't leave without me.

A hand twisted the doorknob and I let go of Seamus. When it opened a young girl stood before us. She had a sort of deadpan but confused expression on her face. Her hair was shoulder length and honey blonde with a neat black headband pulling it back. She had blue eyes and a few freckles. She wore a white button down shirt and a plaid skirt that told me she had just gotten out of school. Her white socks went just below her knees and she wore black Mary-Jane's.

"Yes?" she said.

I said nothing.

"C…Could I, perhaps, speak to your father?" asked Seamus.

"Who are you?" she replied. Her accent was English.

"My name is Seamus. I would really like to speak to Mr. Walsh."

She wasn't really listening to him. She was looking me up and down. I was four inches shorter than her and she looked like she was about fourteen. I didn't look particularly glamorous. My hair was pin straight underneath a black wool cap and I was wearing black pants with a powder blue coat and black boots. I stared at the nearby tree to avoid her eyes. I didn't want to be rude to what could be Seamus' half sister.

"Dad!" she called into the house.

"What?" replied a voice.

"Someone here to see you." she said.

"Well, let them in dear!"

She opened the door wider for us to step in. Seamus went in first and took my hand. We looked around the house. There was a brown couch next to a perfectly decorated tree. The coffee table had a stack of coasters and an unfinished puzzle on it. There were pictures of the girl all over the house. Some certificates and awards and pictures of other family members. I couldn't tell which man in the several pictures was Seamus' father. He looked too much like his mother for me to find any similarities immediately.

A woman wearing an apron and holding a dish towel walked in.

"Well, hello!" she said in a cheery voice.

I immediately disliked her.

She had a tight bun on top of her head and her hair was the same honey blonde as the girl's. I assumed this was her mother. Her body type was the same as her daughter's too, though the girl was still lacking shape. She had thin lips and wore and obnoxiously yellow dress. The girl walked over to the couch and plopped herself onto it. She looked so unhappy.

"My name is Elizabeth. How can we help you?" she said.

"We were just looking for Mr. Walsh."

"I'm Mrs. Walsh, my husband will be here in a moment."

"M-Mrs. Walsh?" said Seamus.

That must've hurt.

"Yes. Is there something wrong?"

"No. Everything is fine." Seamus replied.

A man came into the room just then. He was tall with sandy hair just like Seamus. His bone structure was similar to Seamus' and he had the same body type. Seamus straightened up as soon as he entered the room.

"I'm Mr. Walsh. Can I help you two with something?" he said.

He looked at both of us. I heard a small alarm in the back of my mind. Something about him didn't fit quite right.

"My name is Seamus. Seamus Finnegan."

"Can I help you Seamus?"

Seamus took a deep breath.

"Do you…Do you remember Bryony Finnegan?"

Mr. Walsh's face changed for a fraction of a second. In that second I remembered that he left Seamus' mother upon learning she was a witch. I imagined hearing her name didn't bring back good memories.

"It's been many years but I do remember her." he said.

"Well, she…she was pregnant. Mr. Walsh….I'm your son."

Everything became as quiet as a graveyard.

I stood there watching everyone's faces. They were all looking at Seamus but Seamus was only looking at his father. He finally broke the silence.

"You're my son? When did? How? Why didn't she tell me?"

"She knew you weren't coming back."

He sat down in a nearby chair. He looked up at Seamus and a look of fear crossed his face.

"Are you... like her?" he asked.

"What?" Seamus asked.

I leaned to Seamus.

"He wants to know if you're a wizard." I whispered. It was Seamus' decision to tell him. I wouldn't intervene at all.

"No." he said. I was shocked. But again, it was his choice.

"What do you mean, James?" asked Elizabeth.

"Nothing. Nothing."

He finally stood up. James walked over to Seamus and put his hands on his shoulders.

"I can't believe you're my son. I'm disappointed I didn't know but I'm proud that my only son had the courage to come to me himself."

He leaned in slowly attempting to hug Seamus but Seamus was quicker. He threw his arms around James and buried his head in his shoulder. I heard muffled and quick breaths coming from Seamus. He was crying.

I smiled to myself. Finally Seamus found who he'd been looking for all his life. My jealousy had subsided itself and I was able to feel happy for him. This would be better than any Christmas gift I could've given him.

James pulled away.

"And are you my daughter?" he asked.

I laughed a lot louder than I meant to but, in order to avoid looking like a complete asshole, I sobered up.

"No, no, no. Definitely not." I replied.

"This is Sawyer." said Seamus. "She's my best friend."

"Oh! Well, it's good to have you here Sawyer!"

"Thank you." I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

He came over and hugged me the same way he hugged Seamus. I found it extremely odd but, I figured he was just overly emotional. The look I gave Seamus while his dad hugged me must have been really confused because he started laughing at my face.

Seamus wiped his eyes. He had a bigger smile on his face than I'd ever seen him wear. Elizabeth looked like she was faking her smile. She stepped into the moment as if trying to steal back the limelight.

"Well! Looks like we'll be having guests for Christmas! Welcome to the family Seamus. Why don't we introduce you to your sister?"

The blonde girl stood up from the couch and walked to her mother.

"Seamus, this is Felicity."

Felicity put out her hand and Seamus shook it. She had a deadpan expression and looked like she'd rather be anywhere but there.

"Felicity, be polite." said Elizabeth.

"Hello." she said.

"Hi." said Seamus. He was excited to meet her but I would feel awkward too if my new sister was so unwilling to communicate.

"Now that everyone is acquainted, I'll go back to fixing dinner. The chicken should be thawed by now. Excuse me. Felicity, why don't you show our guests around the house?"  
"And after that you can show them to their rooms." said Mr. Walsh.

All of us looked at him in shock. His wife pulled him aside and whispered to him asking if that was really a good idea. Seamus and I looked at each other, the air became extremely awkward. Even Felicity looked uneasy. Elizabeth reluctantly agreed which made things even more awkward. She went back to the kitchen while Felicity took us around the house. I wondered if we should have declined their offer just to lighten the tension.

Felicity walked toward a hallway. Down the hallway it was more of the same. More pictures of Felicity and a grey cat. Some of her in a tutu. They looked like the model family. It was kind of creepy.

We passed a door with a large pink F with a crown on top on it and I assumed that would be Felicity's room. She took us to a room down the hall. When she opened the door there was only one bed. Seamus and I looked at each other.

"We only have one room." said Felicity.

"That's alright." said Seamus. "We don't mind sharing, do we Sawyer?"

"It's okay. We share everything else anyways."

Felicity gave us a skeptical look and I returned the same dead look she'd been giving us all day. She was starting to get on my nerves. She closed the door and left Seamus and I alone.

I went straight for the bed and threw myself on it. It was a queen size with a maroon bedspread.

"Gryffindor colours. How ironic." I said. "Do you want to go get our stuff or should I?"

"I'll get it. I'm stronger and I want you to stay here and get a better feel of the place. We might be coming here a lot now and I want them to think of you the way mum does! I can't even believe this is happening right now! It's all going by so fast."

I smiled.

"Well, we'll have plenty of time to process it tonight. Go get our things and I'll see what I can do about Felicity."

"What do you mean?" asked Seamus.

"She seems so distant. I'm getting kind of annoyed by it."

"You're kind of distant too." said Seamus with a smirk. I laughed.

"I guess you're right. I'll see if I can get her to say more than two syllables to me."

"Okay. Be back soon." he said. I could hear him muttering to himself about his disbelief.

When he left the room I looked around. It was pretty simple. Dresser here, vanity there, window with matching curtains to the brown carpet. I sat on the bed and looked at myself in the mirror. My hand went to where my hair used to be and I felt that pang of pain in my heart. What I wouldn't give to have my long hair back.

_Another year _I told myself. Just one more year and it'll be right where I want it to be.

I heard a thump on the other side of the wall. My curiosity willed me to lean closer to find the source of the noise. Our room was right next to Felicity's so I assumed it was her. I could hear her messing with something and when she spoke it was clear as day.

"Candice?" she said. "It's Felicity. You'll never guess what just happened." a pause. "So this guy knocks on the door and asks to see my dad. He's got some blonde girl with him with hair a little longer than mine and she's really short." another pause. "About 5 feet I'd say…she was okay looking."

"Ha!" I whispered.

"So anyways, he walks into my house and when my dad comes in he's all, 'hey guess what? I'm your son'!…I know! I can't believe it! It was so weird. So my mom is being all 'I'm going to go and fix dinner now and Felicity can show them to the guest room.' yeah! They're staying with us!...I don't know how long. After what happened I don't really want them here."

I immediately became curious of what she meant. I felt an uneasiness in my stomach and was questioning whether or not staying would be a good idea.

"Probably until Christmas. Are you and Jane still coming over tomorrow? Good. You can see them for yourselves!… _Ew_! I'm not going to tell you if he's hot! I just found out he's my _brother_! You're so weird." I laughed to myself. "The girl? Her name is Sawyer, like Tom Sawyer. I know, what were her parents thinking? Well, she seems normal but she's pretty quiet. I think she's his girlfriend. He said she was his best friend but I don't believe him. They're even sharing a room! Yeah. I know. .. Well if they do anything I'll be able to hear it."

"Ew." I said to myself.

"I'll talk to you later Candice. My mum is probably going to bitch at me about my ballet practice. Okay, see you tomorrow. Bye."

Felicity hung up the phone and I found this an opportune time to bond with her. I can't dance at all but I know some about ballet so maybe we can talk about that. I heard her gathering her things in her bedroom and I knocked on her door.

"I'm practicing, mum." she said.

"It's Sawyer."

She opened the door.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"I heard you do ballet." I said trying to smile.

"How?"

"Your walls are paper thin…and there are about a hundred pictures of you in a tutu so I put two and two together."

"Did you want to watch me practice?"

"In a less creepy sort of way, I just wanted to talk."

"Okay…"

She let me in her room and I was punched in the face with girly trinkets and pink walls. She had trophies all over her room for different things like spelling bees and math competitions. A few dance medals here and there. She had a few pictures of her and her friends on a desk and other stuffed animals strewn about the room. Felicity was already dressed in her tutu and doing plies while gripping the window sill. I sat on a chair next to her vanity.

"So…" I said. "How long have you been in ballet?"

"Six years." she said.

"That's a long time….How old are you?"

"I turn fifteen next week. You?"

"Seventeen in February."

It was quiet.

"If you and Seamus are so young, how can you travel by yourselves?"

"Well, we both go to a boarding school and the train station arrives in London. Seamus lives in Ireland but we figured we'd stay here to find Seamus' dad."

"Why didn't you two just go to your house? You're obviously from England."

"I live at the boarding school. My uncle is headmaster."

"Oh. You don't live with your parents?"

"No." I said. I tried to hide the bitterness but it came out anyway.

"How come?"

"Because I'm pretty sure they're both dead."

"Oh."

Felicity's face screamed apathetic which made me dislike her even more. I just told you my parents are probably dead and you couldn't give me the satisfaction of being awkward about it? She did some more stretches in front of her mirror when a small knock came at the door.

"Felicity, I hope you're practicing." called Elizabeth from behind the door.

"I am, mother."

"Thank you, dear."

Her mother walked back down the hall. Felicity rolled her eyes.

"Not so fond of dear old mum?" I asked.

"She's okay. I just hate doing stuff like this."

"You don't like ballet?"

"Not really."

Silence.

"So what school do you two go to?"

"Hogwarts." the name came out before I could stop myself.

"Hogwarts? What kind of a school name is that?" she scoffed.

"It's a really far away school. I'm not surprised you've never heard of it."

"I go to Crendale. We're a pretty important school. I'm sure you've heard of it."

"Totally." Not once.

"Well we're one of the top schools in the nation so we're very important. The tuition is really high so not everyone can afford to go there."

She glanced at my clothes as she said that.

"Uh huh." I said. It's overwhelming how much I want to hurt you.

"So, do you have a boyfriend?" she asked.

"Yes." I replied.

"So do I. His name is Marshall. My parents don't know about him. What's your boyfriend's name?"

"Draco."

"Draco?" she scoffed again,

"Yes." I said firmly. This was a bad idea.

"What does he look like?"

"Why does it matter?" I responded.

She stopped practicing.

"My friends are coming over tomorrow." she said.

"Mhm." I no longer cared.

"Candice and Jane. They both go to Crendale. You'll meet them tomorrow."

"Mhm."

I was about to leave.

"Are you and Seamus dating?" she asked.

"No. He's my best friend. And I just told you I had a boyfriend."

"Just wondering." she said.

"I'll let you practice." I said.

And before she could reply, I left the room. I walked into the living room where I saw James watching the news.

"Do you mind if I use your swing outside?" I asked him.

"Sure, no problem!"

"Thanks."

I felt his eyes on me as I left the house.

The swing on the tree branch sat perfectly still. I sat down on it and swung back and forth. This family was going to take some time to get used to. I was already sick of them. Seamus' dad seemed normal but that wasn't difficult to accomplish with a wife and daughter like his.

As I was looking at the ground I heard the distant flapping of wings. A snowy owl was flying toward me with a letter tied around it's leg. My face lit up.

The owl landed in front of me and I hastily untied the letter from it's leg. I opened it to see Draco's handwriting in a brief letter. I read the letter three times and held it close to me. Finally some correspondence from someone other than Seamus. I ran back inside to find some parchment and a pen. (I knew they wouldn't have quills.)

"Could I borrow a pen and some parchment?" I asked James.

"Okay. What for?" he asked.

"Write a letter."

He handed me some paper and a pen. I wrote furiously.

"May I ask to whom you're writing?" he asked.

"A friend." I replied.

"Is this a close friend?"

I felt a chill.

"Yes."

He smiled.

"Well, that's good. Have fun with your letter." he left the room.

_Draco_, I wrote.

_I'm glad you wrote me back. It would have made me angry had you not. You'll have gotten this by Christmas so Happy Christmas. I can last a few more weeks. You're right. We'll see each other soon. I hope you like your gift. I actually spent time on it so if you don't like it then I just won't make you things anymore. Thank you for giving me mine. I'm sure it'll be lovely._

_Send Nott my love. He's the one I'm really writing for._

_-Sawyer._

I finished my letter and tied it to the owl when Seamus pulled up with our bags.

"Hey!" he said.

"Hey."

"How goes the bonding?"

"Terrible. She's a brat."

"Well she can't be that bad. Give her another chance."

"For your sake, I will."

"Thanks."

We walked into the house together and the look on Seamus' face told me it would be alright.

* * *

But I couldn't ignore the feeling in my gut that things were about to take a turn for the worst.


	25. Secrets

By 6.00p.m. sharp we were being called for dinner. Mrs. Walsh had made chicken with potatoes and roasted vegetables. The food was mediocre but it was the dinner conversation that killed me.

"So how was your day, Felicity?" asked Elizabeth.

"It was fine." she replied.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing."

_Riveting_.

"You know Felicity is a star student. She's among the top in her class and she's a classic ballerina. The kids in the neighborhood really look up to her."

"Really?" asked Seamus.

I was beyond uninterested. Seamus genuinely was because he was trying so hard to be a part of this new family. I stayed quiet and ate my sort-of-dry chicken.

"So what do you like to do, Seamus?" she asked.

"Sports mostly." he responded.

"What kind?"

I knew, if he could, he would say Quidditch.

"Rugby."

"Really? But it's so dangerous and dirty." she grimaced.

"Actually I find those things part of the appeal."

"Oh…well, that's nice."

She put on a fake smile.

"And what about you Sawyer? You've been awfully quiet."

"What about me?"

"Well, tell us a little about yourself. You have a family don't you?"

"Yes."

I knew I was being rude, but I didn't like her so I didn't care what she thought.

"Tell us about them." she said. I could she was growing agitated.

"I live with my Uncle and my sister."

"Sawyer's a twin." said Seamus.

I wanted to kick him.

"Really?" said Elizabeth. "How interesting. What's her name? What's she like?"

"Her name is Fleur and she's a right trout." I said while looking at my plate. I took a large bite of potato while maintaining my look of un-interest.

Elizabeth had a sour look on her face. Felicity tried not to laugh. I couldn't read James expression. He looked sort of impressed.

I felt uncomfortable.

"Sawyer and Fleur don't exactly get along." said Seamus.

"What about your parents?" she asked.

Seamus coughed.

"She thinks they're dead." said Felicity.

"Felicity!" said her mother.

"What? She told me herself."

"I did, actually. Felicity and I had a lovely chat before dinner."

Elizabeth looked flustered.

"Well then, I'm very sorry for your loss."

"I'm not. I never knew them anyway."

I continued eating like everything was normal.

"So," chimed James. "Seamus tells us that you two are best friends. How long have you known each other?"

"It'll be six years this summer." said Seamus. I now had a reason to smile.

"That's quite a long time. How did you meet?"

"We both go to the same school."

"Hogwarts." said Felicity.

Seamus looked confused.

"What?"

"Yes, I told her where we go to school Seamus." I said.

"You told her?" he whispered.

"It just slipped out." I replied.

"I've never heard of this school." said James. "Where is it?"

"It's far away. It's a boarding school." said Seamus.

"I see. So do you have anyone special in your life Seamus?" he asked.

"Excuse me?"

"You know, a lady."

James winked at him and I noticed his eyes flash to me. Elizabeth coughed.

"James, boys like Seamus shouldn't be focusing on relationships. He should be focusing on his grades like Felicity. Right Fee?" said Elizabeth.

"Mhm." said Felicity.

Seamus' cheeks were pink.

"Well, to tell you the truth there is someone." he said.

"I knew it!" said James. "It wouldn't happen to be this lovely lady would it?"

I suddenly felt something against my leg and I turned red.

"So it's true!" said Felicity. "You turned red!"

"No." I said. "I thought I felt something against my leg. I already have someone else and it's not Seamus."

"She's right. The girl I fancy isn't Sawyer. She's really great. Her name is Hermione and she's the smartest w-…girl, in our year. She's probably the smartest girl at our school actually."

"Hermione?" scoffed Elizabeth. "What an interesting name."

"I think it's lovely." said Seamus.

The table was quiet again. Everyone seemed to be finished with their dinner.

"I'll bring out dessert." said Elizabeth.

I looked at the clock. 6.30. I couldn't fake being tired until at least 8.00. Damn.

Elizabeth passed out what looked to be like blueberry cobbler. If it was as tasty as her chicken, I could live without it.

"Are those blueberries?" I asked.

"Yes." said Elizabeth. "It's my famous blueberry cobbler."

"I'm allergic to blueberries." is said.

"No-"

I kicked Seamus in the shin before he could finish.

"It's true." he said, wincing. "She's allergic to blueberries."

Elizabeth looked like she swallowed bile.

"Well, how unfortunate." she said.

She passed out cobbler to everyone accept me.

"It's no wonder you keep your figure. You always pass up on sweets." said Elizabeth. I thought she sounded fairly bitter.

"That, and I'm only sixteen. My metabolism shouldn't slow for a while."

"You never know."

Still more bitterness.

I sat through another ten minutes of empty conversation when I felt something on my leg again. Upon looking up I saw James looking at me every so often. His shoe rubbed my leg and I jumped up from the table.

"Excuse me. I have to use the loo."

I walked as quickly as I could to the nearest restroom and locked the door. I dry heaved a few times before calming down. The nerve of James making a move on me made my skin crawl. I felt like worms were crawling through my body. And then I realized,

I can't tell Seamus about this.

How could I tell him that his only father, the man he'd been searching all his life for, was a pervert? A cradle robbing freak? I couldn't. and not when Christmas was two days away. It wouldn't be right. I couldn't just take away his happiness like that.

But what would I do?

I would have to avoid James and take this secret to the grave. Hopefully he would notice my leaving as a sign of rejection. Maybe he'll back off.

I just knew there was something wrong about him.

From now on I would avoid him as much as possible. Any time I would be in a room with him it would be with someone else. Hopefully I wouldn't need to be so extreme but one can never be too cautious. I breathed a few more times before I opened the door and rejoined everyone at the table.

I sat down and crossed my legs. I made sure they pointed toward Seamus rather than toward James. He seemed to be acting as if nothing had happened. He didn't look at me for the rest of dinner.

When everyone had finished, Elizabeth cleared the table and we were all allowed to do whatever while she cleaned the dishes. Seamus and I both went to our room.

"Oh dear!" said Elizabeth.

"What?" asked Seamus.

"I just realized, we only have one guest room. You two can't possibly share."

"It's alright really." I said.

"No, no. It wouldn't be right. One of you will have to sleep on the couch. I'm terribly sorry but it's the only other space we have."

Seamus and I looked at each other.

"I'll take the couch." said Seamus.

"Really?" I asked.

"Of course. I know how cold you get at night so you need the thick comforter."

"But-"

"And I know that your back is fragile. A night on that couch would leave you sore in the morning."

My cheeks flushed.

"Fine. I'll stay in the room."

"Good. Felicity, be a dear and get Seamus some extra beddings."

Felicity went to the closet and took out a blanket and a pillow. Seamus and I went to my room and he gathered his things.

"Way to throw me under the bus, Seamus." I said when the door closed.

"It's true! That couch would be murder on your back. It doesn't look too soft."

"Yeah but now I sound fragile."

"You are. At least, you are physically."

"Thanks."

"Don't worry, I'm sure none of them care."

"But I don't want to sound weak."

I don't want James to know I'm weak.

"Don't worry about it. I'll go put my stuff down and then come back in here to talk some more."

"Fine. I'm going to change and brush my teeth."

I took out my pajamas and my tooth brush and walked to the bathroom. Their toothpaste was a generic brand that left a strange aftertaste. And the bathroom reeked of potpourri. I changed quickly so I wouldn't gag on the stench.

When I opened the door it was James I saw first.

"Oh! I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"It's no trouble." he said with a smile. I kept my eyes on the ground.

I walked down the hall when he spoke again.

"I like your pajamas." he said.

I walked without saying another word. My pajamas were a long sleeve blue sweatshirt and grey shorts. I immediately felt naked upon realizing he could see my legs. I shut the door and locked it. I climbed under the comforter and just lied there. A pillow was gripped in my hands and I slept in a fetal position that night. I dreamt of the looks on the faces of the men in Knockturn Alley. Knowing that I would only scare myself, I occupied myself with thoughts of Draco and what he might be doing right now.

* * *

DRACO

* * *

It was almost 8.00 p.m. and I was sitting in an arm chair reading a book. Nott was at the table playing wizard chess with my father. Although my father is bright, Nott has never been beaten. I knew who had won when I heard Nott's victory cries.

"A worthy opponent." said my father. "Draco, why don't you come over here and play with us. You're very good at this game."

"I'm reading." I replied.

"Yes. Draco is quite the wet blanket." said Nott.

"Come now Draco, you've been sulking around the house ever since you came home. Why not enjoy yourself a little?"

"I am enjoying myself."

"Draco, there's some post for you." said mother.

I leaped from my chair and whisked the letter from her hand. It was Sawyer's handwriting. I tore the letter open and began to read it.

"Well, well," said father. "Who's that from? I've never seen you so eager to read a letter."

"It's nothing." I said when I'd finished the letter. "I'll be in my room composing a reply."

"Come on Draco," said Nott standing up. "Let me have a look see at what's so important."

"Get away from me." I said with a sneer.

"What could possibly be so secret?" he asked with a sly smile.

"I said to stay away."

"Accio letter!" said Nott.

The letter zoomed from my hands and into his.

"_Draco_," he said in a cooing tone.

"Give it back!"

"_I'm glad you wrote me back."_

"Why you pompous little brat!"

I began chasing him around the room but he was too quick.

"_It would have made me angry had you not. You'll have gotten this by Christmas so Happy Christmas. I can last a few more weeks. You're right. We'll see each other soon. I hope you like your gift. I actually spent time on it so if you don't like it then I just won't make you things anymore. Thank you for giving me mine. I'm sure it'll be lovely._"

"I'll kill you!"

"Flattery gets you nowhere Draco_, I hope you like your gift.__ I actually spent time on it so if you don't like it then I just won't make you things anymore._ Thank you for giving me mine. I'm sure it'll be lovely."

"Dammit Nott, you'll regret this!"

"_Send Nott my love. He's the one I'm really writing for. _So the girl _does _have brains! _Sawyer_."

I'd quit chasing him. He'd already read the entire letter.

"So _she's_ your little pigeon! And you said there was no commitment!"

"There isn't any!" my cheeks were turning red. I had no intention of ever telling my parents about Sawyer.

"Sawyer?" asked mother. "Why is that name so familiar?"

"Draco," said father. "Tell me you're not involved with that _Dumbledore_ girl."

"Oh! _Her_? But why not? She was so lovely at the minister's party." asked mother.

"That was Fleur darling. I was speaking of the blonde. The rude one."

"Oh. Wait a minute,"

Oh no.

"I saw her at the train station!" she said. "You were looking at her Draco!"

I didn't know what to say.

"I-"

"Which one? That small blonde girl?" said Nott.

And now everything depended on Nott's statement. Either he would save me or he would ruin everything.

He laughed.

"Why would Draco go for her?"

He decided to save me.

"There's more than one Sawyer at Hogwarts. I know this one. She's a Slytherin girl. Dark hair, tall, tan. Real looker." he said with a wink at me. "I would've gone after her but Draco got to her first."

"I thought we knew every Slytherin in your year." said father suspiciously.

"She's a fifth year." I said quickly.

A moment of silence.

"Oh darling that's wonderful!" said mother. "You had me frightened for a moment! The only thing worse than a mud blood is that half breed.

"Fleur is a half breed too." I said.

"Yes, well, at least we know where she stands. The other one is categorized with the mud bloods and scum." said father.

"I'm glad you approve." I said bitterly.

"Go ahead up to your room and reply to your letter. I'm sure she's waiting."

I climbed the stairs to my bedroom and Nott followed suit.

"Boy did I save your arse!' said Nott as I locked my door.

"You're the one who put it in danger!" I yelled.

"Hey, don't get mad at me! You're the one professing your love to some little chickadee that your parents don't approve of! You put yourself in hot water when you bolted to that letter."

"Yes, but you didn't have to read it!"

"Whatever." he said. "Just be glad I covered for you. Who knows what your father would've done had I not dissuaded him. You aren't a very convincing liar Draco."

You have no idea how convincing I can be.

"Regardless, don't just take my post like that anymore!"

"Why? You don't want me to read your dripping letters about the undying love you have for her?"

"I don't love her. I barely know her."

"Fine." he said walking to my door. "But while you're shaggin' yourself to the sweet scent of your little swan on that parchment, I'll be somewhere on your grounds buttering up that little groundskeeper of yours." he said making a purring noise.

"You're a pig."

"Maybe. But at least I don't date _'filthy half breeds' _."

I threw a pillow at him and he shut the door before it hit him. I could hear his laughter all the way down the stairs.

I knew Nott wasn't serious in calling Sawyer a half breed. Deep down, Nott didn't really care about blood status. Both of us were spoon fed prejudices like that since infancy but he never really took to it.

That being said, Nott does not judge. It's because of that that he is my best friend. He never judges me for the decisions I make. He'll rough me up a bit or sound judgmental but I know he doesn't really care. Nott is selfish in that respect. All he cares about is women, _beautiful _women. Nott would travel the world and back if it meant sex with a beautiful girl at the end of it. Black, white, yellow, pure blood, or muggle, he'll have them all. He would've pursued Sawyer long ago had it not been for her constantly rejecting him. He only sleeps with girls who take him on the spot. If they reject him, and they so rarely do, it doesn't really bother him.

Luckily enough for me, Nott knows better than to continue chasing her now that she's so within his grasp. He would've tried to seduce her by now but he knows that she belongs to me. In _that_ respect, Nott is a gentleman. He knows boundaries and when not to cross them.

Deep down, Nott is a very guarded soul. He sleeps with all these women in the hopes that he'll find the right one. His mother was so hot and cold that he doesn't know what he wants. It's the reason for him not having any preferences with girls. Until he finds someone who he deems right, he'll continue down this path of meaningless sex. It really tears him up.

I know this only because he rambled on one night after having too many cocktails at a New Years party last year. He never would've admitted this to anyone otherwise. He doesn't even remember telling me.

I never brought it up because neither of us are very interested in discussing feelings. We're perfectly fine with sweeping them under the rug. It just goes to show how we're following the status quo of how manly men ought to be. Never show your true feelings or they'll kill you. Pathetic, in my opinion.

Once Nott was most definitely gone, I was free to write a reply to Sawyer.

_Sawyer,_

_I hate to say this but it was much better that we didn't spend the holiday together. My parents found your letter and I had to lie and say it wasn't from you. I'm sure you can understand why they would react this way._

_I'll be sure to update you on my Christmas when we see each other again so we don't have another fight about my secrecy. But you have to share yours too.  
_

_Nott was pleased with your regards. He now believes that you have brains._

_Don't fool around on the side while I'm not there because I own you now.  
_

_-Draco_

I sealed it and gave it to my snowy owl. The owl flew out of the window and into the cold sky. It began to snow minutes afterward.

I went downstairs for dinner not expecting Nott to be there. If my assumptions were correct, he wouldn't come back until around 2am. I remembered what Nott said about how I loved Sawyer. I imagined her saying those words but just as quickly I saw her face when she discovered I killed her uncle. The only relative she had other than her sister. I could not finish my dinner. Another meal skipped because of my guilt and fear. It was no wonder my cheeks were so sallow nowadays.

I would be a skeleton before I could go through with my mission. And what would Sawyer say then?

* * *

It was these moments I wished I had said no and the Dark Lord had killed me right then.


	26. Company

I did not awake until 9.30am the next morning. The smell of oatmeal and biscuits wafted through the house and into my room. I threw the blanket off of my legs and walked lazily to the table where everyone was sitting except for me.

"Good morning Sawyer." said Elizabeth. "I was just about to wake you."

"Mm." I had trouble with speaking after waking up.

"Morning Sawyer." said a very drowsy Seamus next to me.

"What are you doing up?" I asked him. "It's not even close to noon."

"I took the liberty of waking him." said Elizabeth. "Early to bed and early to rise I always say."

"I've been up since 8.30. It's the holiday." said Seamus pouting.

"Can you not say any long winded sentences? Your breath is stunting my growth." I replied.

Seamus laughed and purposely breathed on me. I pretended to gag.

"Alright, enough roughhousing." said Elizabeth in a disapproving tone. "Felicity, when are the girls getting here? It's already 9.30."

"They'll be here soon."

"When did they get up? 3.00?" I asked.

As if on queue, the doorbell rang.

"That must be them!" said Felicity. It was the most excited I'd seen her.

She ran to the door and practically ripped it open.

"No running in the house!" called Elizabeth.

There were girlish giggles erupting from the living room. Two more girls followed by Felicity sat down at the already crowded table. I heard whispers.

"Is that them?" asked one. Felicity nodded.

"Felicity, be polite and introduce your friends to our guests." said Elizabeth.

"Yes, mother. That's Seamus, my brother, and that's Sawyer, his _friend_." she pointed to each of us as if it were necessary. Seamus smiled at the girls and they giggled. I had no reaction to them at all. "This is Candice," said Felicity.

Standing next to Felicity was a very tall girl with long red hair. It wasn't as bright as the Weasleys but she did remind me of a raggedy Ann doll. She was very thin and had no real figure. She had freckles and big brown eyes. She wore a pink sweater that clashed violently with her red hair and a grey skirt with black boots similar to mine. She looked a bit aggressive.

"And this is Jane."

Next to Candice was a girl about the same height as Felicity. She had long chestnut brown hair that was split into two very long braids. She had braces and her mouth and very light skin. She wore a blue dress with grey tights underneath and blue sneakers. I thought she looked rather sweet.

"Breakfast is ready." said Elizabeth. "Have you girls eaten?"

"No." they said simultaneously.

"Well go ahead and eat up, I've made plenty for everyone."

The girls sat at the table across from us. I kept my eye on my empty plate but watched James out of the corner of my eye. He was preoccupied with a newspaper and had not looked up once.

"How many biscuits would all of you like?"

"Two." said Felicity.

"Three." said Candice.

"Three." said Seamus and Jane. Jane blushed and Seamus smiled awkwardly.

"Sawyer, what about you?" asked Elizabeth.

"I'll just have one. I'm not a big eater."

"Clearly." said Elizabeth.

Still with the bitterness? Really?

Elizabeth gave everyone a bowl of oatmeal and the amount of biscuits hey asked for. I poured maple syrup onto my oatmeal and pretended to enjoy the bland, colorless bowl of sludge that sat before me. I despised oatmeal but I knew if I brought up my food preferences with Elizabeth, her lips would fall off from pursing them so much. How anyone could marry such a disagreeable woman, I'll never know.

Everyone finished with breakfast and I avoided Elizabeth's disapproving look when she saw I had not even finished half of my oatmeal. (Personally, she should be happy I finished the biscuit.) Seamus swiped me one more biscuit before we left the table. I ate it hastily so Elizabeth wouldn't see me eating any extra food with real taste.

The girls retreated to Felicity's bedroom while Seamus and I went to mine.I was eager to eavesdrop and listen to their ridiculous gossip about Seamus and I. He only rolled his eyes when he saw me with my back pressed against the wall. (As if I needed to. The walls were so thin that I could've had pillows over my ears on the opposite side of the room and still known if they dropped a pin on the carpet.)

"So what did you think of them?" asked Felicity when she shut her door.

"I thought they were nice." said one of the girls.

"They didn't even say anything, Jane." that must've been Candice.

"Well, the girl was very pretty. You said she was mediocre, Felicity."

"She is!" said Felicity.

"Yeah," replied Candice. "She's not all that. Your _brother _on the other hand."

"_Ew_, Candice!" said Felicity.

"I think she's right." said Jane. "He's really cute!"

Seamus was turning scarlet and I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing.

"Did you see him smile at me?" said Candice. "It was so obvious that he liked me."

"Really?" asked Jane.

"Of course!"

I wanted to gag. The vanity of the girl was practically tangible.

"You guys are gross." said Felicity.

"I think we should hang out with them!" said Candice.

"Do you think they'd want to?" asked Jane.

Both Seamus and I mouthed the word NO at the same time and had to restrain ourselves from laughing.

"I think so. Maybe if I ask he'll say yes." said Candice.

"I dunno. The girl probably wouldn't be interested." said Jane.

"Good! Less competition."

"They're not dating." said Felicity.

"Yeah, right." said Candice.

"Well, I think they might be a thing but both of them admitted to having people on the side at their school."

"Really?" asked Candice, a little too interested.

"Yeah." replied Felicity.

"What did they say?" asked Jane.

"Sawyer told me she had a boyfriend. Get this, his name is _Draco_."

Candice laughed out loud.

"What kind of a name is that?" she scoffed.

"I'm pretty sure it's a constellation." said Jane.

"Whatever. It's still stupid."

"Anyways!" said Felicity. "Seamus said there's some girl at his school that he likes. Her name is something like Herminny or Herinny. I don't remember."

"Let's ask them to hang out!" said Candice.

"I don't think they'll be interested, Candice." said Jane.

"How would you know?" she asked in a biting tone.

"Because they're older! Why would they want to hang out with a bunch of fourteen year old girls?"

"Umm, excuse me," said Felicity. "I'll be fifteen next week."

As if that makes a difference.

"You can ask them but I'm pretty sure they'll say no." said Jane.

"Well let's find out!"

Seamus and I were in a panic as what to do. Should we say no? That might be rude. Even if it's true. Neither of us wanted to hang out with these spoiled rich girls, even if one of them was kind of nice.

The knock came at the door before we could decide. Seamus answered it.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Do you guys wanna hang out or something?" asked Candice. She twirled her hair and made goo-goo eyes at Seamus. He looked like he wanted to vomit.

"Uh…Sawyer, you wanna hang out with them?"

Candice crossed her arms. No doubt, irritated by Seamus' not immediately bolting at the chance to say yes.

"Do I really look like I'd be willing to be seen in public?" I replied. My hair was a mess and I was still wearing my pajamas.

"You could stay behind." said Candice.

"We could give you some time to get ready if you want." said Jane. "We can wait."

"_Jane_!" hissed Felicity and Candice.

"Well, if Sawyer's not going then I'm not." said Seamus. "We'll give her some time to get ready. How's that sound?" he said asking me.

"Whatever." I replied. "Then get out. I'm not dressing in front of you lot."

Everyone left the room and I heaved a huge sigh. This was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. I was now destined to spend a day with three teenage brats with nothing better to do then tear down my appearance and gawk at Seamus. At least Jane was sweet.

I dressed myself in some denim jeans and a simple long sleeve red shirt. My coat hung on a nearby chair and I tucked my jeans into my boots. By the time I brushed my hair and walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth, everyone was already dressed. Seamus was wearing a black shirt and jeans with his plaid coat and the girls wore coats in various colours. Candice's was a violent pink that made her look like a cartoon, Felicity's was a baby pink that complimented her skin, and Jane's was a pastel blue. I assumed Jane really liked the colour blue since three out of the four items she wore were blue.

I brushed my teeth and put on my black wool cap and a red scarf. The others were standing by the door while I was in the hallway trying to button my coat. the buttons kept slipping out of my hands and I was getting frustrated. I was cursing from my anger.

"Having some trouble?" said a voice behind me. I turned around to see James. I was rooted to the spot. "Lemme help you."

He reached for my buttons but I moved out of his way.

"Don't worry, I'm only trying to help." he said with a slimy smile.

"Just stay away from me." I whispered.

"What's wrong?" he asked moving closer.

I slipped out from my corner and walked briskly toward the door. I felt shivers all over my body.

"Sawyer?" asked Seamus. My face must've alarmed him.

"Don't worry. Do you think you could help me with these?" I pointed to the buttons. "My hands are a little shaky and I can't get them."

"Sure."

Seamus buttoned my coat and we were able to leave

The girls suggested we go to a nearby park but I was already freezing by the first five minutes of being outside. I suggested we go to a café instead. The girls agreed so we headed in a direction they claimed led to a nearby café. Empty chatter filled the silence.

"So where are you from?" asked Candice. She batted her none existent lashed at Seamus.

"I'm from Ireland. Sawyer's from Scotland."

"But you have a an English accent." said Jane.

"I didn't really go outside much. I've spent virtually all my life at the boarding school Seamus and I go to. My uncle is headmaster."

"What school?" asked Jane.

"It's far away. You won't have heard of it." That came out much more pretentious than I intended.

"So Seamus," said Candice. "What do _you_ like to do?"

"I like to play sports. Sawyer and I mostly just hang around campus and talk or we'll mess around in the Common Room."

"Mess around?" asked Candice skeptically.

"Not like that!" said Seamus turning pink. "I meant just goof off."

"_Oh_."

"So do you have any family Sawyer?" asked Jane. The two of us had sort of drifted to the back and the other three walked ahead of us.

"Not really. I have an uncle and a sister."

"No parents?"

"Nope."

"Me either. Well, sort of. My mom passed away and my dad works a lot so we don't really see him much."

"We?"

"My brothers and sisters. I have eight."

"Woah!" I exclaimed.

"We're Catholic."

"That would definitely explain things." I said with a laugh.

"My older sister Connie takes care of us. She's nineteen and lives at the house. Sometimes my uncle stops by but he doesn't really do much."

"That must be hard."

"Not always."

It was quiet.

"So Felicity says you have a boyfriend."

"Yep."

What is with these girls and having boyfriends?

"That must be nice." she said.

"It can be." I replied.

"I'm not really interested in boys. At least, not enough to pursue them. I like to study."

She turned red.

"I must sound really weird." she said.

"No, you sound smart. Too many girls your age are fixated on getting boyfriends while they're ruining their high school careers."

"I guess. So how long have you been friends with Seamus?"

"Almost six years."

"Wow! I've been friends with Felicity and Candice for two years."

Jane and I walked in silence as we approached the café. I was the first person inside and the first person to the counter. I ordered some hot tea and handed the woman some money. She looked at the coins in her hands like it was in another language.

"I don't know what this is." she said. She handed me back the three knuts I gave her.

Embarrassed, I shoved the wizard coins in my pouch and asked Seamus if he had any muggle money. He had a few pounds on him and it was just enough to pay for the tea. The girls laughed at my mishap.

Once I had my tea, I sat with everyone at a small area with sofas. They were rejoined in mind numbing conversation again when the door opened and Seamus turned scarlet.

"Seamus?" asked Candice. He wasn't listening.

I turned around and, as luck would have it, there was Hermione Granger with both of her parents and a younger girl walking toward the counter. I knew Hermione had no siblings so when another couple came through the door and spoke to them I assumed it was her cousin. Seamus' mouth was practically touching the floor and he was beet red.

"Sea-"

"Hermione!" he called out a little too loud.

Seamus looked like he wanted to kill himself from doing something so stupid. Hermione turned around looking quite alarmed until she saw us sitting down. She smiled and waved. Seamus tried getting up to see her but knocked a few things over in the process.

"Hey!" he said.

"Hello, Seamus." she replied. "What a surprise to see you here! I thought you'd be in Ireland visiting your mum."

"Change of plans. Sawyer and I found my dad instead."

"Oh, how exciting!" she exclaimed. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks." he said and he absentmindedly scratched his ear. "Did you get the gift I sent you?"

"Yes, I did. I haven't opened it though. I'm saving it until Christmas."

"You're going to love it."

"I'm positive I will. It's a book no doubt."

"What else?"

"Thank you Seamus. You know how much I love reading."

"Oh!" he exclaimed.

Seamus unbuttoned his coat and tugged on a part of his shirt for her to see.

"You're kidding!" she said.

Seamus was wearing her S.P.E.W. button.

"I can't believe you're wearing it!"

"Well I've had to hide it." he leaned in to whisper. "Muggles, you know. They can't know."

"Naturally. But you actually kept your word! Thank you."

"A-Anytime."

While the two were conversing, Candice was seething at our table.

"Who _is _that girl anyway?" she asked with a very bitter tone.

"That must be the girl he was talking about last night. _Herninny_."

"It's Hermione." I said. I resumed sipping my tea.

"Whatever. She's not very pretty." said Candice. "I mean, look at her hair! It's practically alive!"

"Could you stop being judgmental for five fucking seconds?" I said a little too loud.

The other people with the Grangers gave disapproving looks and shielded their daughter from me. Candice was absolutely shocked but she stayed quiet. Felicity and Jane were both scarlet but Felicity was a little more angry.

"That was very rude." she said.

"_I_ was rude? Did you hear the way she was talking? Honestly."

Seamus was about to start another sentence when Hermione walked over to our table.

"Good afternoon Sawyer." she said.

"Hello, Hermione."

"I expect you're well?"

"For the most part, yes."

"How's your holiday been?"

"Interesting to say the least."

Hermione took a seat. Seamus sat next to her.

"What's that you're holding?" asked Felicity.

"This?" said Hermione. She put up an enormous book. "Just a book. I brought it along for some light reading."

"Just a question Hermione but, what exactly do you consider tedious when it comes to reading?" I asked.

"I don't find reading tedious at all actually."

"I would think not. You've read half the library." I said. Hermione smiled.

"I wouldn't go that far. I just like literature is all." she stood up. "My family is ready to go. I'll see you both when we get back to school." she said to Seamus and I. "Oh, and Sawyer, Professor Slughorn asked about you. He wanted me to make sure you came to the next dinner for the Slug Club."

I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Just telling you. Oh, and please tell Ron to stop obsessing over that, work of art, you have on your back. It's really getting old."

"Duly noted." I replied.

"Happy Christmas everyone." she said.

"Happy Christmas!" replied Seamus.

Seamus watched her leave as she and her family walked out to the café and into a nearby car. I was smiling to myself over the fact that Ron was still jittering over my tattoo. The boy obviously needed a girlfriend. A real one. And it seems like he and Lavender are pretty much finished. Hopefully he would make a move on Hermione soon. Unfortunately that meant heart break for Seamus. But I knew Hermione was not interested in him. Even if Ron wasn't in the picture, she would still say no. I silently hoped that Seamus would find someone else soon.

We all left the café soon after and I was miserable once again. My feet were frozen and my teeth were chattering.

"Here." said Seamus.

He gave me his scarf and wore mine instead.

"Mine is warmer."

"Thanks." I said.

Candice said nothing the entire way back. She held her nose up and high and avoided looking a me. I was perfectly content with that. Felicity was silently trying to make her feel better by picking at me. Jane pleasantly walked by herself completely silent and looked around at the scenery. She would ask the occasional question but other than that she was perfectly content with being silent. Seamus and I conversed on the way back. He was quietly whispering about how he didn't expect to see Hermione there and how much of an idiot he was.

I assured him that he wasn't as much of an idiot as he or I thought he would be. I thought he seemed perfectly normal other than his scarlet cheeks. He and I also discussed my involvement with the Slug Club and how I desperately wanted to avoid the next dinner.

"I would give anything to not show up. Sucking up to a professor is Fleur's thing, not mine."

"If you don't go, he'll hunt you down."

"I know. Stupid prat."

We arrived at the house around noon and I retreated to my room without saying a word to either Elizabeth or James. Seamus followed me and we conversed for a while longer.

"I can't believe how loud you were back there." said Seamus.

"You should've heard that little brat!" I said. "She was tearing down Hermione left and right!"

"Since when do you care if someone tears her down? You've been doing that your entire school career."

"To Hermione?"

"To everyone!" said Seamus with a smile. "Though I can't really blame you. I'd do the same thing if people treated me the way they treat you. Maybe if-"

"I were nicer than people would like me, I know you've told me that speech."

"It could work."

"I'd rather graduate with everyone hating me than waste my time trying to gain approval from people I'm most likely to never see again."

"I suppose you're right." he said.

He leaned over and whispered.

"Do you think they're listening to us right now?"

"Without a doubt in my mind." I replied.

* * *

FELICITY

* * *

The girls and I were leaning against my wall listening to Sawyer and Seamus' conversation. We couldn't get much other than that Sawyer thought Candice was a bitch. Which I sort of agree with but she's my friend so I had to defend her. Jane got bored listening to the conversation and was reading one of my books to pass the time. Candice was listening with rapt attention.

"What a stupid bitch." she said, seething.

"Candice!" whispered Jane.

"What? It's true."

"I don't know how you two can listen to them still. It's dumb."

"Shut up, Jane."

Jane rolled her eyes and went back to her book. I did feel kind of silly but I was mildly interested to know what they thought of me. I didn't exactly make a great first impression on Sawyer when she walked into my room but I didn't want her to hate me.

"Well, what did you think of the other girls?" asked Seamus.

"Felicity and Jane?"

"Yeah.

"Jane's fine. She at least talked to me."

I saw Jane smile. Candice rolled her eyes.

"Felicity, I don't really know what to think of her. She's been rude so far."

"At least she isn't Candice."

"I suppose. I'm tired of talking about them. Let's just move on."

"Quite right." said Seamus.

"So what _did _you get Hermione for Christmas?"

"A book."

"Obviously."

"It's a book on Magical rights movements."

Candice and I were confused.

"Magical rights movements?" she whispered. I shrugged.

"It has things on elf rights and goblin revolts. I thought she'd enjoy it."

"You do know her well."

A series of whispering that we couldn't make out came after so we abandoned eavesdropping.

"What was he talking about?" I asked.

"Probably some stupid nerd book. I'll bet they play one of those ludicrous video games with faeries and trolls and things like that."

She and Jane laughed but I wasn't so sure.

* * *

Something was different about them.


	27. Explanations

Jane and Candice left around 2.00pm and Seamus and I were free to do whatever we wanted. Elizabeth told us to spend some time with Felicity. I say told because she's about as subtle as a ton of bricks. Felicity, Seamus, and I sat in the backyard in silence until she asked us a question.

"What did you mean when you said you got Hermione a book about magical revolts?"

Seamus and I looked at each other alarmed.

"How did you know about that?" I asked.

"Paper thin walls, remember?" she replied.

My mind was racing. What would we tell her?

"I want to know what you meant." she said.

"It was nothing, Felicity." said Seamus. "Hermione and I are involved in a special club at our school."

I prayed she would take the bait.

"I don't believe you."

Fuck.

"He's right." I said.

"Why would a book be written about some special club at your school?"

"There's lots of clubs like ours where we live."

"And where is that?" she asked getting frustrated. "You haven't said a single straightforward thing about your school. I want to know!"

"Why do you care so much?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Because…" said Felicity. "I just do."

"If you think we go to some elite school full of spies or something you're wrong."

"Then tell me what I should think. I want to know the truth."

"Felicity-" said Seamus.

"We don't _owe _you any personal information." I said.

"You're not making yourself any less suspicious." she replied.

"I don't give a damn! You're being right nosey!"

"I am not! I'm asking perfectly rational questions! It's you two that are being secretive about the whole thing."

"Felicity, it really doesn't matter." said Seamus. "Hermione and I are a part of a magic club at our school. We do online games and things like that."

I had to give props to Seamus for his knowledge on muggle technology.

"Even if I did believe that pile of lies, it doesn't answer any of my other questions."

"Like what?" asked Seamus defensively.

"Where is this school? Why won't you tell me _anything _about it?"

"We didn't think you'd care."

"Well, I do. So tell me!"

I clenched my fists to keep from hitting her.

"The school is in Scotland." said Seamus.

Unimportant information.

"Than why'd you say it was so far away?" she asked.

"Because we didn't think you'd care."

"You weren't exactly very interested before." I said with bitterness.

Felicity pursed her lips.

"Why do you have to keep your lives so secret?" she asked. "Seamus, I want to know you better. You're my brother."

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, please!" I said. "You haven't given a damn about either of us since we walked through that door! Don't try to play up the guilt here. It's all bullshit."

"Sawyer,"

"No! I'm not going to let her just waltz in her and pretend to be all 'oh, now I'm so interested in both of you! I'm your sister! I deserve to know everything about you!' It just doesn't work that way!"

Tears bubbled in Felicity's yes and I felt like I was going to vomit. Without saying a word, she stood up and left. The door shut quietly and she sniffed all the way inside.

"Sawyer." said Seamus.

"What?"

"You didn't have to do that."

"Are you kidding? Did you see the way she acted?"

"Yes, but you didn't-"

"Just because you're naïve about these people-"

"These people?" Seamus exclaimed. "In case you haven't noticed Sawyer, _these people _are my last attempt at reconnecting with my family. I only get one shot! So when you're done stepping all over that, let me know. I'll be inside."

Seamus opened the door and stepped inside the warm house leaving me in the backyard all alone.

What he said stung. I didn't mean to lash out on Felicity the way I did. I just can't stand fakers. Maybe her motives were innocent. I just didn't want to hear them.

What Seamus said kept replaying in my head. I wasn't trying to ruin his chance with his dad. It was just a slip of the tongue. He really was being naïve and in denial but I would be too if I didn't have anyone else. I wouldn't be very quick to dismiss the only other family I had. Things are just different when you're a spectator I guess.

I knew Seamus wouldn't want to talk to me for a while after this. Had to wait him out. At this point, he wouldn't even want to hear an apology. I decided to just wait in my room because I didn't want to be outside. Thankfully I didn't have to walk to the living room. My room was just down the hall. Upon arriving in my room I heard voices on the other side.

"Don't worry about it, Felicity." I heard Seamus say. "I know Sawyer can be harsh but she's not always like that."

"How can you st-stand it?" she said through tears.

"She's not like that at heart. Sawyer just has some issues when it comes to being social."

"Why?"

"Well, it's a pretty long story and I'm not sure she would be comfortable with me telling you."

"Can you just give me the gist?"

He contemplated it. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to or not.

"Sawyer doesn't have any parents so that would be difficult in itself. She and her sister don't really get along because…hmm." he was trying to think of the best way to word it. "She has anger issues."

"Sawyer?"

"No, Fleur. Her sister. Fleur has a lot of anger issues and Sawyer is the one she always takes it out on. And nobody ever knew so their problems have never been resolved. It made Sawyer an angry little girl when we started school. If I hadn't approached her first, she probably wouldn't have any friends."

Ouch. Truth really does hurt.

"Why d-did you ap-proach her?" asked Felicity. I could hear in her voice that she'd calmed down significantly.

Seamus laughed.

"Because I had a crush on her. It's pretty obvious why don't you think?"

"I guess…"

"Anyways, I approached her but she caught on to my intentions pretty quick. She really took a hit on my ego. She became my friend because she didn't really have any other options but I like to think that's changed. I think we stay together because she wants to, not because she has to."

He has no idea how true that it.

"Is that it? That's why she's mean?" asked Felicity.

"Not exactly. Because of what her sister has done, she was very angry at school. No one wanted to talk to her because of it. And now it's just been a back and forth at school. She doesn't like them so they don't like her. Even when she tries to be nice it's thrown in her face. I'm sure you know how mean kids can be."

I envisioned her nodding.

"And it doesn't help that people like to spread rumors about her. Sometimes Sawyer's rotten attitude can really get on my nerves. I refrain from yelling at her because I know how hard it is to deal with what she does. It doesn't excuse her behavior but at least I understand it."

"Are you saying I should apologize?" asked Felicity.

"No. but don't expect her to. Sawyer has a lot of pride so if I were you, I wouldn't expect anything from her. Just try and move on. It's what she's good at."

Things were quiet.

"Are you ever going to tell me about your life?" asked Felicity.

More silence.

"I don't know. There are certain rules involved."

"What are you? Some sort of spy? Is this like a Mission Impossible thing?"

Seamus laughed.

"Not exactly. But, people like Sawyer and I aren't allowed to talk about what we do with people like you and your parents."

Too much information.

"I'm not following." said Felicity.

"Hmm. Okay! It's like this,"

I have to stop this.

I walked briskly to Felicity's room so not to raise alarm to either of her parents. I didn't bother knocking on her door and just let myself in.

Both Seamus and Felicity looked up at me and I knew my cheeks were red. I didn't care.

"Seamus," I said.

He knew what I was about to say.

"I know Sawyer, but…we have to tell her something."

"Come here." I replied.

Seamus got up and I closed Felicity's door behind him.

"Look…about before,"

"Just forget it." said Seamus. "I want to focus on Felicity."

"I know you want to tell her…but I just don't think we can."

"Why not?"

"You know the rules!"

"But there are exceptions aren't there? My mum told my dad. She didn't get in trouble for that. I think if we just display our talents for everyone to see we would be in trouble. I don't think there's an harm in telling my only sister."

"What if she doesn't believe you? It's not like we can prove ourselves. We're on holiday. We can't use…_magic_." I whispered the last word.

"I know but, maybe she'll believe us. She's obviously eager."

I heaved a heavy sigh. Part of me was certain this was the wrong thing to do.

"Fine. But you're telling her. I'm not saying a thing."

"Fine."

We both walked back into the room to see Felicity's expectant face.

"Well?" she asked.

Seamus sat down on her bed and I sat on the chair by her vanity. She looked from me to him.

"Felicity," said Seamus.

"Yes?"

"Sawyer and I have decided to confide in you."

"W-"

"But," said Seamus, cutting her off. "This is a privilege. You cannot, under any circumstances, tell anyone else. Not even your friends. This information is of the utmost importance."

Felicity nodded.

"In our…world, I guess you could call it, Sawyer and I are referred to as a witch and a wizard."

Everything was quiet. Felicity looked from me to Seamus again.

"Are you completely serious?" she asked.

Seamus and I nodded. She laughed.

"Seriously, Seamus. Tell me what this big secret is."

"That _is _the secret." said Seamus.

"Oh come on. You expect me to believe that Sawyer is a witch and you're a wizard? What, do you two fly on brooms too?"

"Actually…" I said.

Felicity laughed out loud.

"You two are barking! This can't be serious."

"I assure you, Felicity, we're being 100% genuine."

Felicity stopped laughing.

"You're really serious." she said.

"Yes." replied Seamus. "Sawyer and I attend a boarding school called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We learn how to use magic properly. We learn spells and potions and all sorts of things like that. People like you and your parents who have no magical ability are referred to as muggles."

"Muggles?" asked Felicity sounding incredulous. "This is absolutely ludicrous. You really expect me to believe this rubbish? Prove it."

"We can't." I said.

"And why not?"

"Because we're on holiday. We're forbidden to se magic outside of school because we can't have muggles seeing us use our magical abilities."

"You're kidding. So you both are magical people or whatever but you just _happen _to not be able to do it when I'm able to see it?" she said sarcastically.

"It's the truth." said Seamus.

"Sure. That's convenient." she said, rolling her eyes.

I didn't see how we would prove it to her but I didn't really want to. I knew she wouldn't believe us. As we were all sitting quietly, we heard a tapping at Felicity's window. When we looked up, Felicity gasped.

Draco's snowy owl was at the window. I wasn't expecting it to arrive until tomorrow or the day after. This was an interesting change. I opened the letter but wasn't entirely pleased with what I read.

"Why was there an owl at my window?" asked a shocked Felicity.

"Because that's how people like us receive mail. Owl post." said Seamus. "What's it say?"

I handed the letter to Seamus.

"I'm sorry Sawyer. But at least he'll meet you at school."

"But this complicates things even more than the already were. I can't say I didn't know this was coming though."

"Look on the bright side, at least this determines your 'no commitment' policy."

"I suppose."

"Boyfriend trouble?" asked Felicity.

"Sort of." I replied.

"Mind if I ask?"

I shrugged.

"Draco's parents don't exactly approve of their relationship."

I laughed.

"It's not really a relationship. We barely know each other."

"Regardless, people in our world are very prejudiced. At least, some are."

"Oh not this again." said Felicity.

"Hey, you asked. This is the answer whether you want to accept it or not." I said to her.

"She's right."

"Well, what do you mean prejudice?" asked Felicity.

"There are lots of different people and creatures in our world. More than you could imagine." said Seamus. "People like Draco and his parents are taught to believe that witches and wizards like Hermione and myself are beneath them."

"Why?"

"Because Hermione is born from muggles. They call her a mud-blood because her blood isn't entirely pure."

"Why do they make fun of you?"

"Because my father is a muggle. That makes me a half blood. Now, not everyone in the wizarding world is like this but people who follow Voldemort-"

"Who?"

"Oi. This is going to take way too long to explain."

"Imagine Voldemort as Hitler, for example." said Seamus.

I burst into laughter at the comparison. Seamus was embarrassed by me laughing at him but I honestly couldn't help myself.

"Oh." said Felicity ignoring my laughter.

"Yes. And his Death Eaters are like the Nazi's."

"Since when do you know so much about muggle history?"

"I took muggle studies last year."

"Because of Hermione?"

"Yeah….Anyways! Hitler was prejudiced towards Jews right?"

"Yes."

"Imagine the mud-bloods are the Jews. Voldemort really hates them."

I had to turn around to stifle the giggles.

"Okay…What does any of this have to do with Sawyer and her boyfriend?"

"I was getting to that. Any half breed of any kind is bad to Voldemort's followers. Sawyer is not entirely-"

"A pure-blood?"

"Well, that, and she's not entirely human."

Felicity's face contorted into disgust and fear. She backed away from me ever so slightly.

"No, no!" said Seamus. "She's not like a werewolf or anything! She's half veela."

"Half what?"

"Veela. They're a special breed in our world. They're women that are exceptionally beautiful and are capable of hypnotizing men."

"Can you do that?"

"_No_!" I said bitterly.

"Sawyer's only half veela. It's why she's so beautiful."

I blushed.

"I'm not that pretty…" I said under my breath. This was getting awkward.

"Draco's parents don't accept anyone but pure bloods, which is why they don't like Sawyer. That and she's against Voldemort. Anyone with a good head on his shoulders is."

"I'm sort of following this now." said Felicity.

"Are you sort of believing us now?" I asked.

"Not entirely." she replied. "But it's starting to fit at least."

"That's why our dad left my mum." said Seamus.

"Because she's a witch?"

"Exactly."

"Hmm." something clicked in Felicity's brain because she had that "I have an idea!" look on her face. "Is that why he asked you if you were like her?"

"Yes! Exactly!"

Felicity crossed her arms and I could tell her mind was racing.

"I'm not really sure I believe you yet…but at least you don't sound completely mad anymore."

"That's all we're asking for." I said.

"Dinner!" called Elizabeth.

"Already?" I asked.

Seamus and Felicity both got up and we were all heading for the door. I was about to leave when Felicity called me back.

"Sawyer?" said Felicity.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry…about before…and because of Candice. I know she can be rude."

I blushed.

"I'm….sorry too. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Seamus told me you wouldn't apologize."

"Well, sometimes I like to prove him wrong." I replied.

"Thanks."

"You too."

_Well, it's a start_. I thought to myself.

Maybe I'm not such an evil bitch after all. Or maybe I'm just getting soft. Either way at least it meant not being hated. I wish I could say the same for Draco's parents. At least I knew Draco cared enough to ignore his parents wishes. At least he was thinking of me.

* * *

And little did I know, he wasn't the only one.


	28. Attempts

_Go ahead and check my profile for pictures of the characters! I made a photobucket account just for the story. Enjoy!_

_And thank you for all the wonderful comments! They make my day :)_

* * *

Elizabeth called us for dinner earlier than usual. She claimed it was because there was some Christmas special on TV and it's a family tradition to watch it together as a family. None of us were very excited about it. She prepared a turkey with the same fixings as the chicken from last night. It was just as dry. I ate in baby bites.

"So," said Elizabeth. "How was your day with the girls, Felicity?"

"It was okay." replied Felicity. "Seamus and Sawyer walked with us to the café a few blocks from here and Seamus met a girl from school."

"That's lovely." said Elizabeth. "Who was this friend?"

"Hermione." said Seamus.

"The girl you told us about?" asked James.

"Yes. She lives here in London but I didn't think we'd actually run into her. I thought she'd be spending Christmas with Harry and Ron."

"Who?" asked Elizabeth.

"Two other boys from our school." I said.

"Oh. That's nice." said Elizabeth.

Felicity rolled her eyes.

"What else did you do?" asked Elizabeth.

"We came home and Sawyer and Seamus and I just talked." said Felicity.

"What did you talk about?"

We all kept our eyes on our plates. I didn't want to look at Felicity and look suspicious.

"Just their lives at home." said Felicity.

"That's nice. How are you two at home?"

"Not much different from here." said Seamus.

"He's right. Only difference is we don't actually go home every day. That's the thing about boarding school." I said.

"Doesn't your mother worry about you Seamus? I would if Felicity was somewhere other than here."

"No. She trusts professor Dumbledore."

Elizabeth laughed.

"Dumbledore? Who is that?"

"He's the headmaster at our school." replied Seamus.

"That's quite a silly name." said Elizabeth still chuckling to herself.

I dug my fork into my potatoes.

"He's my uncle." I said. There were hints of venom in my words.

Elizabeth calmed herself.

"I-"

"And it's my last name too. Sawyer Dumbledore."

Elizabeth pursed her lips and said nothing.

"So your uncle is headmaster?" asked James. "That must be nice. I bet you get away with anything."

His smile thoroughly creeped me out.

"No. I have to follow the rules just like everyone else."

"As it should be." said Elizabeth.

"Only difference between me and everyone else is that I have a separated dorm for myself over the summer."

"A separate dorm?" asked Felicity.

"I live at the school so I have a separate room for myself. I couldn't stay in my regular dorm. It's a joint room and it gets very depressing when no one's there."

"How many people do you have to share with?"

"About four."

"Five girls in one room?" asked James. "Must get pretty dramatic at times."

"Not really. The girls I share the room with a are pretty quiet, except for Lavender and Parvati.. Hermione is almost never there except for when she studies and Holly just reads. The other two are the only ones that make any noise."

"I would assume a room full of girls would prompt you all to stay up late and talk all night." said James.

"No. We're quiet."

"Is there anything typical about you Sawyer?" asked James.

I didn't like the way he looked at me when he asked that. He was too friendly.

Seamus laughed.

"Definitely not! Sawyer's not like anyone I've ever met. That's why she's my best friend."

I smiled at Seamus.

"And she's probably the toughest girl at the school."

I blushed. Seamus was about to emphasize my fighting at school which is not the impression I wanted to give anyone at the table.

"What do you mean Seamus?" asked Elizabeth. I could tell she wanted more reason to prove her daughter was better and more ladylike.

"Sawyer gets into fights sometimes at school."

"Fights?" Elizabeth looked disgusted.

"Yes, but they don't happen all the time." I said blushing. "Just on occasion."

"Do you fight other girls?" asked Felicity.

"Not really. They don't start them as much as the boys do."

"You fight boys?" said a flustered Elizabeth.

"Yes."

"And she always wins too!" said Seamus.

I kicked him under the table. I was eager to change the subject.

"So," I said. "What's this special we're supposed to watch on the telly?"

Now Elizabeth was happy.

"It's this wonderful drama they play every year on WC!"

WC. I knew what that meant. It was a Muggle network called the Women's Channel. This was going to be a pro-vagina anti-oppression from men and pro-respect for housewives movie. I just knew it.

Elizabeth went into a long winded detailed summary of this movie called "A Christmas to Remember." Within the first five minutes of her explanation, I knew I would hate this movie. It was filled with drivel about the turmoil of a housewife and how she has to choose between her abusive husband and the sexy houseboy. She has a difficult time choosing because of the welfare of her children and ends up choosing the houseboy and the kids fall in love with him.

So basically, it was a movie about some middle aged cougar and her kids that like the houseboy better and just flip off abusive dad with a little Christmas flair thrown in. And Seamus and I would have to sit through the whole thing. This would really suck.

Felicity looked like she wanted to die while her mother enthusiastically went into how fantastic this movie. She obviously hated the film as much as I knew I would. James was acting like she wasn't even talking. I was begging her to finish talking. Virtually everyone was done with dinner already, which meant we'd be that much closer to the movie.

When she finished talking I whispered to Seamus the plan to eat extra slow so just maybe we would miss the whole thing. This was said while Elizabeth was in the kitchen getting water. Felicity agreed with the plan and James said absolutely nothing. Seamus asked for seconds on his potatoes and vegetables and took baby bites of everything.

Eventually, Seamus could no longer delay eating his food and desert was served. Desert was apple pie. I didn't pass this time because apple pie was actually my favourite. As dry as her poultry may be, her apple pie was so good that I had three pieces.

"So you do eat sugar." said a smug Elizabeth.

"Only when it involves apples and cinnamon." I said with my now pregnant stomach.

I was positive I would give birth to an apple pie later tonight. Elizabeth and James had conversation about what he read in the newspaper that he found particularly interesting. Seamus and I were sitting in our seats playing hangman on a paper napkin with a pen he found in his pocket. I was quickly losing when I realized Seamus' word was snargluff pod. I never paid attention in Herbology so of course I didn't get it right. I got him back when my seven letter word was "You Suck." Felicity eventually joined in and both Seamus and I lost because her word was legislature. What fourteen year old chooses legislature as her word in hangman?

We played for a good ten minutes when I got thirsty. The dry turkey caught up with me.

"Do you think I could get myself a glass of milk?" I asked.

"Oh, I'll have some too." said Seamus.

"I'll get it for you." said James. "I fancy a glass myself right about now."

I found James' act of kindness was a bit peculiar but it meant not having to waddle to the kitchen with my food baby. I still thought James was odd but at least he was being nice. He brought three glasses of milk and I polished mine pretty quickly.

After dinner, Elizabeth cleared the table and we all went to the couch to watch whatever special it was that Elizabeth was so eager about.

She turned on the telly and we sat through a few commercials first. Seamus and I had to hold back our laughter when some commercial for a kitchen tool came on. Make your life easier with the new Chopper! Chops vegetables in minutes! Of course, if you know the right spell, your vegetables would be perfectly chopped in under a second. Sometimes, muggle utensils are so primitive.

Eventually, the movie came on. I hated it within the first twelve seconds. Some sappy song came on and the credits were like that of a soap opera. Eventually the characters came on and started talking and it was even worse. The script was terrible and the actors were even worse. I didn't know if I was going to last longer than ten minutes.

Elizabeth was watching with rapt attention while the rest of us couldn't care less. Felicity was playing on some portable game system with the volume off. Seamus was leaning over her shoulder trying to get some of the action. I tried to be nice and be a little bit interested but when I saw the young pool boy that the main character was supposed to leave her husband for I wanted to vomit. He was tall and robust with chiseled abs and bottle blonde hair. His eyes were a soft blue and he had dimples. I felt like I was watching a pedophile movie because the guy couldn't be more than twenty-five and the woman was over forty. And, of course, her husband was some male-chauvinist pig that oppresses her every thought and movement.

I had to think of an excuse to get out of here.

A little slip of paper was put into my hand. Seamus stealthily put his hand back I its place. I opened the slip and it was all I had to not bust out in laughter on the spot. Seamus had drawn a stick figure of me hanging myself while the TV showed a stick figure grandma making out with some shiny superman stick figure. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom so I could get out all of the giggles.

When I had calmed myself down, Seamus was right outside the door and he and I giggled for a little bit longer.

About fifteen minutes had passed since the movie started and Felicity decided to watch the movie but was going in and out of sleep. Elizabeth noticed and forced her daughter awake. I wondered if this could be considered child abuse.

After another ten minutes I was beginning to feel drowsy myself. I found it odd because it was only 8.30pm. I was feeling more and more drowsy as the minutes passed. It seemed odd to me that I had become so tired in such little time. I felt like my lids were made of cement and I couldn't keep them open. I eventually succumbed to it and fell into the deepest sleep of my life on the couch next to Seamus.

SEAMUS

Sawyer had fallen asleep hardcore. I'd never seen her knock out so hard. She was a hard sleeper but this took the cake. Elizabeth still hadn't noticed because she was so wrapped up in her movie, Felicity was playing her game that I no longer found interesting, and dad was talking on the phone to someone at his company. He works as a pharmacist and apparently someone at the company had filched a small supply of GHB, whatever that it. He hung up the phone and came back over to the couch.

"Looks like your friend isn't very interested in the movie." he said.

Elizabeth turned around and gave Sawyer a disapproving look.

"I'll take her to her room." I said.

Being so lightweight, Sawyer was relatively easy to carry to her bedroom. I put her down on her bed and put the blanket over her. Knowing she wouldn't want me to change her clothes, I left her pajamas in her bag. She would sleep soundly until the next morning.

"Merry Christmas." I whispered.

I turned out her light and went back into the living room. The movie wouldn't be over for another hour and a half and I still had to figure out a way to stay awake. Sawyer had it easy already falling asleep.

I paid no attention to the movie but let my own thoughts wander about. I looked at Elizabeth, Felicity, and my dad and wondered if I would be able to visit over summer. Would they let me? I wanted to be apart of their family but I didn't get a friendly vibe from Elizabeth. Felicity seemed like she was better at accepting and dad was just perpetually chill with everything. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing. It bothered me that I would have to hide my magic from all of them, especially since my birthday was in three months. I would be an adult in the wizarding world and I wouldn't even be able to tell my own father.

That reminded me that Sawyer's birthday was coming up soon too. She would be seventeen on April 13th. I would have to get her a great gift for coming of age.

The movie ended later on that night but I could've cared less. I was just happy that it was over and I could finally just be by myself. Felicity went to her bedroom and Elizabeth went to the sink to wash the dishes. James went straight to their bedroom after saying goodnight to Felicity and I. Tomorrow was Christmas so that was something to look forward to. I wanted to give Sawyer her gift because I knew she would love it. I wondered what she would give me.

Elizabeth finished washing the dishes and went to bed without saying a word to me. I had changed into my jams and was lying down on the couch. It was only 9.45pm and I wasn't tired. The house was completely silent and it sort of creeped me out. I felt this knot in my gut but I didn't know what it meant. Something didn't sit right. Maybe that nasty turkey was seeking his revenge on my stomach.

I turned over and tried to sleep. I wouldn't wake for another few hours when I would be more angry then I ever have been in my entire life.

SAWYER

Everything was dark. I was confused. I had no idea where I was or what was going on. I felt something next to me and it was moving. My eyes just barely opened and a groan escaped my lips. The thing next to me spoke.

"You're up." it sounded like a man.

I couldn't form words to respond.

"I didn't think you'd wake so quickly but then again I didn't give you a full dose. Can you understand what I'm saying?"

I still could say nothing intelligible. I groaned again.

"I'll take that as a no. That'll make this process much easier."

He shifted to where he was on top of me and I felt the extent of his weight on my body. He crushed me to the mattress. If his weight didn't prevent me from moving it was surely my state of mind.

I opened my eyes completely to see a face above mine. In the dark I could barely make out any of his features. I saw dark hair and dark eyes. The rest of his face looked average.

His hands touched me but I couldn't resist what he was doing. I couldn't even fully understand what he was doing. But it didn't feel right.

I finally tried to speak.

"Whass." I said. My words were slurring.

He ignored me.

"What?" I tried again. I could understand that one word.

He ignored me.

I felt cold hands n my torso and tried to move. It didn't work. It was like I was trapped in my own body. I spoke again the same word.

Again, he ignored me.

Only a few minutes passed and I was determined to get out of this state. I wanted to know what was going on. The cold hands kept moving but I paid no mind to them. As if all at once, it hit me.

James. He was touching me.

It felt like my blood had turned to ice. I shivered. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. My body wouldn't let me.

Hot tears came out of my eyes and down my cheeks. These too, he ignored. When I tried to move my fingers, they barely twitched. I wanted to get up but I was still too lethargic. I tried to use my vocal chords again.

"Shut up." he said.

_I most certainly will not._

I tried again and again. Most of my tries resulted in no noise but every once in a while I would say something. I just came out with a groan but I didn't care. I wanted someone to hear me. Eventually he got tired of my noise and tried looking for a sock in my room. When he finally got off of me I yelled. It wasn't loud but it definitely wasn't soft.

James jumped back to me like a wild cat and shoved the sock in my mouth. I choked on the force of it and more tears came down my face. I was determined to fight this. I'm not thirteen anymore. I'm not alone in some dark alley. There aren't three men, only one. I had to try. I wasn't some fragile little girl anymore. Fighting was my only real option.

Hushed sounds came out from my lips and I tried to push the sock out. I promised myself he would not get his way.

And then the light came on.

At first it blinded me and I had to shut my eyes. I no longer felt the weight of James' body but the sock was still slowly suffocating me. I slowly propped myself on my elbows and coughed it out like a cat. The disgusting saliva covered mass fell on the bed. My eyes just barely opened as I tried to adjust them to the light.

Upon opening them, I saw a scene I would never forget.

Seamus and Felicity were standing in the doorway and James was a few feet away standing next to my bed. Felicity was looking at me with tears coming down her face. Seamus' face was beet red and his fists were clenched so tight his knuckles were white. His lip was twitching as he looked in the face of his father. James looked irritated. I saw no guilt or remorse. Everyone was silent.

I tried to get up but my body didn't want to listen. I was still very drowsy. I had no recollection of anything after dinner. My mind was swirling and I wasn't processing everything I saw. Felicity walked to me and held my hand. I tried to speak.

"How…" but I couldn't finish my question.

* * *

"P-Paper thin w-walls…remember?"


	29. Christmas

The next few hours were a complete blur to me. I was finally able to sit up and Felicity was sitting next to me sobbing into my shoulder. Seamus was on the verge of attacking his own father but James was quiet. Elizabeth was awoken by the noise but was briefed on what was going on by what Seamus was saying.

"How could you?" yelled Seamus. "She's sixteen! Have you no shame? She's my best friend! How could you ever even think of doing something like this! She's lucky I was in the next room or God only knows what you would have done!"

James said nothing. He was standing away from his screaming son looking completely indifferent.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" yelled Seamus.

"James?" whispered Elizabeth. He did not turn to face his wife. She ran to him and began hitting his arm and chest frantically. "How could you!" she yelled. Her voice was high pitched and shrill. "You promised! You promised this would never happen again! YOU PROMISED."

Felicity buried her face further into my arm. I could feel her crying against it. I remembered then what she said about not wanting us to be here when we first arrived. Now I understood why.

The room was completely silent.

"She wouldn't have remembered it." said James.

Seamus launched himself on James and started hitting anything he could reach. James came back with full force. Elizabeth screamed and Felicity kept her face in my arm. She couldn't watch. I didn't want her to. I shut my eyes. I couldn't watch either. I held the shaking Felicity and tried to cover her ears.

It was over in a few minutes when Seamus and James jumped in opposite directions of each other. Seamus was holding his wand and James was white as a ghost.

"Seamus!" I said.

Elizabeth was confused.

"What is that? A stick?" she said.

"Tell her, father. Tell her what it is! Tell her what your son is!" said Seamus

Seamus was growing hysterical.

"You wouldn't dare." whispered James.

"DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT I CAN OR CANNOT DO!" screamed Seamus.

"Seamus," I said again. This would get him in so much trouble. "Please."

"Would someone tell me what is going on?" said Elizabeth.

"Tell her, father! TELL HER!" said Seamus.

I forced myself to move my legs. I moved off of the bed and stood up on the ground propping myself against the nightstand.

"Seamus, please. He's not worth it. Wait until you're of age and do what you will, but until then….put it away." I said.

Seamus looked from me to his father. He stared at me and then at James. I saw tears forming in his eyes but Seamus would not allow himself to cry at a time like this.

"Get you things, Sawyer." said Seamus.

I leaned over to pick up my bag and used all my strength to pick it up. I was getting the feeling back in my body and I would feel like my old self in a few hours. Seamus kept a firm eye on his father as he and I exited the room. Seamus' things were already together and he grabbed his bag. He helped me into my coat first before putting on his. He put his hand on the doorknob when I heard Felicity behind us.

"Wait!" she said.

I turned around. Her face was red from crying and tears were still coming out of her eyes.

"Take me with you." she pleaded. The look on her face pulled at my heart.

"We can't." I whispered.

"Please! Don't leave me here!" she said again.

"Felicity," said Elizabeth.

Seamus turned around and hugged her. Felicity wrapped her arms tight around her one and only brother. She gripped him for dear life. Seamus whispered something to her that I could not hear. Whatever it was made her cry more. He kissed her forehead before going back to me and taking my hand.

"Goodbye Felicity." he said.

I could only look at her. I couldn't even bring myself to wave. Seamus slammed the door and he and I walked down the street toward a main road. We walked in silence. Seamus and I knew we wouldn't be able to hail a cab at this time of night in a suburban area. We opted for a fast-food restaurant just down the street. The Leaky Cauldron was miles from here and unless we could get a cab, we were shit out of luck.

The restaurant was just up ahead when a screeching purple bus drove right in front of us. The shock knocked us both off of our feet and a lanky teenager with bad acne opened the door.

"Ello'. My name is Stan Shunpike and I'll be your conductor for this evenin'. Welcome to the Knight Bus." he said.

I'd only ever heard of the Knight Bus. I'd never actually ridden it.

"So where are you two off to?" he asked.

"The Leaky Cauldron." said Seamus.

"Did you 'ear that Ern? The Leaky Cauldron!"

The driver stepped on the breaks and Seamus and I were glued to our seats as the bus weaved through the streets unbelievably fast. Stan tried to make conversation but both of us felt nauseas from the ride.

We were finally dropped off at the Leaky Cauldron and I leaned on Seamus as he walked me in. He went up to the bartender and asked for a room.

"Are you kiddin' boy? It's Christmas Eve!" said the toothless bartender.

"I know, but I need one right now. My friend is very sick."

The bartender leaned over to get a look at me. He lifted his eyebrows and gave Seamus the key.

"Alright, but you and your 'friend' are gonna be sharing a bed. No two beds available."

"That's fine." said Seamus.

The bartender stared at the two of us as we went up the stairs. Seamus let me lie on the bed as soon as we were inside. I was fully awake now. I didn't want to go to sleep.

Seamus sat down in the opposite side with his back facing me. Everything was quiet until I head his sniffling. I leaned over to him and tried to hug him. He turned around and embraced me. I let him cry on me as long as he needed. What Seamus was going through was just as difficult to process as what happened to me. He had to witness his best friend's attempted rape. And what was worse was that his father was the man who was responsible. Seamus had been building up his father's image his whole life. He thought of him as a brave and considerate man who was like a superhero to him. He dreamed of finally being able to meet him and him say "I'm proud of you."

I could only imagine how crushed he was.

Seamus looked up at me and I knew he had finished crying. He wiped the tears from his face and sniffed again. He and I both leaned back against the bedpost and were silent.

What do you really say at a time like this?

I had to try.

"I'm so sorry, Seamus." I whispered.

"For what? You're the one who should be crying, not me."

"But you just lost your father. Nothing really happened to me. I'm very lucky you were there."

Seamus laughed a humorless laugh. I put my hand on his.

"It was my fault you were there. I couldn't be strong enough to go by myself." said Seamus.

"I would've wanted you to be there if I was meeting my father." I said.

"You don't need me like I need you."

I pulled my hand away from his.

"How could you say that?" I said. I was enraged. "You're the only friend I've ever had! How could you ever think that I don't need you?"

Seamus looked at me and I looked back at him. In that moment my mind was going in all different directions. I'd never realized how brown his eyes were or how endearing his freckles were. Before I knew it we were slowly leaning toward each other and I was closing my eyes.

Seamus and I kissed for the very first time.

It wasn't how I expected. I didn't feel the spark I felt with Draco. I didn't feel the tingle on my lips. It didn't make me want more. Seamus and I pulled away from each other and he smiled.

"Nothing, huh?" he asked.

"Nope. You?"

"I didn't feel a thing."

I laughed and looked away. By kissing him and feeling nothing, it somehow solidified our friendship. We both knew we were nothing more than friends and this only confirmed it. We didn't have to worry about hurting the other and that was exactly how I wanted it.

"Happy Christmas, Seamus." I whispered.

"Happy Christmas, Sawyer." he tried to make it sound as happy as he possibly could in this situation.

* * *

DRACO

* * *

I awoke early on Christmas morning. The sun shone in through my window and I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I had a feeling it was Nott. My door opened and my assumptions were proven correct. Nott jumped into my room and set off some wizard crackers.

"GET UP! IT'S CHRISTMAS!" he yelled.

I only rolled over.

"GET UP YOU PRAT!" he yelled again. I said nothing. "Fine. I'm taking your gifts."

He threw a wizard cracker at me and it exploded on my bed. I screamed and fell to the ground. Nott laughed so hard he had to prop himself against the wall.

"That'll get rid of any morning wood! Now let's go downstairs!" he yelled.

Nott flew down the stairs and what I later found out was my new broom. My mother greeted me when I came downstairs and my father sat in his chair in the living room. The plethora of gifts underneath the gargantuan tree were mostly mine. 40% were mine, 40% were Nott's, and the other 20% were my parents'. They had already opened anything that was theirs so now it was my turn. Nott had opened most of the presents, whether they were mine or his but nothing was broken so that was an accomplishment. I opened everything and was disappointed when I couldn't find Sawyer's.

"Have any owls arrived, mum?" I asked.

"Dozens! But none of them have brought gifts."

I frowned.

"Did that girl send you one?" she asked.

"She told me she would. Maybe her owl is slow."

"Or the present is big!" said Nott as he exploded a few more wizard crackers.

"Theodore, enough with the crackers. You're going to light the tree on fire." said father.

Nott shrugged and put them down. He moved on to the tins of sweets that had just been opened.

My mother and father left us alone and went to their separate corners of the house. I was surprised they'd stayed downstairs longer than two hours. They hadn't done that since I was ten.

"So, have you had sex with the groundskeeper yet?" I asked Nott. He gave me a mischievous smile.

"Twice, actually. Only thing is, she thinks I'm going to marry her. I almost feel sorry for her."

"You don't feel sorry for anyone."

"True."

Nott lied on his back with a sucker in his mouth. I decided to follow his example.

"What do you think the next year will bring us?" asked Nott.

A wave of nausea came over me.

"I don't know. I'm not even sure I'll have a future."

We were quiet. I noticed Nott's hand move but I paid no mind to it. In the next second he dumped a jumbo bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans all over my face. Whether I wanted to feel better or not, Nott could always lighten a mood.

I punched him and threw other sweets at him. We were having a food fight when my father walked in.

"Boys! Not on the carpet! You two are acting like children." he said.

We didn't care.

The house elf came running down the hall to my father.

"There's mens here to sees you sir." it said.

My father's face was repulsed by the elf.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"Hobbles does not know, sir. Hobbles was told to tell you, sir. They wants you, sir."

"What do they-"

"Mr. Malfoy!" said a booming voice from down the hall.

"What's going on?" said my mother. She'd just come in from the other room.

"We're sorry to bother you ma'am." said the man. There were four others behind him.

These were all men from the ministry and none of them came to your house unless you were in trouble.

My father tried to take out his wand but the man to the left was too quick for him.

"Redimio funis!" yelled the man.

Ropes shot out from his wand and bound my father. He fell to the floor. My mother screamed. Both Nott and I jumped up from where we were.

"Lucius Malfoy, you are under arrest for suspect of being a death eater."

"WHAT?" yelled my mother.

We had been promised protection. My father wasn't supposed to be taken.

"Take him away boys." said the man in charge.

My father, knowing that resistance would only make matters worse, did not resist arrest and was dragged outside where he was apparated to the ministry with the four men. My mother fell to the ground and broke down in sobs. Nott was speechless. I was raging mad.

I turned around and grabbed anything I could. I threw it to the ground and watched it break. My mother sobbed even more. Anything within my reach was then broken. I smashed bottles, threw over chairs, threw books across the room and shredded papers. Anything that could be broken was. I smashed gifts and knocked over the Christmas tree. The decorations were destroyed and the charms around it were broken.

I screamed and yelled and punched and kicked but nothing made me feel even the slightest bit better.

My mother cried louder and louder and I just wanted her to shut up. I wanted my father to be free. I wanted to be relieved from my mission. I wanted to stop everything. I yelled louder and louder and broke more and more things.

Nott grabbed me from behind and punched me square in the face. It knocked me to the floor but I got right back up. I tried to hit him back but he grabbed both of my arms and twisted them around my back.

"LOOK AT YOUR MOTHER! LOOK AT HER!" he yelled.

He forced me to look at my broken mother. Of all the things I'd desecrated in the other room, my mother was shattered the most. She held herself up by gripping the railing of the staircase and could barely even breathe from crying so hard. It made me sick. I had not done this to her but I had played my part. My little tantrum only made things worse.

"ARE YOU PROUD OF WHAT YOU'VE DONE?" yelled Nott.

He threw me to the ground and I made no attempt to get back up. I felt like I was going to vomit.

"YOU SICKEN ME! While you're busy having a tantrum, I'M the one who's comforting your mother! I'm not even her son! Maybe you should think before you destroy everything in your path, Draco! It's time to grow up!"

Nott stormed down the hallway. He slammed the front door so hard that the room shook slightly. I made no attempt to get up and the house elf tried to speak to my mother. She knocked her hand away and sent the elf flying. He stood back up and walked away knowing he couldn't make things better.

I remained on the floor until I heard the sound of owl wings fluttering in the room.

The owl had a small brown package tied to his leg and landed in front of me. I untied the package and saw that my name was written on it in Sawyer's handwriting. When I opened the parcel, I saw a hand knit beanie inside. It had two pom-poms on strings dangling on either side. It was striped silver and green and had the crest of Slytherin on it. In white letters, it spelled _Slytherin Prince_. There was a note that went with it.

_I hope you like this because it took fucking forever to make by hand._

_-Sawyer._

I laughed at the letter and took another look at the hat. I would spend the rest of Christmas day sulking in the gardens wearing the only present I actually liked.

* * *

NOTT

* * *

I was stomping through the snow absolutely fuming. The gall that Draco Malfoy had was astounding. His temper tantrum made everything 100 times worse than it had to be. He may be my best friend but sometimes I wonder if I'm wasting my time. He's just such a child at the most critical times.

I continued walking for another two hours before I recognized that I was in muggle territory. I came across a children's playground and found it ironic. The place was completely deserted and I thought it might be a nice place to sit.

I sat on a frozen swing but didn't care. I just wanted to be somewhere alone.

There would be nowhere for me to stay now. Draco wouldn't invite me back for another few days when this has all blown over as much as it could and I couldn't go home. Daddy's in Azkaban and mommy's drinking her troubles away like she always does. I could count on my hands the times I'd actually enjoyed my mother's company. Even from childhood, I'd always hated her. She never loved me.

She treated me like a wart on her face. I was always left with a babysitter while she was out drinking with her girlfriends or committing adultery. I never knew what my mother was like sober. My mother was never able to show me that side of her. Whenever she was sober, I wasn't around or she was racing for a drink. The entire family is shocked that she's not dead yet. My father couldn't care less.

Father was a cunning and conniving man who taught me how to fend for myself. I was never to question him and I was never to undermine him. He taught me that quiet intelligence was the best kind and to never let anyone on to how clever you truly are. It gives you an advantage against your enemies. Because of this, I've kept myself guarded. I don't let anyone see who I truly am because I was not taught to. And now I've grown so accustomed to it that I no longer think about it. It's part of who I am. This selfish, womanizing, care-free teenager is all I've known for years and it's become who I really am. The person I want to be only lets himself be when I'm alone.

While I was completely engulfed in my own thoughts, I didn't notice the woman walking toward me. She was puffing on her cigarette as she sat down on the swing next to me. She would cast the occasional glance but nothing more.

I finally looked at her. She was decent. She had a good face with what I assumed would be a nice body under all those winter layers. She looked at me as she blew the smoke from her mouth. She had piercings in her nose and lip.

_Wild girl_. I thought. _Even better_.

Long red hair and blue eyes. She looked like a pretty good lay.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Theo." I replied. "Yours?"

"Megan."

Muggle name.

"You lost?" she asked.

"Sort of." I said.

"You could come home with me."

I smiled.

"You just met me and you're inviting me home? What if I turn out to be some psycho killer?"

She laughed.

"Are you?" she asked.

"For the sake of the conversation, I'll say yes."

"Then I'd better not take you home with me." she smirked.

"But what if I want you to be my next victim? Maybe you could be the clever one that escapes."

She leaned over and kissed me. I felt the cold metal of her tongue ring and knew I would have her within the hour. She was a decent kisser.

She and I got up from the swings and walked to her house.

"It's not far, but you'll have to deal with my family." she said.

"Why?"

"I still live with 'em. My parents are wet blankets and my siblings are so juvenile."

"Then why don't you leave?" I asked.

"Can't. Don't have any money. You left your house yet?"

"In the process."

So I wouldn't be spending Christmas with the most sensitive girl in the world.

When we reached her house, it was the same cookie cutter house as all the others. She opened the door to the smell of gingerbread and the sounds of Christmas songs over the radio.

"Megan!" said a woman.

I assumed it was her mother. She looked like a much older version of Megan and looked morosely happy to see her.

"Who's this?" she asked, referring to me.

"Theo. He's a friend of mine."

Megan kept walking with my hand in hers.

"Don't you want to introduce him to the rest of the family?" she asked.

Megan rolled her eyes and kept walking. A young girl about six years old came up to her.

"Megan! I made you a picture." she said.

It was a little yellow house with stick figures in the front. She and Megan were holding hands in the picture and there was a rainbow in the back.

"Uh-huh, that's nice." she said.

She snatched the picture from her and tried to keep walking. The girl looked hurt but another older girl held her hand.

"Come on Madison, Megan brought a boy home with her. We're not allowed to talk to either of them right now." she scowled at the both of us.

"But it's Christmas!" she said.

"Come on."

Megan paid no attention to either of her sisters and took me downstairs to her room which was dark and cramped. There were rock and roll posters all over her room with an amp in the back and a guitar buried under clothes and other junk. She pulled me to her and we started to kiss. I forgot everything I'd seen and tried to focus on her.

About five minutes into it, there was a knock at the door.

"What?" she yelled.

"Megan," said a voice on the other side.

A boy who looked about a year younger than me opened the door.

"Mom and dad want to see you."

"Tell them to wait!" she said.

She went back to kissing me before he even shut the door. I heard his voice on the other side.

"I _told _you." he said.

Megan and I went back to what we started and ended up on her bed minutes later. She was probably the rudest girl I'd ever slept with but I tried not to care. It's not like I came with her to bond anyways. She took off her clothes and I took off mine. We were finished within a half hour.

She and I were lying next to each other completely naked in silence. She was twirling my hair in her fingers and I was just replaying our act in my head. I tried to ignore the images of her family and how she so blatantly disrespected all of them.

"Sorry about my family. I know they're annoying."

Her voice now disgusted me. I tried to kiss her to silence her. She was not opposed to round two.

By the end of it, I just wanted to leave. I'd gotten what I wanted and I wasn't going to stick around for more.

There was another knock at the door.

"WHAT?" Megan yelled.

The older girl from before walked in. She didn't even flinch a the image of us in Megan's bed together.

"Mom said to come upstairs." she said.

"Can't it wait five fucking minutes?" said Megan

"She called you an hour ago." said the girl.

"Just get out, Carol. I'm busy."

As soon as the door shut I was getting dressed.

"What're you doing?" she asked.

"I'm getting dressed." I replied.

"Why? It's not like I'm actually going to go upstairs."

"Did you actually think I was going to hang around?"

She was quiet as I tied my shoes.

"Look, if it's about my family we can just go somewhere else. I have a friend who doesn't live far."

"It's not about your family!" I yelled. "You obviously seem to have no clue how to treat other people! I can't even believe how unappreciative you are."

I grabbed my bag and reached for the doorknob.

"Wait!" she said. "Where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here." I replied.

I opened the door but turned back around.

"Some of us don't have families to go home to. So, before you shit all over yours, think about how nice it is that those people still love you and let you live here while you treat them all like garbage."

I shut the door and went up the stairs. It seemed like I was everyone's intervention today. I'd now told off two people and I was getting sick of it. I just wanted to be alone. Sex wasn't worth this. I ran into the older girl, Carol, in the hall. She looked disgusted with me.

"Are you just going to leave her now that you got what you wanted?" she asked.

I could think of nothing to say. She gave me a disgusted look before shoving past me. I left Megan's home feeling lower than when I left Draco's.

* * *

FLEUR

* * *

I had been at Spinner's End all winter holiday. Today was no exception. I was sitting in the den with Bella and Snape was in a chair on the opposite side on the other side of the room. I was excitedly anticipating the arrival of the Dark Lord himself. Bella was trying to calm me down.

"Don't worry," she said. "You've done very well so far! He would have no reason to be angry with you."

"I'm not worried about that, just being in the same room with him. I don't know if I'll be able to do it."

"You can. You're ready."

She smiled at me and it calmed my nerves. Bellatrix was the Death Eater I'd always hoped to be. Being around her has influenced me and now my hair has become a bit more wild. I waited patiently until I saw a shocked look on Bella's face.

"He's coming!" she said.

My nerves were taking over me as I waited. I wondered how he would arrive. Would it be apparating? Floo? How could he do it without notifying the ministry? All at once black smoke formed in the middle from the room and from it came the darkest wizard of all time. Lord Voldemort was standing only ten feet away from me. I was in awe. Bellatrix stood and I followed her example.

"My lord," she said.

He put up a pure white hand to silence her. His piercing red eyes from mine and I was almost shaking. I forced myself to look firm and I shut my gaping mouth.

"You must be Fleur." he said. I couldn't describe the demanding but persuasive sound of his voice.

He took slow strides toward me and I kept my feet rooted to the spot.

"You are brave." he said.

I stayed silent.

"And you are bright. I see that in your silence."

I said nothing.

"Bellatrix and Severus have told me much about you and your abilities. Demonstrate them for me.

I looked at Bellatrix and willed her to do a back hand spring. She did as I willed. I then lifted a chair and commanded her to sit in it. She did.

"Excellent." said the Dark Lord. "Truly excellent."

He turned around and came to Snape.

"I assume we can trust her?" he asked.

"With the utmost importance." replied Snape.

Never had I appreciated him the way I did now.

"Show me your wand." said the Dark Lord.

I took out my wand and held it to him. He magically called the wand to come to him.

"10 inches, holly and unicorn hair. Or so I am told by Mr. Ollivander." he said. "A good wand."

He gave it back to me.

"I see a bright future ahead of you." he said. "Your arm, child."

I was so taken aback by what he said that I almost let my mouth fall open again. I thrust my arm to him and he gripped it tight enough to draw blood with his fingernails. He point his wand at my wrist and muttered an incantation I could not understand. I felt a searing pain on my wrist and struggled to keep myself standing upright. The white hot pain was getting more and more agonizing the longer he held the wand to my wrist. I kept myself together by telling myself it was worth it. Whatever pain I feel is completely worth it.

And it was.

Another minute and it was over. He let me go and I dropped to the ground. My throbbing arm was bright red but had a deep black mark on the wrist. _His _mark. The pain was more than I had ever experienced in my life but I forced myself to get up. I could not afford to look weak after he had already branded me.

"You take pain well. That will serve you well in the future. Your tolerance is as good as some of my men." he said.

Bellatrix came over and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Can you speak, child?" asked the Dark Lord.

"Yes." I replied.

"Than you will respond to me when I speak to you now."

I listened with rapt attention.

"I have an assignment for you."

Every ear in the room perked up.

"When the Malfoy boy kills Albus Dumbledore…I want you to tell the world."

I was silent. I did not understand what he wanted.

"Bellatrix will teach the you the incantation you need."

I still was not following.

"My lord," I said. "I don't quite understand."

Bellatrix took a sharp intake of breath. You never ask lord Voldermort questions.

"Such a brave child. Foolish, but brave."

He came closer to me.

* * *

"I want you to send the Dark Mark into the sky when your uncle falls to the ground."


	30. Connections

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! Please don't forget to take the poll whenever you can and if you have any suggestions of anything like that, feel free to let me know in an email of on Fanfiction.

My email is : email me anytime!

And I added plenty of pictures to the Photobucket account! You can check those out at _photobucket____.com/home/OfInkandSte_el

Have fun!

* * *

FLEUR DELACORE

* * *

I had spent Christmas in France with my family. Bill was there with me. We celebrated our engagement with the rest of my family. They were much more excited than the Weasley's. my sixty year old grandmother was there too. She was visiting from Aigues-Morte. She was completely veela so she did not spend as much time with Bill as my mother or I did. I was afraid Bill would fall under her spell. I knew he would still love me even if he did but it was still a pain to try and get him away if he did.

My grandmother and I were in the living room with Bill and he and I were looking through an old photo album that she brought with her. Inside was the Bessette family tree. Bessette was my mother's maiden name so it was all of her side of the family, including my grandmother.

I searched through the names and found mine and my sister's, my mother's and father's, and my grandmother's. But what struck me as curious was that I saw a name next to my grandmother's. _Ilona Bessette_. I'd never seen my family tree before so I never knew much about my mother's side of the family.

"Grand-mère," I said. " vous aviez une soeur?" (_Grandmother, you had a sister_?)

My grandmother sighed and nodded.

"Oui, il y a très longtemps." (_Yes, It was a long time ago_.)

"Qu'est-ce qui est arrivé ? Pourquoi je n'ai jamais entendu d'elle?" (_What happened? Why have I never heard of her_?)

"Elle est morte quand vous étiez très peu. elle vous a rencontrés une fois mais vous ne vous seriez pas souvenus. Vos grands grand-pères n'ont pas voulu que vous ou votre soeur ayez su." (_She died when you were very small. You met her once but you would not have remembered. Your grandparents did not want you or your sister to know_.)

"Mais, pourquoi?" (_But, why_?)

"Parce qu'ils ont eu honte." (_Because they were ashamed_.)

Bill had no idea what either of us were saying so I translated for him after each of us finished. I found it very disturbing that I had a great aunt and no one ever told me. She shook her head and said,

"J'ai dit trop déjà. (_I've said too much already_.)"

"Que voulez-vous dire ? (_What do you mean?)" _I replied.

"Vous avez été censés ne jamais en être au courant. Je ne peux dire plus. _(You were never supposed to know about this. I cannot say anymore.)"_

"S'il vous plaît, la grand-mère, je veux savoir. _(Please, grandmother, I want to know.)"_

She hesitated and bit her lip. I tried as best I could to give her pouty eyes to persuade her into telling me. She gave in.

"Parfait_. (Fine.)" _she said_. "_Je vous dirai. (_I'll tell you.)"_

I scooted closer to her, eager to hear the story.

"Il était parce qu'elle a été amoureuse d'un humain. c'était il y a presque dix-sept ans. Ilona voyageait autour de l'Europe et a rencontré un homme humain en Grande-Bretagne. Elle m'a dit qu'elle a été amoureuse de lui. il n'a pas été au courant d'elle parce qu'elle le regarderait de loin. elle ne lui a jamais parlé, mais m'a dit qu'elle. mes parents étaient furieux quand ils ont appris. ils n'ont pas apprécié son amour d'un humain. ils lui veulent se marier avec un volo. Mais, Ilona n'a jamais suivi des règles. Elle est retournée en Grande-Bretagne. quand elle est revenue elle m'a dit qu'elle a séduit l'homme mais elle était enceinte. elle a espéré que le bébé le persuaderait de rester. (_It was because she was in love with a human. it was almost seventeen years ago. Ilona was traveling around Europe and met a human man in Britain. She told me she was in love with him. he did not know about her because she would watch him from afar. she never spoke to him but told me she would. my parents were angry when they found out. they did not approve of her loving a human. they want to her to marry a volo. But, Ilona never followed rules. She went back to Britain. when she came back she told me she seduced the man but she was pregnant. she hoped the baby would convince him to stay.)" _she said with tears in her eyes.

"Je lui ai défendu de lui aller. J'étais la seule personne qu'elle écoutait jamais . Mes parents l'ont fuie et ils m'ont fui pour la soutenir. Je l'ai aidée pendant sa grossesse mais j'ai voulu qu'elle ait oublié cet homme. Elle m'a dit de lui quand nous étions ensemble pendant ces mois. Quand elle birthed le bébé, j'ai appris qu'ils étaient des jumeaux. Ilona est mort dans l'accouchement parce qu'elle hemorrhaged. Elle a saigné à mort et il n'y avait rien je pourrais faire pour l'arrêter. (_I forbade her from going to him. I was the only person she ever listened to. My parents shunned her and they shunned me for supporting her. I helped her during her pregnancy but I wanted her to forget this man. She told me about him when we were together during those months. When she birthed the baby, I learned they were twins. Ilona died in childbirth because she hemorrhaged. She bled to death and there was nothing I could do to stop it. )_

I sat in shock. I never knew any of this and now it felt like someone was washing cold water all over my body. It sounded like a tragic love story. Girl loves boy, they can't be together, girl tragically dies, boy has no idea. Bill held my hand in silence.

"Qu'avez-vous fait avec les enfants ?(_What did you do with the children?)" _

"Je les ai pris au père. Ils n'ont pas figuré au nombre de moi. Mes parents les fuiraient aussi. Je savais assez de lui que je savais où il a vécu. Quand je suis venu en Grande-Bretagne, j'ai demandé aux gens où il a vécu et ils m'ont dit. J'ai quitté les enfants à son seuil et me suis enfui. Je ne les ai pas vus depuis. (_I took them to the father. They did not belong with me. My parents would shun them too. I knew enough about him that I knew where he lived. When I came to Britain, I asked the people where he lived and they told me. I left the children at his doorstep and ran away. I have not seen them since._)"

"Quels étaient leurs noms ?(_What were their names?)_"

"Je ne sais pas. Je me suis fié en lui pour leur donner des noms. Je sais seulement les noms qu'Ilona a voulus donner aux enfants. On serait Armelle et on serait Celéste. (_I don't know. I trusted him to give them names. I only know the names Ilona wanted to give the children. One would be Armelle and one would be Celéste. )_

My mind raced. These girls were out there somewhere with no mother. What if their father gave them away? What if he didn't want them? They had to know that they had family.

"Savez-vous où les enfants sont ? (_Do you know where the children are?)" _I asked. She shook her head, no. "En ce qui concerne le père ? Ce qui était son nom. (_What about the father? What was his name?)"_

"Aberfort, ou Atherforb. Quelque chose comme ça. (_Aberfort or Atherforb. Something like that_.)" she said.

Bill's face lit up.

"Was it Aberforth? Aberforth Dumbledore?" said Bill.

My grandmother nodded excitedly.

"Oui! Aberforth Dumbledore! C'était lui! (_That was him_!)"

"What does zat mean?" I asked Bill.

"Aberforth Dumbledore is Albus Dumbledore's brother." he said.

"Who?" I asked.

"The headmaster of Hogwarts. He has two twin nieces that go to the school! Everyone knows about them! I can't believe no one dug deeper!"

"You know ze girls?" I asked.

If Bill knew them, I might be able to contact them! That would mean they would know about me and the rest of my family.

"We must tell zem, Bill! Zey must know about my family!" I said.

"I don't know them personally, but my brother Ron might! He's in they're year! I'll write him now."

"No!" I said.

"Why?"

"Because, no offense Bill, but Ronald is not exactly the smoozest boy in ze world. What eef 'e tells everyone at ze school? I don't want zat to 'appen. Eet will embarrass ze girls."

Bill thought for a moment.

"You might be right. But how else will we find out if it's really them?" he asked.

"I zink we already 'ave! What ozer evidence do we need? It seems solid to me."

"Then what do you suggest we do?"

"I say we write a letter to zem. Zey will want to know, won' zey?"

"I suppose."

"Oh good!" I exclaimed.

I rushed into the other room and took out a quill and some parchment. I was about to write when I realized, I don't know their real names.

"Bill," I said.

"Yes?"

"What are zeir names?"

"One is named Sawyer and the other is named Fleur."

"Just like me!" I said. He laughed.

"Yes, just like you."

"Zen we 'ad better write zese quick. I want zem to get zem as soon as possible!"

"As you wish my dear." said Bill, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I was writing the letters to the two girls when my grandmother interjected.

"Dites-eux que j'ai quelques choses d'Ilona ils aimeraient certaines des choses de leur mère. (_Tell them I have some things of Ilona's they might like some of their mother's things._)" she said.

"Je crois que serait très agréable. (_I think that would be lovely_.)" I replied.

* * *

SAWYER

* * *

My Christmas with Seamus was definitely a memorable one. We exchanged gifts together. I bought him some new flying gear and knitted him a Gryffindor themed scarf with his initials stitched at the bottom. For me, he got a new comforter for my bed that was midnight blue and a brand new pair of fluffy white earmuffs. Uncle Albus bought me some sweets and a How-To book on flying. I laughed out loud because, of course, uncle A would send me a book on that. He knew how much of a terrible flier I was. I bought him a pair of wooly socks and made him some mittens. I thought maybe he'd like to hide the grotesque rotting hand he's had for half a year now.

Minnie sent me a book on extinct magical creatures, Flitwick sent me a boy of sugar quills, Poppy sent a new pair of mittens close to the same colour as the ones I gave to uncle A, professor Slughorn sent a signed picture of Quenog Jones (he was under the illusion that I was into quidditch). And the other members of the faculty sent me more sugar and other books that I was never going to read. I had some various items of clothing, none of which were my size (Most of them thought that because I was small they would buy something that was designed for ten year olds). Of course, I got nothing from Snape. But, I sent him a new vile case because I couldn't think of anything else to get and it was a thank you for the occlumency lessons.

Even Seamus' mother bought me something. From her, I got a new mug with the British flag on it and written underneath was "_To my little Brit. Love, mom_." Bryony and I liked to pretend she was my mother sometimes and with all the time I spent with her and her son, she sort of was.

But of everything I got that Christmas, Draco's gift took the cake. He sent a pair of beautiful diamond earrings that were so sparkly I almost went blind. I'd never held something so expensive but so small in my hands. Seamus was amazed as much as I was.

"He bought you _those _for Christmas after only dating you for a month? What's he gonna buy for your anniversary, the Taj Mahal?" he said.

I wondered if I should wear them, not because I didn't like them but, because if I lost them I would never be able to forgive myself. I hoped Malfoy would never tell me how much they cost.

Seamus' gifts were similar to mine. His family sent him a lot of pictures and clothes that didn't fit him either.

For the rest of Christmas, Seamus and I spent all day stuffing ourselves with any sweets sold around Diagon Alley and the ones from our family and the Hogwarts staff. Of course we were experiencing the consequences when both of us had terrible stomach aches and explosive diarrhea from all the sugar. The evening was spent in front of the fire sipping hot chocolate and sharing corny ghost stories. It was probably the best Christmas I ever had.

The next morning we packed and took the first boat to Ireland. We met up with Bryony, Seamus' mother, and she escorted us to their home. We planned to stay with her for the remainder of the holiday. We both agreed not to tell Bryony anything about what happened at the Walsh's. she didn't need to know.

Seamus' home was rather unorthodox. It was small but very homey. His mother was a traveler in her younger days so she had things from all over the world in her home. The rest of Seamus' family was there too for Christmas. I already knew most of them.

There was Seamus' uncle Patrick, his wife Ana, and their children: Saoirse, Dana, Ross, and Lonan, his aunt Saorla, and his cousins Deirdre and Cormac to name a few. Bryony's side of the family were masters of reproducing. There were around twenty people in the house, most of which were cousins. Each couple would have around four children. I couldn't remember half of their names but they didn't seem to mind.

Everyone seemed to know me.

"Sawyer!" was something I heard collectively when I walk into a house full of Seamus' relatives. They all want to know when the two of us are getting married and if I'm pregnant yet. It doesn't matter how many times Seamus and I tell them, they never seem to understand that a boy and girl can remain just friends and how it's not good to have a baby when you're still in school. For some reason, it doesn't register.

"So, are you two getting married yet?" asked aunt Saorla.

"No, auntie Saorla. Sawyer and I aren't together." said Seamus.

"Oh! Is it a secret?" she winked at the two of us. "Don't worry, my lips are sealed."

If by sealed you mean, so loose that the entire family will thin we're engaged before dinner, then yes, you're lips are most definitely sealed.

Seamus and I spent the first few days with his cousins and we played exploding snaps in the back yard. Some of Seamus' cousins were really wild and even if the rest of us weren't participating, they wouldn't have noticed.

We had spent almost a week at Seamus' when I received some post.

"Sawyer dear!" called Bryony. "You have some letters!"

I walked into the kitchen by the window where the owls had landed. There was Malfoy's handsome snowy owl and a sooty one I did not recognize. I decided to read Draco's first but I waited until I was alone to do it. I decided the bathroom was private enough.

_Dear Sawyer_,

_Oh, so now I'm dear_? I thought. I felt butterflies in my stomach.

_Thank you for the hat. I really like it. It's the only present I've received this year that I really appreciate. I have quite a bit to tell you when we get back to school but I'm sure you and the rest of the school will already know by then. Keep your eye out for the Daily Prophet. They might run the story in the next week or so but we're trying to keep it quiet for as long as we can. _

_I hope you like your gift as much as I liked mine. They were very expensive._

_-Draco._

I asked Bryony for some parchment and a quill so I could respond and went back to the bathroom.

_Dear Draco_, I wrote.

_I'm glad you like the hat. And I did love your gift, it's beautiful. You better not have spent a fortune on them. Please don't tell me how much they cost because I'll probably vomit. I haven't seen the Prophet since I left school so I'll let you tell me what happened. I'd rather hear the story from you anyways. I have some things I'd like to share with you too so we'll have much to talk about when we meet. I hope your New Year's is better than your Christmas._

_-Sawyer._

I sent the owl on it's way and almost forgot about the second letter. I went back to the bathroom to read it. The script was more elegant than I'd ever seen.

_Dearest Sawyer,_

_My name is Fleur Delacour. I'm not sure if you remember me but I was one of the Triwizard champions from two years ago. We met briefly and it's a shame we did not talk more. _

_I realized our connection almost immediately when I met you. By connection, I mean that we are both part veela. I was not aware how strong that connection was until now. My grandmother, Ophelie Bessette, shared with me that your mother, Ilona Bessette, was her sister. I understand that this information must come as a shock to you but it is the truth. You can write back to me anytime if you're interested because I would love to share more about your mother._

_My grandmother also shared that she still owns some things that belonged to her. I would be only too happy to send them to you anytime. _

_I sent a letter identical to this to your twin sister, Fleur. I do hope that you two are together when you read these letters. It would be wonderful if you both would reply._

_-Fleur Delacour. _

My hands were shaking. Fleur Delacour knew my mother and I had no idea. Does this mean I can talk to her? This means I have family. I could see my mother for the first time ever.

Tears came down my face at the thought. Could this really be happening? Could my mother really want to see me?

_But why would Fleur send the letter then? Why not your mother herself?_

My heart sank at the thought. Maybe she didn't want to see me. Fleur might just be trying to make amends by sending the letter. What if mother really did abandon me?

I heard another voice in my head.

_Don't think too into it. You might be over speculating. She might be incapable of sending letters._

But she said her grandmother told her about it. She said nothing about talking to my mother.

_Maybe she's somewhere else in the world. You never know._

I suppose that could be true.

I tried to compose a response with my shaky hands.

_Fleur,_

_Thank you for your letter. I am interested but do not expect a reply from my sister._

_Stupid bitch will probably throw it away_. I thought.

_I would like to know any information you have on my mother. Please send me her items, or even a picture. I would love a picture of her. Please reply. _

_-Sawyer Dumbledore._

I folded the letter and tied it to the sooty owl and sent him on his way. I was still in a daze later that afternoon when I let Seamus read the letter.

"What does this mean?" he asked.

I shrugged and I felt tears coming. I forced them back. Seamus looked at me sympathetically.

"What if she doesn't want me?" I whispered.

"Sawyer, of course she'll want you." said Seamus.

I remembered I said the exact same thing to Seamus about his father.

I could only pray this would not end up as disastrous.


	31. Coward

Draco and I had been writing to each other constantly. We had arranged for me to see him in London before the holiday was over. I only needed to convince Seamus. If he said yes, I would be in London by January 2nd. The butterflies occupied my stomach once again at the thought of seeing Draco again. We would have the rest of holiday all to ourselves. Well, Seamus and Nott would be there too but we wouldn't have classes getting in the way. I tried not to feel so eager to see Draco because I didn't want my entire life revolving around him. He was, after all, just a boy.

Convincing Seamus to go back to London was easier than I thought. I could tell he wanted to escape his family. We said goodbye to his mother and left at night before anyone else knew. There were boats leaving every day for Whales so it wasn't difficult to catch one. We would ride the boat to Whales and ride a ferry into Bristol. From there, we would meet Draco in London. Seamus knew I was going back to see Draco and he pretended to be uninterested. I knew he was amused by our relationship. Especially because we hated each other in the beginning. I hoped I would be able to see him without notifying his mother because God only knows what she would do. Draco would get my letter saying I would be in London very soon. I would see him in two days.

Seamus and I stayed in our cabin while we rode the boat because Seamus gets easily seasick and watching the waves will make him nauseous. He asked me questions about Fleur's letter. I hadn't received her reply yet but that was most likely because France was so far away.

"Do you think she'll have a picture?" asked Seamus.

"I hope so." I replied.

"Do you think she'll look like you?"

"Maybe."

I'd given a lot of thought to how my mother might look. But veela are practically identical so I didn't have high expectations. Was my mother like me at all? Maybe she was. I hoped so.

"Do you think she'll be anything like me?" I asked.

"I think so. She definitely won't be like Fleur." said Seamus.

"I guess. I just don't want to be disappointed."

"Like me?"

My cheeks turned pink.

"That's not what I was going to say."

"No, but you were thinking it."

I had no reply. He was right.

"I don't think you'll have even close to as bad a time as I had. The odds of it are too low."

"Well when you put it _that _way," I said sarcastically.

I put my hands behind my head and laid myself on the pillow of my bunk. My eyes traveled to the wood ceiling and I heard footsteps and voices outside the door.

"What do you plan on doing after graduation?" I asked.

"Travel. I want to go to China."

"China?" I asked. "Why China?"

"Dunno. It just seems so far away and foreign. And they have great noodles."

I laughed at him. Traveling sounded like a good idea. In the back of my mind I knew that there was going to be a final battle. I didn't know when but uncle Albus surely would. He knew practically everything. A part of me didn't think we'd be able to do anything after graduation because I didn't think we would even make it. No one knows what Voldemort is planning but Voldemort. What if he plans on killing everyone at Hogwarts? Being in Harry Potter's graduating class doesn't give us good odds.

I no longer wanted to think awful things such as those so I decided to take a nap. The boat ride would be long anyway.

* * *

DRACO

* * *

It was now January 2nd, the day Sawyer was supposed to arrive in London. I was packing a few things in a bag to bring with me to meet Sawyer. I assumed I would be out all night so I packed a second jacket for her, my scarf if I needed it, a water bottle, and Sawyer's hat. It would look silly to wear in public so I would put it on when I saw her. I didn't think she would mind.

I packed with eagerness at the thought of leaving the house. My mother had been in a constant state of depression since father's arrest. I had been depressed also but not like her. Even when Nott, whom she'd come to regard as a son, had returned to our home she was indifferent.

As I finished packing, I heard her voice calling me at the bottom of the stairs. I opened the door and peered over the railing.

There was my mother in her silvery blue robe with the fur hem beckoning me to come down the stairs. She looked positively cheery.

"Draco! Come see who's here to visit!" she said.

I came down the stairs at a moderate pace. I was interested to know who was there but apprehensive at the same time. I saw _her_ face before I reached the bottom. Her light red curls barely brushed her shoulders and her grey eyes looking straight into mine. Her angel face was aglow with a luminous quality that only a veela could possess. The angel face was shared with that of my girlfriend. It made me feel guilty that I found her face as attractive as Sawyer's.

Fleur Dumbledore stood up straight at the front door staring at me like a lion to a gazelle.

"Good morning Fleur." I said.

"Good morning Draco. Well, I supposed it's the afternoon now." she replied.

"An insignificant detail."

"I quite agree."

The corners of her mouth turned upward with a wicked quality. Between her and Sawyer, only Fleur was truly wicked. Sawyer only pretended to be. She turned to my mother with the same plastic angel face and made small talk whilst I stood my ground on the staircase not wanting to move closer.

A voice came from the kitchen.

"Cissy, I've hung my coat in the closet." said my aunt Bellatrix.

"That's fine, Bella. Fleur, why don't you do the same?" said mother.

"Alright."

She sauntered gracefully out of the room and to the coat closet. My eyes connected with Bellatrix's.

"My, my Draco. You're certainly looking gaunt." she said.

"You're one to talk."

Bellatrix laughed.

"What a mouth you have. I love it. But really, Draco, you're looking rather pale. And you're practically skeletal. What are they feeding you at that little whole you call a school?"

"The Hogwarts food is not terrible, I just haven't been eating much."

"And why is that?" she said, coming closer. Her mouth twitched into a sick smile. She was trying to push my buttons.

"Not hungry." I said.

"I see that Draco, but why? Are you stressed about something?" she grew continuously amused. My eyes narrowed.

"Nothing in particular."

"I find that rather hared to believe."

"Bellatrix." said mother.

My mother had become pale and put her hand up to silence her sister. Bellatrix backed away slowly. Her smile had vanished and she glared at me. She strode off toward Fleur who had just emerged from the hallway, no doubt eavesdropping.

"So, Fleur," said mother. "You have yet to tell us what brings you and Bella here."

"You might want to sit down, Narcissa. It is of the utmost importance."

Mother tried her best to remain nonchalant but failed. She led us into the den with a shaking hand. I sat next to her making sure I was away from the two snakes in the room. We sat on different sofas.

"What is it you wanted to tell us?" asked mother. I felt her hand squeeze mine.

"I'm sure you know I've been staying with Bella and Severus over the holiday. As it happens, the Dark Lord decided to pop in during Christmas to share some new developments in his plans regarding Draco's mission."

Mother's hand squeezed mine again.

"I was instructed to accompany him, Bella, Severus, and the other Death Eaters assigned to be there. I am to take Bellatrix's place in producing the Dark Mark."

Mother gasped. Her grip relaxed.

"Are you completely serious?" she asked.

"Entirely." said Fleur. "He told me in person."

"Well, that's wonderful! You're playing a part in Draco's mission! Draco, isn't that wonderful?" she asked.

"Yes." I replied. "Quite."

Fleur smiled at me. Her eyes screamed predator. She twirled a lock of curled red hair and leaned back slowly. Her legs now crossed and her eyes closed, she placed the lock of hair in front of her mouth. Her eyes opened and caught mine. She smiled as if to say "I won."

I did not appreciate her staring. I stood up from the sofa.

"I'm going out for some air." I said.

"What? But Fleur and Bella just got here." said mother.

"Yes, but, Nott and I were planning on going out around town before we had to go back to school. We thought we might squeeze some time in."

"But,"

"I'm sure Bella and Fleur won't mind."

I looked at them both. Bellatrix obviously didn't care whether I went or stayed but Fleur was eying me suspiciously. She wanted to know what I was up to.

"It'll be fine Cissy." said Fleur. "Let the boys go, it won't be long until we're all back at school, surely we can get together then. There's plenty of time. Besides, there's more we'd like to discuss with you…in private."

"I suppose…You boys be careful." said mother.

"We will."

I walked up the stairs and back into my bedroom checking for any last minute things. My wand was on the inside of my jacket, my bag was packed, there was nothing left that I needed. I went to my window to close it. My owl was safe and sound and any mail would not be directed to my bedroom window. I looked out the window at the fresh snow that had fallen overnight. It erased any footprints in the barren street. It was undisturbed. The pure white colour made me think of Sawyer's hair. The pure white blonde similar to mine. She was most likely on her way now. She would be here in a few hours so I had some time to kill.

I pressed my forehead to the frigid glass and heaved a sigh. It fogged the window. Nott was most likely in the library either reading or sleeping. He probably fell asleep reading. I would go get him and we would wait in some sort of public building near the docks for Sawyer to arrive. I didn't want to wait in the house where Fleur would be watching me from behind a corner. I was about to pull my head away from the glass when I heard a shuffling noise that made me jump. I whipped my head around to see Fleur standing in the doorway holding the hat Sawyer had made for me. My bag was sitting on my bed with the flap open. Fleur was dangling the hat in her dainty fingers just staring at me with a menacing grin. I immediately felt defensive.

"It's cute." she said. I made no reply. "Did my deadbeat sister make it for you?" I said nothing. "I'll take that as a yes."

She held the hat with both hands and read the writing on the front. She made small steps closer to me, I wished she would back away.

"_Slytherin Prince_. A fitting title I should say." she said. "Do you value this?"

Again, silence.

"Another yes. You should be more careful with your things, Draco. You never know what might happen."

In a second the hat caught fire and I leaped toward it with my arm outstretched. Fleur pulled it away and in another second the flames were gone and the hat seemed completely unscathed. She was good.

She laughed and threw the hat at me. I had to suppress my scowl so she wouldn't see how successfully she had toyed with my emotions.

"Very clever, Fleur." I said.

"I agree." she said.

She cast another glance at me and practically skipped out of my room. I wanted to curse her but I refrained.

_Maybe she'll die_. I thought. _Maybe, before I come back from seeing Sawyer, I'll find out she died from some exotic disease that no one's ever heard of._

I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed for the door.

_No, _I thought. _You don't want her to die. If she dies, you lose any chance of killing her yourself. And **that** would be the **real** tragedy._

I went straight for the library and found Nott sprawled across the couch with a book on his face. I promptly woke him and he groggily came with me out the door and into the freezing London air. Nott was walking painfully slow and whenever I would yell it him to hurry up, he would stop all together. I stopped criticizing him long enough for him to duck into a Muggle café while I kept walking not knowing he had left. It wasn't until he had a good laugh watching me through the window frantically going in circles looking for him for about ten minutes that he finally came back out.

I huffed angrily while he laughed until he cried. We both walked until we reached the train station Sawyer wrote to me about. Her train would be arriving at 2.15pm. It was now 2.00pm. Anxiously I waited for her. I rocked back and forth on my heels wondering what it would be like. Would she be excited? Would she be indifferent? Should I kiss her in front of Nott? Maybe not, he would most likely laugh to me about it later. Would she be offended by that? What if she tries to kiss me first?

_Oh stop it Malfoy! Your biggest dilemma right now is "should I kiss my girlfriend?" Pathetic_.

I agreed with the little voice. I was acting ridiculous. Sawyer was _just _a girl.

_I'm not even sure why you like her. _That voice sounded like my father. _She isn't even one of us. She's a half breed. Disgusting. You should leave now._

No! I couldn't do that to her!

_Yes, you could. It would be the smart thing to do. What would father say?_

I bit my lip.

What if I don't care what father says?

_Of course you care. That's who you are. If he knew what you were doing right now he would go into conniptions. You should leave._

I contemplated the thought.

2.08pm.

But I really like Sawyer. I think she'll be good for me.

"_Good for you" shouldn't equal going against father's wishes. And even, more importantly, lord Voldemort's. you don't even want to know what he'd do if he saw you here now._

But he doesn't know.

_Are you sure?_

I instinctively looked around for any Death Eaters or suspicious persons. No one looked too out of the norm but one could never be sure. Maybe leaving was a good idea.

2.12pm.

_If you're going to leave, now's your chance._

But I don't want to leave.

_But you should._

My hands were shaking. What if this wasn't the right decision? I should be convincing myself to hate Sawyer not fall for her.

But if Sawyer's a filthy half breed, then why is Fleur in Voldemort's employment?

_Maybe he sees her as a loyal pawn. She would be rather easy to dispose of._

I suppose.

_You should be waiting for her, not Sawyer._

I hate Fleur. I would never have the same feelings for her.

_Some sacrifices must be made to save your reputation with the Dark Lord._

Either way he still doesn't trust me or father. Why else would he be arrested?

_Maybe being with Fleur will turn him around! It'll show him how loyal you are by being with someone as devoted to him as she._

But she's so evil and calloused.

_That's why Voldemort likes her._

I don't want to.

_You should._

2.14pm.

The train had pulled in and I saw people getting off. I felt sweat in the palms of my hands and saw Nott watching me out of the corner of my eye.

"Relax." he said. "You're just seeing her, it's not like you're getting married."

"Nott…" I said.

I stood up from my bench. I couldn't do it. I couldn't face her if there was a chance someone was watching. I turned around to face the door when I heard her voice.

"Draco!" she said.

I turned around.

She was smiling at me. The people around towered over her short frame. Seeing her made me smile. Any thought of leaving was forgotten and all I saw was her. I allowed myself to smile.

"How was your trip?" I asked.

"Dreadful. Poor Seamus got seasick on the boat." she said. I missed her voice.

"I'm okay." he said.

"I missed you." she said.

"I..." I didn't want to say it but it would be rude not to. "I missed you too."

"Were you…about to leave just now?" she asked. I couldn't tell her.

"No, just stretching my legs."

She smiled. I put my arm around her as the four of us left the train station. I avoided Nott's suspicious looks and allowed myself to just be comfortable. Sawyer wouldn't have to think that I stood her up and I wouldn't be a complete coward.

_Just because you didn't leave doesn't make you less of a coward. _I thought_. You almost did_.

But I didn't.

_Only because she called your name. If she'd been late getting off you wouldn't have been there at all._

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah. Just thinking." I replied.

She leaned her head over so it was touching my chest. It made me feel even guiltier. I was disgusted with myself for having those thoughts. She would never forgive me if she knew what I almost did. I looked down at her and tried to make myself feel better. The smile on her face just made me feel worse. I could tell she trusted me.

* * *

She shouldn't.


	32. Sharing

Draco, Nott, Seamus, and I had been walking around London for almost three hours. I wondered if Draco knew where he was going because we took about one hundred different turns and went in circles a few times. I got the impression Draco thought we were being followed. Being the son of a Death Eater, that wasn't surprising. We finally reached a series of warehouses near some docks. Some of them looked like they hadn't been opened in about fifty years.

"Draco," I said. "Where are we?"

"We're at the St Osborne docks. It was closed about five years ago but no one's bothered tearing it down yet."

"Then why is it so old?"

"And creepy?" asked Seamus.

"It's been around since the early 1900s so it is rather old."

"Why are we here?" I asked.

"Because it's private." he replied.

I couldn't argue with that. What bothered me, though, was that even though Draco and I would be able to spend time together, what would Seamus and Nott be doing in the meantime? It would be rather selfish of us to just leave them alone. They aren't even friends.

"Draco." I whispered.

"Yes?"

"Are they going to be with us?"

"I…suppose."

"I don't want to be rude."

"I'm sure we'll be fine." said Nott. My cheeks burned.

"Don't worry Sawyer, we're both big boys." said Seamus.

We reached one warehouse that wasn't too terribly creepy and stepped inside. It was surprisingly warm.

"Go right ahead and pick wherever you want to stay, there's plenty of space." said Draco.

He was right. The warehouse had some large boxes in it but had an ample amount of space for the four of us.

"Are we staying the night here?" asked Seamus.

"Probably." said Nott.

"Would you rather waste your money at the Leaky Cauldron?" asked Draco.

Seamus and I shook our heads.

"Didn't think so. I've brought some things with me and whatever we don't have, I'm sure Nott can conjure."

"But we're on holiday." I said.

"That may be true, but I'm also seventeen." said Nott.

He conjured a few rugs for us to sit on but there was no need for a fire considering the warmth of the warehouse. I worried it would become stuffy by nightfall.

"Make yourselves comfortable. If you don't mind, I'll be resuming my activities before Draco so pointlessly interrupted me." said Nott.

"And what would that be?" asked Seamus.

"Sleeping."

He went behind some boxes and curled underneath a conjured blanket. Within minutes the sound of snoring was echoing in the large space.

"I think sleeping sounds like a good idea. I didn't get much of it on the boat and that train ride was terribly uncomfortable." said Seamus.

He grabbed another of Nott's blankets and set up camp by another set of boxes.

Which left Draco and I alone with each other. He grabbed a blanket and took me to a small corner hidden from either of the boys. We leaned against a heavy box with the blanket draped over the both of us.

"So," said Draco. "How was your holiday?"

"Boring and dreary in the beginning but it evolved into a cluster-fuck after Christmas."

"Do share."

"I'd rather hear what you have to say. You said you had news to tell me anyways."

"Only if you promise to tell me about your Christmas."

I put up my hand.

"Scout's honor." I said.

Draco heaved a sigh.

"Well, everything was going well for me until Christmas."

"What happened on Christmas?" I asked.

"Nott and I were messing around in the den and-"

"You're pregnant?"

He shoved me with a laugh.

"No, some ministry officials came to the house and arrested my father." I put my hand on his.

"That's terrible." I said.

"I know. It was completely unexpected too."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah. Did you think it was going to happen?"

"Your father's affiliation with Voldemort isn't exactly a secret y'know."

He scowled.

"Thanks a lot." he said.

"I'm just saying! And besides, with your connections he'll be out in no time."

"I'm not so sure."

I wanted to be sad that Malfoy Sr. was behind bars but I was torn. My feelings for Draco were contradicted by his family's loyalty. How can I fall for someone whose entire family goes against everything I believe in? Draco's connections would most likely bail out his father but I did not say that out of hope. Of course, I would never let Draco know this.

"After he was arrested I sort of…went mad."

I gave him a suspicious look.

"I threw a huge tantrum and destroyed everything in the living room. I didn't even notice that my mother was sobbing in the other room but Nott did. He tried consoling her and he ended up chewing my head off for what I was doing. I deserved his tongue lashing. He stormed out and didn't come back until the next day. It was awful."

"It _sounds _awful."

"Yeah…so why did your Christmas bite?" he asked.

I didn't want to tell him but if I didn't, he would never trust me.

"Well, Seamus and I came to London at the beginning of the holiday because Seamus wanted to find his father. We did find him a few days before Christmas and stayed with him and his family. His father, James, seemed okay but his wife was a bitch and so was his daughter in the beginning. She calmed down though. Anyways…on Christmas Eve, we all had dinner together and…"

"And?"

I told him the whole story. Not every detail, but enough. Draco was about to yell but I covered his mouth and made him swear he wouldn't be angry or else I wouldn't finish my story. He took a minute to calm himself but his fists were still clenched. He was shooting glares in Seamus' direction. I promptly smacked him and said it wasn't Seamus' fault. It was no one's fault but James.

I told him about how after Christmas, the two of us went to Ireland to see Seamus' mum. That was when I got the letter from Fleur Delacour.

"Are you talking about the girl from the Tri-Wizard Championships?" he asked.

"Yes. She sent me a letter saying that her grandmother was my mother's sister. Ilona Bessette was her name. She was French. Apparently I'm half French."

"What else did she say? Are you going to meet her?"

"I don't know. Fleur just said that her grandmother has a few of her possessions and could send them to me. I thought that maybe my mother is abroad or something and can't visit me now. Maybe that's why she couldn't write the letter. I wrote Fleur back and the owl should be arriving any day now. Though it might take a bit longer now that I've changed locations."

"What did she mean by possessions?"

"I don't know. I'm hoping she'll send a picture though."

It was quiet for a moment. I was hugging my knees and staring into the distance. I wasn't sure how I felt about seeing my mother. Part of me was excited but the other part was angry. Angry that she didn't find me sooner. There was another small part that was pessimistic. It didn't think I would see her at all. I hoped it was wrong.

"I don't know if I'll see her…but I hope I do."

Draco leaned over and put my hair behind my ears.

"You're wearing my earrings." he said.

"Of course. They're beautiful. I hope you didn't spend too much."

"I didn't."

"But you said they were expensive."

"They were, just not for me."

I rolled my eyes.

"You must be some kind of rich."

He smiled.

"Out of curiosity…how much are they?"

"You said you didn't want to know."

"Only if the number will make me sick."

"It might."

"Then never mind."

It was quiet again….

"300 galleons."

"THREE-"

He slapped a hand over my mouth.

"Shh! Do you want to wake the other two?"

I shook my head and he let go of my mouth.

"I can't believe you would spend such a ridiculous amount on earrings! And for me! We've only been dating for a few weeks!"

"So? I'm rich and I like you, why not splurge?"

I blushed. My eyebrows were furrowed in a V and I crossed my arms. It was very stupid of him to spend such a ridiculous amount on a girl he barely knows. Seamus was right to wonder what he'd do for our anniversary.

If we even get there.

"I still have your hat." he said.

He reached into his bag and put on the hat I made for him. It made me laugh when he flicked the little pom-poms attached to it.

"I'm glad you like it."

"Well, I suppose it'll do. I have thousands but since you made it I'm required to like it."

I gave him an unamused look and he laughed. He leaned over to me and I closed my eyes. His kiss was even better than I remembered. It seemed silly to care this much but I decided to let myself be sixteen. It only happens once anyways.

His hand started at my shoulder and slid up into my hair. I was too busy propping myself up to be doing anything romantic.

His fingers twirled my hair for a while before his hand moved to gently hold my face. I moved to touch his neck but he jumped back.

"What?"

He laughed at me.

"Your hands are freezing." he said with a smile. I grinned even though I was thoroughly embarrassed. He took out the gloves he'd taken off minutes before and gave them to me. They were very big but I didn't care. At least they were warm.

He leaned back in but didn't kiss my lips. Instead he kiss my jaw and made a trail all the way to my ear. His breath tickled my neck and made me giggle. I'm sensitive and often jump at the slightest touch. But, for the sake of romance, I ignored the urge to move away.

As he planted light kisses all over my face my eyes traveled around the room. I leaned in to kiss him again and put my hand on his knee. He put one arm around my waist to pull me closer. The sun was setting and I hadn't realized how much time we'd spent in the warehouse. Draco and I kissed for a while before talking again and falling asleep. It was nice to finally be alone with him.

* * *

Or at least, what I _thought _was alone.


	33. Certainty

Hey everyone! I really don't have an excuse for all of you as to why I haven't updated in years. But, after about a billion reviews urgently professing me to update, I finally decided enough was enough! So here is the 33rd chapter of my love story for all of you!

Please note that this will not be the last chapter! I've still got plenty more story left :)

* * *

Draco Malfoy

* * *

In the morning, I saw Sawyer asleep in my arms. She would have looked a bit more romantic was she not drooling on my shirt. But even so, she was still beautiful. It actually made me smile. I slowly maneuvered my way out from underneath her. I had to take a piss so I quietly tip-toed my way to some bushes outside. After a few seconds I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped so high that I sprayed half of the wall.

Not exactly the most beautiful sight on a cold winter morning.

I whipped my head around so fast I thought I would get whiplash. It was none other than Nott standing behind me.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!" I yelled.  
"I could ask you the same question."  
"What the fuck are you on about? I was in the middle of a piss!"  
"And right before that you were in the middle of a cuddle fest with your little squeeze over there. Do you have any idea what you're doing? Do you have any idea what kind of position you're putting us in?"  
"Oh, calm down, Nott! We didn't do anything! We just talked."

I felt like such a queer after saying that.

"Exactly. You aren't doing what I do. You don't just shag and then leave. You're making a connection with her." he continued.  
"Oh God, Nott. Spare me, please."  
"You think I'm wrong? She confided in you. That means she trusts you. And the fact that you even listened to her proves that you have invested in her as well. This kind of connection is dangerous Draco. For both of us."  
"You knew what was going to happen when we came here. Don't pretend like you didn't know."  
"I didn't think you'd be sharing secrets and braiding each other's hair all night! I thought you would shag and then we would leave today! This isn't like you! I swear, Draco, if you go falling in love with her-"  
"I am NOT in love with her. You're going way too far."  
"Then prove me wrong."  
"How the hell am I supposed to do that?"  
"Leave her. Show me that you don't care the way you say you don't."  
"Nott! I'm not just going to leave her-"

He banged his fist against the wall.

"Dammit, Draco! You're not understanding! Do you have any idea what you're doing? You're fraternizing with the enemy. She is an enemy of You-Know-Who and if this gets out then BOTH of our asses will be on the line. Not just you. Has it even crossed your mind what would happen if this got out?"  
"Of course I-"  
"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND JUST LISTEN."

Nott had never used such strong language with me before. He lectured me at Christmas but this was somehow different.

"If this were to get out of hand, he could use her. He could use her to get to you. And then where would we be? Where would I be?"  
"If he uses her against me how does that apply to you?" I was spitting venom through my teeth.  
"Because, you imbecile, I would be charged with accessory. I would be thought of as a traitor for just standing by and watching all of it happen. I would be killed to send a message."  
"Don't be ridiculous, Nott. That would never happen."

Even as I said it I wanted to take it back. The look on Nott's face was of complete shock.

"Were you serious just now? You don't think that would happen? HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING DRACO? NOTHING GETS PAST THAT THICK HEAD OF YOURS DOES IT?"

He hit the wall again.

"Have you thought about how I might feel if you died? If your life was put in jeopardy how do you think I would feel? What if it were the other way around?"

I was silent. I really had no idea what to say. Nott sighed and closed his eyes in frustration. The redness in his face had gone down and he was calm.

"You're so goddamn selfish, Draco. Your actions don't affect just you. You should learn that. There's a train leaving in three hours and whether you show up or not, I'm leaving. And every second you're not coming with me is another piece of my respect for you diminishing."

He didn't even look at me as he walked away. I felt ashamed.

I walked back to the warehouse and saw Sawyer sitting patiently with her head in her hand.

"Draco," said Sawyer. "What was the matter with Nott? He looked furious."

She looked concerned.

"Draco?"

She moved her hand to hold mine. He fingers were cold but her touch was so light and delicate. The way she held my hand was the opposite of her personality. Gentle, soft, careful.

It was too much. Nott was right. She does care for me.

This needs to stop.

I removed my hand from hers and felt a sickening in the pit of my stomach.

"I have to leave." I said low.  
"What?" she said. "Why?"  
"I won't be for long... I'll... I'll be back." I said.  
"Oh... Alright then. I s'pose."

She looked confused despite that she had accepted my abrupt leaving. I grabbed my things and walked out. I told myself that looking back would be a huge mistake. I couldn't do it.

But I couldn't help myself. I was right, it _was _a mistake.

Upon turning around, I saw the look in Sawyer's eyes. She saw me grabbing my things and knew deep down I wasn't coming back. My simple gesture of letting her hand go set off a wildfire of suspicions that would soon be proven right. But there was a look of trust. She was fighting her instincts that doubted me and told herself to trust me.

I could not stand to look at her any longer and left. That would be the last time I would spend as something more than enemies with her. Something more than casual acquaintances or even friends. I had, without words, ended the "relationship" that we had.

Part of me was saying to turn around but I knew this was for the best. She's just a girl. I could find another girl just like her any day of the week. This was best.

A nagging voice in the back of my head kept saying how Father would approve of this decision.

I almost turned around when I thought of it that way. The idea of making ANOTHER hard decision because father would approve made me nauseous to my very core.

Without thinking I turned on my heel to go back but Nott stopped me.

"Keep going." he said.

I closed my eyes to shake my father's words out of my head and slammed into Seamus. He was holding a few breads from the shop just down the road. It threw me into a fit of anger so I gritted my teeth and tried to leave.

"Draco?" he said.

I sighed and turned around.

"What?" I replied.  
"Where are you going? I was just about to serve brunch... You alright?"  
"I'm just going out for a minute. Is that a problem?"  
"Christ. I didn't mean to set you off."

He looked at me and my things in my hand. His brows furrowed for a second before his expression became blank.

"Does Sawyer know you're leaving?"  
"Of course she does."  
"That's not what I meant." his voice lowered. "Does she know you're not coming back?"

My blood felt cold but I wouldn't dare allow Finnigan to see it in my face. Rather than coming up with a witty retort I simply turned and left. I would not waste another breath on him so that he could tattle on me. This time I didn't look back. Why should I? All I would see was the "holier-than-thou" look in his eyes. I didn't need that. I had things to do.

When I turned the corner I saw Nott leaning against a wall smoking a fag. He looked at me and stepped on it to put it out. He said nothing and nodded his head in the direction we were headed. As we walked he made the simple gesture of patting me on the back. He was approving my decision.

I didn't want it.

Once at the station the two of us sat on a bench waiting for the train to arrive. My stomach was queasy and all I did was replay the night before in my head. The feel of her lips, her hair falling on my face, my hands on her soft skin reaching for more but being only halfheartedly pushed away.

Last night wasn't _all_ about talking.

In all honesty, if it were my choice, I would have made a home run back in the Room of Requirement. Last night was my second chance but something was holding her back. Actually, until now I had never thought about whether or not she was a virgin. She must know I'm not. And whether or not I knew if she was, part of me was hoping she was.

_Even though the vast majority of me hoped she wasn't . _

Being a virgin would have allowed me to make my mark on her. She would be mine and no one could take that away from me. Even if she is with one hundred men after me it would't change the fact that I was first. I stuck my flag in that ground first. Thinking about that put a smirk on my face. I would have it as my largest trophy on my highest shelf and she would be so taken with my performance that she would have no choice but to be at my constant beck and call forever. What could be simpler?

However, if she _is_ a used model then I would work to put the memory of any other man out of her mind permanently. Child's play. Who could she have been with who is better than me? If those rumors of her and Finnegan have ever been true than I wouldn't even have to try.

Even though the thought of his grimy half-blood hands on her body makes me sick to my core. My fists clenched at the thought. That rotten beggar touching her, kissing her... fucking her. I just wa-

"Draco?"  
"It's nothing, Nott."

He shrugged and went back to napping.

And Nott has never been in her cookie jar so I basically have no competition. I know I'll be the best she's ever or will ever have. Once I claim her she'll never get enough of me.

Except... I just gave up that chance. I'll never have any chance to do anything with her. Finnegan knows it and she most likely does too by now. My lifetime has been filled with mistakes and I'm not ready to make one of this magnitude right now. Maybe we'll never get caught. Nott won't say anything. We've been careful up until now. And it's not as is she and Fleur exchange secrets. No one will ever know. And maybe we can run away. Far away. From everything. Away from this war. Maybe we could stay in hiding until it's all over.

I felt myself involuntarily getting up to leave until I felt a hand on my wrist.

"If you do this, you're signing your own death certificate. No one can save you if you're caught."

I looked into Nott's eyes and saw genuine concern. I couldn't hold back anymore and fear spread across my face. The bags under my eyes felt heavy.

"She makes me forget, Nott. I can't pass up a distraction at a time like this. If I do... I don't know how much longer I can last."  
"How do you think she's going to feel when you finish the job? When she has virtually no family left because of _you_."

I had no answer. None. My mind was blank.

His grip loosened on my wrist.

"I'm only attending your funeral for your mother. She'll need my shoulder to cry on."

He put his hand down and I was free to go. All he did was stare at me with disappointment in his eyes.

"I would never have expected this from you, Draco."  
"Well at least we agree on something."

I left feeling relieved and petrified at the same time. I had only Sawyer in my mind. I had to get her. I hoped she would still be where I left her waiting for me to be the man she's hoping I am.

I hate myself. Truly. I honestly and sincerely hate myself because I can't ignore the truth any longer.

I will have to murder the greatest wizard of my generation.

* * *

And I'm in love with his granddaughter.


	34. Guilty

Seamus Finnegan

* * *

It was quiet. Draco had just left and I walked inside the warehouse to find Sawyer staring blankly into a fire she had conjured. When I sat down next to her and handed her bread she didn't move. There was no expression in her eyes. They were blank. There was nothing I could say. This was the last day of our winter holiday and I didn't particularly feel like spending it in this shady warehouse. I looked at Sawyer again and still she was dead behind the eyes. She didn't even try to glance at the entrance. She knew he wasn't coming back. I decided to change things more positively.

"So how are we going to spend our last few hours of holiday?" I asked. She shrugged her her shoulders. "We should get outta here. We can walk around. Walking always makes you feel better."  
"In January?" she replied.

At least she's well enough to make jokes.

"Where are we even going?" she asked.  
"Wherever the wind takes us."

She stopped and stared at me.

"I will punch you in the face if say stupid shit like that again."

We both laughed as we grabbed our things and headed out.

You know that feeling you get when you leave the past behind and start fresh? Like when you can sense that things will get better?

Yeah, neither of us had that feeling.

It kind of felt like the wind was knocked out of me and I didn't even want to know how Sawyer must have felt. I personally was happy that he left. He's a dirty little sneak and he would've only brought trouble. And what with his _position_ in this war he could even get Sawyer killed. The conniving little prick wasn't going to destroy her life like that.

But I knew Sawyer didn't see it that way. She may not be someone who can always see the good in others but she saw something in Malfoy and I don't think I'll ever know what it is. Sawyer has never had so much as a crush so I wouldn't be able to say how she must've been feeling and I knew not to ask her. She wouldn't want to talk about it.

We spent the day trying to find a decent place to stay for the night. The train would be at King's Cross in the morning and I wanted to be well rested for our first night back in the castle. Every now and then my mind would go back to Malfoy. The son of a bitch has no idea what he lost.

Probably didn't give two fucks about her in the first place.

DRACO

I was running as fast as I could, trying to remember which warehouse we stayed in. I kept thinking about what Nott said, how disappointed he looked. I don't think he understands what my true feelings are. Hell, _I_ don't even fully understand what my true feelings are. I mean, for Christ's sake! I buy her a pair of real diamond earrings for our "congratulations we've been dating for ten minutes" anniversary and then I abandon her in a sketchy warehouse with her best friend who_I'm pretty sure_ wants to fuck her.

Clearly this wasn't one of my better moments.

I finally came across the warehouse and ran in yelling her name. My blood grew cold when I didn't immediately hear a reply. I looked around. No Seamus. No bags. The fire's been put out.

And no Sawyer.

In a fit of rage I kicked whatever was closest to me. That thing turned out to be an extremely hard crate and I screamed curses for the next thirty seconds as my foot throbbed from the pain.

I sank to the floor after my fit. She left. She knew I wasn't coming back and she left. At first I wanted to be angry that she didn't trust me but at the same time I wanted to applaud her for not trusting me because at least that means she isn't an imbecile.

"FUCK!" I yelled. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

I gripped what was left of my hair and felt like ripping it out. How could I have been so stupid? Why did I listen to Nott?

_Oh cut the bullshit! You listened to Nott because he was giving you sage advice. You know she could get you killed! So quit crying about it and move the fuck on! She clearly has._

But what about _her_? She would be killed just for who she is let alone being with me.

_Are we pretending as if you didn't think of yourself first?_

I took in a heavy breath. I wasn't surprised by my own selfishness. What else could I expect? I've been raised on "survival of the fittest" mentality. I honestly didn't know what to do next. Nott was at the train station and there was no way my pride would allow me to go back there and I could think of no way to find Sawyer. So I decided to walk home.

I truly had never felt more pathetic in my entire life than at that moment.

NOTT  
_

I sat alone at the train stations. Some had come and gone and I didn't intend on getting on any of them anymore. I got up thinking about where I would stay for the night. On no level would I go back to Malfoy Manor with Bellatrix Lestrange and Fleur Dumbledore skulking around the place. Bellatrix scared me as much as any other poor shmuck in her way but Fleur… Fleur didn't scare me. Fleur was a threat sure, but she didn't scare me.

I've always thought Fleur was hot but she's a sociopath. No way I'm putting it anywhere near that. I'm not desperate.

I came across an average inn and checked in. Dropped my shit and went straight to a bar. I then began my routine of pretending to be some twenty-something philanthropist with money to burn and dashing good looks. Pretty easy when the women are as sleazy as the bar you're in.

I just wanted to get drunk and forget the entire goddamn day.

Sawyer

Seamus and I settled in this dumpy motel for the night and I couldn't stop thinking about Malfoy. I wanted to be angry so much! The bastard left me in the cold and didn't tell me anything!

But I wasn't angry. I was depressed.

I was depressed because he left me alone in the cold,

_because he abandoned me_.

I'm really fucking sick and tired of being abandoned. Seamus tried to keep a conversation going but his chattering became too much for me. I had to leave. I needed to be alone.

I started walking around a quieter part of London. People were passing by not even noticing I was there. I felt so alone and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. An hour had passed before I realized how cold I was getting. Evening was coming up quick and I didn't want to be out here alone in the dark.

I was about to pass by a pub when a body knocked my so hard I almost fell on my ass.

"And stay out ya lousy git! Come back when you're of age ya little punk." yelled a big angry bartender. He slammed the door behind him and once I pushed off the idiot who fell on me I realized it was Nott; a slightly drunk Nott.

"Nott! What the hell are you doing?!" I yelled. He stumbled off me.  
"The hell is your problem, Dumbledore?" he said. He looked slightly irritated after having been thrown out on the street. He began to walk away when I blocked his path.  
"You are not getting away from me that easy."

Nott sighed heavily and put a hand behind his head knowing what was going to come next.

"What the FUCK?!" I yelled. "Where the hell did you two imbeciles run off to? What made you think it would be okay for you to just leave? Not even an explana-"  
"Explanations would have just made things worse!" he said. It only infuriated me more.  
"Where is he?" I yelled. "I know you aren't here alone! And don't you play this bullshit symphony of 'I wouldn't understand'. Where is he?"  
"This may come as a shock to you Dumbledore, but Malfoy and I are not fused at the hip like you and Finnegan. I don't know where he is."

Something in me told me he was lying, but it might have just been the rage talking.

"Just tell me what the hell happened because I really didn't appreciate being _abandoned_ in some dingy warehouse!"  
"What do you want from me, Sawyer? You want me to apologize because your boyfriend dumped you and now you want to piss about it because you can't handle it? Is that it? He left you. Deal with it."

It's what I had been telling myself the entire day but when he said it I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my head. I felt like such a child.

After he said it I saw on his face that he knew what he said was mean. He crossed a line. He sighed.

"I'm sorry." He said. He looked around and sighed again. "Come on. Let's talk somewhere people can't stare at us."

Nott and I walked a few blocks over to this average looking inn. He opened the door to his room and we walked in.

"Look." He started. "You're not stupid."

I smirked.

"I'm the one who told Malfoy to leave."  
"WHAT?!"  
"Hey! Why don't you take a step back first! We all know what the name Malfoy means nowadays. You're a Dumbledore. Do you have any idea the repercussions this relationship could have?"  
"Are you really giving me this speech? REALLY? What the fuck do you know about me?"  
"I don't know anything about you! And I don't care to! Malfoy is the one I care about. You're dangerous for him! His father isn't in Azkaban for nothing! If you two were discovered he could die! Did you think this was about some stupid school reputation? You're just as stupid as he is!"

He turned around and faced the wall. I wanted to yell at him but everything he said was true. But it didn't make me feel better. I was still depressed. I was still angry.

I was angry at Malfoy, angry at him for leaving. Angry at him for even starting any of this in the first place! Angry at both of us! We were both such idiots.

"He is such an asshole!" yelled Nott. "He's a selfish prick! Never thinks of anyone but himself."

He was right.

"So what now? We're over?" I said. "I get nothing? He's just going to leave me high and dry without any solid conversation?"

Nott laughed.

"Are you surprised?" he said facing me.

We were both so angry. I could see in his eyes that he was frustrated. He looked me in the eye and I understood his anger completely and it only furthered my anger towards myself. How could I let myself get played by such an ass? I thought I was better than that.

I wanted to get him back. I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me.

Something in me snapped.

I grabbed Nott and kissed him. I put all the fire I felt for Malfoy into that kiss and just let myself go. Nott didn't even hesitate. He wrapped himself around me and just did what came natural to him. I felt an explosion in my stomach when the realization of what I was doing hit but I just couldn't stop. All of think of was how furious I was with Malfoy.

* * *

Nott

* * *

Sawyer and I were getting hot. When she kissed me I thought of how vulnerable she obviously was and how if she was any other girl I would have stripped her by now. But she wasn't just any girl. She was _Malfoy's_ girl.

And that was why I took my time.

I decided then and there, fuck Malfoy! Fuck this war! Fuck all of it! I'm not going to think. I'm not going to stop. I'm going to do what I've been dreaming about since puberty. I'm going to have sex with Sawyer Dumbledore and I'm not going to let anything stop me.

It didn't take much effort to lean her towards the bed and climb on top of her. She was into it but I could tell she was hesitant. I didn't care. She isn't the first girl I've deflowered.

Sawyer's a tough girl. I didn't want this to be some slow tender love-making flowery lay. I wasn't making love to her.

After a couple minutes she loosened up a little more and after a while she was on top of me. I saw this wolf stare in her eyes. She stared at me while taking off her own shirt. It turned me on.

I flipped her back over and put my hands all over her body. I reached behind her and unhooked her bra.

I gotta be honest. I'd been wet dreaming about this for years. I'd dreamt about her breasts so many times I'd lost count.

Now I was actually touching them but all I could think of was what Malfoy would say. I couldn't get his voice out of my head screaming about how I was betraying him. So how did I get it out?

I ripped her bra clean off her body and firmly grabbed her breasts with both hands. I saw the shocked look on her face and for a second I was sure she was going to bitch at me about ruining her bra. I kissed her before she could say anything. I was going to enjoy this goddammit.

I peeled my shirt off and threw it across the room. While I unbuttoned her pants she unbuttoned mine and before I knew it Sawyer Dumbledore was underneath me in her cute little white panties that I couldn't wait to take off. She reached over to me and grabbed my hard-on. I never thought she would be so bold so my breath hitched.

For a virgin she really knew how to lay down the law.

When I reached for her panties she stopped. I pulled my head up to look at her. Our eyes met and I gave her this look letting her know it was okay. If she was about to put the brakes on the whole operation I'd be pissed but I what could I do?

But she didn't. She didn't stop me. I put my hands further and further into her panties waiting for her to tell me no but she didn't object. She just opened her legs wider. That was all the permission I needed.

* * *

Sawyer

* * *

I wasn't thinking. I wasn't allowing myself to think. I had this nagging voice in my head telling me I would regret doing all of this but I just didn't listen. I didn't want to listen. I just wanted Nott.

But when I closed my eyes I pictured Malfoy.

_How angry he would be if he saw us. _

And when I thought of that, I opened my legs even wider. Nott's hand was in my panties and I closed my eyes as he worked his magic.

Nott was completely engulfed in me. He wouldn't stop even if a fire broke out in the room.

And, if I was going to have sex with someone other than Malfoy, why not Nott? At least he knows what he's doing.

_You know this is wrong._

SHUT UP. I got really hurt today. I'm allowed to feel good.

_You got dumped by your "boyfriend" and now you're sleeping with his best friend. Does that feel good to you?_

After that I felt sick, but then Nott did things to me I had never even done to myself and the voice became easier to push away.

Stop thinking. Don't think. Just do.

I wasn't very proud of myself in that moment.

* * *

Nott

* * *

I peeled off her panties with my teeth while maintaining eye contact with her the entire time. I could see the nervousness in her eyes and it excited me. I pushed both of her legs up gently and heard her breathing hasten. I looked at her and smiled.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this."

And then it just happened. At first I went slow because I thought she would be in a lot of pain but when I saw her face, her eyes closed, biting her lip, no pain in her face I realized she wasn't a virgin.

And that was when mediocre sex turned into great sex. We were sweating, panting, moaning, and everything in between. Better than Malfoy's groundskeeper and way better than the girl I did on Christmas. Best sex I'd had in a while.

I felt her breathe on my ear and down my neck and the more noise she made, the more it spurred me on. I felt her fingernails digging into my skin and her breasts hitting my chest. Everything about her in that moment was so intoxicating I thought I would jump out of my own skin.

I moved myself up so that I was no longer lying on top of her and pushed her legs up and apart further. I stared down at her face. Her eyes were shut tight and she was gritting her teeth in between breaths. She put one hand on my stomach as if to say she couldn't take any more but that she didn't want me to stop at the same time. She then propped herself up on her elbows and cried out as she opened her eyes and watched my hips grinding with hers. We looked into each other's eyes and the look she gave me was so clouded with lust that I grabbed her behind the neck and kissed her with everything I had.

I wanted us to stay like this forever.

After what felt like days I was ready to collapse. Sawyer and I were both covered in sweat and breathing hard. I opened my eyes and looked at her realizing we hadn't had much eye contact through it. When we looked at each other and the breathing calmed down we realized the full extent of what we had just done.

I just had sex with my best friend's girlfriend. The first girl he's ever really cared about.

Boy do I feel like shit.

I couldn't look at her. I let her go slowly and got off the bed. I had to shower. I had to wash away what I had just done. I'd never felt so fuckin guilty in my life.

How many times had Draco told me that Sawyer was the only good thing going for him?

Fuck.

I just couldn't look at her. How long had I wanted to have sex with her and now I can't even enjoy looking at her naked body. I'm never going to see her naked again and now I can't even enjoy the last few seconds of it.

"You can stay if you want." I said. I went to the bathroom. I had to wash off what I had just done. I didn't look back as I shut the door.

* * *

Sawyer

* * *

I looked into Nott's eyes after we finished. I was still breathing hard and his hands were still gripping my hips. I looked down at his naked body and the reality of what we'd done sunk in. My legs were still open, he was still inside me, and we were sweaty.

I felt dirty.

He got up and walked to the bathroom without looking at me.

"You can stay if you want." he said as he walked into the bathroom. I felt like a prostitute.

The water started to run and I couldn't stay there a minute longer. I put on my clothes, threw my ripped bra in the trash and left without looking back. I was disgusted with myself, with both of us. What had we done?

But… Malfoy did dump me. Should I feel this guilty?

Well, it doesn't matter whether or not I _should_ feel guilty. The point is I _do_ feel guilty and nothing can change that.

Once I walked outside, the sweat on my body made the cold even bitterer. Served me right I suppose. The entire walk back to my motel with Seamus was a complete blur. But when I walked into our room I felt like I had been carrying a huge weight on my shoulders.

I climbed into bed without taking any of my clothes off. I heard Seamus' breathing change and I knew he had woken up. My back was to him as I replayed everything that happened in my head. Nott's hands on my body, his lips on my skin, and his voice in my ear. It wasn't the touch I wanted. I didn't want his voice.

I wanted Malfoy's.

I wanted _Draco's_.

I'd never felt such regret in my life. My eyes welled up and I began to cry. I tried to be as quiet as possible but I couldn't hide from Seamus.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

I shook my head no. I couldn't speak to him. I couldn't even turn to face him. I just wanted to die.

Seamus sighed. He put his hand on my arm and rubbed it gently trying to calm me down. I couldn't stop crying. Seamus didn't have a clue what happened and I wasn't sure I would ever tell him. I didn't want him to judge me.

"Sawyer." he said. "I love you, and nothing you could ever do will change that."

I cried harder. Seamus made me feel better and worse in the same sentence. I couldn't face him, not yet.

What am I going to do tomorrow? What am I going to say?

What is Nott going to do tomorrow? What is he going to say?

And what would we say to each other?

* * *

_What would we say to Malfoy?_


	35. Finally

The next morning I still felt like crap. I showered three times and still had told Seamus nothing of what happened. He was suspicious that something big happened but he knew better than to ask me. I couldn't have told him even if I wanted to. I was too ashamed.

We packed our things and began making our way down to King's Cross station. I hailed a cab and once we got in Seamus tried to get it out of me.

"Sawyer, what happened?" he asked.

I faced the window and said nothing. I hoped in my mind that he would just let things go.

"Sawyer, please! You're worrying me. You've been acting strange since last night. What happened?"  
"Seamus," I turned to him. "please don't make me tell you."

He frowned. I could tell he was more determined.

"Sawyer, come on! Is this about Malfoy?"

In all honesty part of me wanted to tell him. Part of me wanted to just say it and get it out in the open but I didn't want him to judge me. I didn't want him to give me that sympathetic look. I didn't want his sympathy.

"…Sort of." I replied.  
"Did you see him yesterday?"  
"No."  
"Then what the hell happened? Why can't you tell me?"  
"Because I'm ashamed, Seamus!" I spit back. I just couldn't! Why won't he let it go?

Seamus sighed.

"Sawyer, you're my best friend. What could you have possibly done that would make me judge you this way? I want to help you."

I took a deep breath. Was it worth telling him? If I've told him every dark secret up until now what's to stop me from telling him about this years from now? And besides, if (God forbid) this ever got out I'd want him to hear it from me.

"I… I ran into someone on the street yesterday."  
"Who?"  
"…. Nott."

He looked confused.

"Okay… so?"  
"I started yelling at him because of what happened yesterday. I was furious with him but we didn't want to make a scene so we went to his hotel where we could talk alone."

Seamus had this look on his face as if he knew where this was going but really hoped he was wrong.

"I was so angry at him. I was angry at Malfoy, I was angry at myself. I wanted revenge… so"

I couldn't look Seamus in the eyes. In my peripheral vision I saw him nod in understanding. He knew where this was going.

"I'm a horrible person." I whispered. Seamus put his arm around me.  
"You're not a horrible person. You just did what you thought was right at the time. You make mistakes and then you move on. There's nothing you can do."

I put my head in my hand and sighed again. What he said was right. There was nothing I could do now. We were silent the rest of the way to the train station. I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

The walk to the train felt like it was a mile long. I kept looking around wondering if I would see Nott. I wondered if Malfoy was with him and if he told him anything. I felt myself sweating. All I wanted was to get on the train and not see either of them.

But how many of us ever get exactly what we want?

Once my things were on the train I wanted to just duck into the first compartment I found and close the blinds. I didn't want to look at anyone. I was just about to open a compartment door when I felt an arm grab me and pull me into the bathroom. I was about to freak out when the light was turned on and I realized it was Nott. I felt that cold water feeling again.

"Look," said Nott. "let's get this out in the open, between you and me last night was fucking fantastic." He looked me up and down as he said it. "But as far as anyone else is concerned it never happened. I'm not going to stop being best mates with him and I'm pretty sure we both know you don't want to stop dating him. And don't try to protest that. Yeah he left you yesterday but you don't know the whole story."

I rolled my eyes.

"Hey! He left yesterday to go back for you. He was going to apologize."

I had never felt so angry in my life.

"WHAT?!" I yelled. "You couldn't have told me this before?! You let me carry on thinking Malfoy abandoned me and kept that little detail to yourself? How could-"

Nott covered my mouth with his hand.

"Do you want the entire train to hear you?!" he whispered angrily. "I didn't tell you because I didn't think it was relevant."  
"How the FUCK was it irrelevant? That changes everything! If I had known that I would never have…" my voice dropped off because I couldn't say it out loud.

Nott and I were quiet. He knew I was right. If he had told me that we never would have slept together.

"I'm sorry." He said. He looked embarrassed. "But you have to understand." He swooped down and kissed me so fast my back hit the wall. "I'd been waiting to do that for a long time."

He smirked at me and opened the door.

"You douchebag." I said.

I heard his laugh from outside the door.

I sighed and sank to the ground. I felt like my entire life was one hot mess. What the hell was that?! Nott took advantage of me? Was that it? He's so obsessed with sex that he jumped at the opportunity to sleep with his best friend's girlfriend? Wow.

I didn't want anyone thinking Nott and I were in the bathroom together so after about five minutes I decided it would be okay to leave the bathroom. But when I opened the door who was standing in front of me?

Draco Malfoy.

Both of us just stood there staring at each other. By now everyone had settled in their compartments and the train had left the station. No one was walking around to see us. Draco and I were dead silent. When I looked into his eyes I saw so much regret. I could see how badly he wanted to come back and any anger I had towards him melted away. He was throwing caution to the wind by being with me. That kind of sacrifice deserves forgiveness.

But how could he ever forgive me?

"Sawyer I"

I cut him off completely with a kiss and he knew I understood. He shut the door behind us and I tried like hell to fight back tears. All of the guilt I was feeling had hit its peak and while I could feel his happiness in my forgiveness, I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve him in that moment. But when he kissed me I felt this fire lite inside me that I didn't feel with Nott the entire night. It felt right when I kissed Draco. It felt safe.

"Nott told me you tried to come back." I said. He looked like a huge weight had been lifted.  
"I'm sorry." he said. I shook my head. I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't have him apologizing to me. "Sawyer."

I looked him in the eyes. His tone was serious.

"We have to be careful." he said. "My family… this war.." he sneered. "We just have to be more careful from now on."

I nodded. He was right. We were playing with fire. He put my hair behind my ear and gave me one last kiss before exiting the bathroom. I had so many mixed feelings after he left. I was relieved that he knew nothing, angry that I deceived him, depressed because what we were doing was dangerous and I had no idea how this would ever work. But most of all I felt confused. I didn't know what was right and what was wrong anymore. I looked in the mirror hoping my reflection would tell me what to do. I was just so… so  
and then the mirror broke. The magical energy I was giving off from my frustration shattered the mirror without me touching it.

I left the bathroom feeling no better than when I had entered it.

The trip back to school was a miserable one.

* * *

Nott

* * *

I was alone in the compartment. Malfoy was probably still in the bathroom and I was pretty sure he had run into Sawyer.

Sawyer.

What the hell was that in the bathroom? That kiss wasn't part of my plan. I wanted to get in, talk to her, and then get out. But… I couldn't help myself. I'd pictured her naked for years but my imagination could not have prepared me for the real thing. I replayed the night before in my mind. Every move, every sound she made. I pictured her body as best I could and found myself unconsciously smiling. She was just so beautiful. She wasn't the best I'd ever had in bed but she was the most beautiful, and the most exciting, and the most… the most _interesting_.

And to me, interesting is everything.

_What the hell am I thinking?! I can't do-_

"Hey, mate."said Malfoy as he walked in the compartment. It made me flinch. "You alright?"  
"Yeah." I replied.  
"You were right."  
"Well of course, but what was I right about this time?" I couldn't let Draco know that I was having inner turmoil.  
"I ran into Sawyer in the bathroom. Everything's alright. She wasn't angry with me at all. She told me that you said I tried to come back."

We were silent for a moment.

"Thanks mate." He said.

_You would be singing a different tune if you knew what I did last night._

"So where'd you run off to last night?"

I almost got nervous when he asked that.

"Went to a bar, when I got kicked out I went back to my hotel room."  
"Without a girl?"

Way to put me in a tight spot, mate.

"Nope. Went to bed alone."

He looked at me curiously.

"You hooked up with someone, didn't you?"

Before I could answer he had a smug smile on his face.

"You hooked up. Why are you being so secretive? Is it someone we know?"

There was no way I could get him off my back without just giving him the story he wanted.

"Yeah. It's someone we know."  
"Who?"  
"Phiona Fairchild."

Draco half sneered half smiled.

"Phiona Fairchild?"

Phiona was a 7th year Slytherin girl who was the only person in the school as big a slut as I am. She's practically slept with our entire house. I never slept with her before because I thought she was dirty and because she just wasn't my type.

"Thought you were better than that, mate." laughed Malfoy.  
"Eh, I was drunk." I replied.

I had just dodged a bullet.

We were mostly silent on our way back to the castle. Malfoy had fallen asleep and I was just staring out the window. Blaise came in but we only spoke for five minutes before he was quiet as well. But Blaise never spoke much anyway.

I was off daydreaming.

I couldn't get Sawyer's face out of my mind. The way her nose wrinkled when she frowned and how angry her eyes look when she yelled. I pictured the way her mouth looked when she sneered.

I was beginning to understand why Malfoy couldn't let her go. There were no other girls like Sawyer. She was it. One of a kind.

How had I been so blind before? And although I still would not have gone back to the warehouse the way Malfoy did, at least now I understood it.

Maybe I'm not quite as brilliant as I thought I was.

* * *

Sawyer

* * *

The train had finally reached the station and we were all ushered in to attend the feast. Once I sat down with Seamus and the feast began I felt a bit better. But when I looked over at the Slytherin table to see Malfoy, it wasn't Malfoy who was staring at me.

It was Nott.

He was eating soup but wasn't even looking at the spoon as he put it in his mouth. His eyes were glued on me. It made me uncomfortable. Malfoy was busy talking to other students but every now and then he would glance at me and secretly smile. But Nott didn't smile. He just stared. He smirked at me once before finally breaking eye contact and talking to other people. I turned to Seamus and tried to forget. But when I looked back at him to see if he was still staring, there he was talking to some other Slytherin girl but his eyes were on me.

What the hell kind of game was he playing?

"You okay?" asked Seamus.  
"Yeah.. it's just that Nott is-"  
"Hey, Sawyer!" Ron Weasley cut me off. I became immediately irritated.  
"What?"  
"My brother Bill told me to give you this." He held out a letter and a small parcel.  
"Who?" I asked.  
"My brother, Bill. He said it's from his fiancé Fleur."

I ripped the letter out of his hands so fast that it scared him. I hastily opened the letter and Seamus leaned over to see what it said.

"Do you know what this is about?" I asked Ron. I didn't want the entire school knowing my business.  
"No. He just told me to give it to you."

Ron Weasley was always a terrible liar so I could see in his eyes he was telling the truth.

I looked down to read it.

_Dearest Sawyer,_

_I'm delighted that you responded to my letter. Your sister has sent no reply but I suppose you can always share this one and read it together. I suggest you do so because this letter contains both good and bad news._

_It is my deepest regret to inform you that your mother passed away shortly after you two were born._

I closed my eyes. I couldn't continue reading before I let that sink in. My mother was dead. A part of me always assumed she would be but I hoped to be proved wrong. I took a deep breath and fought back the urge to throw the letter away. I needed to know what the good news was.

_My family sends their condolences to you and your sister. My grandmother tells me that your mother loved you both very much for however brief a time you were together._

_Enclosed are a few of your mother's possessions. I know they will never be enough to bring her back but I hope they bring you both some joy._

_Feel free to write back any time. I would love to get to know you both._

_Fleur Delacour._

My eyes drifted to the parcel. I was hesitant to open it because I was afraid of what it contained. I didn't want to become emotional during the feast but seeing as I didn't cry while I read the letter I assumed it would be safe.

I gently unwrapped the parcel and opened the box inside. In the box were a few dusty knick knacks like a wooden rabbit toy and a tiny doll, there were a few letters, and a beautiful box. The book was ceramic and painted with pink flowers. It had a picture of beautiful flowery hills on top and a small cottage. I opened the box and a tiny rooster popped up and a song played from inside the box.

It was the most beautiful music box I had ever seen.

Inside the box was jewelry. Rings, bracelets, necklaces, broaches, pins, they were all so beautiful. There was also a note.

_This is all the jewelry your mother collected. It has been passed on from generations before her and now it belongs to you. All of the gold and jewels are genuine._

I picked up one of the gold rings that had an opal jewel in the center. It was the same blue as my eyes. I put on the ring and felt a sense of warmth wash over me.

There was another note next to the toys.

_These were the toys Ilona bought for you and your sister. The wooden rabbit was for Armelle and the doll was for Celeste._

Armelle and Celeste. Were those the names my mother wanted for us? Which one was mine? Armelle sounded like the less girly of the two so that one was probably mine.

I looked at the doll. It was a cloth doll with white skin and white hair. It was a veela. She wore a powder blue dress and little silver shoes. She was so dainty and the hair was so soft.

The note went on:

_The letters are correspondence between Ilona and her sister. They were written sometime in the early 1960s when Ilona's first niece was born. _

_The music box was also Ilona's. She bought it in Marseille when she was young._

I looked at the letters but they were all in French. My French was terrible so I couldn't understand any of them. I made a mental note to ask Hermione for help with them later.

All of the things inside the parcel were beautiful and sentimental but it didn't have what I really wanted, her photo.

I had a picture in my mind of what she must have looked like but it just wasn't enough. I wanted a real picture. But with all of the things in front of me I decided not to be greedy. It was all so much to take in. My mother was gone but now I had heirlooms. I never expected to even know her name and now I have heirlooms!

None of which I would share with Fleur. If she didn't care enough to even write Fleur Delacour back then she wouldn't have any of our mother's things.

But I knew she wouldn't care. She never cares.

The feast was almost over so I wrapped up all of my mother's possessions back in the box it came in and wanted to take it to my room. I left the great hall early so I wouldn't have to try to walk through a thousand other students. I was about to take a turn down a halfway when I heard a familiar disapproving voice.

"Sawyer Dumbledore." said Snape. I rolled my eyes. "Don't think you can get away from me so easily. In my office, _now_."  
"It's the first night back!" I protested.  
"Yes, and it is also the first night we resume your lessons. My office NOW."

I sighed and dragged my feet into his dark dingy horrible office. I was really not in the mood for an Occlumency lesson but what choice did I have? It was either that or embarrass myself telling him that I wanted to be alone to bond with my dead mother's things. If he had no sympathy for Potter he would have none for me.

"Put your things down and we will begin."

I put the box on a shelf far away from me so that if I knock something over during the lesson it wouldn't get hurt. Once it was put away I prepared my stance, cleared my mind, and looked Snape straight in the eyes. I wasn't exactly ready for this lesson but I had no other options.

"_Legilimens_!" he yelled.

Immediately I saw flashes of my memories. Christmas with Seamus, breakfast from last Tuesday, even the box of my mother's things was in there. And then I was back in Snape's office gasping for air as usual.

"You're even worse than when we first started! Block me out."  
"I'm trying!"  
"Clearly you're not trying hard enough. I don't want to have to see your dark memories again."

I didn't want to either…

"We're going to try again and if you don't block me out then I will find the deepest corner of your mind and expose it. NOW BLOCK. _Legilimens_!"

I saw visions of me on the train back to Hogwarts, Malfoy and I talking in the bathroom, Seamus and I getting prepared for the trip back.

And then I saw it, me and Nott talking on the street, walking back to his room, talking by the bed.

NO. Snape was not going to see that. No one could see that! No no no no!

I put all my might into blocking him out and right before I kissed Nott I was thrown back into reality. I collapsed and Snape was thrown back into a shelf knocking jars over and they shattered on the floor. I had done it! I blocked him out! I stopped him from seeing Nott and I together!

Snape was having as much trouble breathing as I was. He slowly stood up and found his balance. He looked me in the eyes.

"Finally." He breathed.

I had never been more proud of myself in my life. I had done it. I finally blocked Snape out before he could see any more of my private memories. I now stood a chance in defending myself against Fleur! Snape made this harrumph sort of noise. I knew I had done well because he wasn't insulting me

"Again." he said as he pointed his wand towards me.

* * *

Now we're getting somewhere.


	36. Wrong

***Author's note!

Hey everyone, with the addition of this new chapter Sawyer and I are curious what your thoughts are about everything that has happened recently. Sex, lies, stress, it's a lot to take in. So send us what you think of all of it and where you think it's going to go! I may take it into consideration and Sawyer might look on in horror as we decide her fate. Send me a PM any time and we'll be sure to get back to you!

* * *

Draco

* * *

Since returning to school from holiday I had been in unusually good spirits. Sawyer's forgiveness restored some of my faith in humanity and I felt happy for the first time in a long while. Every now and then I would kiss her randomly in the hall behind a statue where no one could see or brush her hand if we had classes together or, when I was absolutely sure no one was around, I would come up behind her and kiss her ear while putting one arm around her waist and the other just barely slipping into her shirt. She would giggle while struggling beneath me but (as much as she pretended to resist) she was all smiles. All I wanted to do was touch her and kiss her. She had become irresistible to me.

However, although she was clearly having fun sneaking around with me and enjoying my spontaneity, something seemed off. When she was away from me she was depressed and, although she would smile when I would touch her, the moment she looked away she looked like she was in pain. I feared that she regretted forgiving me. I tried to show her my feelings physically so I could reassure her that she made the right choice in staying with me.

She can't give me up because I can't give her up.

And it wasn't just Sawyer acting strange. Nott had become distant. I would often find that when I speak to him during class or in the Great Hall he was off daydreaming or paying attention to something else with this stupid misty look in his eye. The nerve of him, not listening to me! It made me sick whenever I had to grab his attention.

I actually had to put forth effort into pulling his attention back toward me. The fact that it wasn't on me in the first place is already disgraceful. I don't expect him to be paying attention to me 24/7 but has he forgotten who I am? I am Draco Malfoy and that alone should prove I deserve his respect!

But whatever it was that was weighing both of them down, I had no time to linger on it. I was already busy with the damn vanishing cabinet. I still couldn't get it to work properly no matter how many times I repeated that godforsaken incantation. I've never worked this hard on anything in my life and now my existence is revolving around a two meter tinder box. It was disgraceful. It became increasingly difficult to focus on Sawyer with the ever growing possibility of death in the back of my mind. But, with the way Sawyer was acting, maybe distance from me was what she wanted.

On a sunny Saturday morning I found Sawyer sitting alone at breakfast. I quickly wrote a note under the table telling her to meet me in the Room of Requirement that evening. I charmed the note to flutter beneath the tables and land on her lap. I watched her as she opened the note and read it. She smirked a bit before looking around her to see if anyone had noticed. She leaned over her bowl of porridge so that her hair obscured any onlooker's vision and subtly winked at me before going back to her food. I tried my best not to smile but I couldn't help it. It always made me laugh when she thought she was being sneaky.

That night I arrived in the Room of Requirement only to find Sawyer had gotten their before me. I embraced her and we began to update each other on our lives.

When you have to keep your relationship a secret from the entire school it doesn't leave much room for conversation.

She told me about the box of her mother's things and I smiled when she said she put the earrings I gave her in the box as well. Her studies were going well but I didn't really care about that. but when she asked me what I was up to I began to sweat and I had to stop my eyes from darting over to the vanishing cabinet that was only a short distance away.

I immediately changed the subject. I told her about how Nott was being distant and she seemed uncomfortable when I mentioned his name. I assumed it was because Sawyer has never really liked Nott and I can't exactly blame her because most of the things he says to her are overly sexual.

When Sawyer began talking about her mother again she pulled down her shirt to show me the necklace she was wearing.

Honestly, I was very happy for her… but I started staring at other things beside the necklace. Her words became muffled in my ears and I was paying more attention to the shape of her mouth rather than what came out of it. All of those times I had been playful with her throughout the week had been building up and I needed more than just a quick kiss behind a statue.

As she spoke I started tracing patterns on her legs and felt reaction the further my hand went up. I felt her muscles tense as my fingers inched their way into her skirt. We were very close to each other. We had been sitting on a dingy couch that was stuck in the room for God knows why or how long. It became easy to lean over her and within a few seconds we were kissing.

I had my hand on her thigh and felt her cold fingertips brushing the top of it. I was about to take things a step further when she pulled away and I could see in her face that she wanted no more of it. I felt a rush of frustration and embarrassment explode with in me and I had a fit.

"What is with us, Sawyer?" I said as I pulled myself away from her. I felt my cheeks turn red but I tried my best to will them to stop. "Is it me? Are you worried I won't be good? Because you shouldn't be, there are plenty of girls-" he pleaded.  
"No, Draco, it's not you… It's me."  
"Are you kidding me, Sawyer? 'It's not you, it's me'? _Really_? You're giving me _that_?"

* * *

Sawyer

* * *

He looked frustrated. He tried to get up and walk away but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back to me. He couldn't look at me out of what I assumed was embarrassment. I wondered if anyone had ever rejected Draco Malfoy before.

"Look, Draco. You're going to have to accept the fact that I'm…. I'm just not ready!"

The frustration was still evident in his face. He heaved a heavy sigh and leaned back in thought.

"Well, when will you be ready?"  
"My virginity doesn't have an expiration date, Draco. I don't know when I'll be ready! You'll just have to be patient."

He was quiet for a moment.

"You're a virgin?"

The air left my lungs. I felt the heat in my cheeks and avoided his eyes.

"Well no… but I'm not really comfortable with-"  
"You're not a virgin?" I heard genuine shock in his voice and it irked me. "Who else have you been with?"  
"I'm not sure that's any of your business." I tried to keep the venom out of my voice.  
"How is that not my business? If I plan on having sex with you I'd like to know who else you've been with! And if it's Finnegan just tell me now so I can-"  
"NO! No no no! Why does everyone always come to that conclusion...? Besides, Draco if I don't know who you've been with than-"  
"Pansy Parkinson, Astoria Greengrass, and Phiona Fairchild."

I was shocked. Not only did he tell me who he'd slept with, he didn't pretend it was some fleet of women like he always does. He was honest.

He was Draco.

Not Malfoy.

My heart swelled with this honesty but then sunk when I remembered I couldn't be honest with him. What would I say, your best friend and three strangers? I never planned on telling him about them but I would gladly tell the entire school about that than tell Draco about Nott. I must have looked dejected because Draco leaned in and kissed my jaw.

"Why won't you tell me?" he whispered. "If it's not Finnegan than I don't care who it is."

_You say that now…_ I thought.

He continued to kiss my jawline until he abruptly stopped.

"Unless, it's Potter." I could tell he was joking at first until his face became serious. "It's not Potter, is it?"

I promptly punched him and he actually sighed from relief. I put my hand on his shoulder as a signal to be serious.

"I don't want to talk about the past. I just need you to trust me. Can you trust me?"

You shouldn't.

"You trusted me." he said. These moments of sincerity are one of the reasons why I loved being with him; when I get to see Draco, not Malfoy.

We kissed again before we decided to call it a night.

The walk back to Gryffindor tower was brutal. I felt horrible. The more he touched me the more I pictured Nott with his hands where they should never have been. I never regretted something so much in my life. My "buyer's remorse" was overwhelming. I just wanted to go to sleep and never think about it again.

I finally made it up to the Fat Lady's portrait and said the password. Before letting me in she asked me,

"Dearie, are you alright?"

I just shook my head.

"I don't want to talk about it."

I walked into the common room and sat down on the closest couch I could find. I threw my head back and let out a huge sigh. I felt like my body was made of led while walking upstairs to my bed and lying down to sleep hoping I wouldn't wake up.

* * *

Nott

* * *

It was pretty late. I was alone in the dorm and Malfoy was out prancing around with Sawyer.

_Sawyer_.

I couldn't stop thinking about her. This entire week all I could think about was her. Everything she said was much more interesting, everything she did was more intriguing, and every gesture she made was even sexier than before.

I always knew she looked sexy but her demeanor would kill any sexual fantasy I had. But now I was finding sexy things about her personality and not just her looks. I never appreciated just how sexy she was before. I began replaying having sex with her in my head like I did when I was on the train. Only this time I was completely alone and I wouldn't be interrupted.

I closed my eyes and pictured her soft skin and her angel face. Her amazing breasts and her eyes closing and lips parting. And then when I thought about how I was the only guy in school to sleep with the Hogwarts princess I was fired up and ready to go. I assumed my regular position and started to…

Well, _you know_.

I was almost finished when-

"Nott." said Malfoy.

I practically jumped a foot in the air and frantically pulled my pants back up. Luckily the drapes around my four poster bed were closed.

"Hey mate, what are you-" said Malfoy opening the drapes. By seeing the panicked look on my face he knew what I was doing. He laughed a bit. "Sorry mate."  
"Thanks a lot, you git. I was almost finished." I said. I might as well address it. It would be even more awkward if I pretended I wasn't doing anything.  
"My walking in on you has never stopped you before."

He had a point. But I was still nervous. As if he would figure out whom I was thinking about. I was actually afraid of him reading my thoughts. I decided to divert attention away from me.

"So, have you popped your girlfriend yet?"

Malfoy was quiet for a moment.

"Actually, yeah. I have." He said.

I knew he was lying. I smiled to myself. So he hasn't made his move has he? Or maybe she can't stop thinking about me. Either way I still felt like a king. I would have no trouble sleeping tonight. Not with the image of Sawyer's naked body lulling me to sleep.

The next day we had herbology with the Gryffindors. Normally I wouldn't be interested in having herbology but, if that meant I could lust after Sawyer all class period that was fine with me. Professor Sprout split all of us into pairs, each Slytherin to a Gryffindor and as fate would have it Sawyer was my partner. I couldn't help but notice that Malfoy looked particularly irritated that he wasn't chosen as her partner. I sighed, thinking of how childish he was but stopped caring when I turned around to see her ass facing my direction. She was bent over trying to pick up some of her supplies and if I lowered my head just enough I would be able to see her knickers. Unfortunately she stood up as I was getting into position. She promptly punched me in the arm upon realizing what I was doing. I smirked.

"Don't pretend as if you didn't want me to see them." I said, referring to what I assumed were her cute white panties.  
"Don't get fresh with me, Nott". She said looking disgusted. It only turned me on more.

Professor Sprout had us all planting these ugly screaming plants into equally ugly pots. They were so big that we had to lift the plant together. While putting it in the pot her hand touched mine.

"Why, Sawyer, this is… _so sudden_."

She then proceeded to viciously scratch my hand with her fingernails. I didn't care. I was having fun.

While Sprout was lecturing us Sawyer was taking notes. Her legs were crossed making her skirt fall back a bit. I had my arms behind my head with wand in hand. I wordlessly charmed her skirt to inch up little by little. I laughed in my head.

_I was right._ I thought. _She does wear white panties_.

I didn't realize how long I was staring at them before she felt what I was doing and angrily pushed me off my seat. I crashed on the floor making an echo around the greenhouse. I could hear Malfoy's stifled laughter on the other side of the room.

"Mr. Nott!" said Sprout. "Are you quite alright? What happened?"

I stood up and dusted myself off staring into Sawyer's eyes. Her face was bright red from both embarrassment and anger and she looked as if our classmates were the only things stopping her from giving me a verbal lashing. I was angry that she made me look like a fool but still, pushing her buttons was becoming more and more fun.

"Many apologies, Professor. Won't happen again."

I sat back down as Sawyer moved her seat as far away from me as possible. I laughed under my breath.

"I really get under your skin, don't I?" I whispered to her. Her quill scratched harder on her paper. I tried my best to think of something that would really rile her up. "So how was last night with Malfoy?"

Her quill ripped her paper.

"What?" she spat through her teeth.  
"Nothing, nothing. It's just that I have it on good authority that you did a whole lot o' nothing last night."

Her cheeks turned bright red as her eyes darted towards Malfoy to see if he was looking at us but, he was too busy making snide remarks to Potter who was his partner.

"Shut your mouth, Nott."  
"Couldn't do it, could you?" I said leaning closer towards her. She practically had steam coming out of her ears. "What was it exactly? Couldn't get me out of your head?" my hand grazed her thigh and I felt her muscles tense. "You know… I know plenty of good places for us to be alone if you want to _play_ again after class."

She gripped my hand and threw it back towards me. I was about to deliver another cheeky line when she cut me off.

"Stop. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you lately but it has to end now. What is the matter with you?"

The game was no longer fun.

"You told me on the train that you were going to remain Malfoy's friend and I was going to remain his girlfriend. I've held up my end of the deal but is this what you call being his friend? Trying to get into my panties is a pretty fucked up way of being his best mate. You can have any slag in this school so pull yourself together!" we were quiet for a moment. "I thought you were better than this."

We both turned back around to face the front as I thought to myself,

_Yeah. So did I. _

She was right. What the hell _am_ I doing? Sawyer was right. I could have any girl in the school I wanted.

FUCK! What is wrong with me?! Why am I being such a prick? I could only imagine the horrible things Sawyer was thinking about me. Normally I could care less what others say. Whenever I would be called a womanizer or a man-tramp I wouldn't care. It didn't matter to me what anyone else thought and, besides, they don't know who I really am. I was always confident about the fact that this womanizing prick of a man was not who I really was. But now I'm not so sure. I felt as if everything I knew about myself was being called into question. My judgment, my character.

I needed to get Sawyer and her judgmental voice out of my head. I looked across the room and saw one of the Gryffindor girls making goo-goo eyes at me. She had curly mousey brown hair, big brown eyes, and tits that were ready to pop out of her too-tight shirt. She looked like a pretty good lay. I nodded my head in the direction of the door. She raised her hand to excuse herself and I did the same moments later. As I got up I heard Sawyer's disapproving sigh. I felt sick when I heard it. And while I had sex with the Gryffindor girl behind some far away bushes I pretended not to be bothered by Sawyer's harsh words.

* * *

But pretending the girl beneath me was Sawyer was the only thing that kept me interested.


End file.
